Remember Me (Men of Honor Series Book 1)

by Lara Van Hulzen

  She relaxed her grip on the wheel and took a deep breath. The tension from the previous few hours was wearing on her. Ben had never cared her family was wealthy. His parents weren’t rich, but they weren’t poor either. As an only child, he was loved and doted on, but also taught to work hard and be independent.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Keeping her right hand on the wheel, she ran her left over her forehead and rested her elbow on the car door. “It’s been a long day.”

  “I understand.” He shrugged and looked back out the window, a relaxed look on his face. “I like this music. Mind if I turn it up?”

  “Not at all. Go ahead.”

  She smiled. “My dad loves ‘70s music. We’d always dance to it after dinner when I was growing up.”

  “Sounds like you have a nice family.”

  She nodded. Her family had loved Ben. Thought he was perfect for her. What would her overprotective parents and sisters think now? Telling them Ben was back probably wasn’t a good idea. She didn’t understand herself what was happening. How could she explain it to them?

  Ben tapped his leg to the beat as music filled the air. Tess wiggled her left hand, still not used to an empty ring finger. Her mind wandered. Two and a half years ago, she’d worked with Habitat for Humanity helping build houses for people in need. Ben had worked on one of the job sites with her. His infectious smile and charm made the job fun and exciting, and she fell for him. Hard. Seeing him walk around in jeans and work boots all day didn’t hurt either. Like Gwen said, her “lumberjack” type. She wasn’t so sure about his feelings for her right away, but he’d always told her it was love at first sight. She’d teased him that that was impossible, since every girl working on the project vied for his attention, but she never doubted his love for her.

  As a cop, he worked crazy hours, and so did she as a nurse, but they’d understood each other’s dreams and worked toward them together. When Ben’s parents were killed six months before the wedding, he changed. She understood that he was heartbroken and upset, but something bigger was going on, something deeper. Instead of dealing with the pain, he’d thrown himself into his work. Tess had believed he still loved her; when she found the note on her bed a week before their wedding, her heart broke in two. Apparently, even she couldn’t tear down the walls of his pain and bring him back.

  The road they drove sat right up against the coastline. She glanced over at Ben, his face peaceful as he watched the beach and ocean float by. He looked like he always had before. No worries, no fears. How could he be someone she knew as well as she knew herself, and yet a stranger just the same?

  Could she ever trust him again? Her head said no. But as battered and bruised as her heart was, it still longed to have him in her life.

  Pulling into her driveway, she put up the garage door but stayed outside, parking next to Mike’s late-model pickup truck. Mike’s garage shared a wall with hers. A meticulously waxed surfboard lay flat across his worktable.

  Mike pulled in behind them and they all got out.

  “Why don’t you come on in, Ben, and meet my fiancé, Emma, and we can get you settled.” Mike clapped Ben on the shoulder, guiding him toward the house.

  “I really appreciate you doing this. It’s kind of you to take in a stranger like this.”

  “Well, Tess said you seem to be a decent guy.” Mike looked back over his shoulder at Tess, who shot him a dirty look. He chuckled.

  “Did she now?” Ben raised an eyebrow in her direction.

  Mike led them through the front door and into the kitchen. Emma sat at the high counter with bridal magazines all around, her wedding organizer opened in front of her. Her sand-blonde hair was pulled into a messy ponytail. One of her flip- flops tapped against the footrest of the barstool.

  “Hey, babe. We’re back. And Ben is here.” He moved around the counter to the refrigerator and grabbed two sodas. He held one up to Ben, who nodded, took it, and clicked it open. Mike did the same.

  “Oh! Ben. It’s so nice to meet you,” Emma said, shaking his hand and then looking to Tess with wide eyes.

  “Ben is the name Tess gave him at the hospital,” Mike offered.

  Tess made a mental note to talk to them in private. If they kept stretching Ben’s name out like that she would have to resort to smacking them both.

  “I like it.” Ben smiled at her.

  Curse the man!

