A Perfect Dilemma

by Zoe Dawson

  Just like my ma had been ruined by my daddy, and abandoned to face the accusations and the insults alone and unprepared.

  River Pearl gazed at me, her eyes as dark as midnight, as uncertain as a child’s. In spite of her age and globetrotting career, there was an aura of innocence surrounding her. And I didn’t want to be careless with it. She had no idea what it was to be an Outlaw. She had always been cocooned in her perfect little world.

  That was my problem, wrapped around how my ma was treated and the way my daddy had deserted us. The legacy of my family name made me unworthy. But I was so damned tired of being without…her.

  “I’m so tired of fighting…myself.”

  “I understand,” she said, wrapping her arms around my neck and holding me tight against her. “I saw it every time you looked at me. For years you fought against us. I know why. You somehow believe you’re not good enough for me.”

  I closed my eyes, the burning pressure behind my eyelids overwhelming, my throat tight. But could I open this locked door…as she’d said, just a little? She uncoiled her arms from my neck, and trailed her hand down my chest to my waist. She pushed my briefs off, releasing my pulsating dick.

  She wrapped her hand around it, ran her thumb over the top, and while I was still absorbing that eye-crossing pleasure, she ran her whole hand down the length of me and back up.

  Fuck. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, rubbed my lips over the silky, gloriously tangled mess of her hair, and let myself soak in the intense sweetness of having her stroke me. It was so perfect, exactly what I’d dreamed over the last week, when I’d been lonely for her, wanting her, exactly like this, turning me on, sharing an experience having more to do with living than the resistance I had valiantly and stupidly thought was best.

  “That’s not it,” I said concisely. “It’s all messed up in my head, but I know I’m just as good as anyone else.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  Geezus, I was so freaking whacked. I was sliding off the deep end into nowhere, and if I let go of her, something terrible was going to happen. I didn’t know what. But it would be terrible—which was completely fucking irrational, which meant maybe it was already too late for me.

  “I longed for you, longed to have you touch me like you’re touching me now. For years, River.” My voice broke. “I just wanted to breathe without it hurting.”

  “Oh, Braxton, I felt the same way.”

  I felt like I was spilling my guts, confessing things guaranteed to make me look a whole lot less of the cool womanizer and skirt-chaser I was afraid she saw still.

  “Those other women never meant anything to me.”

  “Shh, sugar, just hush up. I know. I think I’ve always known.”

  While she ran her hand over my dick, she kissed my chest, then my abdomen, licking and sucking each ridge. I twisted under the hot feel of her mouth.

  I braced my hands on the countertop, groaning when her tongue slid across me, the first intimate touch tightening my hands. I’d never been so miserable or felt such pleasure, but I wanted this, needed her to dissolve all my doubts with her hot, sweet mouth.

  I groaned again, my head dropping toward my chest, my hips thrusting as she worked her tongue in a sensual exploration of my anatomy like nothing I’d ever experienced. I watched her move over me, unraveling me even more, all but turning me inside out with the pleasure.

  She stroked me with infinite finesse, infinite tenderness. The pleasure was achingly sweet and intensely keen. She left no part of me untouched, unloved by her lips, and her tongue, and her hands and fingers, exploring, applying pressure, rubbing me in exquisite, surprising moves I hadn’t even known I would love. I tunneled the fingers of one hand into her hair as she rocked against me and rocked my world until it was tilting.

  I let another barrier fall away, opened myself up a little more, wanting to take her in, to get closer to her heat.

  When it got to be almost more than I could handle, when I needed to be in her, I pulled her up. Sliding my mouth down over hers, I proceeded to drown myself in the taste of her, sealing my lips over hers and sucking her tongue into my mouth in waves of sensation.

