Inside Heat

by Roz Lee

  Named after the first pitcher to have the surgery and make a successful comeback in the major leagues, Tommy John surgery was routinely performed now on athletes at all levels of the spectrum. If Jeff followed the physical therapy regime lined out for him, there was no reason to believe he wouldn’t make a full recovery and be back in the bullpen by next season’s All Star break.

  The hard part would be hiding her own pain from Jeff. She couldn’t let him see how much his and Jason’s actions had hurt her. For the next week, she’d be his private nurse, and no more. He’d made it plain that nothing had changed. He still wanted to keep their relationship out of the public eye. Her more rational self understood. The press would have a field day with the truth. Two elite athletes, twin brothers – living with the same woman. Both having a sexual relationship with that woman.

  It would be a scandal that could ruin both their careers, and hers, if the media found out about it. But in the last few months the relationship had changed. Jason was no longer a part of the equation.

  Somewhere along the line, she’d fallen in love with Jeff, and Jason had become little more than a friend with occasional benefits. The benefits had grown fewer and fewer until they’d completely disappeared. To say she didn’t love Jason would be a lie. She did love him, but it wasn’t the same kind of love she had for Jeff. Jason was her friend. What she felt for Jeff was so much more, and somehow Jason had picked up on it, probably before she had, and distanced himself from their complicated arrangement.

  His reminder that they were in a public place the night Jeff injured his arm had been a sharp wakeup call, but the way Jeff practically pushed her away as if he were afraid to be seen with her was what really hurt. It was Jason who explained away her presence as a family friend, and Jeff did nothing to change that status. It was foolish, but that silent denial had cut her to the core, and made her face reality. Jeff didn’t love her.

  Over the last few days she’d faced the ugly truth. She’d fallen in love with Jeff and stupidly began to dream about a life as his wife and the mother of his children. Over the last week, they’d spent a lot of time together. Jeff had made love to her with such tenderness she’d begun to believe again that maybe they could make it work. It wasn’t going to happen. Jeff didn’t feel the same way. To him she was a friend with benefits, and for the next week, his private nurse.

  * * * *

  Jason wrapped Megan in his arms. She’d been crying again. Bloodshot eyes and a red nose gave away what she tried to hide behind her forced smile. He cradled her head in his hand and held her close in the hallway outside Jeff’s room. In the last week, he’d seen the evidence of tears more times than he could count, and he was afraid he was responsible for at least some of them. He’d kicked himself a thousand times for the way he treated her after Jeff’s injury. That Jeff hadn’t corrected him had only made it worse. They’d hurt her, but she hadn’t said a word about it. Maybe he was a coward, but he didn’t know how to apologize. What could he say? “I’m sorry I treated you like a stranger?” He knew it was worse than that. He should have handled that moment in the training room differently. What would it have cost to introduce her as Jeff’s girlfriend? No one had to know about her relationship with him. Introducing her as a family friend had hurt her, reducing her to someone they were embarrassed to acknowledge. Yet here she was, hurting, needing to lean on someone herself, and offering instead to be Jeff’s private nurse for the next week.

  He curled his fingers in her hair and tugged her face away from his shoulder. She looked up at him with liquid eyes and he didn’t think about where they were, or who might see them. He wanted to wipe that lost look off her face. Her eyes fluttered shut as he dipped his head and covered her lips with his. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but much more than a casual acquaintance kiss. For a brief moment, she kissed him back, then she broke the kiss, pushing against his chest to put distance between them.

  “Jeff…?”

  “He’s fine. The doctor said he’d be out for a while, but the surgery was a complete success.” Leave it to Megan to be more worried about Jeff than herself. “What about you?”

  “What about me?” She wiped tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I’m fine, really. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”

  “Come on. There’s a waiting area down here where we can have some privacy.” He grabbed her hand in his and tugged her down the hall. When they were settled on hard plastic chairs with cups of lukewarm coffee from the vending machine, Jason said, “What happened today? You can tell me.”