  “Wow. You have quite a view.” Ben stood at the sliding glass doors that extended the length of the house. Mike had the doors open so the ocean breeze and sound of the waves spread through the room. The living room and kitchen were one big area, giving the place an open, spacious feeling.

  “Does your place look like this?” Ben asked Tess.

  “Yes. Our back deck connects. My house mirrors Mike’s. It’s the same layout, just flip-flopped.”

  “Come on. I’ll show you around,” Mike said to Ben, waving his can of soda toward the back doors.

  Tess watched as the two guys stepped out onto the deck with stairs that led to the sand. Ben’s face reflected the awe everyone seemed to have when they saw the view. It was stunning. To her, it was home.

  Out of the corner of her eye she caught Emma staring.

  “What?”

  “What do you mean, what?” Emma hissed. “Did he remember his name is Ben?”

  Tess sat down on a barstool next to her friend, who was now ignoring her bridal books and leaning into Tess like a middle-school girl wanting all the good secrets from her best friend at lunchtime.

  “No, he didn’t. He asked me to give him a name and I thought it best to just give him his real name.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes, I’m serious. I didn’t want to go around calling him something else or keep slipping up and calling him Ben.”

  Emma sat back in her chair. “Hmm, I never thought of that.” Sitting forward again she said, “But what if you saying his real name had caused him to remember?”

  Tess sighed and rested her chin in her hand. “I thought of that, but it was a risk I was willing to take. I mean, say he had remembered right then and there. Then maybe I would have gotten some answers out of him and he would have just moved on.”

  “You honestly think that’s what would have happened, Tess? I mean, come on. I know you’ve started a new life here, but if Ben truly came back, would you really turn him away just like that?”

  Tess looked out the back door, twirling a lock of golden hair around her finger. Mike was pointing toward the water and talking while Ben listened with rapt attention. He seemed interested, at least. If not, he was a phenomenal actor.

  She never allowed herself to think about him coming back into her life. He left, and it was too painful for her to even think about him being in her life again. Besides, he wasn’t back by choice. But, seeing Ben now, with no memory of hurting her, tore at her heart in a way that terrified her.

  “Hey. You still here?” Emma gently touched her arm.

  “Yeah. Sorry. Just thinking.” She shook her head. “This is all so surreal, Em. I don’t know what I would do. He’s not the same Ben anymore, and he’s not even here for me.”

  “Why is he here?” Emma looked at the guys and then at Tess again.

  “What do you mean?

  “Well, he’s supposed to be gallivanting around Europe. What’s he doing in this area of California?”

  Tess sat back in her chair, her brow furrowed. “I don’t know. Everything at the hospital seemed to happen so fast, I didn’t even think about it.”

  “Maybe he was coming back for you, but got in the accident before finding you.”

  Tess shrugged. “I guess that’s possible. But only a few close friends and family know where I am, and they’re so angry with him, I can’t imagine any of them being willing to help him find me.”’

  “He’s a cop, Tess. I’m pretty sure he could find you if he wanted to.”

  The guys came back inside and Mike said, “Hey, Ben t
hinks that seeing the scene of the accident might help him remember something.”

  “Okay,” Tess said, her head still resting on her hand. “I can take you if you want.” She fought back a yawn and lost. Just thinking about Ben remembering something made her dizzy. All she wanted was her bed. Maybe this was all a dream and she’d wake up to her normal life again.

  “You’ve got to be exhausted, T,” Mike said. “Why don’t you sleep some and I’ll take Ben.”

  “Yeah. That’s a good idea,” Ben agreed. “You worked all night and stayed longer to help me. Please, get some sleep.” He turned to Mike. “And I don’t want to intrude on your Saturday with Emma. I’ll figure out a way to get to the scene.”

  Mike waved his hand. “Nonsense.”