  I toed out of my shoes and kicked off the tux pants and my underwear. Grasping the hem of her sexy dress, I pulled it off over her head. Fuck! I groaned at the sight of the lacy, barely-there bra and please-untie-me-right-this-second panties. I worked my fingers under the clasp of the lace bra, urging her arms over her head, palming her breasts, rubbing against the hard points of her nipples. She made a needy noise. Then the bra was off and my mouth replaced my hands, sucking a hot tip and drawing on her greedily.

  The ties of her panties surrendered after a couple of quick tugs. She took a deep, shaky breath the bit of nothing slipped down her legs. I grasped her waist and lifted her onto the counter, driven by a surge of raw need. “Scoot back,” I said, helping her move a bit so she was securely seated.

  My hand went between her legs to tease her, please her—and please myself—while we kissed and sighed and kissed some more.

  All women were soft, but kissing River, touching her, was unlike anything I’d ever experienced, ever felt, and I knew it was because I was in lo…no, no, I couldn’t think it. Even though she had gotten me to consider the possibility we might have a future. Maybe I could let go of my vow and open the door and deal with what was behind it. With her I could do it.

  Only with her.

  She remade me, opened me, everything I had been afraid would happen. I’d been afraid I would need her more than oxygen, more than family, more than anything.

  She expanded me beyond myself.

  I went as slowly as I could, which wasn’t very damn slow since I wanted to be inside her, as deeply as I could get, for as long as I could be there. She was sweet and tight. I had a big dick, but it only made the friction more incredible.

  I dragged her hips against me and slipped in deeper. “River,” I said, kissing her mouth, tasting her breath, as ragged as mine. I supported her while I thrust into her in an uncontrollable rhythm she matched effortlessly.

  “Brax, oh God. Oh, sugar.”

  I gasped when pleasure like a kick to my gut rolled over me, and I gripped the countertop hard with one hand as an anchor for my wildly spinning equilibrium. The cleanest thing I’d felt for days washed through me, and I let myself fall, just fall, off the edge of the earth.

  She moved her hips and I kept falling. I sealed my mouth back over hers, sucking on her tongue again, matching it to the rhythm of our bodies, letting myself sink into the act, letting myself be consumed by the heat and power surging through me, letting her burn my heart—until there was only her, coming with a keening cry, holding me, her body tightening around mine and taking me with her.

  The pleasure was intense, soul-shattering, almost more than I could bear. It stripped me down to my core, and in the aftermath, when it faded and left me naked and unprotected in her arms, there was nothing I could do. No way for me to push the feelings back behind the now partially open door.

  She had me. Exactly the way I knew it would happen. It was why I’d fought myself. This had started out to be something temporary, but I should have realized there wasn’t anything temporary about River Pearl.

  #

  Braxton

  Luckily, I hadn’t returned River Pearl’s overnight bag, probably hoping in some primitive guy way if I didn’t she’d come back to claim it. We were sitting on my couch and she was in shorts and a tank top, me in jeans and bare-chested.

  “You know I’m never going to be able to cook in there again without getting a hard-on.”

  She giggled and I smiled and sighed into even greater relaxation, settling my arm around her shoulders. This felt so natural. More natural than I could have imagined. A taste of what we could have. My gut twisted thinking about it, because here in my house we were cocooned and isolated from my reputation and her status.

  “The night you got knifed. Jake was there. Wasn’t he?” she sai
d in a subdued voice, her fingers caressing my forearm.

  I took a breath. I had kept this quiet forever. Even when my angry ma and my brothers had tried to get it out of me, I didn’t talk. My ma had even cried, she was so upset and so scared for me. My connection to Jake was too strong. It was best to leave it in the past. I didn’t want River to think badly of her brother, because Jake didn’t deserve to be blamed. “I told you it was—”

  “Too dark, right, that’s what you said.” She was quiet for a moment, the atmosphere swelling with anticipation. My gut sank.

  “I know he was there,” she said in a rush. “He told me when I asked him point-blank. You were protecting him. Weren’t you? Which is why you didn’t go to the sheriff and press charges.”

