It's Wrong for Me to Love You, Part 3

by Krystal Armstead

  “The only reason why Ne’Vaeh even came to Atlanta was to get away from you and Jamie. It shouldn’t even surprise me that you’d come here with him. I couldn’t make it to Ne’Vaeh’s reception because I had a concert in New York, but Jamie called me afterward. Said that Ne’Vaeh sang what was supposed to be her first single off of her second album, called ‘White Gold,’ to Aaron. He said Aaron’s mother was crying watching her son getting married to Ne’Vaeh. Watching Ne’Vaeh hugging Aaron’s mother had Jamie in tears, he said. Ne’Vaeh lost her brother, lost her sister, never had the mother she wanted, never knew her father. Jamie said the day she married Aaron, she got all that back. Watching Ne’Vaeh find true happiness made that boy realize he needed to find that, too. That he wasn’t complete until he had a family of his own.” Anastasia’s stare nearly burned a hole in the side of my face.

  I looked at her.

  “I wish he would have gotten his shit together with my cousin, because I sure as hell didn’t wanna see him with your thottish ass.” Anastasia looked me up and down.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t you have better thangs to do with your time than to worry about what I do with mine? If your two cents isn’t going toward any of my bills, I could give a fuck about anything that you say to me.”

  “Well, there’s no shame in your game, I can at least say that much about you. Just remember that sooner or later, you’ll run out of cards to play.” Anastasia grinned.

  I rolled my eyes. I should have listened to her, but I didn’t, the same way I brushed off everything that everyone else said to me.

  “You’re gonna hurt him,” Anastasia shook her head at me. “I just know it.” And she left the bathroom, leaving me standing there to face my reflection in the mirror alone.

  * * *

  I sat there at the bar in VIP that night, sipping on a melon cocktail and watching Jamie mingle with a few people. Just when I asked the bartender to fix me another drink, she looked at me and then pointed to the VIP entrance. I turned around to see Ashton standing in the entrance, eyes scanning the room. I stared at him long enough for our eyes to meet. Once he saw me, he made his way through the crowd of people over to the bar. I looked over at Jamie as Ashton approached me. Jamie wasn’t paying Ashton any attention until one of his associates directed his attention at Ashton walking over to me.

  Ashton stood before me, looking around the room at the group of people that I was associating with. He already knew they were Jamie’s people. I guess he wanted to read the expressions on their faces to see if their faces revealed anything to him that let him know that I was there with Jamie and not there alone.

  Ashton looked at me, temples twitching. “Charlene, you forgot we had plans tonight?”

  I looked up at him, heart pounding in my chest. He was taking me out to eat at my favorite Italian restaurant in Silver Springs. I remembered, I just knew he was planning on proposing to me, and I couldn’t break his heart. I should have known that he’d find out where I was. Like I told you, Russell must have looked at the log-in book at the gym, saw that Selena had given me the keys to the weight room that Jamie was using, and told Ashton that I had gone to the gym to meet Jamie.

  “I forgot, boo. Ummm, I was invited to Jamie’s album release party.” I watched the vein in Ashton’s temples throbbing. He was pissed.

  “Hi, sweetie.” Anastasia made her way over to us, holding out her hand to shake Ashton’s. “We never formally met at Alisha’s funeral, but I’m sure you know my name.”

  Ashton looked at her, then back at me.

  Anastasia lowered her hand when she realized Ashton had no intentions of shaking it. “You should stay a while, Ashton, there’s plenty to drink, and it looks to me like you’re gonna need one.” She patted me on the back, then walked away from us.

  “The fuck you doing here with this muthafucka, Charlene?” Ashton’s eyes searched my face. He looked over at the leather couch where Jamie was sitting, dressed in black and white.

  Jamie grinned, grill gleaming, with that “you should have known better than to let your girl come around me” face.

  Ashton looked back at me, “C’mon, Charlene, let’s go.”

  I looked up at him, shaking my head, “What? No, I just got here!”

  Ashton grabbed my arm, pulling me to him, about to take me out of that club if he had to drag me out. “I said, let’s go, Charlene!”

  Jamie rose from the couch. “Aye, nigga, she said she didn’t wanna leave. If you wanna leave, why don’t you take your ass the fuck up out of here?” He walked up to us.

