It's Wrong for Me to Love You, Part 3

by Krystal Armstead

  I shook my head. “Don’t bring my son into this, Tyler. You know what, I don’t need this. Get your shit and get out.” I picked up his shirt and jacket, shoving it into his chest. “Leave.”

  Tyler stood up looking down into my face, shaking his head at me. We fought almost every week. He was always saying some shit about my lifestyle that pissed me off. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at him, because he was right. Ever since my six-week checkup, my pussy was on the hunt. My heart shut down, and my pussy just took completely over me. That hole that was in my soul had to be filled with something, so I filled it with dick. As many as I could find it seems.

  * * *

  I no longer lived in that tiny apartment in Baltimore City. I was living it up in a decent-sized mansion in Washington, D.C. I inherited the home along with her maids, nannies, and cooks from my great-aunt on my mother’s side. She left the house to me when she died the previous summer. She had no children of her own, and I was her favorite niece. I loved the fact that I was a little closer to Jamie. It made it that much easier to get to him when I needed him, though he made it a habit to make sure that he was always occupied. He replaced Ne’Vaeh with photo shoots, commercials, weight-training, football, and groupies.

  I stood in the mirror that morning, smoothing out my tight, long-sleeved black dress. It hugged my curves and cupped my breasts. It had a split that came up to my thigh on the right side of my dress. My hairstylist, Holly, straightened my hair in no time. I sat my black pillow-box hat with netted veil and feather on top of my head, just when the doorbell rang. I knew it was Jamie coming to pick up August. His aunt wasn’t going to Alisha’s funeral and agreed to watch our son while we went to the funeral.

  I held my long dress up a little so that I could hurry out of my room, and to the top of the steps so that I could make an entrance when the maids opened the door for Jamie. I stood at the top of the stairway and slowly made my way down the steps when Carlita opened the front door. There he stood, in a crisp blue buttoned-down shirt, brown dress pants, and polished brown Italian leather dress shoes. A brown hat hung over his eyes a little. When he greeted Carlita, I could see his ice grill gleaming. He couldn’t give up Memphis, Tennessee for nothing. That Southern sex appeal still drove me wild. I had the hardest time keeping my distance from him. Co-parenting with a man as fine as him was tough, I mean tough. Going over his place, seeing bitches laid up in his house, drove me fuckin’ crazy. He did respect me enough to put the hoes out when our son stayed with him.

  Jamie’s eyes traced up my legs as I strolled down the steps and over to him. He grinned a little, tilting his hat up a little to get a better view. “Sup, shawty?”

  “Hi, Jamie,” I played it cool.

  His eyes traced my red lips as Carlita stepped aside, letting Jamie into the house.

  “Carlita, can you please go tell Lilia to bring little August?” I smiled at Carlita. “Thank you,” I said as she hurried off to get her. I looked at Jamie. It had been a little over a month since we’d seen each other face to face. For the past month, he’d been picking up August from my mother’s house every Friday and dropping him back off at my mother’s on Mondays.

  Before Aaron and I broke up, he had hooked me up with Jamari William Davis, one of the top modeling managers on the East Coast. His wife, Golden was friends with the owner of Diva Game, and that’s how I landed that contract. When Jamari wasn’t flirting with me, he had me modeling for all sorts of fashion designers for the past five months. He took me all over the world. For about six months, all I was known as was Jamie Green’s baby’s mama. Once Jamari showcased my talent to the top glamour magazine editors, that was a wrap. I started with the fashion shoots for the top fashion magazines. From there, I had at least ten or twelve designers asking for me to walk on their runway. And the rest is history. I had to make a name other than “slut” for myself. I still danced from time to time, but once Alisha was too weak to dance, I quit the dance team. She’d travel with me when she wasn’t too sick. But for the most part, she’d show her support from home. I stayed as busy as I could to avoid watching Alisha die, Ashton suffering, and Jamie fuckin’ other women.

  “If you didn’t have that hat on, I’d think you were goin’ to a club or somethin’, shawty.” Jamie grinned, teeth glistening.

  “Is that supposed to be a compliment?” I smoothed out my dress a little.

  “I don’t have to tell you how good you look, as if you didn’t know.” Jamie tilted my hat a little.

