by Linda Green
‘Right, Ruby,’ Gina said, as she put the gown on her, ‘same for you, is it?’
‘I want it cut short, please,’ Ruby replied.
Gina turned to me. I shrugged – it had come as a surprise to me, too. But after all the things we’d argued about lately, the last thing I wanted was a fight with Ruby about the length of her hair.
‘Oooh, feel like a change, do you? How about a nice long bob? Just touching your shoulders. Once you’re used to it that length, you can go shorter next time.’
Ruby nodded. ‘OK.’
Gina turned to me. ‘That sounds great,’ I said. ‘We’ll let you do your magic.’
Ruby didn’t watch as Gina started cutting. She’d brought a book with her and sat there holding it high enough that she could keep her head up while avoiding her reflection in the mirror.
She didn’t need to see it as Maisie kept up a running commentary of how much was being cut off. When Gina had finished and Ruby put the book down to look at herself, she couldn’t hide how pleased she was with the result.
‘Wow,’ said Gina, ‘don’t you look grown-up!’
She did too. It scared me, but I smiled at her in the mirror. ‘Thanks, Gina,’ I said. ‘She certainly does.’
‘I’m going to have mine cut short next time,’ said Maisie, as we walked back to the car. I glanced at Ruby. We both knew she wouldn’t.
‘What made you want to do that?’ I asked Ruby.
‘I didn’t want to look like me any more,’ she said.
*
Ruby sat silently in the back of the car on the way to Pecket Well. Her two best friends had gone away for half-term with their families, so she hadn’t been able to come up with any suggestions as to where she might go instead of accompanying us. She was making no effort, though, to pretend she was a willing participant.
Fortunately, I could always rely on Maisie to compensate for any silence. Knowing she would get nothing out of Ruby, she’d brought her flying fairy with her and was busy explaining to her that she was going to meet some other fairies. I could see Ruby’s eyes rolling in the rear-view mirror. My plan was to be as quick as possible at the house, get the heater on for a bit, collect a few bags and boxes I wanted to sort through at home, then head back.
When I got out of the car the sun was breaking through the clouds. It was so true that everything looked better when it was out. The house didn’t seem anywhere near as forbidding. We could paint the door white, which would help to brighten up the dark stone. Maybe put up a couple of hanging baskets. A welcome mat – the girls could choose that. And James had already said he’d put in central heating and a new bathroom before we moved in. We could make it nice. We could make it feel like home. There was no reason we couldn’t make it work.
I led the way down the side entrance. Maisie ran straight to the fairy statues. ‘They’ve moved them, Mummy,’ she said.
‘Yes, I know. Just a little. We can move them back to how they were.’
‘Now?’
‘No. I’ve got to sort some bits out inside. We’ll do it another time.’
‘Look, Faye,’ Maisie said, holding her doll out towards the statues, ‘these are your new friends. You’re going to come and live with them.’
I could sense that Ruby was liable to explode at any moment. ‘Come and give me a hand inside,’ I said quietly.
She followed me into the kitchen, turning her nose up. ‘It smells in here,’ she said.
‘The whole house needs a good clean and a proper airing. But we’ll get it nice, don’t worry. We need to pop the heaters on while we’re here. I don’t want it getting damp. Can you go upstairs and do the one in Great-grandma’s old bedroom for me?’
Ruby hesitated. I knew she wouldn’t fancy going in there but it might help her to move on. She shrugged and walked slowly up the stairs. I went through and flicked the heater on in the front room next to Grandma’s bed. Even being in there seemed easier today. I got the sense that Grandma was happy we’d be moving in: it was what she’d wanted.
‘We’re going to bury your babies,’ I whispered. ‘We’re going to bring them next to you, where you can look after them.’ I ran my fingers over the bedspread. If I could only find the answers, fill in the final gaps, then maybe I would be ready to move on too.
I went upstairs. Ruby was still standing in the doorway of Grandma’s bedroom, seemingly afraid to enter. I put my hand on her shoulder.
