by Lisa Shea
She turned to Troy, preparing him, then struggling to climb up into his saddle. Stephen stood by his own mount, watching her but not stepping forward to help.
Once she was ready, he called to his own steed and mounted easily, glancing once around the clearing. Dusk settled across the forest, swirling shadows and mists filling in the nooks.
After a few minutes, Lucia finally felt ready for the short trip back. She looked up to him, her voice low. “Lead on.”
Stephen nodded without comment and kicked his mount into a slow trot. In a moment Lucia’s horse was following him. It felt so natural, so peaceful to have Stephen guiding her through the woods. She forced herself to push those feelings aside and to focus on the trail ahead.
The pair rode along the path in silence. Lucia reminded herself that she was going to need help from Stephen when she rejoined her brother. Clearly it was not his fault that he had already found a partner in life. She could not take out her own frustrations on him. She sought to rein in her tormented spirit, and nudged her horse to come alongside his.
“I plan on coming out here every afternoon,” she commented in a low voice, “for some rest. Just for an hour or so. It is a practice I used to follow back home.” She hesitated for a moment. “I am capable of looking after myself, but,” she continued, glancing quickly at Stephen, “if you feel a need to watch over me, I will not object.”
Did she imagine it, or did Stephen seem both relieved and upset? The emotions flickered across his face so quickly that it was hard for her to know. He only nodded in response, his eyes focused on the path ahead.
Lucia settled back into her own thoughts, and the two did not speak again until they reached the large wooden gates.
The gatekeeper gave a wave as they approached. “I am glad to see you back,” he called. The logs were quickly slid aside and the two rode through the entryway.
Inside, Stephen pulled to a stop, and Lucia reined in alongside him. He gave her a brief nod. “This is where we part,” he stated quietly. “You should be fine with the rest of your trip. There is a group of trainees who wanted assistance with their shield work.” He sighed, adding half to himself, “They need the practice.”
Nodding in farewell, he turned and headed off down a side street.
Lucia sat still for a moment, watched him until he vanished from sight. Giving herself a shake, she nudged Troy into motion, riding the narrow streets back to the castle alone.
The long shadows made the buildings indistinct in the coming dusk; evening always seemed to come more quickly than she expected in the winter. Soon she reached the inner wall and buildings.
James was waiting for her when she rode up, and took her horse with a smile. Lucia was suddenly exhausted. She headed straight for her bedroom.
Ellie’s voice came sharp with relief as Lucia stepped into her bedroom. “Where have you been?” she cried. “I have been so worried about you. Ian came by to my table after lunch and asked where you had gone, and then the page said he had saddled your horse for you, and Ian could not find you in the town. I heard that Stephen went out to look for you; I thought you had been attacked again and I am so happy you are safe!” Ellie fussed on while she helped Lucia out of her outfit. “Look at you – you are covered with snow and dirt! Let me get that bath ready and we will have you clean in no time.”
Lucia tried to calm her. “I was out relaxing in the forest – do not worry yourself. I know how to defend myself.” This reassurance did little to dissuade Ellie from clucking like a mother hen for another ten minutes while the bath was filled.
“I am sure you can fight under normal conditions, but you are hurt! You are still recovering! You must promise me to never go out again without notifying the castle guard so they can keep an eye out for you. I am responsible for you, you know.” Ellie looked sternly up at Lucia, her hands on her hips.
Lucia held her hand up and solemnly stated, “I swear that someone will know what time I plan to go out every day.” She thought of Stephen - would Ellie think him a proper guardian? She doubted it, but didn’t really care. She didn’t need a protector, in any case.
Ellie nodded her pert head. “I feel a little better...but what do you want with the forest, anyway? There is nothing interesting out there. Inside is where the excitement is - the troops, the food, the dances, everything!” Ellie continued expounding to herself in the other room while Lucia stood by the window, looking out into the deepening dusk. A quarter-moon was just rising over the stables. The sky was really beautiful here in the forest - it seemed softer somehow. Perhaps it was because it wasn’t against the backdrop of sharp, jagged mountains, but gently waving trees.
“The moon, half-hidden by branch and leaf,
More perfect than one unbroken and pure.”
The words of an ancient poet seemed appropriate. Lucia thought that the poet was thinking of a night like this. She spoke over her shoulder to the young maid. “I’m afraid I am not up to the main hall’s dinner, not tonight. If it could be arranged, I would much rather have dinner in bed,” she admitted to Ellie. “Could you ask to have something brought up for me?”
“I will do it right now, M’Lady. You just settle yourself into the tub and leave the rest to me. I am just surprised you are able to move, after being out all day. What if the Brother Matthew found out what you had been up to? He would skin me alive!” She went out the door still talking to herself, gently closing it behind her.
Lucia headed into the next room where the fragrant, warm water was waiting. Rose-petals floated on top, filling the room with their soft scent. Ellie was really something. Lucia smiled at her maid’s concern as she lowered herself into the water. Her father had always trusted her implicitly, and she had never had someone cluck after her so much. She barely remembered her own mother, who had died in childbirth. Ellie’s attentions were a nice mothering to give in to occasionally, she decided with a smile.
