Becoming Faith (JackholeS Book 3)

by Joy Eileen

  For the first time fear pushed its way through me. It never occurred to me that Kill was paying her off in order to keep something in the dark.

  “Don’t panic. I can see it in your eyes. She threatened to make scenes at our shows and try to ruin your life and Eugene’s.”

  My shoulders relaxed at her sad attempt to gain money. “Ugh, I almost wish she would mess with my dad. I would love to see Martha put her in her place.”

  We laughed, picturing Martha showing Claudette who was in charge.

  “I just wanted her to go away. We’ve made so much progress. I was scared you would run away again.”

  My system lurched at his words. Guilt poured through my veins, pushing itself through every pour. The pain I’d put him through hadn’t healed entirely. I made a silent vow to prove my trust in him, even if it took me until my dying breath.

  “I’m sorry I ran away from you, Kill. You have to know that I’m in it for the long haul. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Kill kissed my cheek and hugged me to him. I tightened my legs, wanting to get as close to him as I possibly could.

  “Things are going to get tough. Both of us are going to be busy getting our careers off the ground. This is going to be hard.”

  His voice held an edge of panic and sadness. The weariness of his stress caused his body to slouch into me as if the weight was too much.

  I fought to suppress the anxiety his words caused. “I don’t have to go on the book tour. I don’t want there to be any more strain on our relationship. It was me who kept us apart for so long. I could self-publish like I’d planned in the beginning. The tour isn’t a big deal at all.” I was rambling but couldn’t stop myself.

  “Stop. We’re fine. I know we’re going to get through this. We’re in a good place and we’ll be fine,” he reiterated. “Yes, I like where we are and wish we could stay in our little bubble. Yes, I’m going to miss not being with you twenty-four hours a day. And yes, I don’t like there will be times in the next six months where we won’t be staying in the same hotel. But we’re going to make it. I’m just going to miss you, that’s all.”

  The smile that smacked on my face hurt from the happiness his words produced. It strained my lips, wanting to keep growing. I’d just fallen more in love with Kill than I had been seconds before.

  “I’m going to miss you too. I’m glad you have Jet around to keep you company. He’s a good friend.”

  “He’s a good guy. Once he lets you past his filthy wall, you’re his family for life.”

  I wiggled in his lap, my want for him growing beyond the need to discuss our future. “No more talking.” My lips sought his while my hips moved against his stiffness.

  When his hands clasped my waist, stopping my movement, alarm trickled through me. The crease between his eyebrows combined with the tick in his jaw was more than enough to tell me we weren’t done talking.

  “What?” The clamminess of my palms stuck to Kill’s chest as I searched his face.

  “No more secrets,” he said before inhaling sharply. “Jason’s out of the facility.” His words rushed out, colliding together.

  Shock lanced through my heart, like electrical wires were thrust into it. We’d talked about Jason getting out and what we would do on numerous occasions. But we’d become complacent with the knowledge he was in a facility on the other side of the state. There was security in that fact, and now it had been snatched from us. The weight of the unknown pressed heavily between us.

  My hands clenched around Kill’s jacket. I waited for him to go on, needing all of the facts. I wanted to put my fingers in my ears and run away, but I needed to hear this. We had just promised no more secrets, and I couldn’t go back on it already.

  “My PI has been trying to find his location, but he’s doing a good job of staying under the radar. We’re sure Jason’s father’s helping him, and we have someone watching him. We lucked out, though. My PI made friends with someone at the facility Jason was at.”

  “Why was he released?”

  “From what they told my PI, he got better. When he first got there he was obsessed with you. He fixated on any article or mention of you. Only for the past couple months he hasn’t mentioned you at all.”

  The muscles around my spine contracted, having a hard time keeping me upright. I sagged into Kill’s warm chest. His hand ran up and down my back, soothing me. My nose sought the warmth of his neck, where the smell of Kill was the strongest. Breathing him in, he finished what he had found out.

  “The doctors were concerned, and from what my PI learned, they were going to ship him to a different facility if they couldn’t find the right meds. But I guess after a lot of trial and error, they did find a combination that worked. According to my PI’s insider, Jason showed extreme improvement in the past several months and he was released.”

  Kill’s jaw flexed next to my face, still buried in his neck. Unleashed fury pulsed off him in waves. Betrayal of the system had me feeling the same way. Jason had once again used his charm to get out of a situation his actions had put him in. Or was I being too harsh? Could the threat of Jason truly be no more? Had the power of science put him in a stable mind frame?

  “That’s a good thing. I’ve seen amazing behavioral changes with the right drug combination. Maybe there’s no need to worry anymore.” My statement came out as more of a question. The hope I should have been feeling about this news felt a lot like fear.

  Kill’s fingers tangled in my hair. “Even if that’s true, I still hate that I won’t be around you at all times. Please promise me you’ll be careful. Don’t let this information lull you into a false sense of security. In fact, I want you to be even more diligent now that he’s out.”

  I nodded, relishing in his scent. “I’ll be careful. There will be people around me at all times. Everything’s going to be fine.”

