It's Wrong for Me to Love You, Part 3

by Krystal Armstead

  Aaron watched his friend leave, then looked back at me. “What’s good wit’cha, Charlene? Long time no see.”

  I looked at him, eyeing the platinum and diamond wedding band on his left ring finger. Yeah, his ass was married alright. “Nothing much. How are things going with you? I can’t help but notice the bling on your finger.”

  And Aaron couldn’t help but grin, dimples piercing his cheeks. “Oh, this?” He looked down at it, then back up at me. “Looks good on a nigga, huh?”

  I had to admit, he was glowing. I’d never seen that boy look so happy, so complete, like he’d achieved everything that he ever wanted in life. He was twenty years old and married to the girl of his wet dreams. How lovely. “What do your parents have to say about it? As a matter of fact, have you even told them about it?” I grinned, just knowing that he would be unresponsive to the question. Aaron’s mother—as ignorant as that bitch was—was his heart. “I know Miss Ella is just lovin’ this shit.”

  Aaron looked me in the face and said with so much heart and soul, “Fuck my mama and her got-damn opinion.”

  I damn near swallowed my tongue. “Okay, Aaron, damn. You sure grew some balls since you’ve been with ol’ girl. ‘Fuck your mama’? Wow, nice!”

  “You know what I mean, Charlene.” Aaron sighed, shaking his head. “If I let them run my life forever, I’m never gonna be happy. I’m doing me, with her, ya feel me?”

  As bad as it hurt to know he was married to that girl, it was really nice to know he finally stood up to Ella’s color-struck, stuck-up ass. “When was the big day? And why wasn’t I invited?”

  “We got married in Paris, last October, on shorty’s birthday. We didn’t invite anyone, not even my parents. We didn’t tell anyone. I just let muthafuckas figure it out on their own when they saw the ring on her finger, and her signature when she signed her name. I mean, I wanted to tell the world, you know that. But Heaven didn’t want her folks trippin’ on her. You know, she’s got Anastasia Jones riding’ her ass, always trying to change her image, and then you have Renée always playing got-damn mama.” Aaron looked at me for a few seconds before going over to pick up the tape that Ashton threw across the room. “Aston is pissed than a muthafucka at you, Charlie. The fuck you do to him?” Aaron walked back over to the box of trophies they had started packing but hadn’t finished.

  I laughed a little. “Do to him’? I didn’t do anything to him.”

  “You sure? The shit you do affects more than just you, shorty. You never did realize that.” Aaron looked at me, as he sat down on a stool. “Alisha was Ashton’s heart, Charlene; we all know how much he cared about that girl. But you—”

  I looked at Aaron.

  “Everyone knows that you are everything to that dude.” Aaron leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, looking up at me. “How the fuck do you think he feels watching you pull up in Jamie’s ride? You don’t think he knows where you’ve been all night?”

  I rolled my eyes. Everybody and their fuckin’ mama had something to say about what I chose to do with my time.

  “Why does anything that I do concern you? Aaron, I’m not your concern anymore, probably never was, so can you mind yours and I’ll mind mine, thank you?” I rolled my neck at Aaron, folding my arms.

  Aaron smirked a little. “Really, Charlie? You think Jamie is yours?”

  Oh, Aaron always knew how to press my got-damn buttons. “Why are you worried about what the fuck I’m doin’? You have who you want so don’t worry about me. You’ve always wanted her, now you got her. Just don’t fuck it up, okay?”

  Aaron grinned. “I got this.”

  I nodded, fighting back the tears. “I bet you do.” I was genuinely happy for them, surprisingly. I was trying to be angry with them, but my heart wouldn’t let me.

  I heard Ne’Vaeh clearing her throat over my shoulder, behind me. I turned around to see Ne’Vaeh standing in the hallway, dressed in a tight gray tiny t-shirt and skinny jeans. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun. She looked adorable as usual. She tossed me a pair of vinyl dish gloves.

  Aaron stood from the stool, going over to slide his arm around her waist. He gently kissed her forehead. Oh, it was so adorable. “I’m gonna go check on Ashton. Make sure he’s alright,” he whispered to his wife.