  “It’s totally fine,” Emma said, rubbing her hand along Mike’s arm. “You two go while Tess gets some sleep and I deal with all of…this.” She waved her hand over the magazines in front of her. “Maybe when you get back we can all go to dinner or something? I have to go downtown for a dress fitting. If you boys don’t mind waiting for us girls while I do that, we can eat after.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Ben said, but looked at Tess, his eyes seeking approval.

  She slid off the barstool and avoided eye contact with any of them. “Okay. Just send someone to wake me up when you’re ready.”

  She walked out the front door with a wave over her shoulder to the chorus of “goodnight” from the other three.

  Once inside her own house, Tess plopped her purse on the entryway table and went straight to her room. As if she had no control over where her feet took her, she ended up in the closet, kneeling in front of a large box she hadn’t touched in five months.

  Slowly lifting the lid, she pulled out photos of her with Ben while they were dating, their engagement pictures, and various items from their life together. A stuffed red bear he’d won for her when they went to the Del Mar County Fair. It held a pink heart that said “LOVE.” A charm bracelet with little surfboards dangling. She unrolled a navy-blue T-shirt until the tiny red box could be seen. The diamond inside, a reminder of all she’d hoped for, all that was lost. Without opening it, she placed it back in the large box.

  She stood and stripped out of the pink scrubs she’d been wearing for what felt like three days and tossed them in the hamper at the corner of her closet. Pulling the T-shirt over her head, she took a deep breath. The scent of ocean air and musk unique to Ben now long gone, but alive in her memory. She’d slept in that shirt for a month after he left, not ready to let go.

  Crawling under her covers, she gripped her pillow and let the tears fall that she’d been holding in all morning.

  Chapter 4

  The gravel crunched beneath his feet as Ben walked along the stretch of road for what had to be the millionth time. The officer who had interviewed him at the hospital didn’t mind giving Ben the exact location of his accident. It wasn’t a main road of any kind but in a more wooded area not far from the hospital where Tess worked. Why would he have been here and where was he going?

  He stopped and looked down into the ditch where the car had veered, taking in the sight of glass shards. Various small car parts sprinkled the grass. The tree he’d hit was no worse for wear, just some bark torn off. From what the officer said, the car took the brunt of it, the air bag saving Ben from further injury.

  Mike leaned against his truck, his feet crossed at the ankles, arms across his chest.

  “I’m sorry,” Ben said as he walked back to the truck. “I just keep hoping something will stand out to me.”

  “No worries. You see anything that’s sparking a memory? Maybe what caused the accident?”

  Ben shook his head and looked at the black tire tracks on the street. They swerved right and then left, straight into the ditch.

  “The officer said I didn’t have a cell phone on me, so I couldn’t have been distracted by that. Maybe an animal in the road? I don’t know.”

  He rubbed his now much shorter beard, thanks to Mike loaning him a beard trimmer. He looked back towards the ditch. As he squinted in the sunlight, a vision of a car headed straight at him came and went. He blinked, and it was gone. Was it real or from a movie he’d seen? Real or not, it caused a twist in his gut he didn’t like.

  Mike didn’t say anything. Ben couldn’t help but think of what a calming effect Mike’s presence had on him. Even in the short time they’d spent together, Ben sensed nothing could rattle the guy.

  “Let’s go. I don’t want to waste any more of your time than I already have.” Ben walked around to the passenger side as Mike climbed into the driver’s seat.

  “It’s totally fine. It’s the weekend, which usually means time to relax, although with the wedding and all…we pretty much work on that.” Mike smiled as he put the truck in gear and pulled onto the road. His hand tapped against the steering wheel to a country song playing on the radio.

  “When’s the wedding?”

  “December.”

  “You don’t seem too stressed about it.”

  Mike smiled. “No. Emma’s doing most of the planning, and she’s just awesome when it comes to understanding my schedule and stuff. And I just want her to be happy. If she wanted me to wear a clown suit that day, I’d do it.” A grin lit up his face.

  Ben hoped one day he could feel about someone the way Mike felt about Emma. Tess’s face popped into his head. He smiled. “So you’re a doctor, huh?”