‘I still imagine her being here too,’ I said.
Ruby was biting her bottom lip. ‘It’s so sad about her babies,’ she said. ‘She must have loved them so much she couldn’t bear to part with them.’
I folded my arms around her as she started to cry. To my surprise, she didn’t push me away.
‘Come on,’ I said, after a minute or two. ‘Why don’t you come and choose your bedroom?’
‘Won’t Maisie want to choose first?’
‘The oldest gets first choice,’ I said. ‘Besides, Maisie will be happy with either of them.’
We walked through to Mum’s old bedroom. It was the biggest and looked over the garden at the back. Ruby shook her head. ‘No,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t feel right. I think I’d like the little one.’
‘Are you sure?’
She nodded. We were on our way to have a look at it when Maisie hollered up the stairs: ‘Mummy, Faye’s flown over the wall into next door’s garden.’
I groaned. ‘I did tell you to be careful with that fairy.’
‘Can I go and get her?’
‘Not on your own. You can’t just go running into someone’s garden. Let me come with you. We’ll have to ask Andrea first.’
I hurried downstairs and pulled my boots on.
‘You can stay here, if you like,’ I said to Ruby, but she put her shoes on too and we went across to Andrea’s. There was a beautifully carved Halloween pumpkin outside her front door.
‘Why doesn’t ours look like that?’ asked Maisie.
‘Probably because Andrea’s got more patience than me.’
Maisie reached up and rang the doorbell. I guessed Andrea would be off work because her two kids would be on half-term too. I heard footsteps coming towards the door.
‘Hi,’ she said, when she opened it. She looked a bit unsure. She would have seen the piece on the news last night too and be glad it was all over, but I wondered if she still had her suspicions about Grandma.
‘Please can I get my flying fairy back? It’s flown into your garden,’ said Maisie.
Andrea smiled. ‘Of course you can. I wish I’d had a flying fairy when I was your age. I don’t even get to play with one now. It’s only footballs that fly around in our garden. Go through and give me a shout if you can’t find it.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. Maisie ran off. ‘I’d better go with her,’ I said. ‘I don’t want her trampling all over your garden.’
‘Oh, there’s nothing to spoil,’ she said. ‘Not at this time of year.’
Ruby and I headed down the side into the garden. I couldn’t see Maisie at first. There was a tree and a shed at the bottom of the garden. She must be behind them, looking for the fairy. I hurried down after her. It was only as I got to the edge of the shed that I saw her clutching her doll and staring at the fairy statue in the corner. It was aged by the weather and had moss growing down one side.
‘Look, Mummy,’ she said. ‘They’ve got one exactly the same as Great-grandma’s.’
My punishment came every week, same time, same place. It was like an appointment with hell in my own home. And the days in between I spent hating myself for what I’d let him do to me and dreading his arrival the following week. My life as I knew it stopped. I didn’t smile or laugh or sing any more. I occupied this cold, hard place and the cold, hard place occupied me. People thought it was my hormones. Said I’d become a mardy teenager. Always sullen an
d down in the mouth. Mum said that if I didn’t cheer up soon, my face would be stuck like that forever. She didn’t know, you see. I could hardly talk to her about it. She’d believe him, I knew she would. And it would break her heart to hear the things he’d say about me. So, I had to grin and bear it. Well, grimace and bear it, in my case.
I tried to tell myself that at least things couldn’t get any worse. Until the Tuesday morning I woke up feeling sick and realised I hadn’t been in hell at all, just standing in the waiting room above, about to fall through the trapdoor into it. I knew straight away. I’d missed my period, and although I’d tried to block it out and pretend to myself that it was the strain, I think I already knew.
I ran to the bathroom and retched over the toilet. I wanted to be sick. I wanted to get rid not only of the contents of my stomach but also the tiny baby inside me. He had put it there. I wanted nothing to do with it, and the idea that it was growing inside me, that part of him was growing inside me, made me want to vomit.