  “Really, Jason…I’m fine. It was a rough day, but I’m here now. Tell me everything the doctor said.”

  * * * *

  Jeff floated in and out of consciousness. The surgery was over, and quite possibly his career now too. How he would go from this back to the Mustangs’ roster, he didn’t have a clue. His right arm hurt like a son-of-a-gun, and now that he thought about it, his left one did too. Memories swirled like a milkshake in a blender until they coalesced into something comprehensible. They’d taken a tendon from his left wrist and used it to replace the torn ligament in his right elbow. Now he’d have some scars too. Another way people could tell Jason and him apart.

  He wiggled the fingers of his left hand and swallowed a curse as pain knifed up his arm. Not a good idea. Weren’t they supposed to give him something for the pain? He lay still until the pain eased, then drifted back into sleep.

  The next time he woke, he remembered to keep still and was rewarded by a much clearer picture of the world around him. Not much had changed, but he got the impression it was late. Or maybe someone had dimmed the lights in his room. Both arms still hurt, but it was manageable now. He could live with this. It was tempting to try moving them again, but the memory of the last time he tried that was still fresh. He could wait until they made him move, and they would – very soon. All the doctor’s warnings came back to him now. Physical therapy would begin before he left the hospital, and it would be painful, at least at first. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but if it meant getting back on the Mustangs’ roster, then he’d do it.

  Megan would be there for him. He’d been an ass, thinking she was in love with Jason. The last week with her had been great, better than ever. They’d spent last night together, and he’d come to some conclusions. He loved her. Had for a long time. He wanted to make a life with her. She’d stand with him, no matter what happened with his career. Hell, she was taking off work to babysit him for the next week. She never said she loved him, but she told him in other ways, like the way she let him take care of her the other night. He liked taking care of her, liked the way her body responded to his touch, liked the way she gave herself to him. She needed someone to hold her, to make her forget about her shitty day and the stress of her job. Yeah, they were good together – in and out of bed. Maybe he’d ask her to marry him. He’d be home for months with nothing to do but his physical therapy. It would be a good time to get married, maybe get started on a family. An image of Megan round with his child formed, and desire had his cock hardening. At least that part of his anatomy didn’t need any repairs.

  The more he thought about it, the more convinced he became that it was the right thing to do. He couldn’t imagine his life without Megan. She loved kids so it wasn’t a stretch to think she’d like a few of her own, and he wanted to be the one to give them to her. The thought of her with another man made him want to hit something. His fingers curled reflexively inward. The pain wasn’t near as bad as before, but it was enough to snap his focus back on the task at hand. Get out of the hospital, and get back to work. He’d have plenty of time to fantasize about Megan once he got out of here.

  Voices in the hallway drew his attention to the open door. Jason. Would he stand in his way when it came to Megan? He didn’t think so. His brother hadn’t been with Megan in a long time. He watched as Jason signed an autograph for one of the nurses and tried to remember the last time he’d seen Megan and Jason together. It seemed l
ike months now that he thought about it. It seemed like Jason was gone more than he was at home these days. Maybe his brother had noticed something more between Megan and him and was giving them some privacy. Hell, maybe Jason was smarter than he looked. Jeff laughed to himself. Comments like that would have him in back in the hospital if Jason heard them.

  Jeff closed his eyes and drifted into a light sleep only to wake again to voices outside his room. It was fully dark now, but lights in the hallway illuminated the two people embracing. Jason and Megan. His heart lurched at the sight of his brother holding the woman he loved even though he’d seen them do much more. Why the friendly embrace didn’t set well with him now bothered him. Then Jason cradled Megan’s head against his shoulder and Jeff wanted to shout at Jason to let his woman go, but something about the way she’d gone into Jason’s arms stopped Jeff from saying anything.

  He knew that body language. She looked the same way the other night after a bad day at work. She let him soothe her worries away, just as Jason was doing now. He should be grateful Jason was there for her while he was stuck in this hospital bed.

