by Lisa Shea
Lucia flushed at the thought of Anna and Stephen visiting her as man and wife, but she pushed the discomfort away. “Well, you will only be fifteen miles south of my keep,” she pointed out hoarsely. “I admit it is not a short ride, but would be worthwhile for a longer visit. I would be honored to welcome you.”
Anna’s eyes creased in confusion. “Fifteen miles? But Kendal is at least fifteen miles south of Penrith, and I thought Keilder was another thirty miles north of here. That means forty-five miles total, right?”
Lucia shook her head. “I do not understand. What is Kendal?”
Anna grinned eagerly. “Kendal is a keep under my father’s control. It is beautiful, with wide open windows and a meadow of daffodils around it. Just right for elegant masquerades and music-filled picnics.”
Lucia looked at her cautiously. “And Kendal is where you and Stephen will live, once you are married?”
She nodded contentedly. “Of course we will. Where else?”
* * *
Stephen’s eyes were shadowed, and Lucia’s heart billowed with guilt. Had she somehow introduced discord into his relationship with Anna? She drove herself to speak.
“What is it, Stephen?”
He gave his head a shake, bringing himself back from distant thoughts. “Just a minor misunderstanding,” he murmured. “There is plenty of time to sort that out before our vows in May.”
Anna flushed with heat. It was already mid-February; May seemed only a breath away.
She found her throat was tight. “That is when you will marry?”
He nodded. “Anna has had everything planned out, in great detail, from the moment she laid eyes on me,” he mused somberly. His eyes flickered up to meet hers, and then he looked away again. “I will do my part to meet each expectation that I can,” he added. “And for those I cannot …”
His gaze followed the stream as it tumbled down past the rocks.
* * *
Lucia carefully repaired the pulled seam on the burgundy dress. It seemed that every woman in the room wore burgundy except her. They laughed and bubbled around her as they took sips of mead and enjoyed the bright sunshine of the late morning.
She glanced over at Anna. Stephen had said that she had been planning their wedding since she first met him. The thought sliced at her heart, but she found a curiosity mingled in there as well. How had Anna caught his love?
Lucia put on a warm smile. “You must be very excited about the upcoming wedding,” Lucia prodded, turning to the woman. “I would love to hear all about it. Just when did you first meet Stephen?”
She glanced down at her needlework and found that it served as the perfect shield for any rough emotions she might have while going through this conversation. She simply had to focus.
Stitch, press. Stitch, press.
Anna smiled happily as she thought back. “Oh, I have known him for a good fifteen years, almost since infancy!” She took a bite of dried apple, nodding to herself. “It began about five years after Stephen came to live here with Ian. I came up to visit quite often, first to play, and later to learn about sewing, cooking, and household management. I would also take religious studies from Brother Matthew.”
Her eyes sparkled. “Stephen was often out in the courtyard, practicing his sword fighting. That is, when he was not off in the woods on some sort of expedition. Even at fifteen he was handsome – like a prince come to life. Each night I dreamt of him sitting at a table across from me, presiding nobly over our home, taking the lead position at a ball, you know, that sort of thing.”
Lucia could imagine that easily, the young girl caught up in romantic fantasies. “You sought a prince. Surely Ian would have suited nicely! He is in line to inherit the keep, after all.” She continued to concentrate on her sewing.
Anna laughed merrily. “Ian?” She replied with a smile. “Why, I am sure he is just perfect for many ladies. Maybe he is the one for you!” She chuckled when Lucia flushed crimson. “But not for me,” she continued with a pensive look. “He is out too much at the taverns, drinking with friends and listening to musicians. I would hate to be left alone with the young ones.” She shrugged. “Many women are rugged enough to keep hearth and home safe, but I know I would be no good at keeping robbers at bay. I need someone who will take care of me, who I can fully rely on. Someone to stay at home, keep me protected, and take care of things. He is the man, after all. I will do the cooking and cleaning, but everything else will rest in his hands.”
Anna merrily continued as she sewed her delicate stitches. “Sure, Stephen seems quite rough right now. However, I am sure that will all change once we are married. I will dress him up in elegant tunics. We will host social events that will be the talk of the land. Just you wait and see.”
Lucia knew she should keep the conversation going, but her throat closed up. It seemed so clear that Ian was more of what Anna was looking for. Ian adored the pomp and ritual of social events. Stephen would never be content overseeing balls.
She sighed. Maybe this conversation had been a bad idea after all. Her mind searched for a new topic as she mended.
Stitch. Press.
Maybe if she talked more about their relationship, perhaps that would help make sense of the situation. Lucia knew most women loved to talk about the stages of courtship, so with dogged determination she pressed on.
“I am sure your marriage will be exactly as you want it to be. So, tell me more. How did he propose to you?”
Anna sat up proudly at the memory. “Well, as you might expect, the proposal was handled very formally. My father took me aside on my sixteenth birthday. He said I had officially reached the marriageable age, and that it was time to choose someone suitable for our family rank. He asked if anyone had caught my eye or made overtures.”