Lucia lay in the tub for a while, her muscles gently loosening and unknotting. She thought of Stephen’s presence in the clearing, how secure and safe she had felt with him at her side. She slid her shoulders down, immersing her head in the water for a long moment, driving away the longing. She couldn’t afford fondness for a man intended for someone else. She had to find a way to break his hold over her.
When the water began to cool, Lucia got out of the tub and dried herself off, hunting for some comfortable clothes. She eventually put on a fresh nightgown from one of the drawers. She whirled around once, and shook her head. The cloth connecting her legs would make running almost impossible. How could other women wear such ungainly clothing all the time? She held the fabric out to either side.
Ellie came in the room with a tray of food, and smiled at the sight of Lucia examining the gown. “A dress looks good on you! I will have to sew you up some new ones. Of course, we will have to figure out which colors would do you justice, and try different styles, but I am sure we could come up with some you would enjoy. Probably start with some traditional dresses...”
Lucia sighed in exasperation. “If you are going to sew for me, make me some pants!” she exclaimed. “At least I can wear those riding. Wearing something like this during the day would be impossible.” Ellie moved as if to protest, but seeing the set look on Lucia’s face she nodded and promised to get Lucia some more comfortable clothes, at least for a start.
“What a day – I am famished!” breathed Lucia, settling herself into the bed. Ellie brought over the tray, and while Lucia sat back and nibbled on the drumsticks she’d brought, Ellie brushed out her hair and braided the sides, joining them in one large braid down her back. When she was finished, she motioned for Lucia to look at herself in the window’s reflection.
“Not bad, not bad,” approved Lucia, turning her head to and fro, finally giving it a couple of shakes. “This looks like it will hold my hair away from my face even when I am riding. Oh, it is very pretty,” she added when Ellie turned away forlornly. “Please put my hair in this every morning fr
om now on.” Ellie seemed cheered by this, and cleared the plates with a little more spirit.
Lucia played on the harp for a while, her mind absently running through the events of the day. Soon weariness overcame her; she let the strings rest and climbed into bed. Ellie, wishing her a good night, went to the main door and locked it with the thick wooden bar before leaving through the other, smaller door to her connecting room.
Lucia watched her with curiosity. Something was wrong. Then it hit her. Stephen had always come before, to watch over her at night. But she was over the danger of the poison now, and he would not be there.
He would not watch over her.
She knew she should be grateful that the temptation had been removed. Despite all her efforts, it was a black loneliness which stole over her, sucking the light out of her world.
Exhausted, Lucia fell into a deep, troubled sleep.
Chapter 8
Ellie cleared away her breakfast tray, bubbling with enthusiasm for the sunny morning, but Lucia’s thoughts were still shadowed in murky grey. When Ellie streamed out of the room, used dishes in hand, Lucia stared at the closed door in bleak despair. He would not be coming to her side any more. His steady eyes, his warm grasp, were gone to her forever. They seemed a feverish dream, as much as her father had been.
He was gone.
Lucia roused herself to move to the chair by the windows, staring out at the distant fields. It was as if she had been drained of all will. The shadows drifted and lengthened, and still she could not bring herself to stir.
A pair of giggling women in elegant burgundy gowns strolled along the path below. They took the grassy walk at a leisurely pace and eventually turned to move into the main building.
A thought flickered at the corner of Lucia’s mind. Ian had suggested that she spend time with the court women and engage in their traditional activities. Perhaps it would be well to take his advice.
She found a white chemise and a simple, long burgundy dress in one of the trunks. After a moment’s hesitation, she slid them over her head. She spent a while brushing her hair out, convincing herself she was not nervous. Finally she pursed her lips and headed out the door. The gales of high laughter made finding her way toward the sewing room an easy task.
Reaching the open door of the women’s apartments, Lucia cautiously peered inside. Ten women, bedecked in wonderfully ornate dresses, were seated in various chairs. Maids hovered around the room fetching wine or adjusting a footstool. Beautiful tapestries hung on a rose-colored wall, and, in deference to the brilliant sunshine, the shutters were thrown open. The chatter sounded gentle and inviting. Encouraged, Lucia gathered her courage and walked in.
Her loneliness was banished immediately by the warm welcome she received from the women. Anna was the first to spot her, and was clearly thrilled.
“Lucia, dear!” she exclaimed happily. “I am so glad you are feeling better! I hear from Ian that your keep is located far north. You must have so many interesting things to tell us! New dances, new dresses, oh the possibilities are endless! Come, come, sit down beside me and tell me all.”
Anna quickly made room on the settee for Lucia to join her, and the other women settled themselves comfortably within hearing distance. Needles and thread moved all around her in a soothing rhythm.
Lucia found herself drawn into the conversation, answering Anna’s myriad of questions about Keilder regarding the type of food that was served, the arrangement of the kitchens, the organization of the mending groups, and more. Anna was fascinated by every detail of running a household, and Lucia found it soothed her soul to talk about the daily life of her keep as if it would soon once again be whole.
