****
They all woke up early the next morning. Excitement was in the air. Annika's parents suspected that she had broken up with Vasko, but did not want to raise the issue in order not to upset her.
All three of them wanted to tell each other so much, but at the same time none of them said very much. Up to now Annika's most risky move had been the bungee jump. Now she was doing something way more risky. The jump didn’t even come close.
Although it was early, the station was in full flow. The noise of suitcase rollers and footsteps reverberated through the air. The idling coach engines invited passengers inside. There were hugs and there were kisses, and tears in people’s eyes. There were hopes, there were dreams and there were sighs...
Five minutes before departure, at exactly five to ten, Vasko appeared. He looked lost, not at all like a guy whose dream was coming true. Annika's parents hugged her and seeing Vasko they hurried to leave them alone to the intimacy they both deserved.
Annika was glad that there were only five minutes to share. She was sure time would not resolve the situation and the less of it there was, the less painful it would be.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Vasko hugged her tight, thinking that most probably it was the last time he’d be doing so. Annika put her head on his shoulder and hugged him too.
“So, what about us?” Vasko knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from her in order to be certain.
“It all depends on you,” Annika said and smiled. For the umpteenth time she surprised him.
“Really?”
“Take this,” she said, handing him an envelope, “you’re to look at it after I leave. Now let's just agree that our time together was wonderful and we were both happy, ok?”
“Yes, right. But please don’t talk in the past tense.”
“Well, standing here in the station a few minutes before I leave and a day before your departure, it’s the only tense I reckon it feels right to use - sorry,” Annika replied.
“You are right...” Vasko sighed. There was nothing else to say.
“We will keep in touch.”
“Please don't get lost,” Vasko begged.
“I won't.” Annika was not too sure about that though.
That was it. Low-key and sad. No promises, no regrets. It was almost over. Now it all depended on Vasko. Annika had made her move, so now it was Vasko's turn to make his. From now on Annika would have completely different worries. Yet another page would start very soon...as soon as she got to Amsterdam.
The coach left its bay. Vasko turned away and walked off with the envelope in his hand, looking at the ground. Late at night, when he got back home sad and drunk, he saw that there were two silver hearts in the envelope. One had his name on it and the second one was blank, not yet engraved.
22
The coach took Annika away from the past, from the pain, from the difficulties and the conflicts. She was moving from her home town, from Vasko's home town and from everything that was so familiar and predictable. Annika knew she most probably had many difficulties, opportunities, dangers and challenges ahead. But she also knew that it would be a trip towards new experiences, personal growth and many new and unknown things as yet to come her way.
The coach was silent. Most of the passengers were asleep. A very few were reading magazines. Only Annika was looking out of the window.
A teenage girl about sixteen years old was sitting next to Annika. She looked very happy and was waiting for the right moment to start a conversation with Annika. Most probably she was too impatient since, with no particular reason, she suddenly asked:
“Have you been to Amsterdam before?”
“Nope,” said Annika, who did not really feel like talking. But once you get caught in a bus with someone talkative, happy and impatient there is no easy way out.
“Me neither,” responded the girl, obviously one of those people who were just dying to spill out their story - even if they were not asked for it.
“I ran away from home and I’m going to my boyfriend,” she continued, sharing the info coolly. From her lips it sounded as if it was the kind of thing that happened to almost everybody.
“Oh,” was all Annika could say back.
“Well, yes, my parents did not like him at all. I love him. We had decided to run away a long time ago, but he left without me a few months ago. Now, finally, he has sent me some money and is waiting for me in Amsterdam. I am so happy. I can’t wait to see him again,” the girl continued, showing not the slightest sign of stopping.
She failed to notice the bored look in Annika's eyes, or her desire to be left alone, or the loneliness in her soul. In fact, it felt as if the girl did not care who she spoke to. She simply needed to tell her story and would have done so no matter who was sitting next to her in the coach. Unfortunately for Annika, she was the one the girl happened to be sitting next to.
“Your parents will be worried.”
“I left a letter telling them I was leaving them and would be living with Mark. They will be ok,” said the girl, though she did not really care about how they would feel, since she was too focused on how she felt about Mark. It was the typical stupidity of teenage girls who were in love. Annika thought that most probably her parents were right and she was in love with the wrong guy.
The girl had too much makeup on her young face. She was wearing a quite vulgar outfit, well coordinated with the pretty dumb look in her eyes. Most probably she was yet another problem teenager who wasn’t doing well at her studies and was hiding from her parents the fact that she smoked, had lost her virginity very young and was hanging out most of the time with guys who were no good. In short, she must have been a nightmare for her parents for a few years already.
