The Chronicles of Narnia Complete 7-Book Collection with Bonus Book
Page 100
A day later after the Dolfinian had got in Green & Philip Glohenman sat in the Inner of the Murryman’s rest.
‘Well my friend,’ said the parrot, ‘Your brother, as you see, is safely in the Pig line.’
‘Yes, my dear bird. I can never express my gratitude.’
Polonius looked sharply up.
‘Eh! What about my cliqueship?’
‘Mr Green?’
‘I thought we had a bargain.’
‘No, no, Mr Green.’
The parrot was furious.
‘You promised me a cliqueship,’ he repeated doggedly.
‘My good bird, this parrotlike repetition is most annoying.’
Leaving the speechless bird, the Prussian rose & strode out. The unfortunate Green was unable to compell him to carry out their compact. He of course could not bring it before a court or he would be putting his own head in the noose for blackmail. Suddenly he remembered that he had arranged to go with Macgoullah that evening to Sengeletto.
X
* * * * * * *
On the Friday after the ever memorable Saturday the Murry Opera House was crowded with people attracted to Sengelleto by the vocal powers of Wullês, Mlle. Armanche, & the rest of the fine company. There in the dress circle are Pig & Bradley, in the stalls Hedges & others of his type. There too was Goose in his box, Puddiphat with Pyllis Legrange, both looking immensely bored. There were Quicksteppe & Chutney who share a box. All eyes were directed upon the royal box, which as yet was empty. In the pit sat Green & Macgoullah, the later fortified with a gladstone bag of oranges. Presently the door of the Royal box opened & in walked the two kings followed by the Little Master walked in.
‘A good house Big,’ said the ’jah.
‘Boys!’ said the Frog suddenly.
‘Yes.’
‘Look at that Owl,’ said Big, despairingly indicating the opposite box which contained Puddiphat, & ‘who’s that woman?’
Meanwhile in the owl’s box another animated conversation was going on.
‘I say Puddles,’ said Phyllis, ‘Who’s that toad in the Royal Box?’
‘It’s a good job he didn’t hear you call him a toad. He’s the Little Master.’
During the dialogue the orchestra had begun to attack the overture with great vigour & spirit, but she continued in a loud tone.
‘Listen to that Puddles. Do you call that music?’
‘It is usually thought so.’
‘Hush’ came from various parts of the house, especially the pit. Phyllis leaned out of the box & blissfully unconscious that she was referred to said, ‘What on earth are the people in the pit making that noise for?’
‘I believe they’re annoyed at out talking,’ rejoined Puddiphat in a hurt tone. ‘Hullo, we’re getting to business.’ And indeed the curtain was rising on the first scene of the great opera. Big settled down to sleep, Puddiphat retired to the bar, & Macgoullah set in on his oranges. Goose annoyed everyone near him by humming out of tune: the boys settled down to a conversation which lasted till the drop scene fell on the impassioned strains of Marita’s great aria. The boys strolled out & across to Puddiphat’s box.
‘Good evening, Majesties.’
‘Puddiphat. Good evening Miss Legrange,’ said the rabbit.
‘What do you think of it Puddles?’ inquired the rajah.
‘Oh very good, excellent,’ said the Owl, ‘What I heard of it.’
‘Yes,’ said Phyllis, ‘he’s been out all the time.’
‘And what,’ said the ‘jah turning to her, ‘did you think?’
‘To be frank, your Majesties, I thought it great rubbish.’
Just at this point the prelude to the 2nd act began & the boys returned to their own box. The second act was famous only for a chorus of prisoners which caused Puddiphat & his fair companion to yawn more than before. As the curtain fell, the manager sent an attendant to tell Goose that he must stop humming or else go out. Meanwhile the pit was talking also.
‘Well?’ said Polonius.
‘Ah it’s cod,’ said Macgoullah.
‘Cod!?’ cried the musical Green aghast, ‘I’d like to see you write it!’
‘I wouldn’t!’ said Macgoullah, ‘Try another orange?’
The curtain now rose upon the 3rd act. Meanwhile in the bar a different conversation was going on. It was occupied by two Prussians, Philip Glohenman & another.
