by Linda Green
*
We decided to strike straight after breakfast, the theory being that, fed and watered and still in their dressing-gowns, the conditions for open warfare were less favourable. I wasn’t convinced but had decided to go along with it anyway.
‘Your mum and I have got some news,’ James began brightly. Maisie looked up from reading the smoothie carton for the seventy-third time. Ruby raised her head just enough for me to be able to see her eyes. It really should be me who told them, I thought.
‘We’re going to move to Grandma’s house,’ I blurted out. ‘You’re both going to be able to have your own bedroom and we’ll have a garden. Maybe we can even get a puppy next spring.’
The last bit hadn’t been planned. It had been prompted by the expression on Ruby’s face as I’d delivered the first part. James looked at me. I shrugged. Maisie exploded in delight, jumping up and down. ‘We’re going to get a puppy,’ she squealed. ‘We’re going to get a puppy.’
Ruby stared at me, her jaw set, a fierce darkness spreading over her eyes.
‘Which one’s going to be my bedroom?’ shrieked Maisie. ‘Will it be Grandma’s old room or the other one? Can I have unicorn wallpaper?’
Ruby stood up and pushed her chair back with her knees. The legs scraped noisily against the terracotta-tiled floor.
‘Are the fairy statues still there?’ continued Maisie. ‘Can I play with them? Can one of them be mine?’ She looked at each of us in turn, desperate for answers, as she jigged around the kitchen.
Ruby took two steps towards me. ‘I am not going,’ she shouted.
Maisie froze in shock and stared at her.
‘I am not going to live in that house. Whatever went on there, I don’t want anything to do with it. I told you I didn’t want to move and you haven’t listened. You don’t care about me. Everything’s about her,’ she yelled, jabbing her finger at Maisie. ‘Just because she’s your precious daughter and I’m some drunken mistake that you’d rather pretend hadn’t happened.’
Maisie burst into tears.
‘Ruby,’ said James, sharply.
‘Don’t Ruby me! You’re not my dad. I don’t even know who my dad is, thanks to her.’ Her finger pointed to me now. ‘This whole family’s a mess and I’m not going anywhere with you.’
I stepped towards her but it was too late: she rushed past me in a seething mass of hair and tears, slamming the kitchen door behind her.
‘I’ll go,’ said James.
‘No. Let her calm down first,’ I said,
‘Why is Ruby mad at me?’ asked Maisie, running over and burying her head against James. ‘Why is she mad at you? I wish you were her daddy. She wouldn’t be like this if you were her daddy.’
I slumped on to the kitchen floor and started to cry.
23 June 1944
Dear Betty,
I don’t regret what happened today for a moment and I hope you don’t either. I’m in love with you and that’s what two people do when they’re in love.
I can still feel your body against mine, feel how soft and warm it was. I told you I’d be gentle and that it wouldn’t hurt. I know you were frightened and I understand it’s a big deal for a girl but, Betty, you were wonderful. I can’t stop thinking about how special it felt to be inside you. I love you more than ever – and I didn’t think that was possible. Whatever happens in the future, no one can ever take that away from us. Some of the boys lost their lives before they’d got to make love to their sweethearts but now that can’t happen to us. And you know what, Betty? There’s no way they’re going to get me now.
We’re over the worst, we have to be. So many more planes are coming back. When I think of all the boys we lost last year, it feels completely different when we go out now. We are starting to expect to come back instead of expecting to die.
I know I always rib Freddie that Goose have lost more planes than Thunderbird, but even the Goose guys are starting to look like they believe they might make it through. And when it’s all over, Betty, I’m going to take you home to Winnipeg and my family are going to fall in love with you too. You’re my girl forever now Betty, and don’t you go forgetting it.
Yours always,
William
14
I looked at the text on my phone, which said, The girls would like to see you this half-term. Two months ago, I couldn’t have foreseen a situation where I’d need to send it, let alone be worried that Mum might not respond. There again, two months ago I wouldn’t have believed I’d be scouring the internet for jobs, getting the house ready for an estate agent’s visit and praying my elder daughter would decide to speak to me at some point. Usually, half-term came as a welcome break. Not so this time.
I pressed the send button. I waited a minute or so. I was not expecting a reply but the silence still shocked me. She loved the girls. I had no doubt of that. And punishing them like this must be incredibly hard for her. The idea that her contempt for me was greater than her love for them was difficult for me to comprehend.
I put the phone back into the pocket of my hoodie. When it rang a few seconds later I physically jumped, like people do in cartoons. I grabbed it but, as I did so, I saw that it wasn’t Mum. It was DI Freeman.
‘Hello,’ I said, trying not to sound disappointed.
‘Hello, Miss Hallstead, I wanted to let you know before we release anything to the media that the case review has concluded that, as we can’t ascertain whether a crime was committed and the potential suspects are deceased, there is no realistic prospect of us securing a conviction. We have therefore decided to close the investigation.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘I was going to ring you later. I’ve discovered that the house belonged to my grandma’s great-aunt, who left it to her in her will. I wasn’t sure if that would make any difference to you.’