  Ne’Vaeh looked up at him. As jealous as I was of her, I couldn’t help but feel overjoyed watching the way they looked at one another. Aaron always wanted that girl, and I knew his heart was rejoicing at the thought of that girl being his wife. I tried to hate her, I really did, but even I couldn’t help but grin at the way he grabbed and kissed her. It wasn’t a show for me; he genuinely lived and breathed Ne’Vaeh. I could tell by the way that he kissed her that he couldn’t live without her.

  “Aaron, baby, please don’t smoke, okay?” Ne’Vaeh pleaded with him as he walked toward the door.

  “I’m good, shorty. No cigarettes, I promise.” Aaron winked at her before leaving the apartment.

  Ne’Vaeh looked at me.

  I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face as I approached her.

  Ne’Vaeh gave me this IDFWY face. “What are you grinning about?”

  “You. This.” I pointed to her ring. I held her tiny hand in mine, looking at that beautiful ring. I wanted to hate her, you know how hard I tried. But I couldn’t. I looked into her face as she slipped her hand from mine. “You look like . . . like you can finally breathe.”

  Ne’Vaeh sighed, seeming relieved at my response, like she’d expected me to pop off on her for having the audacity to flaunt her relationship with Aaron in my face. “Yes, I can. He is a breath of fresh air. He loves me and only me, and that feels amazing. Aaron is where I’m supposed to be. Being with him feels like home.”

  My eyes grew misty listening to her talking about the way Aaron made her heart feel. I desperately wanted to feel that way. I slid the gloves on, fighting back the tears. “Okay, what are we cleaning?”

  Ne’Vaeh walked back into the kitchen. OMG, her waist was so tiny, and though she was a petite little thing, her bodily dimensions were phenomenal. Obviously, Anastasia had that girl working out; she was finally starting to get thighs and hips. “Well, I cleaned just about everything. We just need to clean the dishwasher, the countertops, and pack the rest of Alisha’s dishes.”

  I stood and watched as Ne’Vaeh emptied the dishwasher. We hadn’t seen nor spoken to each other for almost a year and a half. There was so much that I wanted to say to that girl; so much I wanted to tell her. At one point we were best friends. She was the only girl friend that I had that accepted me with all of my flaws, and I blew it. I should have just backed away and let her have Aaron. She didn’t deserve to get her heart broken by both me and Jamie.

  “So, how’s Jamie?” She hesitated, looking up at me as she sat the dishes on the countertop.

  I wasn’t sure what to tell her. That late night action I’d gotten from Jamie was the longest I spent with that boy since that night after Ne’Vaeh’s birthday party, a year and seven months earlier.

  “Are y’all dating or something?” Ne’Vaeh had the nerve to ask.

  I didn’t mean to laugh out loud, but her question seemed hilarious. “Jamie? Dating? Me at that? Girl, bye!”

  “Right,” Ne’Vaeh nodded, picking up a bottle of 409 from the countertop. “Y’all just fuckin’ as normal, right? No labels, no strings, huh?” She shook her head to herself, as she stooped down to spray the dishwasher down. It still hurt that girl to know that Jamie hadn’t changed. He hadn’t gone to see that girl since she moved to Atlanta. It appeared to be easy for him to up and leave her or to just let her go. I know that had Ne’Vaeh wondering whether or not Jamie ever loved her at all.

  I sighed, sweeping my hair over to one side, stooping down beside her. “Jamie loves you, Ne’Vaeh.”

  Ne’Vaeh couldn’t even look at me. She damn near scrubbed the stainless steel off of the Whirlpool dishwasher, she was scrubbing so got-damn hard. “Yeah, says the girl who’s fuckin’ hi
m.”

  I grabbed her hand, taking the sponge from her. “Aaron is the better man for you, and you know it! I had no business being with him in the first place. He was made for you and you were made for him. He is a good man, and you deserve him!”

  Ne’Vaeh looked at me, her big brown eyes sparkling. “Yeah, he is a good man. I was losing myself to depression last summer. All I did could think about was Jamie. My soul needed that muthafucka, but he never called or even asked Renée about me when she saw him at a party in DC! I sent him an invitation to come to the BET awards to see me, but he ignored it! I couldn’t eat, sleep, drink, think, anything without Jamie! When I turned his proposal down, Jamie lost interest in me altogether. I wouldn’t marry him, so I wasn’t shit, and that really hurt. After all you both had done to hurt me, he actually thought I’d accept that ring! Charlie, when I left here, I was pregnant.”