  I looked at him, so glad that the veil covered my face just enough so he couldn’t see my eyes watering. Jamie was so fuckin’ hot. I loved looking at that muthafucka. You know the feeling you get in a restaurant when your plate is coming, and the waiter sets it right down in front of you? Yeah, that’s the way I felt whenever Jamie Green walked into a room. Jamie appealed to all five senses, and he knew that shit, too.

  “So, which one of your hoes are you bringing with you to my girl’s funeral?” I played off my attraction.

  Jamie laughed a little. “Man, nobody. I’m about to drop my son off, and then I’m headed to the church. I ain’t goin’ with anybody, shawty.”

  I looked at him. He was hoping Ne’Vaeh showed up. I hadn’t seen or heard from her since New Year’s 2015. And from what I knew, Jamie hadn’t seen or heard from her since she turned down his wedding proposal at the airport. The shit was all over YouTube. Ne’Vaeh went straight to Atlanta and didn’t look back. I’d seen her in a few videos with Anastasia Jones. Anastasia even brought her up on stage with her after winning her fourth BET Music Award in 2015. When I ran into Renée at the mall last fall, she said that her cousin wasn’t doing well. I had no idea what to think. I wanted to go see her, but I knew she wouldn’t want to see me. And even though Renée assured me that Ne’Vaeh really needed my support, I still didn’t budge.

  “You think she’ll show up today?” I hesitated to ask Jamie. “It would be nice to see Ne’Vaeh, wouldn’t it?”

  Jamie just looked at me, as Lilia walked down the steps with little August. The look on Jamie’s face was priceless. He loved our little boy. From the moment little August came into this world, Jamie was right there. I remember the night that my water broke. I was lying in bed, watching Lifetime, when I felt a pop between my legs. It felt like a reflex to pick up the phone and call Jamie. Luckily he was already in the area and got to me in no time. He got me to the hospital and stayed with me, holding my hand through it all. I just knew the man would bail on me, but he didn’t. The first sight that my baby saw when he opened his eyes was his daddy. And they’ve been inseparable ever since.

  My baby boy nearly jumped out of Lilia’s arms that morning, happy as hell to see Jamie. “Daddy, daddy!” He squealed, as Jamie took him from Lilia.

  Lilia smiled, taking the diaper bag off of her shoulder, handing it to Jamie. “He’s been asking about you all morning, Señor Green.” She grinned at Jamie.

  I looked at Lilia. That bitch. You should have seen the look on her got-damn face, watching Jamie playing with our son. Either they were smashing, or she was crushing. Either way, I was going to put an end to that shit.

  I cleared my throat, snapping her out of her thirsty-ass trance. “We’re good, Lilia. You can get back to work.”

  Lilia smiled at me nervously, then scurried off to finish her work.

  Jamie looked at me, holding August in his arms.

  I folded my arms, looking at him. “Nigga, are you fuckin’ her?”

  Jamie grinned, shaking his head to himself. “Are you fuckin’ my teammate?”

  I shut my mouth real quick.

  Jamie nodded, “Yeah, shawty, so don’t question me about what the fuck I do, especially when you got niggas braggin’ about your head game in the locker room. But naw, I ain’t fuckin’ with shawty. I could; trust me, I could, but I’m not. Is everything I need for little man in the bag, Charlene?”

  “Y–yeah,” I stuttered. “Everything should be there.”

  “A’ight. Good. Our
son is all we need to be talkin’ about. All that other shit is irrelevant, shawty.” Jamie’s eyes searched my face.

  I shook my head at him, then kissed my baby on his rosy cheeks. “See you later, baby. Be good for your auntie, okay? Mommy loves you!”

  Jamie turned around and left.

  * * *

  Like I said earlier, I was not prepared for that funeral. People I hadn’t seen in years showed up to the Newman’s house that day. Alisha’s entire family on her mother’s side was there. Of course, the entire dance squad from Morgan was there. Not to mention our old teammates from high school and middle school were there to support Alisha. Some of our old teachers were there. The entire basketball team and football team from both high school and college were there. Renée showed up like she did everywhere else—with about ten of her friends. Jamie showed up alone as promised. My mother, sister, and brother showed up. Of course, Ashton’s entire family was there.