‘I’m afraid not. And obviously as she’s also deceased there really is nothing more we can do.’
It was everything I hadn’t wanted to hear. There would be no answers. Not from the police, anyway. I wondered whether to tell him about Grandad and the baby bird but thought better of it. ‘But what are people going to think?’
‘As I said to you before, Miss Hallstead, it really isn’t any of my business.’
‘I think my grandad may have had something to do with it,’ I blurted out.
‘That’s quite possible, but without him or your grandmother being around, and with no conclusive forensics and no witnesses, there’s really nothing more we can do.’
‘What will you be telling the media?’
‘Exactly what I’ve told you. We’ll be making clear that as there is no way of proving if a crime took place there is nothing further we can do.’
‘You won’t tell them the babies were illegitimate, will you?’
‘No. All we’ll say is that we have been able to confirm that the babies were born to your grandmother.’
I sighed. Everyone would still think she’d killed them, I knew that. But I also knew there was no point in arguing any further. ‘What will happen to the bones?’
‘They will be given back to you in due course, so you can make arrangements for a proper burial.’
‘Right.’
‘We’ll be in touch to arrange that but, in the meantime, I can only thank you for reporting the matter to us and for your cooperation with the inquiry.’
And that was it. I managed to say thank you and goodbye before putting the phone down and sitting there in silence. Grandma had left this with me. I believed she wanted me to know what had happened, which was why I’d gone to the police in the first place. But now I was going to have to try to find out on my own.
I stood up and walked towards the kitchen window, gazing out at the grey skies above. Mum had certainly been right about one thing: reporting this had, so far, only made things worse for our family. And now I had been left to
clear up the mess I had created. I should tell Mum before she heard it on the news. Maybe then she might change her mind about speaking to me. After all, the police weren’t involved any more. If she had something to say, she could say it to me. I still suspected she must know more than she was letting on. She wouldn’t have reacted like she had otherwise. Maybe it was actually Grandad she was protecting. She’d always been closer to him than Grandma. Perhaps she knew he’d killed the babies and had been worried the police would find out.
I picked up the phone and texted, The police are closing the case. They can’t prove whether the babies were stillborn or died shortly after birth. If you know what happened, please tell me. I know the babies weren’t Grandad’s. I sent it to Mum and waited. Again, nothing. I pressed the call button, determined to get some kind of response from her. She let it ring until it went to voice mail. It was a moment or two before I could compose myself enough to speak.
‘Mum, I know you’re there. Please talk to me. The police aren’t involved any more but I still want answers. I need to know what happened. I need the truth.’
I sat and looked at the phone for a good five minutes, willing it to ring, before I put it back in my pocket and went downstairs.
I decided to tell Maisie first, mainly because she was the only other female member of my family who was on speaking terms with me.
She was in the living room playing with the flying fairy doll she’d got for her birthday, one of the rare things that had held her attention far beyond the usual two weeks. She’d got quite good at it, using her hand underneath to control it and bring it down a little when it looked like hitting the ceiling.
‘Hi, love. Fairy Faye’s very good at flying now, isn’t she?’
‘Yes. She does it all by herself. She doesn’t need me at all.’
I wasn’t sure that her lack of grasp on reality boded well for what I was about to tell her. ‘You know I told you about the police finding the other bones in Great-grandma’s garden?’
‘Yes,’ she said, still not taking her eyes off the fairy.
‘Well, they’ve finished their investigation and they don’t need to do any more digging.’
‘Will I get my fairy bone back?’ she asked, letting Faye fall to the floor and turning to look at me.
‘Well, they’re going to give us all the bones back but we have to bury them again. In a proper grave, like the one Great-grandma is in.’
She looked crestfallen. I hoped there wouldn’t be more tears.
‘We’ll bury them next to Great-grandma and we can visit them.’
Maisie nodded solemnly. She picked up the fairy again and placed it on its stand. ‘Whose bones are they?’ she asked.
I hesitated, unsure how near the truth I should go. ‘We think that, a long time ago, Grandma had two babies and they didn’t survive so she buried them at the bottom of the garden.’
‘Is she in trouble for doing that?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘The police had to investigate but they aren’t cross with her. We’ll bury the bones and then we can all move on.’
‘And then can we move to Great-grandma’s house?’
‘We’ve got to sell ours first,’ I said. ‘That’s why the man I told you about is coming this morning to take the photos.’
‘But then we can move?’
‘Yes, hopefully.’
‘And when will we get the puppy?’
‘Let’s wait and see,’ I said. ‘One thing at a time.’
I left her playing with the fairy and went upstairs to the girls’ bedroom. I knew better than to go in without knocking. I also knew I was liable to get no reply from Ruby. After my second knock, a muffled ‘What?’ came from within.
‘Can I come in?’ I asked. ‘I’ve got something to tell you about the police investigation.’
