Road to Recovery

by Ann, Natalie

  “Then tell me. Why can’t you? Do you think I’ll be mad? Do you think I’ll think differently of you if you weren’t always so controlled? If you don’t always do and say the right things? Brooke.” He paused, squeezed her hand. “I’m not going to think any differently of you if you lost control once in awhile.”

  He shifted closer to her. “The only time you ever lose any bit of control is in the bedroom, even then you regain it back quickly and shut back down again. Back to the person you think I want you to be. You want me to say it—it’s sexy as hell when you lose control. I know you can do it. I don’t know why it hardly ever happens.”

  “There is a time and place for everything,” she said automatically.

  “That is a practiced response. I want the truth and I want you to tell me why you feel that way. If you can’t give me that, Brooke, then we are wasting our time here.”

  His tired eyes looked into hers. Desperation made her inhale deeply. The fear of losing him made her close her eyes, as she blurted out, “It wasn’t allowed.”

  He squeezed her hand tighter. “What wasn’t allowed? Honesty? Speaking your mind? What?”

  With her eyes still closed, she laid her head on the back of the couch and let the words tumble out—the words that always danced around in her head, but never were voiced. Or allowed to be voiced. “My mother worked very hard to raise the perfect family. She was the perfect trophy wife. Everything was done with a purpose. That purpose was to give my father an easy life. A life he would want to come home to at the end of the day. A family my father would be proud of. Letting the world know he had it all. Successful career, a beautiful wife that doted on him, well-raised responsible children. It was all about pleasing him. She took pride in it. I think she found more enjoyment in it than he did. He never asked for those things that I saw, but she did them for him. It gave her a purpose. One she thought I should share.”

  She took a deep breath and paused, waiting for Lucas to respond. When he didn’t show any signs of interrupting, she continued. “My father is Dr. Richard Malone. You might have heard of him?” she asked. She opened her eyes and looked over at Lucas, saw the recognition on his face. His next words confirmed it.

  “The cardiologist at Fletcher Allen? Who is overseeing all the clinical trials?” At her nod, he said, “I’m pretty sure he guest lectured here once, though I didn’t meet him.”

  “I’m sure he’s been here, along with plenty of other hospitals and universities around the world. He travels quite a bit, guest lectures, and trains.”

  She found it was easier to talk as long as she didn’t look at Lucas. A psychologist would have a field day with her, but she pushed that thought from her mind. She closed her eyes again. “My mother never worked a day in her life. She was well educated, but she stayed home, played the doting housewife and mother. That’s what a perfect wife was in her eyes. He wasn’t home very much, obviously. Her job was to take care of him when he was there, old-fashioned thinking on her part. And raise us, my brother and me, to be well behaved and respectful in the presence of others.”

  She shifted a bit on the couch. “My brother, Mac, is four years older than I. He has no problem expressing himself. He loves everything about life. He’s a pediatrician, loves kids, and has more patience than a saint. All hugs and kisses with Mac.”

  A small smile formed. “He always wanted to cuddle as a child,” she remembered fondly. “But my mother always said it wasn’t polite and for him to keep his hands to himself. All he ever wanted was a hug, but it wasn’t ‘appropriate’ she would tell him. Never appropriate to express your emotions.”

  She shook her head, pressed on. “He never seemed fazed by her rejection. He would go off and hug and cuddle with the nanny when he was younger, who was more than willing to reciprocate.”

  Without thought she threaded her fingers through his, grateful he was letting her talk without interruptions or questions.

  “Let’s be honest, Mac was normal. Don’t all kids want to cuddle with a parent? But all I saw was rejection, which made me think he wasn’t the normal one. So I acted more like my mother. Since she repeatedly told him it wasn’t appropriate, I expected some type of praise for behaving correctly, but it never happened. By the time I realized Mac was the normal one after all, I had become the person I am. I had spent most of my life trying to control everything, and every emotion. Being perfect. I’ve been this way for so long, it’s hard to let go. The one time I tried to loosen up a bit didn’t go over so well, so I went back to the way I was.”

  Opening her eyes, she turned to look at him and saw his face soften. “Was that so hard to say?” he asked her.

  With a slight smile, not quite reaching her eyes, she blew out a breath. “You have no clue. I feel like an idiot even saying it out loud. Which is probably why I never did before. It’s classic, you know? Mommy didn’t show us she loved us enough, so one child acts one way, and the other the opposite. In the end neither of us was given what we were looking for.” She leaned toward him.

  He placed his arm around her, tugged her head onto his shoulder. “Don’t feel like an idiot. No one has a perfect life, and no one is perfect. Don’t ever be afraid to open up with me. And if you ever want a hug, please, come and take it.” He grinned and held her close. “I personally like it.”

  It felt good to be held like that, almost too good. She was in dangerous territory. She needed to pull back a little. “Our first fight,” she said with a laugh. “Not too bad, all and all.”

  “Oh, baby, this wasn’t a fight.” He returned her laugh.

  “Oh really, then what was it?”

  “A difference of opinion.” He pulled her closed and placed a kiss on her forehead.

