by Brynne Asher
“I hope so, too,” I respond. Then I add, “One more thing. Our mother is in town right now. I have no idea how long she’ll stay, but I’m not sure it’s the best idea for her to see Tina. Our mother, she can be relentless. I’d like to keep her off the visitors list if that’s possible. I haven’t told her where Tina is, but she’s proven to be,” I pause and look up at Tony, his face turns hard at the description of my mother. I finish, looking back at the manager, “Resourceful.”
She looks at me with knowing eyes and says, “I understand. We’ll do what we can.”
I sigh, look around and decide to let it go. I’ve done what I can. She wanted to be back in Omaha and I made that happen. She said she was ready to get help and I made that happen, too. Now it’s up to her.
What I really need to do is figure out what to do about my mother. She’s made no plans to leave and she’s about to drive Tony to the looney bin calling him all the time about Tina. I’ve asked him if he regrets giving her his contact information and all he says is, “Better me than you, gem. But your mom’s a pain in the ass.”
See? I don’t know what I’m going to do about her.
As we make our way to the lobby, I hear my phone ring and pull it out to look down at the screen. Speaking of the devil, or the she-devil as the case may be, I sigh and answer my phone.
“Mom,” I answer coolly.
“It’s time you talk to me, Leigh. That man can’t keep you away from me forever and I need to know what’s going on with Tina,” she demands, like she has the right to demand anything in this situation, which she absolutely does not.
I look to Tony and his face has turned to stone hearing it’s my mom. He holds his hand out to me for me to give him my phone. I give him a shake of my head to which he sighs, shakes his own head and looks to the ceiling.
On my own exasperated sigh I say to my mother, “I’m taking care of it, mom. She’s getting the help she needs but it’s up to her. That’s all you need to know.”
“That’s all I need to know? Where is she at?” she yells in my ear.
“She’s safe and she’s getting help. No one can see her right now anyway,” I explain.
“You have to tell me where she is, Leigh,” she keeps demanding.
“You know what, mom? I don’t have to do anything. I’m the one with the connections who found her, I’m footing the bill for this and I’m the one who arranged for her to get help. She needs to focus on getting better, not dancing around the drama you lay at her feet. Leave her be.”
“I can’t believe you said that to me,” she says sounding surprised.
“Well, believe it,” I return as I look up and Tony is wearing a grin aimed at me. I smile back at him and say to my mother, “It’s the new me, what can I say?”
“Well,” she huffs as if she can’t believe me then goes on to make the declaration, “I’m almost out of groceries!”
“Then you should find a grocery store. I’ve got to go mom,” I say and Tony’s grin turns into a smile. “Bye.”
“That was fun,” he says.
I frown immediately and cock my head at him, “No it wasn’t. Nothing is ever fun when it comes to my mother, Tony.”
“Sweetheart, I know your mother’s not fun. I was talking about you. Or should I say, ‘the new you,’” he adds, chuckling.
“Whatever,” I mutter and start to move toward the door.
Tony grabs my hand walking me out of the building asking, “What do you want to do now?”
“I don’t know. I still need to get a costume for Joe’s party next weekend. You want to go shopping?” I ask brightly.
Tony looks down at me with narrowed eyes muttering, “Not really.”
“What are you going to be?” I keep on.
“Nothing,” he says, looking ahead walking toward his Explorer.
I stop and pull on his hand, “Nothing? You can’t be nothing.”
He yanks my hand back to keep me moving and says, “Yeah I can.”
“But I’m going to be Madonna,” I declare.
Tony looks at me with one side of his mouth tipped up, “That’ll be fun. I’ve never had sex with Madonna.”
“Tone, stop it. You have to be something.”
“Sorry, gem. Micah throws him a party every year and I’m never anything. The party goes on,” he drawls, opening my car door for me.
“I know!” I start, as he pulls out of the parking lot. “You, Jude and maybe some of your cousins can be The Village People.”
