Highfall
Page 17
My eyes, black as night. Between my fingers I hold you tight, hold on to your thick hair. I could only smile when the pleasure came: the feeling was going to take over. You pulled all the shadows out of me. The heat coming from me led us ever higher, together.
You could feel lips pressed on yours. Lips.... soft and sweet. You could smell the scent of me. You could feel my breathing on your skin. But you couldn’t move. Your eyes refused to open. Nothing ....but feeling...... Then you felt tender fingers touching your face....neck...chest...your stomach......
Gentle fingers touching your wrist ....lips biting your lips......and that feeling…coming...and rising .....It would shake the earth beneath anyone’s feet. Not able to think...... When you want someone, you can’t deny the truth. It was the other side of me. Godless. No one needed to apologize. It’s what you didn’t say that made so much sense. Just free my....yours...our souls.
Feels like I’ve always been lost in your dream. Keep on dreaming me! Never wake up from me”
Annika remembered that her diary had been together with all her belongings which she had left in their apartment. She was amazed to find out that Stefan had kept it. So that's how in his book he had been able to explain so precisely Annika's feelings and thoughts from their times together.
The thought that he had read her diary made her shiver. No matter how hard she tried to recall what else was written in it, she could not.
“Dear Stefan,
I know that karma exists and it finally caught up with me. What I did was wrong and unfair. But it’s not what we did to Annika that I am thinking of now. I somehow managed to put that behind me. What I did was in fact much worse. I lied to myself. I convinced myself that you had put it all behind you too. That you loved me and that everything would be okay. I knew it was not true, but I wanted it so badly that eventually my lies became my illusions of the truth. You were too drugged and too wrecked to do anything, and I took advantage of that. In the church you finally stood up for yourself, which means that there is still hope for you.
Take care!
Monica”
Annika felt paralyzed after reading Monica's letter. She was amazed to realise that she never even considered that Monica might love Stefan too. Now, reading her letter, Annika felt how desperately in love with Stefan Monica had been.
How twisted everything was after all. How many different fates, how many different people and how much pain... They all fell over so many times... Some like Monica gave up at some point and never got back on their feet again. The rest kept standing up and falling down, passing through the sunny and shady parts of their lives and following the absolutely unexpected turns life threw at them.
Life was being ironic again. Just as soon as Annika thought that all the storms had calmed down, that the major difficulties in her life were behind her at last and she finally felt happy and fulfilled, life came and slapped her in the face as if to wake her up and bring her back to reality. Annika thought that she was standing firmly on both feet, but that damn book had proved she wasn’t.
When she finished the book, her whole life had passed through her mind and soul. She had relived her past and discovered many new things about Stefan. Finally all the questions that had tortured her for years had found their answers. Annika had always thought that if she had the answers she would feel better, but it was just the opposite. She felt worse than ever.
“Damn you, Stefan Hristovsky, as always you messed things up again,” Annika thought to herself.
44
This was his last night in jail. Stefan did not know what to expect from the “outside” world. He had no idea how life would turn out when he became a free man again. When he was writing the book he did not feel alone, because he had his obsession, which took up all his time and made the days fly by. Now, without that perfect distraction, he felt empty. After he had poured out his heart and soul on those pages, there was absolutely nothing left inside.
At least he had managed to ask the authorities to announce that he was to be released a week later than he actually was. Like that he could avoid the unwanted attention of all those strangers who had been trying to reach him for the past few months. Flame was the only one who knew the truth and who was going to come and pick him up. Stefan had never understood why Flame stuck with him till the end. He knew that that's how real friends were supposed to be but Stefan never believed that it happened in real life. Now he had to admit that it did. It seemed as if even lost and broken people like him had best friends.
****
“Hello.”
“Hello Flame.” Annika's voice was very uncertain.
“Annika?” Flame was both happy and amazed to hear her voice after so many years.
“Yeah, hmmmm... it's me.” She felt pretty awkward.
“How are you?” Flame recalled their last meeting and her beautiful pale face.
“I am fine, thanks. I just read Stefan's book...,” Annika replied.
“Hmmm, pretty overwhelming, isn't it?” Flame already understood why Annika was calling.
“I am sure you know when he is getting out,” said Annika.
“Yup, I am going to pick him up the day after tomorrow at 2pm,” Flame answered.
“May I ask you a favour?” ....
They spoke for about twenty minutes. Flame could feel that Annika was confused. She was at a crossroads and did not know which way to go. It seemed like all those years Annika had spent growing strong had just been swept aside by Stefan's book. She was very sensitive and vulnerable again.