I couldn’t bring anything up, though. I tried, but nothing came out. It was like even that was stuck in some horrible cesspit inside me. I felt dirty and wretched. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell anyone. I wanted to make it go away but I had no idea how you went about getting rid of a baby. Mum was on first-name terms with our doctor and I didn’t know who else I could go to. I hoped I would lose it. I knew that happened sometimes. I wished I knew how you could make it happen because that was what I wanted more than anything else in the world. I wanted it out of my body.
By the time he was due to arrive later that day, I was in such a state. I was sure I was going to throw up all over him. I was worried he’d be able to tell. That although the baby was only tiny, he might somehow feel it inside me. I had no idea how he would react if he knew. Maybe he wouldn’t want to do this to me any more. Maybe telling him would be the best way to get him to leave me alone. But if I told him, he might tell my mum. It would be all around the village by the following day and I couldn’t bear that. Couldn’t face people pointing and whispering, knowing I had let him do dirty things to me.
I had my back to the door when I heard him come in. My skin crawled as I smelt his now familiar sour sweat and cologne.
‘Looks like I’ve got you well-trained,’ he said, seeing the cup of tea on the kitchen table. I was simply trying to cut down the amount of time he spent in the house. To get it over with as quickly as possible.
I watched as he drank it and moved towards the stairs the second he put the mug down. When we got to my bedroom the curtains were already drawn. He pushed me back onto the bed and held my arms down. I turned my head to one side and shut my eyes. I winced as I felt him enter me. Usually, I wished he wouldn’t be so rough but today it occurred to me that it might be a good thing. That he might do it so hard I’d lose the baby. So that is what I thought as I lay there. Over and over again in my head, I said to myself, Please, please, hurt me so badly that I lose your baby.
15
I stared at the statue, ice slithering slowly down my spine, the chill radiating through my whole body. The statue wasn’t exactly the same but it was similar: a fairy asleep on a toadstool that stood on a square plinth, on which I could see some cursive writing. I squatted down to read it.
‘What does it say, Mummy?’ asked Maisie. ‘I couldn’t read the funny writing.’
‘It says, “Tread quietly, so as not to awaken the faerie.”’ My voice caught at the end. I saw Ruby look at me, an uneasy expression on her face.
‘Maybe Great-grandma gave it to Andrea because Andrea likes fairies,’ said Maisie. ‘She said she wished she’d had one like mine.’
I smiled and nodded at her. ‘Tell you what,’ I said, taking hold of her hand, ‘you and Ruby pop back to Great-grandma’s garden for a minute to see the other fairies. I’ll just knock and say thank you to Andrea.’
Ruby gave me a look. I raised my eyebrows at her, acknowledging her concern but letting her know I couldn’t say anything in front of Maisie. She followed her younger sister back to Grandma’s garden.
I stood on Andrea’s front step. Maybe I was being paranoid. Not every fairy statue in the country would have a baby buried under it but it was too much of a coincidence not to say anything. I gave the knocker a little tap – the bell seemed far too jovial on this occasion.
Andrea opened the door, ‘Did she find it?’ she asked.
‘Yes, thanks,’ I replied. I wanted to leave it at that, especially after all the grief we had been through. The easiest thing in the world would have been to say nothing and walk away. But I knew it would eat away at me forever if I did that.
‘The, er, fairy statue in your garden, was it here when you moved in?’
‘Yes,’ said Andrea, frowning slightly. ‘We didn’t bother getting rid of it as it’s tucked away there. Paul doesn’t like it, says it’s only one step removed from a gnome, but I don’t mind it.’
‘The thing is,’ I said, ‘there are two similar ones in Grandma’s garden.’
‘Do you want ours? You’re very welcome if your little girl’s taken a shine to it.’
‘No,’ I said, shuffling my feet, ‘it’s not that. It’s that the bones which were found in my grandma’s garden, they were buried under the fairy statues.’
I watched the colour drain from Andrea’s face. ‘You don’t think . . .’