‘The bird actually blackmailed me. And now he wants me to get him a cliqueship.’
‘Well,’ said the stranger, ‘get him one. Our object is to place the new Clique under an obligation to us.’
‘But my dear Dangle, do you think that I would trust to their mere gratitude?’
‘I suppose not, but you must conciliate him. In Turkey at Fortressa I overheard a conversation in an inn & it seems he’s been telling things to Goose.’
‘I might make a bargain –’
‘Yes.’
The dropscene fell some hours later on the 8th & last act of the opera & as the audience walked out no one thought less of the piece than Philip Glohenman. But he thought.
XI
* * * * * * *
H.M.S. Thrush had a great liking for the port of Marston on the Great Lake. Thither she wended her way immediately on her return from Floe. And so one evening Bar might have been seen talking to the manager of The Lake Inn.
–“THE LITTLE BEAR WAS FURIOUS”–
‘Yes, Mr Bar?’
‘Can you tell me is there a Mr Orring staying here?’
‘Yes Mr Bar. Do you wish to see him?’
‘Yes.’
Bar followed the manager to a private sitting room. Here he found Mr Orring, an elderly lizard. The manager left them.
‘My dear Bar.’
‘’Evening. I come on business.’
‘You come on business?’
‘Yes. About your new Clique.’ He spoke curtly.
‘Ah!’
‘It appears you’ve quarrelled with Green.’
‘Yes: he’s a most provoking bird.’
‘Well, you’ve got left!’
‘How!?’
‘Green and your Prussian friends & the others have undertaken to oppose tooth and nail any bill you bring in. Also they’re going to draw up a new bill leaving you out! A very good thing too. But d – n it all they’ve forgotten me as well!!’
The little bear was furious. He ruffled his well oiled fur, he flung things about the room. The lizard was despairingly calm. Presently he said, ‘Its all up Mr Bar. Its a hopeless job. My work has been useless.’
‘I told you that these Prussians would be the ruin of it!!’
‘Well this is no time for regrets. I will this evening start for Piscia, & live privately. I shall be practically ruined. I promised all in the League Cliqueships. I promised £400 compensation each if the plan failed.’
Bar was so genuinely distressed at the other’s fix that he forgot his own dissapointment.
‘Oh no Mr Orring. I for one would never touch a penny of it, & I am sure none of the others would. It was only ill luck. On the contrary we will all respect you for your effort & sympathise with your misfortune!’
‘It was not luck. It was my foolishness in quarelling with that bird. Of course I shall pay. It was my fault. Good evening.’
Bar went out more annoyed than he could say. But he saw the other would be better alone to think out a plan.
XII
* * * * * * *
The unhappy lizard’s position was indeed most unenviable. He was not originally rich when he had brought in the motion for the new clique, but he was a somewhat unscrupulous reptile and spent money like water in bribing here & there: doubtless he hoped to refind it when he became the new Little Master. Let it also be said for him that he thought the means justified his end. Then half way through, the foreigners threatened to back out & inform if they were [not] silenced with another fabulous bribe. And so when the blow fell Orring had had just enough to keep things going till the m
otion was carried. Now to 5 people he owed £400 (the 5 who had been promised Cliqueships) & to the other members of the League, of whom there were about 10 he owed 300 each. The Prussians now demanded a silence fee of £700 each, which he must pay or go to jail for bribery. The debts were –
5 Cliqueships: £2000.
League: £3000.
3 Prussians: £2100.
Total: £7100.
That night he sat up late in his room, thinking, when suddenly a knock at the door broke in upon his reverie.
‘Come in.’
‘Mr Orring?’
‘Yes Sir.’
‘This letter for you.’
‘Thanks.’
The man went. And on opening the letter the lizard’s joy knew no bounds. It was a document to state that ‘Arnold Olderwell, gentleman, deceased, does give & bequeath to his cousen James Orring £100,000.’