  I dropped my head and took a breath. A familiar, crushing sense of loss rolled over me, as if the years had dropped away. I was fifteen again, and Jake and I were running through the bayou together. The brother of the girl I wanted. The friend I’d never expected to make and keep.

  I turned now and looked at her, held her gaze for a long minute. Then sighed. She wanted an explanation, but my friendship with Jake was tangled up in alliance, honor, blood, and anger. It wasn’t simple, or easy to understand. Sometimes I didn’t understand it myself. But I couldn’t abandon him because he had never really abandoned me. Not of his own free will. He had sacrificed our friendship to keep me safe.

  “Yes,” I said. “He was there, but he didn’t hurt me. He helped me that night. Chase told me later Jake was the one who called him. So, yes, I couldn’t risk getting Jake caught up in the aftermath.”

  She covered her face for a moment and my gut twisted again. Her voice thick, she said, “Brax, you are amazing.” When she lowered her hands, the tenderness in her eyes did something funny to my heart.

  “What? Why?”

  “After all the things Jake has put you through, you still don’t hate him for it. How can it be? How can you be so generous?”

  “After my daddy left I lost most of my friends. Their parents didn’t want them hanging out with us. It was Outlaw hate all over again. But your brothers didn’t abandon us. We had a tight bond. They were like our extra brothers.”

  When I looked at her again, I saw it. “You know. Don’t you?” she said softly.

  I got up and walked to the sliding glass door and leaned against the jamb, looking out but only seeing the past.

  “Your daddy caught Jake and Chase with us and hauled them off. We knew he was furious, so we followed them just in case. Jake was tough, determined to get past our history. He told your daddy it was stupid and dumb to hold us responsible for things we didn’t do, and he wasn’t going to be part of it. Chase was just as adamant. But in the end, they were only kids. Your daddy was…very persuasive.”

  “I know that, too. I just wanted to hear you say it. There’s no need to keep anything from me anymore. Really, Braxton. I feel so close to you. But I don’t know what to do about everything that’s happened to us. How I feel about you.”

  “The night Jack Douglas cut me was one of the most terrifying experiences I’ve ever had. I thought they were going to kill me. It’s when I started boxing. It was out of fear of being caught alone again…geezus.” I scrubbed my hands over my face.

  Her arms went around me and she pressed her face to my back, and in spite of myself I relaxed again.

  “There’s nothing you can do. You’ve got your life away from Suttontowne.”

  “I can change my life, Brax. It won’t be easy, but I could change. Maizy said recently I should decide what I want to do, not allow people around me make the decisions for me. Then, she said something that really opened my eyes…she said new opportunities would present themselves. She told me risk is part of getting what you want. That I should risk everything, and then I would get everything.”

  “River, I can’t tell you what to do. I won’t lie and say I don’t want something more with you. But the road will be very bumpy. My reputation—”

  “Is a lie.”

  “What?”

  “I found something in the clippings you gave me.”

  I rubbed my hand over her hair. “Oh, yeah? What?”

  She told me about what had happened after I left her at the mansion in Lafayette. “Amy’s family, huh? Did you get a chance to read the letters?”

  “Aubree and Verity helped me when they stopped by with your presents.”

  I shifted so I could watch her face.

  “Her letters were to her momma,” River’s eyes were unfocused. “She was a heartbroken wife who’d lost her husband, and knew, simply knew with everything in her, and not just because she loved him that it had been because of a travesty of justice. The letters were full of her trying to get them to see he was innocent, but no one was willing to even look into it. The marked horseshoe was damning, since the sheriff himself made the mark by accident while he was shoeing the horse. But someone borrowed the mare, Braxton, used it to commit the crime, and then let Duel take the fall.”

  I stared at her, my mind whirling. The promise of clearing our name was like a siren call, and my heart hammered in my chest. Geezus. This girl. I was losing myself to this girl. And she was giving it back to me tenfold.