‘I don’t know what to think any more. It just seems a bit of a coincidence. Have you any idea how long it’s been there?’
‘No,’ said Andrea. ‘I think the people before us said they’d inherited it from the previous owners. I remember them pointing it out when they showed us around.’
I steeled myself to continue. ‘Well, you probably saw what they said on the news last night.’
‘I could hardly miss it,’ she said. ‘They filmed it outside our house.’
‘I know, and I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to put up with these last few weeks. But I still want to get to the bottom of this, even though the police can’t take it any further. And now I’ve seen your statue, I can’t help wondering if it had something to do with it too. And maybe it might help us get some answers.’
Andrea stood there wringing her hands. I knew she didn’t want to hear this. It had been a matter of days since the police had left and now I wanted to start it all up again.
‘You think I should call the police?’ she asked.
‘I can do it for you. I’ve got the number of the detective in charge. They have one of these special scanner things. They won’t even have to dig anything up if there’s nothing under there.’
‘I should probably check with Paul first,’ she said.
‘Yes, of course. I’ll wait here.’
Andrea went back into her kitchen. I heard her voice on the phone, fast and low. I supposed her kids must be upstairs. Two boys, in the years above and below Ruby at school. It would be worse for them, if they did find anything. At least I’d been able to prevent Maisie and Ruby from seeing anything. They’d have the police digging up their own garden. Be able to see the white tent from the bedroom at night. It would probably give them nightmares.
Andrea returned a few minutes later. ‘OK,’ she said, her voice still sounding shaky. ‘The police won’t come straight away, will they? Only I need to explain what’s happened to the boys.’
‘Of course,’ I said. ‘I’ll take my two home first and ring the police from there. Unless you’d like me to stay with you?’
‘No, I’ll be fine,’ said Andrea. She didn’t look fine. Not fine at all.
‘I really do appreciate it,’ I said. ‘And I’m so sorry to do this to you after everything that’s happened next door. I just felt I should tell you.’
‘That’s OK,’ said Andrea. ‘It’ll probably be nothing anyway. Maybe Betty gave one as a present to whoever used to live here years ago. It’s the sort of thing she would
have done.’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I’m sure you’re right. I expect I’m being a bit paranoid after everything that’s happened.’
Andrea said goodbye and shut the door. I stood on the step for a moment, hating myself for doing this to her and wondering what I’d started this time. Because the truth was, I didn’t think I was being paranoid at all. I thought the whole thing was about to get far, far worse.
*
Ruby waited until Maisie was watching TV at home before coming up to me in the kitchen. I still hadn’t got used to her haircut – it was like I had a new daughter.
‘Do you think there are bones under that statue too?’ she asked.
I sighed and put down my mug of tea. ‘I don’t know, but I’ve called the police to tell them about it. That’s what I was talking to Andrea about.’
‘Are they going to dig up Andrea’s garden?’
‘Maybe. That’s up to them.’
‘But if the other babies were Great-grandma’s, how come this one is buried next door?’ Ruby looked as troubled as I felt.
‘None of it makes sense to me, either,’ I said. ‘I guess we’ve got to let the police get on with their job and hope they come up with some answers. Thanks for not saying anything in front of Maisie.’
I went to give Ruby a hug but she stepped away. ‘There’s something wrong with this family,’ she said. ‘No one else has stuff like this going on.’
‘I’m sure there’s a perfectly innocent explanation.’
‘Even if she didn’t kill them, she still buried babies in back gardens. It’s so creepy. There is no way I’m going to move there. She may have wanted me to have the house but I never want to set foot in that place again.’ She walked out of the kitchen. The inevitable heavy footsteps on the stairs and the slamming of the bedroom door followed. It turned out I didn’t have a new daughter at all. Simply one who’d had a haircut.
Maisie came into the kitchen. ‘I don’t ever want to be a teenager,’ she said. ‘Not if it makes me as grumpy as Ruby.’
