Lettuces and Cream

by John Evans

  ‘No it’s fine, mine isn’t that marvellous,’ Jan replied.

  ‘And your breasts, wow,’ Chris stared enviously at Jan’s ample cleavage.

  ‘I think they’re too big, mind you, they were big when I was twelve and was teased a lot at school,’ Jan said.

  ‘Well mine are small, even after two kids and I don’t need a bra.’ To prove the point she began to slowly unbutton her shirt.

  Jan was now inwardly startled. No other women had ever done this in her company, and she watched, as though mesmerised, as one by one the buttons opened.

  ‘There, don’t you think they’re small?’

  Jan hadn’t ever been in close proximity with another woman’s naked breasts, but her curiosity was stronger than her surprise, and her hand seemed to have developed a mind of its own. She watched, enthralled, as it reached out to cup the far from tiny breast, the nipple puckering and hardening at the touch of her cool hand.

  There was now a deep quietness in the room. It was as if each of them had suddenly retreated into their separate and deeply intimate, and silent worlds.

  ‘Mum, Mum, Where are you. Is dad home yet?’

  ‘Is that the time already? the kids are home,’ Chris covered herself, gave Jan an unexpected quick kiss on the lips, and shouted a reply.

  ‘Hello kids, I’m up here, and I’ll be down in a minute, your father will be home later.’ They both got up and headed out of the lilac paradise and down into the hallway, chatting amiably as they went.

  ‘I must get back too. My lot will be wondering where I am. I’ll see you soon Chris, is it Am Dram this week? I thought I’d come along if that’s alright just to see what its like. If that’s okay with you.’

  ‘Great, yes, of course it’s okay, it’s not this week though-next Monday evening, I’ll pick you up – save taking two cars.’

  ‘Okay, thanks, bye then Chris, bye kids.’ Jan smiled and gave them all a little doorstep wave, got into the car, and was away.

  Back home, Mike was laying the fire in the sitting room ready for the evening sit down time-as they called it. ‘You’re late, love, you women talking your heads off again I suppose.’

  ‘You know how it is love. By the time we had a cup of tea and then she showed me around the place…’

  Mike interrupted her with a smile, ‘okay, okay, I get the picture, I don’t mind love, honest, and you needed a break,’

  It wasn’t until bedtime that Janice had the time and space to fully absorb the immensely unusual happening at Chris’s. As she lay with Mike beside her, sleeping deeply after his labours of the day, she could see the events rerunning like a film. Her brain shuffled the images to the left and the right. Why had Chris behaved like that? God, I hardly know the woman, perhaps it is because she is a comparative stranger that makes the situation so dreamlike-and exciting. Is she a bit queer? Am I? After all, I did touch her breasts. No, she’s got two kids-well so have I. On the other hand why should there have to be a name, a label, for something so innocent as a touch? Jan shouldn’t have been surprised at her confused reaction to the event. Because she wasn’t one for detailed planning, nor for analysing her own or other people’s emotions, she simply had no mechanism for dealing with such things. Her accepting and caring nature was of the, what is, is, variety, something that Mike found difficult to understand because he was always trying to find the logic behind the illogical. The only certainty for Jan on this occasion was that here, in the darkness, she was finding it more arousing now than then. Her fingertips were remembering the silky smoothness, the warmth and texture of another woman’s breast, as they now explored her own breasts. Was there a difference-not really, and she wondered what other parts of Chris’s body would be like to touch. But then, perhaps the excitement was in the fantasy, and not the actuality. There again, perhaps it was the ‘sameness’ that excited her. It had been strangely familiar, like touching herself. Whatever it might be, Jan’s other hand was moving down, down between her soft, smooth thighs.

  Even though he moved silently through the midnight darkness,in the house, the dog,ever alert, stood barking at the unseen threat. In the shed, he slowly and quietly drew back the back the bolt on the pig pen door. The sleeping pigs nestling in the warm straw, snuffled and huffed contentedly, unaware, as yet, that a gentle push on the door would give them freedom. The intruder gave a sly grin of satisfaction as closed the shed door behind him.