XIII
* * * * * * *
The city of Murry read by a notice in every inn that on Monday, Parliament would assemble. Among the first to read the notice was General Quicksteppe as he sat down to breakfast in the Inner of the Goose. So the blow had fallen! Althòugh the official notice did not state the business which was to be discussed, the old strategian knew. These beggars had brought in their new Clique bill. The present Clique of which he was a member had been in office for over two years & it was only natural that it should fall to peices sooner or later. His attempt to make an ally of Macgoullah had failed: the captain was too busy in his own work to take up politics. Presently Colonel Chutney sat down at the same table.
‘Good morning, General.’
‘Why, that’s you Chutney. Were you at the opera?’
‘Yes. Do you see about the session?’
‘Yes. I suppose that means a new Clique.’
‘Yes. We won’t be in it if there is?’
‘No. Hullo here’s Puddiphat. My good owl –’
‘’Morning. Do you see the notice –?’
‘Yes. A new Clique –’
‘No,’ said the viscount. ‘Because, look here. Orring the leader of the movement has gone home to Piscia & settled down.’
‘Rubbish!’
‘It is true.’
‘Then there isn’t going to be a new Clique?’
‘Oh no. We are quite safe.’
Meanwhile in the Inner of the Murryman’s rest the situation was also being discussed by Green and Glohenman.
‘Do you hear,’ cried the parrot, ‘that that lizard has given it up!’
‘Well, we weren’t going to have him in it any way.’
‘No, but I wonder who told him?’
XIII
* * * * * * *
On Monday very few members failed to attend the debate. The Murry House, a spacious building situated on Watermans Road, was crowded to its full. There on an obscure back bench sat Mr Green, interested & excited: there is Mr Bar with Captain Murray winking at their friends in the gallery. There also in the gallery sit the two Glohenmans: there on the front bench is Macgoullah in a new blue serge suit & a clean wooden pipe, looking very bored. The Clique (whose days even now are numbered), consisting of Quicksteppe, Colonel Chutney, Goose, Puddiphat, & Pig, & presided over by their Majesties & the Little Master are absent in the Clique-room. But all eyes are fixed on the door by which they come in. Presently it opened & the Clique, loudly cheered, filed in, M’Lord Little Master & the Kings seating themselves on the raised triple throne. Big rose & walked to the rostrum: ‘Your Majesties, & gentlemen of the house: we are met here to day to discuss Mr Orring’s new Clique Bill. This honourable member however has not turned u – is not present. Consequently, unless any of his party wish to bring in a new Clique Bill we will –’
‘I do M’Lord,’ this from the parrot.
‘Very well. Will you please speak on it?’
‘I should imagine so,’ said Green brusquely.
Big tiptoed back to the throne & whispered to the Rajah ‘That parrot!’
The latter meanwhile began to speak: – ‘Your Majesties, Little-Master & gentlemen of the house: in bringing in this bill, I’m not going to have any pother like some learned friends’ – (Big outraged) – ‘I’ll be plain: It strikes me, that this Clique has had its fair share.’ (laughter: ‘Order!’ from the usher) ‘India is not equally represented with Animalland.’ (At this juncture Puddiphat & Pig got out & went to be bar.) ‘I propose fer the new Clique –’ (Big whispered ‘Ah he’s a vulgar bird.’) ‘– the same Little Master, Mr Oliver Vant, Colonel Fortescue, Sir Bradshaw, a – and – ahem – yer’s trooly.’ (Big was wild.)
Mr Pig rose, & went [to] the rostrum: – ‘Your Majesties, Little Master, & gentleman of the –’
‘Take tha-at fer said,’ broke in Mr Green.
‘Turn the bird out!!!’ cried the infuriated Little-Master, glad of an opportunity for venting his wrath on the unfortunate parrot.
‘– house,’ continued Pig calmly. ‘I rise to oppose the motion –’ (Cheers. ‘Silence!’) ‘– on the ground that Mr O. Vant & Mr P. Green are unfit to hold office.’ (Big – ‘Short & poor, boys!’)
The Little-Master sent the house into the lobbies & the ballot was passed round. Amid tense excitement they returned & read out ‘The motion passes by a majority of 70 votes to 29 votes.’ Then in a whisper, ‘Now Hawki.’
The sovereign rose & said – ‘I do declare the new Clique lawfully to be a Clique in accordance with the laws & customs of the Boxonian government.’
