by Blythe Stone
Olivia leaned back into me. I felt her arm tuck around my waist.
“We’re engaged actually.” I couldn’t help but smile.
“Oh, wow!” The checker nearly scoffed. “Congratulations,” she said, her eyes shifting back to Olivia.
“Thanks.”
She was still checking Olivia out. My eyes narrowed as she totaled our purchase. I just had to remind myself that I was the one that Olivia loved and I shouldn’t let this girl get to me.
“Do you have an Instagram or a twitter?” Olivia asked. “I should follow you. Half the fun of watching PLL is the fan stuff. It’s addicting.”
I cleared my throat and just stood there, watching as Olivia payed for the food. It wasn’t like this girl was going to be a threat but I still felt that heat of anger rising. I hated that I got this way.
It didn’t help that Olivia was offering to extend their little talk into the social media realm.
“Here,” the checker smiled, writing something down on a spare bit of receipt paper.
There was someone else in line so we had to go anyway.
“It was nice meeting you Ryan,” Olivia said, noticing the nametag on the girl’s shirt.
“Likewise,” the girl smiled.
“Yeah, thanks Ryan.” I tried to smile.
I was just trying not to say anything else, trying not to be a bitch.
I pushed the basket toward the door, letting Olivia follow me out. We got to the car and I packed the groceries away. She handed me the bags and I took the basket back to the corral. When I got in the car I just started it up and put my sunglasses on, backing out.
She was messing with the radio and I was just trying to not hold on to this feeling.
Once the radio was set on Stone Cold by Demi Lovato, Olivia pulled her phone out of her pocket and, I saw her open up Instagram. That piece of paper kept tight between her fingers as she looked the girl up.
“She was totally checking you out,” I said, with a mix of smile and nerves.
“What?! She so was not. She was just being nice,” Olivia said. She flipped through the girl’s pictures and quickly followed her. “Plus, she was probably just bored,” Olivia added on.
“Uh huh.” I turned onto the main road. “Did you see her face when she realized we were together? She was so into you.”
I kept powerful emotion out of my voice, worried because I was just being dumb.
“How do you know she wasn’t into you?” Olivia teased, setting her phone down and leaning over to look at me. As soon as she did though her voice changed. “Baby?” She asked, taking stock of me. “Hey,” she said, her hand moving down onto my thigh as she stared. “That really bothered you?” She asked, realizing too late.
“No but yes. It didn’t bother me because I thought you were into her or anything crazy like that. It just made me a little pouty and jealous. When she kept it up after she knew we were together. She was sending sex eyes at you when you weren’t looking. It made me want to… It got me a little hot.”
“Avery,” she laughed, a bit of disbelief.
“I know. It was stupid.” I looked over at her and bit my bottom lip. “Sorry,” I pouted.
“No, that’s okay,” she said. “I’m sorry it bothered you…” She seemed sort of sobered by it though, maybe a little confused. I felt her lean further into me, her hand rubbing the inside of my thigh reassuringly as she kissed my arm and rest her head on me, being calm.
“Maybe Natalie was right. I’m probably your little knight but with some dark armor.” I bent my arm up and put my hand on her cheek. “I felt silly letting that get to me. I should expect it.”
I smiled into the soft sunlight. It was sinking down, getting into late afternoon and soon it would be setting. I was lucky; I would be with Olivia out in our perfect spring break spot, watching it.
“I just think it’s kind of interesting,” Olivia said. “I practically serenaded a violinist on a beautiful hill and it’s the girl at the checkout who makes you see red.”
I laughed, my eyes going wide. “Babe, the violinist wasn’t looking at you like that girl was. As soon as you started talking back to her about Shay Mitchell she perked right up. You really didn't notice it?”
She probably never noticed the looks she got or the attention she garnered. Olivia was the type to attribute some absurd meaning to these obvious things.
“We were talking about Shay Mitchell and Ingrid Nilsen. That’s like code for: hello, I’m kind of gay and so are you. It wasn’t flirting; it was like passing one of your own in the hall. Those looks weren’t even about me, they were about that.”
“And she wanted to pass you her number. I bet if you went back in there by yourself you’d get the full on flirt from her.”
“Okay,” Olivia groaned, pushing off of me and sitting up. “Do you want me to see? I’ll do it. Would that make you feel better?” She was serious.
“Babe. It’s not about that. It would be kind of interesting though. I’d hate it and love it at the same time because you’re so freaking attractive and you don’t even know it.”
“Okay, where is all this coming from?!” She asked. “I will do it. I will. It’s not what you think. I’m sure if I go back in there all she’ll say is how cute you were.”
It was tempting and maddening at the same time. I should just laugh this off and move on.
“Okay, turn around. Now I have to do it. It’ll bug me if I don’t.”
“Ah, okay.” I took the next turn into a parking lot and then got back out onto the road. We weren’t that far- maybe a quarter of a mile. I turned into the grocery store parking lot again and parked by the door but in a spot where the girl couldn’t see me out in the car if she looked out the window.
“Alright, go do your thing,” I said, trying to keep an even face.