Annika had a feeling that, if the girl was as she thought she was, then most probably she was going to become a trafficking victim and end up in the red-light district.
“Do you have any money with you?” Annika asked.
“No, he only sent me the cost of the ticket. He said that either he or some of his friends would come and pick me up.”
“I see. And do you know where he lives? Do you have his address or phone number?”
“No. He was calling me from there.”
“Do you know his friends there?”
“They are new ones. I have never met them, but Mark told that they are great.” The stupid girl's eyes were sparkling, she was so excited.
“I see.” Annika did not like what she had heard.
“What about you? Are you going to someone?”
“No,” Annika replied with sadness.
“Oh, so what's your story?” the girl persisted.
“I do not have one. I simply wanted to see Amsterdam before I turned twenty-five.” Annika was becoming a practiced and adroit liar.
“Cool,” the teenager exclaimed, buying the lie. Annika thought that she would believe anything.
Annika switched on her Walkman indicating that the chat was over. The girl looked disappointed, but could not do anything. She took out a small mirror and applied yet another superfluous layer of lipstick.
Annika closed her eyes and sank back to the sounds of soothing music. She wanted to forget everything, to worry about nothing and simply have some rest. A few minutes later Annika was fast asleep.
The coach was advancing along the highway, carrying with it different destinies, different new beginnings and different twists and turns of life. The highway was smooth and calm, the passengers were lost in their thoughts and there was concentrated anticipation in the air.
When Annika woke up, it took her a few seconds to realise where she was. She turned to the young girl and felt relieved to see that she was sleeping.
Annika's thoughts took her back to her past. She recalled different unrelated events, people and feelings. A sense of solitariness was overcoming her. She knew for certain that she could depend only on herself and that from now on there would be no shoulder to cry on and
no one to rely on. On the one hand it made her sad, but on the other it forced her to stay strong and to carry on.
When they were approaching Amsterdam, the young girl woke up. She looked around, smiled at Annika and stared at her watch. Probably the reason she looked at it for quite so long was that her untrained brain needed some time to calculate the time difference and see how much was left till they arrived. Quite complicated… When she finally realised that there were only fifteen minutes left, she took the mirror again and frantically started applying makeup on top of what she already had on. Apparently she wanted to impress Mark.
At last they had arrived. Annika was both excited and worried. Now her choice had turned into reality and she had no idea what was coming next.
The passengers descended from the coach and waited for the driver to open the luggage compartment. One by one they picked up their suitcases and left. They all seemed to know where they were going. There was at least someone waiting for them. But Annika had no one waiting.
Even the young girl next to her smiled happily when two completely unknown guys who looked like pimps approached her, said that Mark had sent them, grabbed her from both sides and frog-marched her off to a car. Then they pushed her inside in a very rude manner and left. Annika froze as she stared at the departing car. Only now did she feel the danger breathing in her face.
She took her small suitcase and walked towards the station building. People were walking very fast, dragging suitcases on rollers behind them. Some sat around and waited for their train to arrive. There were queues at ticket counters. Children looked tired and were whining most of the time.
Annika was surprised to see how different the people were. Although in a rush, although tired, they still smiled. There was a positive energy in the air and no tension at all. People were not pushing each other, were not looking at each other with hatred and did not look miserable and unfortunate as in her country. Genuine warm smiles were everywhere. Annika stood in the middle of the hall and looked around for a while. She still had no plan, still had only $100 in her pocket and did not understand Dutch, but something inexplicable made her feel calm and certain that everything was going to be all right.
She walked to the small coffee corner and sat at a tiny table. Although she was starving, she knew she could not afford a decent lunch. All she took was a cup of coffee and a chocolate croissant. She breathed in the smell of the coffee and closed her eyes. No matter how crazy it might sound, she really felt happy. Intuition told her that she had done the right thing. She’d found the courage to take the risk and something inside told her that that risk would definitely be rewarded in the long run. She just needed to be brave and strong for a while. And since Annika was already in Amsterdam she knew there was no other choice.
Annika sat there for an hour. She did not know what to do or where to go, but she knew one thing for sure, she had not enough money for either a hotel or a room. So all she could do was stay at the station till she found out what to do next.