  Jeff closed his eyes and concentrated on their low voices. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, and then they weren’t talking at all. He opened his eyes in time to see Jason kissing Megan. The fucking bastard. I’m going to kill him. For a moment it looked like Megan kissed him back, but then she pushed Jason away and Jeff heard her ask about him. Well, it’s about fucking time you wonder if I’m dead or alive. His brother assured Megan that he was going to be fine, then dragged her away. Jeff had no idea where they were going, but he heard the word, privacy, and that was enough.

  His temper spiked and he had to force himself to calm down. A nurse came in, checked his vitals, and asked if anything was wrong. Apparently, his elevated blood pressure had set off alarms in the nurses' station. He assured her he was fine, and after checking the equipment to make sure it was in proper working order, she gave him a drink of water and left.

  What a fool he was, thinking Megan was his. If it had been anyone else, he’d have a chance, but it was Jason. How could he have been so wrong? Last week, hell, last night, she was his. She couldn’t have faked the way she was with him, so what could have changed? Why was she clinging to Jason, kissing Jason as if he were the only man alive?

  The nurse came back in to check the equipment again. “Get some rest, Mr. Holder,” she admonished. “You’ll see the physical therapist in the morning, then you’ll be out of here in the afternoon.”

  It hit him all at once. He was what had changed. His career was on the skids, and Megan had run from his arms to his brother’s. His healthy, uninjured, brother. The one still on the playoff roster. The one who still had a career. A pain that had nothing to do with the surgery knifed through him. He closed his eyes and willed it to go away. The sedative the nurse had injected into his IV worked its way through his system and he slept.

  He never wanted to sleep again if he had to wake up with this kind of hangover. His head felt like a Little League team was taking batting practice inside his skull, and his mouth was as dry as the Sahara. A nurse hustled over and held a straw to his lips.

  “Good morning, Mr. Holder. How are you doing this morning?”

  “Like shit. How are you?” It was an unnecessary question. Her cheery attitude assured she was doing fine.

  “I’m just dandy. Thanks for asking.” She pulled the IV shunt from his arm with all the compassion of an axe murderer. Jeff cursed a blue streak that earned him a scolding from Nurse Perky. “Save your cursing for the physical therapist.” She slapped a bandage on the puncture wound. “She’ll be here in a few minutes, and I guarantee you’ll want to use up your whole vocabulary on her.”

  Just fucking peachy. “When do I get out of here?”

  “Well, let’s see…after the physical therapist, there’s your doctor. As soon as he sees you and signs the release papers, you can go. That should be sometime after lunch.”

  Jeff dropped his head back against the pillow and immediately regretted the sudden movement. “I’ve got a headache. Can I get some aspirin or something?”

  “Oh look! Here’s your breakfast.” A woman slid a tray onto his bed-table and left without a word. His stomach growled as he remembered he hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours. The nurse rolled the tray into position and raised his bed to a sitting position. It felt good to be sitting up, but the shifting of his arms reminded him how useless they were. His right arm was in a brace, and his left wrist was bandaged.

  “How the hell am I supposed to eat?”

  “That’s what I’m here for,” Megan stood in the doorway smiling at him. Well, shit.

  “I can do it myself,” he groused. He tried to pick up a toast point with his left hand, but only managed to drop it in his lap on the way to his mouth.

  “Don’t be an idiot,” Megan said. She crossed the room and snagged the toast, returning it to the tray.

  “I see the reinforcements are here.” The nurse removed her rubber gloves and headed for the door. “Enjoy your breakfast, Mr. Holder.”

  “She’s a lively one,” Megan observed. Jeff managed a grunt before Megan continued. “And you look like hell. How are you doing?”

  “I’m fucking fine. Can’t you tell?” He shrugged his shoulders to emphasize his sorry state. “How the hell am I supposed to function? I can’t even feed myself.”