  Ashton was still gripping my arm tight in his hands, standing there looking at Jamie like he wanted to slam Jamie’s head into the bar. “Muthafucka, was I talkin’ to you? I was talkin’ to my girl, so back the fuck up.”

  Jamie grinned. “Your ‘girl?’ Did your ‘girl’ come in this muthafucka with you? Did you put a ring on this finger yet? If not, she ain’t your muthafuckin’ girl. So you need to back the fuck up and get the fuck out this muthafucka before I put you out this muthafucka.”

  Just then, one of Jamie’s teammates walked by us, instigating, singing, “It’s not my fault she wanna know me. She told me you was just a homie!”

  Muthafuckas were already starting to clown.

  I sighed.

  Jamie chuckled to himself, grill gleaming under the club lights. “Oh, you thought she was your girl? I’m sorry, dude, my bad.”

  Ashton let go of my arm, about to get in Jamie’s shit, when I pulled Ashton away from him. “No, Ashton, no, we’re not gonna go here tonight!”

  Ashton yanked his arm from my hands. “Tell this nigga to back the fuck up then, Charlie. You’re the one who got this nigga thinkin’ he’s runnin’ shit! He keeps running his mouth, I’ma put my fist in that bitch!”

  Before Jamie came back with something real ignorant, I put my hands up to stop him, not realizing that Ashton’s eyes were fixated on the diamond bracelet that Jamie had given me that night. “Jamie, please, just let me talk to him.” I looked up into Jamie’s face.

  Jamie looked down at me and then back at Ashton. Jamie didn’t budge; he stood right there, ready if Ashton was ready. Jamie was ready to fight for me, something no one had done for me. You know my heart was racing, because I knew my life was about to change, only I wasn’t sure which direction it would go in.

  I looked up at Ashton, whose eyes were still on the bracelet.

  Ashton laughed to himself. “You’re still fuckin’ this nigga, Charlie?” He looked back into my face.

  My heart was racing, and my entire body was shaking.

  “Just tell me the truth.” Ashton snatched the wrist that had Jamie’s bracelet wrapped around it. “A muthafucka ain’t giving you shit like this unless you’re giving him something in return that’s worth just as much.”

  I pulled from him. “Ashton, I told you two months ago that we weren’t exclusive!”

  Ashton couldn’t help but laugh. “Not muthafuckin’ exclusive? When the only people we’re fuckin’ is each other, Charlene? What the fuck would anyone take from that? So, you’re telling me that I was just keeping the pussy warm while Jamie was out of town, is that it?”

  People were cracking the fuck up around us, like what Ashton was saying was an act in a comedy show.

  “Ashton, you know how I feel about you.” I looked up into his face.

  “Naw,” Ashton looked at Jamie, “I know how you feel about him.” Ashton looked back at me. “After everything I’ve done for you, after everything that we’ve been through, even after everything that happened this fuckin’ morning, you still wanna chose this muthafucka over me? Did you even tell him about this morning?”

  My lips trembled. I shook my head at Ashton, “Please, don’t do this.” I begged him. I couldn’t tell Jamie about the DNA test. Little August was everything to Jamie. And Jamie was everything to him. I wasn’t sure who fathered my son at that moment. The thought of August being Ashton’s son scared the hell out of me. I knew wh
at I was doing was hurting Ashton, but I just couldn’t tell Jamie the truth just yet. “Don’t do this here; I’m begging you.”

  “Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll walk away. You won’t see or hear from me anymore.” Ashton’s eyes searched mine.

  I looked over at Anastasia, who was shaking her head at me and my situation. I looked at Jamie who had “I told you not to play with this dude’s head” written all over his face. I looked back at Ashton. My heart was confused, but it knew who I desired the most. So I just said the first thing that came to my mind. “I love Jamie,” I whispered.

  Ashton shook his head at me. “Charlene, you know I need you. You wanna throw what we had away for some nigga who doesn’t know how to show his love for you other than to buy you shit and take you out to fancy clubs? Then do what you do, shorty. I’m not gonna stop you.” His eyes glistened. “I’m not gonna pretend that I’m not hurt. You know I wanted you since we were kids. To hold you, kiss you, touch you, everything to you felt good as a muthafucka—I’m not gonna stand here and say that it didn’t. If this man makes you feel the way that you make me feel, then I can’t come between that. I love you more than life itself, and if I can’t have you, well, there really is no point in saying anything else, is there?” Ashton looked around the room at all the muthafuckas who were snickering. Then he looked back at me. “What am I even here for?”