  I was stunned to silence. All I could do was start scrubbing down the dishwasher. But then I stopped to think, and looked at her. “So, where’s the baby? Let me see a picture of him or her!”

  Ne’Vaeh shook her head, hand over her heart. “There is no baby, Charlie.”

  “You got an abortion, Ne’Vaeh? You turned the nigga’s proposal down knowing that you were pregnant, then you went and got an abortion?” I shook my head to myself, scrubbing the dishwasher. I was too quick to judge.

  “When I pushed her out, she was already dead, Charlie. Her umbilical cord was wrapped tightly around her neck.” Ne’Vaeh damn near killed me with the response.

  I looked at her, speechless. She had to go through that alone. Jamie should have been there. Shit, I should have been there. “Ne’Vaeh, sweetie, I’m sorry.”

  Ne’Vaeh stood from the floor. “I held Sara’s lifeless body in my arms! She was so beautiful, so precious, and so tiny. She looked like she was only sleeping. I thought I was going to have a heart attack when the doctors took her from my arms and covered her face with her little white blanket. I got home to a room of baby clothes, toys, and furniture, and no little baby girl. And I went straight crazy. Do you know how many times I tried to kill myself? Do you know how many times I had to stay in the psychiatric ward? I needed you both, and neither of you showed up!”

  I stood up with her, trying to hold her trembling hand in mine, but she wouldn’t let me. Her eyes searched my face for the key print that she left on my face the day of my baby shower, in December of 2014. It took about three laser surgeries to remove that scar from my face. The area was still slightly darker than the rest, but nowhere near as bad as she left it.

  She looked back into my eyes. “Sara was the only piece of Jamie that I had left, and God took her from me . . . but he brought me Aaron. I went to the darkest place in life there is to get to the light. Aaron is the best thing that ever happened to me. He came to me when he knew I needed him, and I didn’t have to ask. Aaron accepts me for who I am—he loves me, he cherishes me, he completes me, and he protects me. So you can have Jamie, Charlie. . . . Aaron is where I’m supposed to be. All the heartbreaks, the lies, the rumors, the groupies, you can have that shit! And bitch, I hope you choke on it!” Ne’Vaeh tossed her gloves on the countertop and left the kitchen. And then left the apartment altogether.

  Jamie had no idea of what he’d done. And apparently neither did I.

  * * *

  Man, you should have seen how many people showed up to the yard sale that Alisha’s mother decided to have to get rid of the things that she didn’t want. Ashton was nearly in tears watching the Morgan girls go through her clothes. Ms. Newman sent Alisha’s furniture and electronics in the U-Haul to her storage unit. She also kept Alisha’s jewelry, cheerleading outfits, and her prom dress. The Morgan girls took just about all of her outfits and kitchenware. Ms. Newman tried giving Ne’Vaeh Alisha’s brand new China set, but Ne’Vaeh was crying too much to accept it. Ashton kept all of her trophies. All I wanted were a few of her photo albums. I wanted pictures of moments that we shared and moments that I had missed. It was really hard accepting the fact that she was gone, but we had no choice.

  Ashton didn’t say anything to me that entire morning. Aaron and Ne’Vaeh were headed back to Atlanta that afternoon, when Aaron thought it was a good idea to take us all out to lunch. He invited Kelissa, Heather, Tyra, and my mother to go along with the four of us (me, Ne’Vaeh, Ashton, and himself). Ne’Vaeh sat quietly at the restaurant next to Aaron, barely eating a thing from her plate. Every five or ten minutes, she was excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

  My mother carried on and on with Aaron about his basketball career. He didn’t want to boast on and on about himself. He was more into letting us all know about Ne’Vaeh. She was back on the music scene and had gone back on tour. I saw a few of her videos on MTV2 and VH1 the year before. She was hot as hell in those videos. Anastasia transformed her into a stripper in training. I knew Ne’Vaeh hated every minute of it, she didn’t have to tell me. The whole reason why she quit the cheerleading squad in high school was that the skirts were too short. The fact that Ne’Vaeh agreed to start performing in stage plays didn’t surprise me. She was shy, but when it was time to act and sing, she was a totally different person. I was really proud of her, but she was too angry with me to notice the smile on my face from the moment her name came out of Aaron’s mouth.