“Leigh. I am not dressing up like any of The Village People,” he says emphatically.
“Wham?”
“Wham? Are you kidding me?”
“Michael Jackson? Like Thriller Michael Jackson?”
“Leigh.”
“Oh my, I know! You should be Ronald Regan! Just put on a suit and gunk up your hair. I mean, Madonna coming to a party with Ronald Regan? Liberal versus conservative? That would be so funny,” I say smiling big because honestly, that would be funny.
All of a sudden, Tony pulls off the road again into another empty parking lot. I’m feeling a bit of déjà vu, because we did this last week at about this same time.
“What now? Why are you pulling off the road again? I’m fine.”
He throws it in park and releases our seatbelts. Before I know it, his mouth is on mine, tongues tangling with his hands in my hair pulling me to him roughly. His kiss is searing and I hang on trying to catch up because this is not what happened last week when we pulled off the road into a parking lot.
He slows down the kiss but doesn’t pull away. Instead, he tips his forehead to mine and closes his eyes. We’re both breathing deeply, but I get it together enough to ask, “Honey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he says before opening his eyes. Then looking into mine he goes on, “Absolutely nothing is wrong. You mom is pain in the ass, you just spent some serious cake to get your sister here and check her into a drug treatment plan and your jackass-ex-husband is violating his restraining order. But you’re happy, laughing about costumes and looking forward to going to a party with me for my crazy family. Gem,” he pauses, holding my face close to his. “You’re back. You’re good. And this makes me so fucking happy, I’ll even be Ronald Regan for you.”
Tears start to burn my eyes and I pull in a breath, looking for the strength I need and say, “It’s because of you.”
“Love you, gem, but it’s all you. I’m just lucky I got to go along for the ride.”
I lean in and kiss him softly to communicate he’s wrong. I owe it all to him.
When I pull back, I ask, “You’ll really be Ronald Regan for me?”
He sighs shaking his head no, “Only for you, Leigh.”
I feel my face break into a smile.
Tony proceeds to kiss the smile right off my face before taking us to Finny.
Chapter 16 - Scary Specifically
“You loved St. John?”
Gabby looks over at me, dreamy like, and sighs while purring, “Yeah. St. John was perfect.”
I grin back at her as I flip through the racks at the thrift store where she and I are costume shopping for Joe’s party. It’s Thursday evening, Gabby and Jude just got back from their ten day honeymoon yesterday. She has a healthy tan but not too dark, her hair is even more golden than it usually is in March, but more importantly she’s radiating happiness. And I couldn’t be happier for my best friend.
“You sure look like it was perfect, Mrs. Ortiz,” I enunciate her new title.
She grins as she flips through her rack across from mine. So far, Gabby’s not having much luck from lack of concentration, but I’ve found a short black tutu, a skanky black tank top that looks like something my mother would wear to church if she went to church and lots of thick chains for necklaces. I feel like I’m getting closer to getting my eighties Madonna mojo on. The party is Saturday and I’m definitely running out of time.
“I’m sorry things have been far from perfect for you while we were
gone. How’s Tina?” she asks.
“I talk to her counselors every day,” I explain. “They say she’s on track for the most part, moving through some stages faster and others slower. I’m just glad she’s still there and hasn’t taken off. If she keeps up her progress I might be able to see her this weekend.”
“That’s great. I’m glad she finally reached out for help and you were able to give it to her. This has been going on with her forever. But what I cannot believe is your mother is still at your apartment. I mean, really? How long do you think she plans on staying?”
“I have no idea and I haven’t even slept in my own apartment once. She wants to know where Tina is and I won’t tell her. Tina doesn’t need our mother pulling her off course right now. But I’m really worried about Tony. I think he might lose it soon. He insists on dealing with her so I don’t have to and you know how difficult she can be. She’s even upping her game if you can believe it,” Gabby looks over the racks at me with big eyes and raised brows. “Exactly. Can you imagine? She texted me this morning to tell me her boyfriend is coming tomorrow from South Dakota to stay with her while she’s here. I thought Tony was going to explode when I told him today over my lunch break. I got a text from him two hours later informing me her boyfriend was no longer coming down to-quote-unquote ‘freeload’ off of me. His text ended with, ‘if she wants to see him she can get off her ass and head north for good.’”