The lunch bell seemed to ring all too soon, and the women walked side by side up to the head table. Anna settled herself in her chair to the left side of the table, and Lucia moved to the right where Ellie was waiting for her. She glanced up at a movement – Stephen and Ian were coming in, side by side, and for a moment Stephen’s eyes caught hers. She looked down immediately, then Ian was plunking himself down next to her, Lord Edmund was taking his place in the center, and boisterous sound rose all around them as the meal got underway.
Lucia barely heard the commentary Ian ran at her side. All she could feel was Stephen’s presence, three chairs down, and her heart warmed at the thought that in a few hours they would be alone in the clearing with only the gentle trickling of water as a backdrop.
It seemed the blink of an eye before she was climbing down off her horse, hobbling him by his patch of grass, and spreading out a blanket. And only a heartbeat after that when hoofbeat came down the path, and Stephen dismounted, lowering to sit by the elderly oak opposite her.
He offered her a nod. “Anna was impressed with you,” he said by way of greeting.
“I liked her very much,” answered Lucia truthfully. “She is quite serious about becoming the best keep manager possible, and has thrown herself wholeheartedly into learning everything she can about it.”
“She has dedication,” he agreed.
His eyes moved down to her hip. “How are you feeling? Any ill effects, now that the fever has run its course?”
She shook her head. “The scar is mending nicely. I imagine in another two weeks or so that I will be ready to start south.”
His eyes shadowed. “So soon?”
She turned her head from his deep eyes. “I need to get back to my own people,” she murmured.
There was a long pause. “Of course.”
* * *
Lucia brushed down her new dusk-blue dress and admired the effort Ellie had put into it. The color reminded her of home, and she appreciated the gentle fall of the fabric. She glanced around the sewing room for a moment. The women were merrily chatting to each other, occasionally taking stitches in their embroidery or mending work.
Lucia looked down again at the simple hem she was working on in a guard’s uniform. She knew that her own sewing skills were minimal, but certainly she had handled enough hems in her life to be able to be of some use. She did feel a sense of satisfaction as she finished off the pant leg. The household had welcomed her with open arms, tending to her wounds and lodging her without a word of complaint. The least she could do was be useful during her stay.
Anna returned from her short trip to the garderobe and settled herself next to Lucia. “How are you doing?” she asked Lucia with a smile.
Lucia held up the pants. “Halfway done,” she returned. “I will get there eventually.”
Anna smiled. “I am glad to see you in a dress,” she countered. “You look quite lovely in it.”
Lucia blushed. “It would be chilly for riding, though,” she pointed out.
Anna’s eyes went to the window. “It is winter out there,” she returned. “Why you choose to leave our warm fires each afternoon is beyond me. It is not even like you are heading to the hot springs to the south. Just an icy trickle of a stream.” Her eyes drew to Lucia’s in confusion. “Stephen claims you actually enjoy it out there.”
Lucia looked away. Stephen was reporting back to Anna about her time with him? She hardly expected him to keep it a secret – and yet her stomach fluttered at the idea.
“I enjoy being alone,” she murmured.
Anna smiled widely. “And that is where you and I are different,” she offered merrily. “I hate being alone! It makes me feel so … lonely.” She looked around the room to the ladies who reclined on the chairs as they mended and chatted away. “Being here with my women fills me with such warmth. I adore it. It is like being a queen bee in a busy hive.” She held up the dress she was working on. “And we are useful at the same time, too!”
Lucia nodded her head. There was something to be said for what Anna felt. Was she being selfish in tucking herself away for hours on end?
“I am sure once I am feeling better – ”
“Oh!” cried out Anna in consternation. “I did not mean to chastise you. You are barely out of your sick bed. If your way of healing is to
sit alone in the cold, then by all means, I would not stop you. I realize we each have our own ways of doing things.”
Lucia winced at the phrasing, but nodded. Anna was trying to understand her, and she appreciated the woman’s efforts.
* * *
Stephen watched her from across the clearing, his eyes considering her. At last she could take it no longer.
“What did Anna say now?”
His mouth tweaked into a wry grin, and he nodded. “She is does not understand why you want to come out here,” he admitted.
She drew her eyes along the mossy banks. “I wonder how she can find peace in that noisy, endless chatter,” she countered, shaking her head.
“You are certainly different women,” he agreed.
Lucia found herself smiling. “And yet, Anna is very kind,” she murmured. “I could see her becoming a good friend, if I were not leaving soon.”
There was a long silence, and when he spoke again his voice was rough. “When I regain my lands, and you retake your keep, there will be but fifteen miles between us. I am sure visits could be arranged.”
The thought flushed through her that they would be close, that they could see each other. Her eyes moved up to hold his, and there was a question in his.
She looked away, exhaling slowly. “We shall see.”
* * *
Lucia carefully mended the rip in the tunic, smiling with pride at her efforts. This sewing work was really not that bad, once one got the hang of it. She was pleased to think that the staff who helped care for her would have warmer clothing thanks to her efforts.
She held her finished work up to Anna, and the woman laughed in delight. “There, you have got it now,” she agreed. “I will certainly miss you once you are gone. It is a shame Keilder is not closer.”