  Alisha’s father, who was nowhere to be seen in the girl’s life while she was alive, showed up. Ms. Danielle Newman was feeling some type of way about that, but she kept her cool. I helped Ms. Newman give out the obituaries. I could barely look at Alisha’s face when I went to the wake the day before, let alone look at her face on the obituary. Alisha was beautiful even when she was on her deathbed. She looked tired, but she was still so pretty. Tyra held my hand that day we viewed her body in her casket. Alisha didn’t even look like she was dead, but looked like she was peacefully sleeping.

  Ashton didn’t say a word to anyone. His mother, Ashley Chester-Brookes, made me promise that I wouldn’t leave his side during the service that day. I was supposed to ride in a limo that carried Alisha’s body. Why they wanted me up close and personal with her dead body, I don’t know. Why they embraced me the way that they did when they knew our previous history, I don’t know. But Ms. Newman treated me like family. Alisha was her only child, and I couldn’t even imagine the pain that she was experiencing at that time. Alisha was talented. She had several chances to leave Maryland, and go to any art institute that she chose, but her mother clung to her with all her might. We had no idea that Alisha was sick until Ashton told me that night at Jamie’s Ravens party back in 2014.

  Ashton sat alone in the corner of the room. He sat in a chair, struggling to fix his tie. Frustrated, he threw the tie down on the coffee table. I excused myself from the crowd of people that I was mingling with, and went over to try to comfort him.

  “You need some help, Ashton?” I stood before him.

  Ashton looked up at me, eyebrows knitted together. He sighed, grabbed the tie, and then stood up from the couch. “I can’t get this shit right,” he mumbled, handing me the tie.

  I took it from him, then wrapped it around his neck, tucking the tie underneath his crisp collar. He looked so handsome. I couldn’t look up into his eyes. I didn’t want to cry, but my makeup was perfect. “Boo, you look so handsome.” I had to tell him.

  He looked down at me, looking my body over a little. “You look nice, too.”

  I tried not to grin. “Thanks, sweetie.”

  Ashton cleared his throat a little. “Alisha’s mother really appreciates what you did for her.”

  I opened up a dance studio named Alisha’s Dream for Alisha in the heart of Baltimore City. She often talked about opening a dance studio for little girls who couldn’t afford the dance lessons. A few of the Morgan Girls agreed to volunteer once a week to teach classes. I was rockin’ with some of the best dancers on the East Coast, so these little girls were going to make Alisha’s dreams of helping little girls achieve their goals come true.

  “It was no problem, Ashton. It’s the least that I could do for her.” I tied a knot in his tie.

  “And she really appreciates you helping us pay for that statue, too.” Ashton’s voice shook. We had a marble statue sculpted of a girl dancing to place next to her grave. The figure was looking up, arms reaching upward, as if she were dancing toward heaven.

  My lips trembled, but I refused to cry. One of us had to be strong that day. Ashton was so angry with me that he had a hard time showing me that he really appreciated me being there for Alisha despite our differences.

  “Your girl was a bitch, Ashton, but she always told the truth. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I’d only listened to her. The past year that I spent with her was awesome. She was a great friend, and I wish that I would have gotten to know her like that growing up. At least we can all rest assured that she’s not suffering anymore, Ashton.” I whispered, straightening out his tie.

  “That picture on her obituary is perfect, too. Thank you.” He finally thanked me.

  I tried to help out with the funeral arrangements as much as I could. Ms. Newman wasn’t in her right frame of mind, and her family couldn’t afford to spend the time away from work helping her prepare for the funeral. My mother’s God-parents owned a funeral home and covered the entire expenses of the funeral. Ms. Newman couldn’t thank us enough. We just wanted to make sure that she sat on the life insurance money, instead of having to spend it all on funeral costs.

  “Ashton, really, it’s no big deal. Please don’t make me cry right now, okay?” I tried to smile, finally looking him in the face.

  Ashton’s light eyes searched my face.

  I smoothed out his shirt a little.

  Ashton grabbed my hands in his. His hands were so warm, so smooth, and so gentle.

  I looked up at him. “Ashton, sweetie, you’re gonna make it. I’m here for you. I’ve always been here for you.” I slipped my hands from his. I wasn’t going to let him make me cry. “So, is everything set for Alisha’s party?”

  Aston nodded. “Umm, yeah, everything’s set. Ms. Newman isn’t coming. Matter fact, I don’t think any of the older crowd is comin’. Just the Nineties crew will be up in the spot. I hope Aaron’s flight makes it in time for the funeral. He called me about three o’clock this morning, and I haven’t heard from him since.”