But Gabby doesn’t look shocked like most people would as I explain my crazy mother. She’s used to my mother’s antics, so instead she’s grins and hums, “Mm-hmm.”
“Mm-hmm, what?” I ask, repeating her hum.
“You know what I mean, mm-hmm,” she exclaims. “I’ve never seen my cousin like this, Leigh. If I wasn’t so happy and loved on from my honeymoon, I’d be pissed this didn’t happen years ago for both of you. You wouldn’t have been through what you’ve been through and Tony would have settled down sooner. You’re good for him, Leigh. I know you think you’re the taker in this relationship, but you don’t see it from our perspective. He’s different. Tony’s always been headstrong, but I’ve never seen him this determined about anything. And I don’t know why you want to sleep in your own apartment anyway. You can’t have Finny there, what would you do then?”
“Gabby, I can’t move in with him.”
Gabby comes to a standstill at her rack and looking surprised, she asks, “He wants you to move in with him?”
I look away from her and concentrate on my own rack and mutter, “Well…maybe.”
I sigh like I do every time I think of my current situation. I don’t want to be apart from Tony, but I can’t move in either. I’ve barely been divorced for two months. What will the Carpinos think of me if I move in with him right away? Or at all for that matter? No, they’ve done too much for me over the last few months. I cannot move in with him.
“Leigh,” she calls for me adamantly and I look up to her. With a shocked look on her face she whispers loudly, “Does that mean you’ve finally had sex with my cousin?”
“Gabby!” I shout my whisper back at her with big eyes for asking me that in the middle of a thrift store.
“Well?” she keeps up her loud whisper.
I purse my lips together to keep from smiling because this is weird. Gabby and I can talk about anything and always used to have BFF sex talks before things went awful with Preston, but Tony is like a brother to her and it would be like talking about my sex life with Paige or something.
“Ohmygoodness,” she shouts her whisper again. “You had sex with my cousin!”
All of a sudden we hear a chuckle from the side. Gabby and I instantly turn to see an older man half grinning at us, clearly entertained by the fact I’ve had sex with her cousin.
Gabby immediately cocks her head and while putting a hand on her hip she says, “Hello? Move along please, this is a private conversation.”
“Oh no,” I mutter, closing my eyes as the old guy laughs out loud again and moves away.
“Well, this could get a little…um…icky since you’re with Tony,” she says, stumbling over her words. “I really don’t want the details. But I will ask, are you…uh…happy?”
I grin at my friend, “Yeah, Gab. I’m really, really ‘happy.’”
She screws up her face saying, “Ew. I guess this means we can’t talk about sex anymore.”
“That’s what Tony said when I told him you drug me with you for the Brazilian Wax,” I mutter.
“Leigh Briggs! Or Johnson! Whatever your name is. You. Did. Not!”
“Sorry, Gab. It just popped out. He said he liked it and it was right after our first time, the night of your wedding--”
“You had sex with my cousin for the first time on my wedding night?” she yells out loud this time.
“Lower your voice!” I yell back at her. “And by the way, thanks for telling him I had crush on him in high school. That was sacred information.”
She tips her head at me and says, “That was forever ago. It’s not sacred anymore.”
“Still,” I say, knowing its lame but can’t think of another comeback.
“Okay, I’m sorry,” she says, sounding more frustrated than sorry, which I know she isn’t. “Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way and you’ve finally, well, moved your relationship to the next level, why don’t you just move in with him? I mean, you’re practically parents now that you have Finny.”
“I can’t and I won’t,” I say. “But he’s really pushing for it, amongst other things.”