  I couldn’t fight the tears back any longer. “Ashton, sweetie, I’m so sorry.”

  “Naw, don’t be sorry, you made your choice. I hope he takes care of you the way I did. It’s just sad that you’d chose him over me. Him, a muthafucka who chooses when to and when not to fuck with you.” Ashton looked at Jamie, “You hurt her, they’ll be hell to pay, muthafucka.” He looked at me one last time, then walked away from us, making his way through the nosy bystanders.

  I watched Ashton walk out of that club. It took everything in me not to scream out his name, for him not to leave me, for him to come back. Maybe my heart knew that night would be the very last time that I talked to Ashton.

  Chapter 13: Gone

  Charlene

  I avoided Jamie for the entire weekend. He must have called fifty times. I felt so bad about what I had done, especially when I got home the night of our ‘break up,’ only to see that Ashton had left a tiny velvet box from Tiffany’s on my pillow. I was bawling, tears and snot were running everywhere as I popped open the box to find the most beautiful ring I’d ever seen. There, mounted in platinum, sat a diamond that had to weigh at least 3.8 carats. Tiny, brilliant round diamonds created a halo around it. And I was pretty sure the amount that he invested into that ring could have bought him a four-bedroom, two-story house with a complete basement in Maryland, paid for in full.

  That following Monday, I received the results to the DNA test by way of FedEx. Terrified to open it alone, I slid the envelope in my purse. I tried calling Ashton, but he never answered. I had been calling him from the night he left me at the club until the day of Ne’Vaeh’s baby shower. I didn’t want to open the envelope without him. I decided that after the baby shower, I would stop by his apartment and pay him a visit.

  Renée threw Ne’Vaeh a baby shower at her new condominium in Columbia that Monday afternoon. Ne’Vaeh was so cute, sitting there in her canary yellow strapless dress. Her hair was up in a perfect bun. Her long bangs were swooped to the side. Her Estee Lauder dual finish makeup was flawless. She sat there in the center of us, sniffling as she opened all of our gifts. We weren’t best friends anymore, and it sure as hell didn’t feel like we were sisters. You should have seen the eye rolls that I’d gotten from Ne’Vaeh’s family members, not to mention from a few of the girls on my dance team from the moment that I entered the door. I knew that more than anything, the gifts that always meant the most to her were the ones that came from the heart. So that’s what I decided to give to her that day.

  “Oh, here’s mine!” I grinned, picking my gifts off of Renée’s glass dining room table. I walked over to Ne’Vaeh, handing her the first gift.

  Ne’Vaeh tried not to grin as she took the gift from my hands, placing it in her lap. She tore open the box.

  “Oh, that’s pretty,” Danita commented as Ne’Vaeh held the gift in her hands.

  The first gift was this red-headed porcelain doll, dressed in a raincoat and rain boots that Ne’Vaeh always loved that sat on my nightstand, in my old bedroom at my mother’s house. Ne’Vaeh would play with it and sleep with it when we were in kindergarten. She loved that doll and always wanted it, though she never said it.

  Ne’Vaeh looked at me, holding the doll in her hands.

  “Open this one, too.” I handed her another box.

  Ne’Vaeh was reluctant to take the next box from my hands. She tore the paper from the box, immediately covering her mouth to fight back the tears. It was the box of Ninja Turtles that my mother bought for her little brother the night before he was killed.

  Ne’Vaeh looked up at me, lips trembling.

  “Since my sister seems to be speechless,” I winked my eye at her, “the first gift is the doll that used to sit on my dresser. She always loved that doll and would sleep with it when she spent the night at my house when we were kids. The second gift is a set of Kevin’s favorite toys, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My mother bought it for him, but he never got the chance to play with him because . . .” I watched the tears begin to roll down Ne’Vaeh’s cheeks. “. . . because he was killed the next morning. Ne’Vaeh, sweetie, I don’t know if you’re having a girl or a boy, so I gave you toys for both.”

  “Thank you, Charlie,” she whispered.