We were both crazy and I loved it.
She got out and disappeared.
When she came back she seemed just as serious as she was when she got out of the car. She had a small paper bag and she got into the car and sat back.
“I told her you were jealous and that I couldn’t follow her Instagram,” she said.
She put her bag on the ground and pulled a basket of strawberries out, taking one out and biting into it.
“What? That was all you said?”
I was confused.
“At first I said nothing,” she explained. “The strawberries and whipped cream made her lift her eyebrows and she gave me a look.” She ate another strawberry, slow in her speech. “Then she asked where you were and if she’d pissed you off. And then I told her what I just told you.”
“Oh,” I said. “And what did she say after that?”
“She said she was sorry and that she didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. And I said you’d be fine.”
“Yep, I’m an ass.” I laughed and watched her eat another strawberry before I started up the car.
“Well, what was your analysis of this experience?”
“My analysis is that I should be more careful sometimes. I had no idea I was making you feel like that. I never would’ve asked for her Instagram if I knew. You basically thought I was hitting on her.”
“I didn’t think you were hitting on her at all. You don’t have to be careful. I never for a second thought that. She was attracted to you and I don’t blame her. It’s my possessiveness, I think.”
“Okay, I don’t even know what to say to you right now,” she confessed.
“You don’t have to say anything. I’m just sorry. I think I confused you. It was about me getting a little jealous that someone liked you. That’s all.”
I pulled her hand into my lap and squeezed it. “You’ll meet all sorts of people that think you’re attractive. I just have to handle it better. You know, not like a hoggish ass.”
“Hoggish ass?!” She looked at me like I was absurd. I felt her take her hand away and move the car seat back so she could lay down on her back and close her eyes.
I drew
my lips together in a firm line. “Okay, maybe that was a bit strong. I take it back.” I figured I deserved it. Now, I wasn’t sure if I should ask or leave her be but I was never good at the second thing.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, really,” she said. “I just don’t like the way you think of yourself sometimes. It upsets me so I try to shut it down or block it out.”
“Oh,” I said.
Negative thoughts tended to plague me and I hated that they affected her even more than they did me in some cases. I was just getting those feelings off my chest but they went right from hurting me to hurting her.
“It’s hard. Sometimes I have to find ways to get rid of those kinds of thoughts. I just didn’t like how I felt back there. I wished I would have been able to not feel that at all. I suppose that’s where it gets hard for me. Not letting those things call up those feelings about myself. This was easier though. I knew right away what was going on and I’m still a little disappointed that I couldn’t stop it from getting to me on some level but happy that I was okay enough to talk about it. If this was a few months ago I would have just been weird.”
“Baby,” she laughed. “You have no idea what it felt like for me with Skylar. I think I had to learn how to shut that stuff down right away. With you- I had to learn everything fast. There wasn’t really any margin for error.”
“No, I have no real concept of that feeling. That’s part of why I hated it for you. I know how you feel about me and walking into that? Keeping that secret for so long? I’m sad that you had to do that alone.”
I pulled her hand back into mine, hoping that she’d let me hold it. She didn’t fight me but she didn’t talk for what felt like forever.
“Just imagine if that girl back there was my closest friend and I saw her all the time. Imagine I knew her longer than I’ve known you. Imagine you thought she helped me but you also felt all those things you just felt. How would that make you feel? That’s the kind of jealousy I’d been feeling… Quietly. You and Skylar were always flirting, always making jokes about sexual things. I was there for all that. Don’t forget. I was there and I knew how she felt, how it made her feel to know she couldn’t have you. It was strange. But I’ve felt jealousy, so much… Just don’t think you’re alone, please.”
I didn’t want to imagine those things. They were triggers. Facing them was hard. To think of someone owning that much of Olivia. I was stupid if I didn’t think that someday she would have friends that maybe liked her like that or wanted to be that close to her.
I just had to figure out a healthy way to deal with it. Something better than getting too jealous over something that didn’t even matter.
“I know I’m not alone. That was a messed up situation for both of you. I just wish I’d known sooner but it’s the past and all. So, I guess I just have to think about how to repair that friendship and how much I love you.”
“Have you called or texted her at all?” Olivia wondered, surprising me. The way she said it implied that she’d been thinking about it and keeping it hidden.
“I tried. She didn’t really want to talk... At all. I told her I’d be here when she did want to but I’m not holding my breath. I think it’s going to take her awhile to get there and I don’t blame her. She apologized about a thousand times and I figured she’d text you and do the same.”
“Oh, she did. She left me messages,” Olivia explained. “I could barely listen to them. I knew how she’d sound but I still wasn’t prepared to hear someone that broken. I text her the morning after everything. I told her to stop beating herself up and I meant it. It’s dangerous to leave people alone when you know the bad things that they’ve done and the ways they could think about those things and hate themselves...”
“It is,” I agreed. “I wish I could help her more but I think I just make it worse. I’m glad that even though you two had every reason to be negative towards each other you’re the kind of people who can see past that to have empathy. I want to go check on her when we get back. I’m sure she’s making it sound better than she really feels. That’s Skylar though. She just shuts you down when it comes to her hurting.”