  But there was a lot to overcome. I wasn’t sure this information would be enough to convince anyone. “River, there isn’t anything you can do to prove Duel was innocent. You’d have to have concrete proof of whoever actually committed the crime. Without it, there’s no chance.”

  “Brax,” she said.

  A knock at the door interrupted our conversation. I walked over and opened it.

  “Verity?”

  “Hi, Brax. I need your help. I know it’s late, but I have to fly to New York tonight. There’s a problem with some of the garments. Minnie is beside herself. Boone has client appointments in the morning, but can pick him up in the afternoon. Will you take Duel overnight…oh, River. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company,” she said with a beaming smile as she looked between us.

  “Of course I’ll take him. Come here, mini-huckleberry.”

  I reached for him, but Verity didn’t immediately let go. “Are you sure, Brax? I don’t want to intrude.”

  “No, it’s fine, Verity,” River said, coming to the door to take the baby out of my arms. The women exchanged a look, one of deep, abiding friendship.

  “Thank you,” Verity sounded very relieved. She jumped at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me on the cheek. “Love you,” she said, handing me the diaper bag. And then dashed down the stairs to her car.

  I stood there, dumbfounded, while her simple words surrounded my heart. It felt terrific. I smiled as I closed the front door.

  Chapter Eighteen

  River Pearl

  Something intruded on the heaviness of sleep, pushing back the wispy trailers of a delicious dream. I sighed and stirred, annoyed the dream had evaporated. The sound intruded again, only this time I made it out.

  Someone was singing. In French.

  It was Brax.

  I sat up in his bed and saw his spot was empty. I reached down for his T-shirt and slipped it over my nakedness, tiptoeing out of his room toward the sound of his voice. I had been poised to tell him about the Colonel, then when Verity showed up with Duel, I realized it just wasn’t the right time. I wanted proof first.

  Maybe I was scared to tell him and have him see me differently. I couldn’t bear it. But, I also couldn’t bear to keep this from him. I would find the right time soon. I stopped at the door to Duel’s room.

  He was looking at Duel, who was fussing in his crib, but when Brax’s beautiful voice drifted to the end of the song, he started to settle. Brax immediately launched into “Itsy Bitsy Spider,” pantomiming the climbing spider and the falling rain. It was the most adorable thing I had ever seen.

  He had a big smile on his face, and was so absorbed in his nephew he didn’t notice me. Duel cooed and chortled, and Brax laughed back, transforming his face with a s
heer joy that made my heart skip a beat. He was so besotted with the little guy. Brax covered his heart and ran his hand over the little boy’s head, the love on his face open and unabashed. I wanted to see the same expression when he looked at me. I craved it. After I told him, would he ever look at me so openly and lovingly?

  Then he started singing “Over the Rainbow.” His smoky voice touched me somewhere deep, the longing I heard, as if he, too, wanted to take a trip over the rainbow to a place we could be together without the constant shadow of his family curse. I could end it. I had the power to clear his family name.

  And blacken mine. Oh, God, this was such an impossible situation.

  A surge of adrenaline nailed me right in my middle. He was leaning over the crib in nothing but boxer briefs, his thick back muscles in stark relief in the shifting light, his hair mussed and hanging in a tangled mess over his forehead and ears. Unable to drag my eyes away, I simply watched him, soaking in all he was.

  Even when singing to his nephew, he had a tough guy aura about him, all bad boy with the unholy trinity vibe. Everything I had experienced with this man, the way he’d tried to resist me, the way he had protected my brother, their friendship that still meant a lot to him, even after everything my brother had put him through, and the way Jake also felt. All those things vividly illustrated important elements of Braxton’s character. It reinforced everything I had read about Duel.

  The intense way Braxton looked at me, made love to me, held me against him. All of it swirled around in me, and I knew I had already given him my most precious possession. I had given him my heart. A deep and warm and wonderful feeling blossomed in my chest. And I knew. Without a doubt, I knew.