“What do you mean?”
“What do I mean, what?” I ask like I don’t know what she means.
“What else is he pushing for, Leigh?”
“Well, this shouldn’t hit the ick zone,” I pause. “He doesn’t want me to go on birth control.”
She looks confused and asks, “Why not?”
I don’t answer this time but raise one knowing eyebrow and turn to move to another rack. I hear her gasp, feel her hand on bicep to my yank me around toward her and she whispers for real this time, “What?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” I repeat, in a more knowing way this time. “I can’t talk about it Gabby. I don’t even know what to think about it. I mean, I’ve been divorced for two months, just five months ago I was lying in the hospital, beaten by my husband and lost…everything. I don’t think I’m ready and I really don’t know how I got here with Tony. Not that I don’t want to be here, because I do. I think I could want to be here forever. It all scares me right now. This has happened fast and Tony seems so sure about everything. And he tells me he can be as patient as I need him to be, which honestly scares me even more because Tony has proven he can be very patient with me.”
“Tony’s ready to get married?” she asks.
“I don’t know,” I answer. “He’s not talked about marriage specifically, but he’s talked about everything else very specifically. Scary specifically.”
“What’s stopping you? You just said you want it to be forever.”
“Gabby--”
“Do you love him?”
“Gabby, please--”
“Does he love you?”
At that I clam up and purse my lips together. Gabby reaches out to grab my hand and squeezes. Her face softens and I see her eyes pool up with tears.
“He loves you,” she says.
I look away and say, “Gabby, don’t.”
I feel her give my hand a yank and I look back at her.
“Let him love you, Leigh.”
I pull in a lung full of air saying, “I can’t think about this, Gab.”
“No. It’s time to think about it and face it head on. You’ve done this as long as I’ve known you. But really, who can blame you? With your mom the way she is, the way you grew up? The men she had in and out of your house, never making you a priority? Throw you sister into the mix, no one can blame you for the barriers you’ve built around yourself. But Preston,” she pauses
and her face hardens with anger. Lowering her voice even more she goes on, “What Preston did to you emotionally and physically is unthinkable and evil. No one, Leigh, not me, not Tony, no one will ever fault you for protecting yourself from reality after living what you’ve lived through. But that is not your reality anymore. Never again will that be your life. It’s time you opened your eyes, think things through and let people love you the way you were meant to be loved. There’s so much to love, girlie, you just don’t get it. There’s no reason to protect yourself any longer. Trust me, when you let yourself take what the man who loves you is offering to give, there’s nothing more beautiful. Nothing in this world. Let, him, love you, Leigh.”
I don’t answer. I can’t answer. I pull in a shaky breath to control my own tears so I don’t have a breakdown in the middle of a thrift store. I know she’s right. The past few months with Tony have been the best of my life when they should have been the worst for every reason under the sun. I’ve even allowed myself to catalogue glimpses of what life would be like with Tony. If I’m honest with myself, during those glimpses I’ve even realized I’ve been so in the moment with Tony, I completely forgot what my life was like five months ago.
“Don’t cry,” Gabby demands. She grins and says, “I’ve never had to deal with an ‘in love’ Tony Carpino, he might wrestle me to the ground and give me a noogie if I bring you home red faced from crying.”
I do my best to blink back my tears and grin, “A noogie?”
“Yeah, a noogie. He did it all the time when we were little, the jerk. Tony giving me a noogie will not make Jude happy and they’ve got that man love thing going, I don’t want Jude to kick his ass. The harmony of the Carpinos is a delicate thing, don’t mess it up by crying, okay?” she jokes, trying to lighten my mood.
I smile big this time, nodding and swallowing back the lump in my throat. I squeeze her hand to say, “Thank you, Gabby.” When she smiles back to me I add, “But just so you know, Tony could totally kick Jude’s ass.”
Gabby drops my hand instantly and rolls her eyes saying, “I don’t think so. My man carries a badge.”