  I sighed, looking at everyone around me, who all looked shocked that I’d brought her such thoughtful gifts. “I know I haven’t been much of a friend or a sister to Ne’Vaeh these past few years. I’ve done and said some things that a sister, let alone a friend, should have never done.” I looked at Ne’Vaeh, “You deserve to be happy, Ne’Vaeh, more than anyone that I know. And I’m glad that you finally have someone who will make sure to keep a smile on your face. Aaron would give you the moon, stars, Heaven, and Earth if he could. It’s good to know that your heart is finally in good hands.” I wiped the tears that escaped from my eyes. “I love you, Ne’Vaeh Washington-Whitehaven. I know I don’t say it enough, but I love you, and I really miss you.”

  Ne’Vaeh reached for a hug, and I gave it to her. I hadn’t hugged my girl in so long, and it felt so good. I believed I cried more than she did in her arms. I tried to ignore the Morgan Girls shaking their heads at me. I’m pretty sure Dana and Danita’s big-mouthed asses told them about my foggy night with Ashton. I’m pretty sure they wanted to bust me out, but they knew that Ne’Vaeh didn’t deserve to go through the pain that my lifestyle caused. I wasn’t the only one that was paying for my mistakes. It seemed like the rope that I’d used to hang myself was slowly making a victim out of the people closest to me.

  Though Ne’Vaeh was grateful for the gifts, she still wasn’t so sure how to deal with me. I’d neglected her when she needed me the most. I played on her guilt of sleeping with Jamie when I knew I was wrong for tricking Aaron into marrying me, knowing I was pregnant with a baby that he had no idea wasn’t even his. Though Ne’Vaeh had found her happy ending with Aaron, she’d never forgive me for messing up what she had with Jamie. The love she had for Aaron was no comparison to that do-anything-for-you love she felt for Jamie. It hurt her to be with Aaron when all she ever wanted was Jamie. When we were kids, she told me that she would follow Jamie to the moon and back. That she’d be with him forever. That only God could keep her from him. And I believed it. I finally had Jamie to myself, and all I could think about was the fact that I didn’t deserve him.

  It had to be about 9:30 at night when the baby shower had come to a close. Aaron arrived at Renée’s condo to pick up Ne’Vaeh and the gifts around 9:15. The girls left around 9:45 after helping Renée straighten up her place a little. I was in the kitchen, washing Renée’s dishes when she noticed that I
hadn’t left with the others. She closed the door behind Kelissa, looking over at me.

  “Sweetie, you can leave, too. My new boo thang is coming over in about thirty minutes, and I need to go shower.” Renée walked into her newly modeled kitchen. “I plan on gettin’ fucked tonight by that sexy ass white boy, so you need to bounce. Deuces.”

  “Girl,” I rolled my eyes, drying my hands on her dish towel, “I’m not trying to fuck up your groove; I just wanted to help you clean up your apartment.”

  Renée grinned. “That was nice what you did for your ‘sister,’ Charlie, really nice. Who would have ever guessed a girl as grimy as you actually had a heart in there?”

  I looked at her, “Not tonight, okay, Renée? I’m feeling like shit enough as it is.”

  “I don’t see why. I heard from one of your girls that you started seeing Jamie again.” Renée shook her head at me. “You should be happy. You’ve always wanted your ‘sister’s’ man, and now you have him.”

  Renée always had a way of making me feel worse than I was already feeling. Just when you thought you couldn’t feel any lower, there Renée’s ass was, stomping you more into the ground with her Manolo’s.

  I shook my head back at her. “You know, Jamie always wanted that girl. He wanted her more than anything. Do you know how many times he’s called me ‘Ne’Vaeh’ while having sex without even realizing it?” I cringed at the thought that I had even imagined that I was her while having sex with him, so I could feel how it felt to have Jamie’s heart all to myself. “Do you know he has that girl’s name tattooed over his heart? Do you know that he wears that engagement ring that he tried to give to her last year dangling from a chain on his neck? The nigga just got the tattoo of baby Sara’s name tattooed right underneath Ne’Vaeh’s name! He will never love me the way that he loves her! I should have left well enough alone and just let them be together! I should have had the abortion before anyone found out so that they two could live happily ever after, then I wouldn’t be in this mess!”