No sooner had he ceased to speak than a storm of cheering & shouts of ‘Long live their Majesties’ & ‘Long live the new Clique.’ Macgoullah alone in the house shouted ‘Long live the dismissed Clique!’
As the M.P.’s trooped out Quicksteppe said to Goose ‘I’m not sorrey, after all.’
THE END
–“I’M NOT SORREY”–
THE LOCKED DOOR
Sequal to ‘Boxen’
& a short sketch entitled
‘Than-Kyu’
CHAPTER I
* * * * * * *
Three months had passed, on the day on which this history opens, since the famous old Clique of Boxen had been broken up to give place to another of younger and more energetic members: and as yet no meeting of this new Clique had been held. Lord Big The Frog, Little Master, detested the new Walterian cabinet and above all Polonius Green, – a member thereof.
On this particular day, Their Majesties were breakfasting with the Little Master at the Palace Calcutta. The frog appeared more than usually annoyed when they arrived late.
‘Upon my word, boys,’ he exclaimed, ‘I’m sick with hunger.’
‘We’re sorrey,’ said Benjamin, ‘but after all there’s no hurry.’
‘No hurry?’ asked Big. ‘Do you know to day is Friday?’
‘What about it?’ inquired the Rajah.
‘Hawki!’
‘Big?’
‘Dont you remember about the meeting?’
‘Oh, it’s that disgusting new Clique-meeting!’
‘Well let us have some breakfast in the mean time,’ suggested Bunny, who was beginning to feel hungry. Acting upon this advice, they all three sat down and adressed themselves with vigour to the eggsoak and curried prauns provided. A curious trio did they form.
The Little Master was a stout frog of massive build, and on the wrong side of 60. His expression was that of a naturally masterful person, given power by exterior circumstances, but slightly pompous & inclined to worrey over small affairs: in appearance he was handsome, and was clad faultlessly in the fashion of 30 years ago. The Rajah was a young man of about 35, happy, careless, and humourous. The rabbit was like his fellow monarch but slightly stouter and not so agile.
After a long pause, the frog observed, ‘I could put up with anyone in the Clique except that parrot Polonius Green! An ungentlemanly bird, of moderate faculties, and a set of nasty jokes.’
‘I don’t like him much myself,’ said Bunny, ‘but he’s very funny at times.’
‘Ah, he’s very funny at times!!’ repeated Lord Big sarcastically. ‘If you would only do as I desire & sign a formal objection to the bird, it would be to the point.’
‘But my dear Big,’ protested the Rajah, ‘one can’t fly in the face of the country’s will.’
‘Your fathers,’ said Big, ‘were kings in the truer sense of the word. The late rajah was not afraid to suspend from the house itself a member he disliked. Benjamin’s father was known to do many such things.’
‘But in those days –’
‘Kings could be men,’ vociferated the Little Master with unusual vigour.
‘Well,’ said the Rajah, ‘do I understand that you really object to the fellow?’
‘Certainly!’
Big now rose and went out of the breakfast-room. The kings looked at each other: the rabbit spoke.
‘Well. Shall we –’
‘Lodge a formal objection?’
LORD BIG INTERVIEWING GENERAL QUICKSTEPPE AT THE LATTER’S RESIDENCE OF SATING HOUSE
‘To Polonius Green.’
‘I think it would create a pleasant excitement.’
‘I tell you what: let us see Puddiphat about it.’
Suiting the action to the word, the pair rose and having cast a glance at their morning coats, they walked out into Regency St After going along this thourafare for some 300 yds. they stopped before ‘The Regency’ Inn. ‘We’ll find the Viscount inside,’ said the ’jah, and with that they entered.
CHAPTER II
* * * * * * *
Leaving the Palace, the Little-Master had stepped into a carriage and driven to the Calcutta house of Lord Quicksteppe, Field-Marshal and ex Clique member. His reasons for paying a visit at this early and consequently unusual hour were multiplex. Firstly he wanted his friend’s advice as to what he should do at the meeting of the new Clique. Secondly he wanted to know why on earth he (Quicksteppe) had gone off for a holyday in Clarendon at this crisis.