Flame felt a strong urge to be close to Annika, to hug her in his arms and calm her down. He had always wanted to protect her. It had taken him several years to get used to the fact that all he could do was watch over her from far away. It seemed as though Flame was not bad enough - like Stefan, nor good enough - like Vasko. In short, he was not for her. Or even if he was, she did not think so.
Flame cared so much for Annika's happiness that he did not even try to approach her. He never considered telling how he felt about her. Many people would say that he was supposed to fight for his feelings but, instead, he fought against his feelings. Flame still thought that he had done the right thing, no matter how regrettable the outcome.
After their conversation Flame spent some time thinking about the past. Flame did not know what the future was going to bring to Stefan and Annika, but he decided to keep his fingers crossed for both of them.
45
Today was the day. After several years Stefan was to regain his freedom. The problem was that he did not know what to do with it. Stefan had no idea how he was going to adapt to his completely new life. Starting from today he was going to have a completely different life. Life without bars or the familiar, if not (by now) friendly walls of his cell... Life without heroin or apathy... Life with a clear understanding of reality... Life with Annika as his new addiction... Life with no expectations... Empty, meaningless, unexciting life...
Nothing of his past life remained. All his belongings were gone and the room he used to rent was now occupied by someone else. The only thing he had from his past was Annika's diary, which he read over and over again. He especially loved the parts where Annika described how much she loved him. It took him back to their happy times and helped him escape from reality. Leafing through the diary pages took him back to the brightest times of his life and it felt wonderful.
Now he was going to start from scratch. A fresh new start... But what for? No matter how much apathy heroin caused, it could never get close to the genuine apathy Stefan now felt. He felt drug-free, purpose-free, love-free and meaning-free... Stefan felt too free to be happy. Free, unattached and uninvolved...
Anyone who read his book might think that his release would bring a new beginning. He would have a completely new life, which would be a better one. With his new money and fame, he would be able to do anything he wanted. What they did not know was that he only wanted Annika. No matter how much money he had or how famous he was,
he would never have her in his life again.
So, to hundreds of thousands of people, today was a fresh beginning for him - but to Stefan personally it felt like the end.
46
Not knowing what to expect, Stefan packed his tiny bag. He was finally given back his shoe-laces, the watch he had completely forgotten about and his red Swiss Army pocket knife. That was all he got back. Unfortunately no-one could give him back the lost time or his lost love. No-one could repair the holes in his soul, mend the smashed pieces of his heart and beautify his ugly youth.
Stefan signed the release papers. He had a strange feeling that he was signing his agreement to the termination of his life. That “game over” sign from video games came to mind. Now it was official. Now he was no longer a criminal. He was no longer a drug addict either. All the negative tags were taken off him. Starting from today people would be entitled to judge him on the basis of his wealth and appearance. Starting from today they would try to put a price tag on him instead.
No prisoner in history had perhaps walked so slowly towards the exit as Stefan – ever. He dragged his heavy feet and tried not to lose his mind.
The sharp sound of the metal door opening brought him back to his senses. He looked up and his eyes were blinded by the sunny light of day. The door closed behind him with an equally unpleasant metallic clang. Now he was on the other side and he felt extremely vulnerable.
Stefan dropped his hand, which he had lifted to protect his eyes from the sun, and looked straight ahead. At first he thought that he had completely lost his mind and was hallucinating. So he rubbed his eyes. Then he counted to ten and opened them again. Either it had not worked, or it was no hallucination. What he saw was precisely the same as before...
Annika was standing a few yards away from him. She was holding his book and looking straight into his eyes. Annika was real and she looked perfect.
Stefan felt a huge lump in his throat and he could not breathe.
No, this was definitely not a hallucination… or was it?
THE END
Thank You Dear Reader,
Thank you so much for reading this book. I truly hope that it did not disappoint you.
I will be really grateful if you take few minutes and write an honest review on Amazon. Your opinion is very precious.
I wish you to love and be loved.
Regards,
Ani
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ani has been writing since her teenage years. Back then she did not realize that it was more than a passing phase, interest or hobby. That is why she listened to the left part of her brain and studied business instead :)
When she finally became wiser Ani left her 11-year corporate career behind and decided to follow her passion.
Now she is a self-published author and blogger. Her first book of short stories called Emotional Moments became an Amazon bestseller in 2012.
You can get in touch with her through her website (www.anialexander.com) and Twitter (@Ani_LifeProb).
You may also sign up to her list - she will keep you updated (and give you a free ebook).
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