  After lunch, everyone parted ways. I caught up with Ashton as he was walking to his car. I always loved the way he walked. It was cool, calm, and collected, just like his personality, except when it came to me. Man, he was really feeling some kinda way about me dealing with Jamie in any type of way.

  “Ashton, hold up!” I called out, scurrying up the sidewalk in my stilettos.

  Ashton just kept on walking and got in the car like he didn’t hear me calling his got-damn name.

  “Ashton!” I yelled as I got to his car, just as he started the engine. I tapped on his tinted windows.

  Ashton rolled down his window. “What?” He looked straight ahead, temples twitching.

  I bent over, peeping inside of the car, eying the gym back in the passenger’s seat. “Headed to the gym, boo?”

  “I’m going to work. I’ll probably work out at the gym on my lunch break.” Ashton finally looked at me, gazing at my cleavage for a second or two. Ashton was going to college full time, unlike myself who dropped out of college as soon as I signed my name on that phat-ass modeling contract. Even Ne’Vaeh and Aaron were taking classes online. I don’t know how everyone maintained a full-time career and went to school full time as well. I could barely handle my career and motherhood, let alone going to school. Fuck all that.

  Ashton was working as a paid intern at the University of Maryland Medical Center. He turned down several offers to join the NBA. Once Alisha’s health started to deteriorate, so did Ashton’s interest in playing basketball. He kept his head in the books and off of anything that reminded him of Alisha.

  “Can I get a ride home?” I asked. “Please. My mama and the girls already left me.”

  Ashton looked up at me. “So, you want me to take you all the way to DC, and then drive all the way back to Baltimore to go to work? Is that what you’re asking me to do?”

  I wasn’t even thinking. I bit my lip. “Please.”

  Ashton just looked up into my face before letting out a long sigh. “How about I drop you over your mama’s crib? Don’t cha gotta pick up your son anyway in a little while?”

  I scurried over to the passenger’s side.

  Ashton tossed his gym bag in the backseat as I got in. His Audi was so clean and smelled so good. He kept his car neat at all times. You almost never caught him with a car full of people.

  After driving about fifteen minutes down the highway to my mother’s, Jamie finally decided to grace me with a text.

  What’s good, sleeping beauty? he texted.

  I rolled my eyes, texting, RME.

  Lol, Jamie texted back.

  What the fuck is it that you want, Jamie? I texted back.

  My assistant
, Karlie, is about to drop August off at your mama’s crib in about twenty minutes. She just called your mama to make sure that she was home, Jamie texted.

  Okay. Whatever, I texted back. I rolled my eyes. He knew I hated that funky bitch.

  Yo . . . I can still feel your lips on it, shawty, Jamie had the nerve to text. Jamie was straight wildin’ out, for real. Without Ne’Vaeh he really didn’t give a fuck.

  I burst out laughing, texting, Boy, bye!

  Ashton glanced at me “Who’s that?”

  I jumped at the sound of his voice, forgetting dude was even there. I powered off the home screen to my iPhone. “Oh, just Jamie texting me, saying his slut bucket sex-u-tary will be dropping our son off at mama’s in a little while.” I looked at Ashton.

  His temples started to twitch again as he clenched the steering wheel with one hand. “I never liked that muthafucka.”

  I sighed, rolling my eyes. “What the hell has he ever done to you, Ashton? Jamie has never given you any problems whatsoever.”

  “It’s not about me; it’s about what he’s done to you.” Ashton glanced at me.

  “Man, y’all are really killing me today! He hasn’t done anything to me that I didn’t let him do, Ashton!” I shook my head, really frustrated with everyone’s outtake on my life.

  Ashton changed the subject because he knew there was nothing he could say to me to make me think that Jamie was doing me any harm. “I buried Alisha in the ring that I gave her in eighth grade. Man, I saved up three hundred fifty dollars of my allowance to buy her that ring.” Ashton laughed a little at the memory of Alisha. “She loved that ring. She showed that ring off like it was a fuckin’ engagement ring!”

  I smiled. “That girl really loved her some Ashton.”

  Ashton looked at me. “But I’ve always loved you, and she always knew it.” Ashton pulled up in my mother’s driveway and cut the car off. “And I always felt bad about it, but I can’t help the way that I feel.”

  I looked at Ashton, already feeling where the conversation was headed. “Ashton, we already talked about this. You know how I feel about you. You are the perfect guy. You deserve way better than me, and you know it.”