  “That won’t last long. You’ll have full use of your left hand soon.” She lifted a fork loaded with scrambled eggs to his lips as she spoke. Jeff opened his mouth and almost gagged on the cold, tasteless mess.

  “No more! Christ, get me out of here before I starve.”

  Megan held a piece of toast to his lips. “Here. Try this.”

  He figured they couldn’t mess toast up too bad, so he bit off a piece and chewed. It was better than nothing, so he signaled with a nod for more. Megan brought it back to his lips for another bite.

  “The bacon doesn’t look too bad,” she coaxed. Jeff managed to grunt his acceptance, but he’d had enough of being an invalid. He reached for a slice of bacon and pinched it between his thumb and forefinger. It wasn’t pretty but he got the whole thing in his mouth. His success was encouraging, so he did it again with the second slice, and followed with the toast.

  “See? Better already,” she said.

  “Coffee.”

  Megan lifted the juice box to his lips instead. “Trust me. You don’t want that coffee. Have some juice and when you’re finished eating I’ll go down to the cafeteria and get you some coffee. They serve Starbucks down there.”

  “I want to go home.”

  “I know. And you will, soon. We’ll have you home in time to watch the game tonight.” He turned his head away as Megan held the juice box to his lips again.

  “No more.”

  “You have to eat, Jeff.”

  “Not that, I don’t. Go get me some real food.” He needed to get her out of his room. Feeling helpless was one thing, but having to accept help from Megan, knowing she did it out of duty rather than love was enough to make him sick.

  He breathed a sigh of relief when she grabbed her purse and stomped out the door. Really? What the hell did she have to be pissed about? He was the fucking idiot who couldn’t even feed himself. God help him if he had to take a piss.

  His peace was short-lived as it turned out. Megan probably hadn’t made it to the elevator when a woman carrying a giant tote bag entered his room. Her jeans and T-shirt said she wasn’t a nurse – that meant she must be the physical therapist.

  “Jeff Holder?”

  “That’s me.”

  “Hi!” She dropped the bag onto the visitor’s chair and stood by his bed. “I’m Stacey – your physical therapist. I’d shake hands,” she grinned a bright, all too cheery for the circumstances, grin, “but I doubt you’re ready for that.”

  If that weren’t an understatement, he didn’t know what was. “No. I don’t think I’m ready for that. And since
I can’t grip my own dick, I don’t see how physical therapy is going to do me much good today.” He had to give her credit. She didn’t take offense at his crude language. Her next words told him why.

  Stacey-the-physical-therapist shifted her stance so one hip jutted out to the side. She placed her balled fist on that hip and glared down at him. “Look, Mr. Holder. You can use all the foul language you want during our sessions, but I won’t stand for it otherwise. I’ve heard it all before, and trust me, you’ll probably make up a few new curse words before you’re back on the field. I’m here to make sure you get back to work as soon as possible, but if you insist on insulting me, then your dick is going to need physical therapy before I’m through with you. Did I make myself perfectly clear?”

  “You’re tougher than you look, aren’t you?”

  “I’m tough enough to make you scream, Mr. Holder.”

  “We’ll see about that.”

  Stacey smiled at him again, but this time it looked more like a wolf smiling at the lamb who was about to be her dinner. “So, are you ready to begin?”

  Apparently, that was a rhetorical question because she turned and dug in her bag, coming up with a red ball that resembled a clown nose. “Open your palm,” she stroked a finger down the length of his left forearm, stopping short of the bandage on the inside of his wrist. She was giving unnecessary orders. He could barely move his fingers without wanting to cry, much less make a fist. She dropped the ball into his palm. “Close your fingers around the ball. Lightly. You don’t have to squeeze it.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “I assure you, I’m not.” Her hand slipped under his and before he could jerk away, she’d pressed his fingers into a loose fist around the ball. He yelped with pain and she let his fingers relax. “Now, do that four more times, then we’ll switch to your other hand.”