Her eyes sparkled. “There was no doubt in my mind - I immediately brought up Stephen. After all, he is foster son to the Edmunds, certainly a wealthy enough family. For my needs, he is strong and handsome too! My father was quite pleased to countenance a union with the Edmunds in such a way. He set out the next day to speak with Lord Edmund. Lord Edmund then talked with Stephen. In two weeks, Stephen was at our home, and the whole thing was official!”
Lucia’s mind whirled. She focused on her mending to give herself time. She knew that she should feel proud of Anna. Where most girls sat around and waited for a man to come propose to them, Anna had grabbed the bull by the horns and clearly stated what she wanted. She had gotten it, too. How many girls could say that about the men their parents chose for them to marry?
Still, Lucia could not shake off the feeling that this relationship was not created for the right reasons. Anna had built a childhood fantasy around her ideal protector, maybe even a new father figure to run her life. She was going to force Stephen to fit into that role, no matter what it took.
Lucia reminded herself that Stephen had agreed to this. He could certainly have refused to go forward with the engagement. Instead he had taken her hand.
* * *
Stephen’s eyes were steady on her. A gentle breeze drifted across the clearing, and a robin called from high in a tree.
“Anna says you were asking about how we became engaged,” he mused in a low voice.
Lucia blushed and looked away. “I was just curious,” she murmured.
A tightness crept into his voice. “Curious how an elegant woman like her ended up with a wanderer like me?”
Her eyes flashed around in surprise. “No!” she called out in shock. Her eyes drank in his strength, his courage, and she realized it was quite the opposite. How could such a man as him be content with …
She blushed, fighting the urge to look away.
His voice remained tight. “I am sure some say she is far better suited to Ian.”
Her blush deepened into a dark crimson. She had thought that very thought, herself. It made so much more sense …
His eyes sharpened on her. “No need to be jealous,” he bit out. “Anna is not a contender for
Ian’s side.”
Lucia did turn away at that, heat flaring from every corner of her body. That he could think her interested in that prancing, babbling boy … she took in long breaths, drawing up her walls fully. If she allowed herself to speak further on the issue, she could easily say something that she would regret.
* * *
Lucia focused with careful attention on the seam before her. She was tackling a more challenging project now – creating a new cloak for Lord Edmund. She had ten days left to her stay, and hopefully there would be just enough time for her to finish the outfit. She thought it an appropriate parting gift for the man who had sheltered and fed her.
Anna’s eyes were bright on her, and at last Lucia looked up, shaking her head. “All right, what is it,” she asked her friend.
“What do you think of Ian?” Anna asked, a smile on her lips.
Lucia flushed. Surely Stephen did not report every aspect of their conversations to her.
Anna’s eyes sparkled. “Ian certainly discusses you every chance he can get,” she pressed with delight. “After you left lunch yesterday, he spent a full half hour trying to convince Lord Edmund to change his schedule around. He wanted to be the one to keep watch over you on your afternoon rest periods.”
Lucia’s heart pounded in her chest. Ian would interfere with her quiet afternoons with Stephen? She focused on bringing her breathing back under control.
“What did his father say?”
Anna shook her head. “The poor lad, it just could not be done. He was quite disheartened.”
“That is probably just as well,” Lucia replied, trying to hold in her relief. “I am sure with Ian around I would not have the serenity I seek.”
Anna raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
Lucia blushed. Anna was a friend of Ian’s, and the last thing she wanted to do was insult him. “I enjoy Ian’s company,” she amended. “His stories are quite engrossing.” She looked down at her hem-work. “But when I take my afternoon rests, it is quiet nature that draws me. I am not interested in conversation.”
Lucia started stitching again, focusing her eyes on her piecework. She realized suddenly that what she had enjoyed about her time with Stephen was the conversation. She had been more honest, more open, with him than with any other person in years.
She blushed, fighting off her confusion. Anna was still gazing at her, and she felt that she had to undo the damage she had done to Ian’s reputation.
“Maybe when I am more fully healed, I will be more energetic and able to have long talks with Ian,” she offered in a conciliatory tone.
Anna smiled and nodded. “I am sure that is it. Just give it time. Remember, there is someone for everyone, I always say. Somewhere out there is someone for you, whether it is Ian or another man. I suppose you will know when you find him.”
They stitched on in silence for a while. Lucia couldn’t help but wonder if she already had found the someone that was a perfect match for her. Stephen’s steady courage, quiet wisdom, and unflagging loyalty were all she could want in a partner.
She sighed at the twists of cruel fate. He was to be married to someone else, and she would be left alone.
The lunch bell rang, and Lucia moved into the great hall with Anna by her side. The men were just coming in from their training, and Stephen and Ian came over toward them.
Stephen’s eyes flicked to Lucia before holding out a hand for Anna’s, lowering his head to kiss it.
Ian’s stride was more exuberant. “Lucia! There you are,” he called out with pleasure, wrapping an arm possessively around her waist. “I missed you!” He pulled her close in at his side.
Lucia fought down with effort her impulse to bristle and pull away from this unwanted familiarity. Was this type of touching usual amongst men and women of this region? Despite her resolve, her eyes moved up to glance at Stephen. He was watching her with concern, his body tense.