  The next morning, Saturday, the dry weather had broken and the children were playing in the large sitting room, well, what they were now calling, the ‘sitting room,’ still a bit of a mess and a stack of unopened boxes still remained in one corner - Jan just didn’t know where to put what. Mike was staring out of the window wondering which job to tackle next and watching the rain moving across the valley like billowing grey waves. Back in the town it would have been difficult to actually see the weather.

  ‘Come and look at this Jan,’ Jan came in from the kitchen, stirring a bowl of cake mix.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Look at the rain, it’s moving in great grey lumps across the valley.’

  ‘Oh yes, I’ve never seen that before, amazing.’

  ‘’Tis isn’t it, mind you I wish it wasn’t raining. There’s so much to do outside. We need to get the crops planted-we need the money.’

  ‘I know, but never mind love, there are plenty of jobs you could do indoors.’ Mike was fully aware of his ever-extending workload, but David, ever watchful and all ears, saw an opportunity.

  ‘Dad, could we have the telly back?’

  ‘Aw yeah dad could we?’ Mandy chipped in.

  ‘That’s a good idea Mike; they’ve been so good, what with starting a new school and walking over the fields to the catch the bus. I’ll leave you lot to it then, I’ll get on with cooking in our deluxe kitchen.’ Jan spoke with more than a hint of irony.

  ‘Okay, if I knew which box it was in’

  ‘It’s that one over there Dad, the white box.’

  ‘I might have known you would know, David,’ Mike said cheerfully, I really don’t know why you want it. We’ve managed without ever since we’ve been here.’ Mike and Jan weren’t missing the television at all, nor had the kids during their holidays. But know they were back in school they couldn’t keep up with the latest ‘news’ without it.

  ‘We want to watch the cartoons and things.’

  The television was a small black and white portable, which had been adequate in their little sitting room at home, but it was going to look a bit silly in a big room. Mike dusted off the screen and found the only socket in the room-something else that was needed, more power points, and switched on. After much waving about of the indoor aerial he found he could get BBC one and two at one end of the room, but had to move the whole paraphernalia to the other end of the room for HTV the commercial channel.

  ‘Cor thanks dad, we can watch ‘Catweazle,’ oh, and, ‘On The Buses,’ and other things as well.’ David was a huge telly addict, Mandy was less bothered but liked being first with any news.

  ‘Mum, mum, come and look, the telly’s back on.’ Mandy called to Jan, who was as usual still in the kitchen, but dutifully trotted in at her daughters request.

  ‘Oh, yes, very nice sweetheart, not a very good picture though, is it?’

  ‘Well, no, but it’s not like back home. We’re probably a long way from a transmitter here, and the hills don’t help either. I think we need an aerial on the chimney. We’ll just have to keep moving it from one end of the room to the other, to get all the stations.’

  ‘Well, it doesn’t, matter, Mike, the kids are happy enough with it.’

  ‘Yeah, suppose so. Anyway, I’ve decided to make a start on cleaning off the woodwork on the stairs, get it back to natural wood. What do you think? It would save us having to paint again.’

  ‘Chris and Keith have done the same it looks lovely - except for the lilac paint.’ Mentioning Chris, gave Jan a stab of her old familiar guilt about her clandestine bedtime activ
ities of the previous night. And, if any one had noticed, they would have seen her countenance change a little as she shrank back into her protective shell.

  ‘Right, that’s what I’ll do then.’

  Mike gathered the tools for the job, including an ancient brass blow lamp that once belonged to his father, to burn and scrape off the bulk of the old paint on the flat surfaces. All the other little nooks and crannies would have to be done by hand, which would make the job slow and tedious, but eventually a huge improvement. He worked on until Jan called that lunch was ready and the kids and Mike headed eagerly to the feeding station.

  ‘Um, I needed this.’ Mike was always hungry and the snack of lettuce and ham soon disappeared

  ‘I was just thinking won’t it be great when we have our own lettuce. And come to think of it perhaps our own ham-if I could learn how to cure it,’ Mike said enthusiastically.

  ‘Sounds nice love but we haven’t got a pig –yet.’ Jan, always the practical and calming one.

  ‘Will we have to kill the pig dad?’ David chipped in, with a somewhat murderous gleam in his young eye.