My calculation paid off that curiosity would get the better of her, and I got a grunted permission to enter. She was lying on her bed, reading. I smiled at her and shut the door behind me. ‘The police have said they can’t prove if the babies were stillborn or if they died shortly after birth, so that’s the end of it. They’re closing the investigation and they’re going to give us the bones back.’
‘So they don’t think Great-grandma did it?’
‘They can’t say for certain but the fact that they’re closing the investigation means they can’t prove it.’
‘Were they Great-grandma’s babies?’
‘Yes, love. They were.’
‘That’s so sad.’
‘I know.’
‘But everyone’s still saying she was a murderer.’
‘I’m sorry. I know it’s been horrible for you but the police are going to put out a statement today saying there is no evidence that any crime took place so I hope that’ll put a stop to it.’
‘It doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, though, does it?’
I walked over and sat down on the end of her bed. ‘We don’t know what happened, love, and we might never get to the bottom of it, but I don’t think for a moment that Great-grandma would have been capable of killing her babies, do you?’
Ruby shook her head slowly. I didn’t want to complicate matters by mentioning her great-grandad when she’d never even known him. And I didn’t really want to tell her they weren’t his babies either. She’d had enough to deal with, without me adding to it unnecessarily.
‘Well, then, that’s all that matters.’
Ruby stared out of the bedroom window. ‘What are they doing with the bones?’
‘We’re going to get them back to bury properly.’
‘I don’t want to be involved in that.’
‘That’s fine.’
‘And are we still moving to her house?’
I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘We haven’t really got any option – financially, I mean.’
‘Why can’t you get another job?’
‘I’m trying. There are no TA jobs available right now and I haven’t got experience of doing anything else. It’s tough out there at the moment, especially without a degree.’
Ruby looked down at her feet. I immediately wished I hadn’t said that.
‘I ruined everything for you, didn’t I?’
‘No,’ I replied. ‘I’ve never for a moment regretted having you, so don’t start blaming yourself.’
‘You’re only saying that to make me feel better.’
‘No,’ I replied. ‘I’m saying it because it’s true.’
*
The estate agent arrived fifteen minutes early. I usually took an instant dislike to people who arrived early but, as he was kind enough to say the house looked very tidy when I apologised for the mess, I decided to make an exception.
‘Are you the man who is going to sell our house?’ asked Maisie, who was still wholeheartedly behind the idea.
‘I am indeed,’ he replied. ‘Would you like to give me a tour? I’m going to take photographs in each room as we go.’
‘OK,’ she said. ‘But you can’t take a photo of my sister Ruby because she’ll get really mad and she doesn’t want to move anyway.’
The estate agent looked at me.
‘Teenagers, eh?’ I said, with a forced smile.
It was only when I thanked him as he left and he told me our house would be on Rightmove by the next day that it hit me. This was really happening, whether Ruby liked it or not. If we were lucky and it sold quickly, we’d be in Grandma’s house in a matter of months. New beginnings and all that. Maybe everything would work out. Maybe the worst was behind us and we could all start to move on.
‘Can we go and see Great-grandma’s house tomorrow?’ asked Maisie, when I’d shut the door. ‘I want to go and play with the fairies and choose what bedroom I’m going to have, and then I want to dress up as a witch and go trick-or-treating w
ith Emily.’
Ruby wouldn’t want to go but we had to start making the plan a reality, and the sooner everyone got used to the idea, the better. ‘We’ll go after we get your hair cut. And then we’ll come back and turn you into the Wicked Witch of the West.’
*
That night I watched the local news on TV. The same reporter was standing outside Grandma’s house. The tone had changed, though. It was being portrayed as a sad story, rather than a breaking crime story. ‘Police have announced they are closing the investigation into the discovery of bones belonging to two babies that were found at the home of a ninety-year-old woman who died earlier this month.
‘Detectives confirmed that DNA tests have revealed the babies were born to Betty Pilling more than fifty years ago, but as there is no evidence a crime was committed, the bones will be returned to her family to allow for a lawful burial.’
They went back to the studio. A report about an open-air performance of Macbeth being staged for Halloween came on. That was it. The babies were old news. If people did believe Grandma killed them, this probably wouldn’t have changed their minds. Maybe they would forget about it in time. We wouldn’t, though. We had to live with it. And the idea that her reputation had been tarnished forever rankled with me. The police might have been willing to let it lie but I wasn’t. I would get to the truth and somehow I would find a way to clear her name.
*
Maisie always wanted to go first at the hairdresser’s. She sat in the chair, her feet swinging a few inches from the floor, and smiled at herself in the mirror. I could only imagine what it must be like to have the self-confidence to do that.
‘Just a trim as usual, please,’ I said to Gina, the hairdresser.
‘Right you are,’ she replied. ‘Let’s get these ends tidied up for you, Maisie. I don’t know what your mummy’s feeding you but it’s certainly making your hair grow.’
Maisie giggled, then sat perfectly still as Gina snipped. Her hair looked no different by the time Gina had finished but she still admired it in the mirror as if it was a completely new look. ‘Very nice, thank you,’ she said to Gina, who smiled at me.