  I looked at him. I hadn’t seen Aaron in person since the New Year’s party last year. I watched a few of his games overseas, even seen a few video clips of fashion shows of him in them. He was a really big deal overseas. Not only was he awesome at playing basketball, but he was beautiful to look at. I admit I missed him a little. I didn’t appreciate him when I had him. I didn’t realize what I had in him until I was all alone. I had been with him so long that I had forgotten how the single life was. I missed spending the night at his apartment and falling asleep in his arms. True, he loved Ne’Vaeh, but it took him nearly three years to approach her. It was my own fault for trying to get to him first when I already knew that he was feeling her.

  “How is he?” I sighed.

  Ashton grinned. “Fine, I’m sure.”

  It was the first time I’d seen Ashton attempt to smile in a long time. “What’s that grin for?” I questioned.

  Ashton tried to wipe the smirk from his face. “My man is finally happy, that’s all. He’s in Miami, in case you didn’t know. Plays for Miami Heat.”

  I shook my head. “No, I didn’t know.” I had a feeling deep down in my soul, telling me that it was best that I didn’t know anything about his life without me in it. Apparently, whatever he had going on put a smile on Ashton’s face that I hadn’t seen in over a year.

  * * *

  I had to compose myself as I stepped inside of the hearse that carried Alisha to the church. I sat in the limo next to Ashton and Ms. Newman. I had to count to ten about a hundred times to keep from hyperventilating. Ashton put his arm around me to try and comfort me, and I lay my head on his chest to try and comfort him. The ride to the church was the longest ride that I’d ever taken. My mother’s God-parents did a fantastic job setting up the flower arrangements at the church. I felt like we were more at a wedding than at a funeral. The Phillips made the event seem more like a celebration than a catastrophe, something Alisha would have wanted.

  Alisha’s and Ashton’s family filled about 80 percent of the church. T
here was not enough space for everyone; people were lined up and down the aisles, and along the walls. I sat in the first row, alongside Ashton. I sat and watched as more people flooded their way into the church. Jamie sat down right next to Renée. He just knew Ne’Vaeh was coming. He acted as if he was over that girl, but I was no fool. He was angry with her for leaving him, but his heart just wouldn’t let go. I’m not going to lie and say that shit didn’t hurt like a muthafucka, but I’ve known that boy was in love with her since elementary school. I don’t think there was anything that girl could do to make Jamie stop loving her.

  No sooner than Jamie sat down next to Renée, did Aaron stroll into the church. He was dressed in a royal blue dress shirt, dark brown-striped tie, and dark brown dress pants. He looked amazing. And he’d grown his curly hair out. He sat down next to a few of his old teammates. Maybe ten seconds later, Ne’Vaeh strolled into the church. The petite little thing had on this brown, tight-fitted designer dress that had a short train. She looked like a million dollars. Her sleek hair fell just below her shoulders. Renée caught sight of her and waved for her to come over. You should have seen the look on Jamie’s face when Ne’Vaeh grinned at her cousin and then went to sit with Aaron. Jamie turned around and looked at me. “Look at this shit” was written all over his face. I turned back around, heart pounding in my chest, and I looked at Ashton, who had that same stupid grin on his face that he had back at Alisha’s mother’s house.

  I looked back at Renée, who was looking at Jamie like she expected him to go over and put an end to whatever the fuck was going on. Jamie just sat there, slouched back in the pew. He was pissed, but he was still a fool in love. He sat there, cool, calm, and collected. Renée’s dramatic ass got up from her seat, shoving passed people until she made it over to her cousin.

  I should have known that Ne’Vaeh would show up with her got-damn entourage. Anastasia Jones and Darryl Allan burst through the church doors with about eight other people, strolling down the aisle like they were on the got-damn red carpet at the Grammy’s. It was supposed to be Alisha’s funeral, yet everyone was looking at Anastasia. I hadn’t seen Ne’Vaeh’s ass in almost a year and a half, and there she was, in Aaron’s arms, surrounding herself with a crowd of celebrities, making it damn near impossible to approach her that day. Yeah, Ne’Vaeh was there to try and stunt on my ass with Aaron at her side. My Aaron.