Late in the evening Annika discovered that she was not the only one planning to sleep in the station. There were at least eleven people who had been living there for a week or more. There were five Chinese, four black guys, three Arab guys from Morocco and three from the former Soviet Union. All of them had come to chase their dreams, to escape their problematic countries and try and find happiness. All of them were jobless, homeless and without money. So there was nothing they could steal from each other, which was maybe why all of them slept calmly on the benches of the waiting room. The phenomenal fact was that they all understood each other despite sharing practically no common language. Their body language and gestures, as well as the almost identical situation they were all in contributed to their understanding. They all tried to help each other and shared what they had. When Annika woke up early in the morning someone had thrown an old blanket over her.
Governments try so hard to make nations live at peace with each other and yet it never works. Here, on the other hand, no one did anything specific to that end and yet neither skin colour, nor language barriers or cultural differences mattered in the slightest. Misfortune united them all and awoke the best human qualities inside. Amazing!
23
Annika spent about a week in the station. In company with the Chinese she attended free English classes at the church in the afternoon. They all ate in a public canteen. Annika regularly monitored the various job offers on the notice board hanging there. She was realistic and knew that she had to accept more less anything in order to survive. But each day she clung to the hope of seeing some new notice on the board. She still believed she would find a job soon and even a good one at that. Annika decided to stick it out for ten days at most. Something inside told her that living two weeks in the station would be enough. On the sixth day the announcement she was waiting for appeared. A clinic was looking for a specialist like her. Someone with experience of rehabilitation massages, working with children and with a medical degree. Annika's eyes sparkled. She knew that this job had her name written on it.
The interview took a mere 15 minutes. Annika was hired immediately. This was a completely new beginning. For a girl her age she’d already begun to have too many beginnings.
This new stage of her life was full of challenges, but at the same time it was full of opportunities to prove that she was much stronger and more resilient than she thought.
From the same notice board where Annika had found her job, she picked some announcements for rooms to let. She wrote down the locations and prices of the ones which seemed acceptable, took her small suitcase and headed out to look at them. As she expected, the rooms were small, dark and unpleasant. But you get what you pay for and she chose one which had not such a bad view, as well as a low, large windowsill. Annika thought that she’d sit on the sill and look outside. She’d loved doing that so often when she was a child. She remembered all the hours she’d spent sitting, hugging her knees and looking out at the street.
She spent the first day in her new place cleaning. Annika directed all her bitterness and anger towards the dirt and dust. As a result, windows became transparent again, floors regained their original colour and the whole room looked much better. Though it would still take a heck of a lot more time and effort before it ever became really cosy.
There was neither TV nor stereo, so Annika spent the first evening in silence. After the noisy station it was very nice to hear the silence and regain her solitude. For the first time in her life she was going to live completely on her own. Before that she had had her parents, or Stefan, or Vasko...or even the people in the station. Now it was different. No one would feed her, there would be no one to talk to and the place would have only one person's breath – hers.
While she was sitting on the floor, she thought she could smell pot. Looking out of the window, she realised that there was a coffee shop under her apartment. So, she was even entitled to free second-hand marijuana smoke every evening. Not bad.
Although her bed was more comfortable than the bench at the railway station Annika did not sleep too well that first night. She spent most of the night tossing and turning. Thanks to that, she was able to enjoy the view out of her window at 6 a.m. and welcome the sunrise. It made her day and she was full of energy and positive thoughts.
Annika went out and had a coffee and croissant in the open-air cafe. It reminded her of the very first coffee and croissant she’d enjoyed when she arrived. This time, however, it was different. There was no fear or uncertainty. Things were starting to settle down and she was regaining her balance.
Recalling that up to now she had only had one chance to call her parents to say that she had arrived safely, Annika went to a cyber cafe. She sat there, collected her thoughts and wrote two messages.
One was to her parents, letting them know that everything was fine and she was happy with her job. How many lies was she going to have to tell them, she wondered.
The second message was to Vasko. Strange, but she was no l
onger mad at him. Had it not been for his idiotic choice, Annika would never have been able to make this drastic move and change her life to enrich it with new experiences. So, no matter how ironic it might sound, she was even grateful.
“Hi Vasko,
Hope you are doing well.
Amsterdam is a very nice place. There are lots of smiling people, bicycles, coffee shops and adventurous tourists. I think it is a perfect place for a new beginning.
As I said, it all depends on you. For the time being, I am quite overwhelmed with the changes and have decided not to think about our future. If you decide you want to retrieve our relationship, then have a go! If not, then this is the perfect way to part, I guess.
Highfall Page 8