  ‘Well I don’t think it would be to pleased if we just cut lumps out of it if it wasn’t dead,’ Mike said with a silly giggle. His joke fell a bit flat and they all gave a groan of disgust.

  ‘That’s not very nice, Mike,’ Jan said disapprovingly.

  ‘Mum, I’m not going to eat meat any more,’ Mandy moaned, and gave a petulant pout.

  ‘There now see what you’ve done,’ Jan reprimanded

  ‘Well, I will, dad,’ David said with enthusiastic bravado.

  ‘Shall we all talk about something else please,’ Jan said, giving Mike a, ‘’don’t you say any more,” look, and adding, ‘who wants a piece of my fruitcake for afters?’

  After lunch, the rain was still heavy so Mike and Jan worked together sanding and scraping the stairway and were making good progress. This was Mike and Janice at their best. They made a good team and each had their own particular talents, and if something came up that neither of them knew little about then they would work it out together. Of course between them they already had done up one house so they had had plenty of practise.

  ‘It’s looking good already, just wait ‘til we get the varnish on.’

  ‘Dusty job though, time we had a cuppa I think,’ Jan suggested.

  ‘Yeah, good idea love, off you go then woman,’ Mike grinned playfully at Jan, who responded in equally playful way.

  ‘Don’t you, woman me, man. Why me anyway, what about you doing it for a change?’ Jan retorted with mock anger.

  A knocking on the old and battered front door interrupted their banter. They looked at each other.

  ‘Who the hell can that be, in this weather-didn’t hear a car did you?’

  ‘No, nothing, better go and see who it is I suppose.’ They were both disappointed at having their peaceful and productive afternoon disrupted, but Jan crossed the hallway to open the door and was surprised by seeing Keith and Chris standing there.

  ‘Hello, hello, what a surprise, come in out of the rain. Didn’t expect callers on a day like this.’

  ‘It’s awful isn’t it? Hasn’t stopped all day, but we had to come out to take our two to a birthday party. We’ve just dropped them off so Keith thought we’d call and see you. That’s the trouble around here; you spend so much time shunting kids around. Can’t just put them on a bus, and it’s to far for them to cycle,’ Chris shrugged her shoulders and sighed, ‘kids, what a pain, eh?’

  Jan was a little surprised at Chris’s seemingly indifferent attitude her children.

  ‘Hello folks,’ Mike said as cheerfully as he could as he joined them in the hallway.

  ‘Hi Mike, I’ve got that address you wanted-for the van you’re looking for. He’s got one that would be just right for you. I’ve told the bloke you’d call and have a look.’

  ‘Oh right, yeah, the van, thanks Keith.’ Mike wanted a van but had been putting it off because of the expense, and he hated being pushed into things. But, faint heart never won fair van-or something like that. But it looked as though a visit to the Bank for a loan was imminent.

  ‘We were just going to have a cuppa, fancy one?’

  ‘Tea? How about a real drink?’ Keith said with a grin, and pulled out a bottle of wine from the capacious poachers pocket in his waterproof jacket. Jan and Mike didn’t really want to sit around all afternoon drinking, but had to be polite.

  ‘Lets go in the sitting room its warmer in there, I’ve got the fire going, for the kids.’

  The visitors removed wet coats, and of course their Wellingtons, and they all trooped into the room, chairs were pulled around the fire and the drinks poured. Mandy and David carried on messing about with bits and bobs on their old play table and ignored the intrusion. Jan was still feeling a little uncomfortable about Chris’s behaviour the day before, but they sat together and began their own conversation about the impending Am Dram night and housewifely matters and all was, ‘As normal as strawberry jam,’ as Mikes grandmother would have said.

  Mike and Keith were sitting together having their conversation at the other side of the room.

  ‘We’ve had a hell of a day, Mike,’ confessed Keith, taking a large swig of the wine. ‘I got home about ten last night, knackered from all the driving so went straight to bed. This morning, I found all the sodding pigs were out of their pens rampaging through where we keep their food. Bloody awful mess, bags torn open, shit everywhere. About forty quid’s worth of pig food ruined, and the pigs lying around with stomach ache and diarrhoea.’