  “I’m a pediatrician.”

  Ben looked at Mike’s flip-flops, surf shorts, and T-shirt. “Hmph.”

  “I know, I know. I don’t quite fit the image.” Mike waved his hand and then placed it back on the steering wheel. “Stereotypes can be dangerous, man.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. But, no, you kind of don’t.”

  Both men chuckled.

  “I’m thirty-two,” Mike said.

  “Excuse me?”

  “That’s always the next question I get. ‘How old are you? You look way too young to be a doctor.’ I was just answering it before you asked.”

  Ben nodded. “I see. It doesn’t seem to bother you that people get that…personal.”

  “Nah. I’d wear a T-shirt with all the info on it if it would help. I love kids. Love ’em. I told Emma I want like, ten. She’s not on board with that yet, but give it time.” He gave Ben a confident wink. “My little sister died when she was just five of leukemia. I saw close up what kids go through when they’re sick. I want to be someone who could help them in any way possible.”

  “I’m sorry about your sister.”

  “Thank you. It was tough. But my family knows God has a plan and we trust that.”

  Ben nodded, unsure of how to respond. He decided to change the subject.

  “Does Emma work?”

  “Yeah. She’s a kindergarten teacher.”

  Ben laughed. “You two really are all about kids, aren’t you?”

  “We do love kids. We both work with our junior high youth group on Sundays too.”

  “So why is Emma against having lots of kids?”

  “She says it’s because her life is already full of kids, but I think she’ll change her mind.”

  Mike got a far-off look in his eye, and Ben could tell he was thinking of the sweet, cherub faces he had no doubt were in the future. He had to admit, he envied the guy. Ben had no idea what his life was like or who was in it, but he hoped at some point to have the peace and confidence and love that Mike sure had.

  A thought struck him. He frowned and rubbed his beard.

  “What is it?” Mike asked.

  “What if I have a wife out there somewhere?” His heart raced at the thought.

  Mike chuckled and patted Ben’s shoulder. “I think you’re okay, dude.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Well, for one, you’re not wearing a wedding ring and for two, no one has been reported missing. If you were married, I would think, and hope, your wife would be frantically call
ing the police looking for you.”

  Ben relaxed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  They were back near the beach again, not far from Mike and Tess’s townhouses. How would Tess react if he were married? He’d known her for less than twenty-four hours, and already she was foremost in his thoughts.

  “Hey look,” Mike said. “Why don’t you take a quick snooze when we get back. It’s only been a couple of hours. I’m sure Tess will want more sleep than that, and with all you’ve been through, some rest would do you good.”

  “Thanks. That’s a good idea.”

  They pulled into Mike’s driveway next to Tess’s Roadster still sitting where she’d left it that morning. Ben ached to see her again. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. Mike was right. He needed some rest and time to get his head together. With no idea of who he was, the last thing he needed was to even think about falling for Tess.

  ***

  Ben knocked on the glass door. After trying to sleep in the comfortable guest room Mike provided, he’d given up and spent a few hours just sitting in a chair on the deck, staring at the ocean. Mike had asked Ben if he wouldn’t mind making sure Tess was up and moving. Emma was almost ready to go.

  He knocked again, this time a little louder. Walking to the edge of the deck, he leaned on the railing. The sound of the waves was now a calming force for him. Hearing the glass door open behind him, he turned.

  Tess rubbed her eyes. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders in waves but mussed by her head where she’d slept on it. As she ran her hands through her hair, he noticed her cheeks were rosy from sleep. Not an ounce of makeup on. Beautiful. He couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering to the overly large T-shirt she wore. It came almost to her knees, but definitely showed enough of her muscular, shapely legs. A runner’s legs.

  When his eyes made it back up to meet hers, they were perfectly round. Her arms wrapped around her middle.

  “I…I’m sorry. I thought you were Emma coming to get me.” She pointed over her shoulder, her hand shaking a bit. “Let me go get dressed real quick. I’ll be right back.”