She willed herself to look away. She forced a smile on her face and moved alongside Ian, settling down with him to Lord Edmund’s right.
As she had at every meal, Lucia tried her very best to invest herself in the conversation with Ian. He was, after all, her gracious host. She just could not do it. Ian’s sole focus was on himself. He relished the precise details of each jewel which made up his scabbard. He examined at length the symbolism of each item of embroidery on his tunic. He knew six generations in the breeding lines of his horses. He could expound at length on the reputation of his family and the relative power they wielded.
Lucia scanned the room as he talked at length about the precise mixture of oils to achieve the best shine on a dress saddle. To her surprise it seemed that many women were watching her with a mixture of interest and envy. She wondered just how many of these women had an active interest in Ian’s romantic life. Certainly the two maids who brought them fresh pitchers of wine made sure to rub up against him at every opportunity.
Lucia wondered that Ellie and Anna had thought this man even remotely a match for her. His appraisal of a sword focused on the jewels in its hilt and the engraving on its blade. Her own judged the sharpness of the edge, correct balance, and sturdiness of construction. He spoke proudly of the gold on his armor, its intricate designs. She was far more content with something proven to protect the body from harm.
When Ian excused himself to talk to a passing blonde woman for a moment, Lucia sat back and shook her head in confusion. She wondered with true curiosity what it was about herself that Ian apparently found so attractive. She knew that she did not dress as well as the other ladies did. Her attire was far from intricate or elegant. She knew she was not bad to look at, but neither was she one of the beautifully decorated butterflies that she saw on all sides. Maybe it was simply that she was strange and unknown, another exotic story to add to his collection.
She glanced across the table at Stephen and Anna. Anna was smiling up at her betrothed, prattling along about something. Stephen listened patiently, deftly buttering a roll while she spoke. Lucia gave a quiet sigh at her inability to understand the human heart.
Ian followed her gaze and smiled widely. “They are a wonderful couple,” he commented, his eyes running over his cousin in appreciation. “Stephen deserves the best, of course. He is a courageous fighter. She is young, pretty, and from an appropriate family. They belong together!”
He took a long pull on his tankard, then gave a laugh. “Although Stephen did not see that at first, of course. When my father told him he should marry Anna to bring the houses together, Stephen was quite out of sorts about it. I remember him riding off into the forest for days. After a while I wondered if I would have to go in after him!” Ian laughed and took a swig of wine. “But eventually Stephen saw the wisdom of it. He said he would be proud to do his duty for the family that had taken him in.”
Ian nodded at the memory. “My father was so pleased; the heralds went out at once. I remember that afternoon with perfect clarity. I told Stephen, how could he not be happy with such a beautiful woman at his side! I was right, of course. Just look at them together. It is enough to make you believe that you, too, could have such happiness.”
Ian put his hand solidly over Lucia’s and gave it a firm squeeze.
Lucia blinked in shock, barely feeling Ian’s grasp. Suddenly the situation shimmered into perfect focus. No wonder Stephen hadn’t talked about his engagement or elaborated when it was brought to light. He was doing what he had to do, what he felt honor-bound to do. He would not disgrace the woman to whom he had become bound.
The engagement had been neither his choice nor his desire.
The thought, though tinged with sadness, inexplicably also filled her with great joy. A smile drew across her face
Ian’s eyes were fixed on her, and he brought her hand to his lips, pressing it there for a moment. “Yes,” he murmured quietly. “You too might find that same happiness, someday soon.”
* * *
Stephen’s face was shadowed, and he stared at the stream with fixe
d attention. At last Lucia could not take the silence any more.
“What is it?”
He gave a shake of his head, not looking over, and it was several minutes before the words ground out of him. “So you like living at Penrith?”
Lucia blinked. “It certainly is nice here,” she hesitantly responded. “The food is well-made, and Ellie is wonderful.”
Stephen’s voice was a growl. “The house of the unicorn,” he muttered.
Lucia thought back to the burgundy banners which seemed to flutter on every wall of the keep, of the rearing unicorn which formed the house crest. “Yes, I know,” she agreed. He seemed tense, so she sought for something encouraging to say about his foster family’s sigil. “A noble beast.”
“An imaginary creature,” he corrected harshly.
He pressed his lips together, falling into silence.
* * *
Anna and Stephen were sitting side by side in the front pew of the chapel as she came down the aisle. They looked so well paired, Anna’s golden curls, Stephen’s broad shoulders, and her heart caught. Soon they would be married, having children, starting a new life together …
She looked down, easing herself into the row, leaving a space between her and Stephen. There was a movement at her right, and in a moment Ian was sliding in next to her. He came up against her, and she took in a deep breath. It was only for one mass. She could get through this.
She folded her hands in her lap, resisting with all her strength the urge to slide left. She found her eyes glancing down at the polished wood that lay between her and Stephen, the wall it represented, the gulf which could not be crossed.
* * *
Monday was back to the sewing room, and Lucia was much more aware of the burgundy tapestries which decorated the walls, the white unicorns prancing and gamboling within their woven threads. She was suddenly reminded of her ride with Stephen from the archery field, at how he mentioned that he did not retain anything with his own crest on it.