“Sounds like someone I know,” she said. “And I’m not saying you don’t have every right to be upset. I’m just saying this is the kind of stuff people kill themselves over. It sounds dramatic if I just say that but it’s why I can’t be mad.”
“I’m not upset at her anymore. I’m upset for her. I do check on her but you know how that goes over text message. All of this was a mess and there were a lot of variables. I don’t think she’s going to do anything to harm herself but I think I should call her later and make sure that she’s not in that kind of place.”
I was still driving but I wanted to look at her. It was the kind of conversation that I liked to make eye contact over.
“I know how easy it is to just not deal with it and push people away when things get intense but I hope that I’m getting away from that.”
“With me?” She asked.
“Especially with you. I always want you on the inside. Um, of my walls.”
“Your walls, huh?” She teased, a blush coming over her.
“Both the innuendo and the metaphor apply here,” I said, grinning.
“Just take me home please,” she said.
“Yes, almost there,” I smiled.
We were half a mile out and though our talk became serious it didn’t even come close to any of the disasters of discussion we’d had before. We were both hearing each other and I was staying somewhat rational. It was kind of a miracle.
None of that jealousy stayed with me. In the past it would have colored my feelings for hours. Now, I just felt love and her. I pulled into the driveway and got out, going to the trunk to start grabbing bags to take inside.
We toted the groceries in and worked around each other to put them away. As soon as I closed the fridge, signaling the end of our task, I pulled her to me.
“Now, kiss me before I perish.”
“I’m gonna have to put you in the fridge,” she joked, moving into me so my back hit the door and her body trapped mine.
“Now you can’t open the door so you’re going to have to work pretty hard to make that happen,” I said.
“Just shut up,” she smiled a threat, staring down at my lips and then kissing them. I felt her hand on my stomach, bunching the fabric of my shirt as she moved against me hungry for my physical attention.
I came right back at her, kissing her with everything. Each feeling that had built up since the moment we left the house.
She tried to control it, pushing me back and pulling on my shirt. I fought her for awhile before I surrendered. I delighted in her taking control.
“Are you going to start a major make-out session in the kitchen?”
“Fine,” she said, breaking away and pushing herself back and off of me.
She held her hands up in front of her and moved to walk backwards and signal her surrender.
“No you don't,” I pulled her back to me. “I wasn't complaining. Just contemplating all the surfaces we could test out.”
She took her hands down to the front hem of her shirt and pulled it up past her chin and her forehead, letting it slid back behind her neck The fabric fell slowly down her arms, behind her back. I watched her let the shirt intentionally bunch up about her wrists, fabric taut behind her as it helped to keep her ready and still.
A jolt went through my body. She was so sexy when she did these insane things. I didn't know what to do first but I just went into action anyway, picking her up and setting her on the island.
I reached around and tugged on her bound hands. It made me smile. She leaned toward me and I took her lips with mine, knowing how much we both felt.
She could push me over the edge with little effort.
The way she kissed when held was more tender yet full with fire. I could feel it all through her lips. Intensity. When she knew what she wanted, and she wanted to take, s
he was quite a force.
She sat where I placed her, body sitting still. She was waiting for me, waiting to see what I would do; Olivia’s way.
I rest my right hand on the inside of her knee, my left hand on the outside, sliding both hands slowly up her leg and her skin beneath her skirt- feeling her stiffen, fret, and then shatter at the touch of the sweet agony- my strong hands, taking her power, coming close to the place she could be most sensitive. The threat of what I could potentially do. Her hands tightened, instinctively tugging to stop mine and feel me. They were held back by her shirt. When I came close- her body fell into mine. She exhaled as my fingers stopped just short of touching her center.
“I haven’t even touched you and I’m already close,” I whispered. She let out a strained puff of air.
I moved my hands just a little closer. “Just the idea of it and- the look on your face is enough.”
Her breath hitched, eyes struggling to stay on mine instead of traveling my body like they so often did. Failing, her gaze slipped. She was a bit above me and I felt her looking down now, seeing my cleavage from her elevated space and openly hungering.
I reached down and pulled my shirt off, leaning back for a moment to get it over my body. I tossed it onto the counter and watched her eyes roam my skin.
“Thank you,” she said. Her eyes traveled over my skin systematically. I could feel her trying to piece me together for her memory.
“For taking off my shirt?” My eyebrows rose and I put my hands back under her skirt.
She nodded quickly, stiffening. Her breathing changed as she stared down at me.
“You’re welcome,” I said. She couldn’t do anything with her hands tied so I just let her look before I stood, slipping my hands farther up and putting my chest against her.
She whimpered at the contact, I could feel the goosebumps as they instantly littered her skin.
“Should I take my bra off?” I loved her like this.
“Yes please,” she quietly asked.
I reached around; loathe to take my hands off of her. Once I released the clasp I let the bra fall a little. I took it off, putting it ontop of my shirt. I smiled up at her before moving my hands over my breasts, squeezing and playing for her.