  ***

  Exactly one week later, Brooke was tucking her ivory silk shirt into the waistband of her tan skirt. With a final tug on the zipper, she slipped on her coral and ivory patterned heels, stuffed her gym clothes back in her bag, and walked out of her last physical therapy session. Glancing at her watch, she realized she still had fifteen minutes before she had to meet with Lucas in his office.

  It was just enough time to bring her bag back to her office, but not enough to grab a bite to eat.

  She wasn’t sure what this meeting was all about. She had left the weekly staff meeting hours before. When she was gathering her papers, he asked if they could meet again at one o’clock. She had nodded but didn’t have time to question him as to why because she had a conference call scheduled and was already running late.

  “Hi, Brooke. Lucas is expecting you. You can go right in,” Rhonda stated, glancing up from her computer. Before Brooke could reply, Rhonda was right back to typing without missing a beat.

  Brooke knocked once and then opened the door wide. “Hi.” She stopped when she noticed he wasn’t sitting at his desk. Walking into the room further, she saw him at the small conference table off to the side, opening containers of food and pulling plates out of a brown bag. “What’s all this?”

  “Celebration lunch.” He looked up, grinned, set the rest of the food out. “Last therapy session today, right?”

  Speechless for once, she walked forward to see what he had to offer. Grilled chicken salad, most likely for her, and a roast beef sandwich with a side of chips, plus two bottles of water.

  Pulling out a chair and sitting next to him, she leaned forward and pulled the sandwich closer, despite his protests. “Hey, that’s for me,” he said. “I got you the salad. I even picked up the honey mustard dressing you like.”

  She grinned at him. “My celebration, right? So my choice, and I’m hungry. I’ll take the sandwich. I mean it’s not like you asked me what I wanted beforehand,” she pointed out coyly.

  He let the sandwich go. “Guess you’re right. A salad it is.” He rolled his eyes and pulled the salad forward.

  Taking pity on him, she took half the sandwich for herself and placed the other half on his plate, then dished up some salad to go with it. “How about we compromise sin
ce you went to all this trouble and this is definitely much better than the granola bar I would have had in my office.”

  After she finished chewing her first bite, she acknowledged his effort. “This was sweet. I’m surprised you remembered. You didn’t have to do anything. But I’m glad you did. You get points for this,” she added as a corner of her mouth twitched.

  “Really? I’ll have to remember that. So what do I get to cash these points in for?” he asked cheerfully.

  Blushing slightly, because she never seemed to stop that reaction when he was flirting with her, she said, “Oh, I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

  “Actually, I do have something in mind.” She blushed deeper. “Not that. Though, come to think of it…” He paused and then shook his head. “No, never mind, back to my original thought. I was thinking since this week has been so crazy and we haven’t been able to make any time for each other, that instead of you coming to my house on Sunday for the party, you could come home with me Friday night? Stay till Monday? I can bring you back home then.”

  She tried to figure out the best response, the best way to answer.

  “Don’t think, just say the first answer that comes to you,” he coaxed her.

  “OK, then, yes. I would like that. If you’re sure you don’t think it’s too much time together and we won’t get on each other’s nerves?”

  He released a breath and then joked. “No, you won’t get on my nerves, though I can’t promise not to get on yours.” He reached out and tugged a lock of her hair. “Guess we won’t know until we try it, huh?”

  “Guess not,” she agreed. Then she grabbed her napkin and leaned forward to wipe a small crumb from his lip before she realized what she was doing.

  He grabbed her hand softly when she was done, lowered it, and then leaned forward, his lips hovering over hers. “I’ve missed you this week. And there are still two more days to go before I can get you alone again.” He settled his mouth over hers gently at first, increased the pressure more as she leaned into him.

  Lost in the moment her tongue came out of her mouth and tentatively traced his upper lip. When he opened for her, she dove in for more contact. A quiet moan escaped her lips.

  He brought his hand to her waist and started to pull her onto his lap when they heard a knock at the door.

  Brooke jumped back with a start, grabbed the rest of her sandwich quickly and took a bite, hoping no one would suspect what they were doing. Lucas called out, “Come in.”

  “Sorry to bother you,” Rhonda apologized, peeking her head around the door, knowing where they were located. “But there is an employee out here who says she really needs to speak to one of the legal staff, and you are the only one available. I wouldn’t have interrupted, but she seems pretty nervous standing out here.”

  “No problem, Rhonda. I’ll be out in a minute. Let me finish up here.” He turned toward Brooke. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cut our lunch short. Not sure if that was good or bad timing.” He chuckled.

  She finished up her last bite and then put all the plates and containers back in the bag they came in. Choosing to ignore his comment, she grabbed the bag of garbage and stood up. “I’ll take this out with me.”

  He reached for her hand quickly, gave it a brief squeeze. “Hey, congrats again. You’ve come a long away.”

  She nodded and walked out, wondering if he was congratulating her on the end of her physical therapy or that she wasn’t beating herself up over the fact that he kissed her in his office.

  Pack Extra

  The rest of the week seemed to drag by, but it was finally Friday. And only one hour left before quitting time.