  Chris, hearing what her husband was saying, chipped in. ‘Our dog was barking her head off in the night, but she’s been doing that a lot lately so I didn’t think anything of it. I just don’t know what’s going on. Last week the cattle got out and into the winter kale, and that’s another mystery. But I just can’t understand how the pig pen bolt came to be open. He says I must have done it but I distinctly remember locking the door after I fed them.’

  Keith gave his wife a look that said, ‘I know it was you, but I am not saying any more about it.’ Jan knew the signs and guessed they must have had a row, so tried to distract Chris by restarting their previous conversation and leaving the men to theirs.

  ‘Well how are things with you, Mike?’

  ‘Oh, you know, Keith, slow but sure.’

  ‘As the Bishop said to the actress,’ Keith was trying to get in a party mood, and downed his drink in a rush, ‘I see you’ve ploughed that piece of land around your poly-tunnels.’

  ‘Yeah, Idris Evans did it for me, do you know him? Only charged me twenty quid.’

  ‘Twenty quid, what a rip off the standard rate is only seven pounds an acre, the bloody crook. Still, I did warn you Mike, you’ve got to watch these locals. They can be right sods. They do you a favour one minute then rip you off at the first opportunity.’ He took another large gulp of wine.

  ‘Yes, well, it didn’t seem to bad to me,’ Mike was saddened that his kind thoughts about his one-time helper had been shattered and changed the subject before Keith got too worked up with the topic.

  ‘Jan said you go up Newcastle way quite often.’

  ‘Aye man, ‘fraid so, but it has its compensations-you know,’ he gave Mike a knowing wink. ‘When the cats away and all that,’ he continued, lowering his voice to a whisper, ‘of course who knows what the women get up to, eh.’

  Well, well, Mike thought, is he at it when he’s away from home-naughty boy? However to Mikes practised male ear it didn’t sound quite right. He had heard many men pretend that they were Casanova’s and Keith really didn’t seem the type. Despite his big talk he seemed to Mike, to be a quiet sort of fellow. Still, as Mike know from his own adventures, you can’t tell by looks what people are up to, but despite Keith’s aura of openness Mike found him a rather enigmatic chap. And what did he mean by ‘what the women get up to?’ He must mean Chris? What was she doing when he was away?

  ‘And anoth
er thing Mike, I know where you can get a sow. ‘Mari Brunt’ has got two for sale.’

  ‘Mari who?’

  ‘Mari Brunt, that’s what the locals call her, it means ‘Dirty Mary,’ apparently, I call her Mucky Mary. Anyway, she lives just outside Llanddewi Brefi - bit of a nut case, but she knows her animals. I’ll scribble out a map of how to get there if you like. If I were you I’d buy the two. That would really get you going.’

  ‘Okay, thanks Keith, but why do you call her, Mucky?’

  ‘You’ll find out soon enough,’ Keith laughed, ‘it will be a nice surprise for you.’

  ‘Anyway, I’ve nearly finished one pen,’ Mike continued, ‘I found some old concrete blocks behind the barn, and some bricks. But I really need a van. I picked up a small amount of sand and cement in the car but I need a lot more to lay the floor. Anyway, how far away is this place-Llanddewi Brefi?’

  ‘Oh not far, about six miles, about the same as Porth. You haven’t got a trailer so she’ll bring the sow over for you-you’re in for a treat when you meet her.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Oh yeah, man,’ Keith said rather mysteriously, and poured himself another drink…

  ‘I’ve been thinking, Jan, I meant to say the other day but forgot. Seeing you haven’t got a bathroom if you want to bring the kids over for a bath sometime, or if you and Mike fancy a proper bath, why not come on over to our place. I know how difficult it must be, particularly with the kids.’

  ‘That’s very good of you Chris. It would be lovely to have a real bath now and then. We’ve decided to buy a Rayburn stove like yours, but it will only be second-hand one, and some sort of temporary hot water system. It will all have to be moved when we eventually build the kitchen, but we can’t manage without hot water, especially through the winter. And I’ve been cooking and boiling water on our old camping stove for weeks, so a Rayburn will be great. But are you sure we won’t be a bother, having strangers in your nice bathroom?’

  ‘Yes of course, you’re not strangers now, are you?’ She gave Jan a quizzical little smile, as though she was expecting a special response, but Jan didn’t pick up on it.