  The night before, Brooke had packed everything she thought she would need. Lucas had told her the party at his parents’ house on Sunday was a casual affair. And the weather looked to be cooperating, with mid to low seventies, no rain, another plus.

  “Pack comfortable shoes or sneakers,” Lucas had told her. “I want to take you to Lake George on Saturday. Memorial Day weekend is notoriously busy, kicking off the start of the tourism season, so we might be doing a lot of walking. If you’re up for it, that is.”

  So she packed her leather thong sandals, which were as comfortable as any pair of sneakers she owned, along with two pairs of capris, a few pairs of shorts and several shirts. She knew she would have a hard time deciding what to wear, so she wanted to have a few options available. Her sandals and another pair of flats would cover her bases for any outfit she decided on.

  But now she found herself watching the clock. She was actually looking forward to a few days away. She hadn’t had any type of real vacation in longer than she could remember.

  There always seemed to be so much to do at her last job, she was lucky if she had a weekend off. Even then, she and Robbie ended up working from home half the time. Or at least she did.

  As much as she was nervous about spending so much time with Lucas and meeting his family, she was more excited about getting out of the city for a few days and spending it on the lake.

  This would also be the first time she would see his house. She had often wondered what his house looked like. How he lived. She had images in her mind based on what she knew about him and their conversations, but she wanted to actually see for herself so she could picture him in his house when they were talking at night.

  It was a new feeling for her. In the past, she would have put off spending this much time with someone so soon. Yes, she had dated on and off, but it rarely got to the point of sex, let alone cozy getaways at each other’s homes.

  Aside from Robbie, no other person she had ever dated had been to her house before. Her college dorm didn’t really count in her eyes.

  Thinking back now, she realized that she let Lucas into her home almost from the beginning. Something she would have to analyze another time. But right now, she was willing the clock to move faster.

  When her phone rang on her desk, she reached over automatically without checking the caller ID, then hoped it wasn’t some type of emergency she would have to deal with before she left. Instead she heard Lucas’s voice on the other end. “You busy? Can you leave now?”

  “No, I’m not busy, and yes, I would love to leave now. But I thought you had a lot going on.”

  “Nope, just finished up the last thing and I’m ready to call it quits. Matter of fact, I sent Rhonda home a few minutes ago and I need to get out of here before the phone rings and I’m forced to answer it,” he said with a chuckle.

  “Like you’ve ever answered your work line without it being screened first,” she said teasing him.

  “Exactly,” he agreed. “I’ll be there in two minutes, so be ready.”

  ***

  Lucas grabbed her suitcase off the bed. “Got everything you need in here, or do you have another bag?”

  “Just one in the bathroom. Let me get that quickly and we can leave.”

  Looking at her legs in gray shorts, he realized she never wore anything short, she always made sure clothing was long enough to cover her scar. Too bad. She had great legs, but he understood why she always kept them covered, more than he preferred. Less chance of someone asking questions. Inspiration hit. “Did you pack any workout gear?”

  “Some yoga pants, in case I had a chance to stretch a bit,” she explained.

  “Pack extra workout clothes, and your cross-trainers. I’m in the mood for a run, maybe tonight. You can keep me company and it’ll definitely improve the scenery.” He raised his eyebrows, making her laugh.

  Then she frowned. “I’m not sure. I was cleared to run this week, and as much as I want to get back to it, I most likely won’t be able to keep pace with you.”

  “No worries. You can test it out with me. Any workout time I get in will be a bonus this weekend anyway.” He unzipped her suitcase for her. “Come on, grab your gear quick.”

  ***

  She was glad that Lucas had driven. The traffic before the holiday weekend was horrendous. Everyone seemed in a hurry
to get a start on the long weekend. And having not ventured outside of the Albany area yet, she wasn’t familiar with the Northway. She was just as happy to sit back and enjoy the ride, if bumper-to-bumper was considered enjoyment.

  Before they reached his house, they mutually decided to detour to the grocery store for the makings of dinner. Neither of them had any desire to go out more than they needed to this weekend.

  The Range Rover’s door shut with a thud that echoed through the garage. With her arms loaded down with groceries, Brooke followed Lucas through the door that he was currently holding open with his foot, since his own hands were carrying her suitcase and his briefcase.

  Entering a small mudroom, she watched while he slid off his shoes and then did the same. They walked down a long wide hallway, her bare feet cool on the dark hardwood floors that seemed to run through the entire downstairs. She noticed a formal dining room on one side and what looked to be double doors leading into an office on the other side. From there the hallway ended in a massive open space.

  The first thing she noted was the view of the lake. It wasn’t hard to miss. Floor to ceiling glass, close to twenty-five feet high, filled her eyes with sunlight, decking, beach and water. It was absolutely breathtaking. She felt she could stand rooted to this spot for hours and never grow tired of the view. “This is stunning,” she said in amazement.

  He put his hand on her lower back, guiding her to the side and a few steps back into a large gourmet kitchen. She absently placed the grocery bags on the granite counter of the center island, and registered he must have left her suitcase and briefcase somewhere else.