  Kill chuckled. His hand moved under my hoodie and ran over my bare skin when he unhooked my bra. “That’s my girl. I have some things I’m working on to ensure you’re safe. I still don’t like it.”

  My head fell back from his neck, and I placed both my hands on his cheeks. “I love you.” My lips brushed against his, ready to drop the subject of Jason for the night.

  Kill moaned when my tongue peeked out and traced the seam of his lips. His hands moved to cup my breasts he’d just released. I took full advantage of his open mouth and plunged my tongue inside. The taste of Kill exploded over my tongue while it explored his hot, wet mouth. Kill pulled me toward him. Our kiss became passionate while our tongues clashed together. My teeth bit and nipped his lips, wanting to brand him as mine.

  I ground myself on his lap, needing him. He swallowed my moans as I rode his erection through our jeans. Kill thrust up, the seam of his pants pushing on my clit, making me scream into his mouth.

  “Enough talking,” Kill gritted out, standing up with me still wrapped around him. He ran into the house, not stopping until I was pressed against the inside of our bedroom door.

  His lips assaulted my neck, and I arched on the door, trying to get closer to him.

  “Lift up,” he commanded, pushing my hoodie up and over my head.

  The cold air only had a second to caress my skin before Kill’s muscular build pressed against me. He sucked a nipple in his mouth, ripping a groan out of me.

  “I need you,” I told him. I unhooked my legs from around him, desperate to have him inside of me.

  Kill’s hands were fast as he unfastened my jeans and pushed them to the floor. Sexual energy enveloped me when I watched his own jeans come down. His shaft bounced out, eager to pleasure me. My shaky knees went out and I sank to the floor.

  With the tip of my tongue I circled the engorged tip, my hand stroking his shaft. Kill braced his hands on the door, and I sucked him into me.

  “Fuck,” he groaned, my mouth gliding over him.

  Empowered, I sucked him harder. My cheeks hallowed out when I pulled all the way back to the tip, just to suck him back in until h
e hit the back of my throat. His hips thrust, pushing himself into me, encouraging me to go faster.

  “Hold on.” He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back up. My mouth popped off him one last time. “As good as that felt, I need to be inside of you.”

  I braced my hands on his shoulders and jumped up, encircling his waist again. He palmed my ass, lifting me up and pushing into me. My head hit the door as my walls stretched over him. His lips connected with my breasts while he pushed further inside.

  I gripped his hair, moving over him in a slow, sensual pace.

  “Shit,” he groaned, unable to take the unhurried movement. He gripped my hips, his fingers biting into the skin, and slammed into me.

  My teeth sank into his shoulder. His thrusts became more passionate, wilder. If he hadn’t been holding on to me, I would have melted to the ground. I leaned back, arching my back so I was suspended between Kill and the door. Kill bent over, kissing and sucking on the skin available to him.

  He pushed deeper inside of me, stroking the building orgasm. Sensation took over as I neared the crest he was leading me to. I locked my legs deeper around him. His thrusts became more hurried, trying to get us where we both wanted to be.

  My orgasm hit me with full force. I clenched around him while he moved inside of me. His lips slammed into mine, and I kissed him, biting his lip while my muscles pulsed with its release. It was my turn to swallow his cries when he jerked inside of me. His hips ground into me, and the release he’d worked toward poured through him and into me.

  Chapter 14

  The middle of June collided down on us like an angry meteor. The JackholeS’ debut album topped the charts the day it released. And life was about to get interesting.

  “How are you feeling?” Kill asked with a look of concern. He moved around the room, collecting all of our luggage.

  I swallowed the dry toast and gave him a smile. “A lot better now that there’s food in me. Those kids must really love me, as much as they share their germs with me.”

  “Poor little Slick. Can’t be around kids without getting sick,” he teased, clicking the final suitcase shut.

  “Shut up. It isn’t as bad as the last virus they gave me. When we start the foundation, I’m stocking up on vitamin C.”

  Before the album dropped, we visited Amberlee and the kids whenever their busy schedule allowed. Every time we visited, it lit the fire under the boys’ asses to get their center in Portland started. Kill called in a few favors, and with the help of our favorite bartender, Ryan, the JackholeS were now the owners of a small building that would soon house their foundation. After the tour, they already had plans on how they would convert it into a children’s center, like the one Amberlee ran.

  “Jet’s so excited. I’ve never seen him so focused.”

  When Jet found out Kill threw out some feelers for the building, he actually cried on Kill’s shoulder. I didn’t think it was possible, but Jet burrowed a little further into my heart that day.

  “I can’t wait to see it when we do our show in Portland.” Kill stacked the suitcases next to the door with the rest of our stuff.

  “I can’t wait either.”

  I jumped on Kill’s back and bit the back his neck. The food was doing its job, and it allowed the excitement to get to me. A knock on the door stopped us from heading to the bed for one last time.

  “Come in,” Kill grumbled with a face of sadness.

  “Are these ready to go down to the bus?” Gunther asked, moving into the room.

  “They are. I’ll help you,” Kill told him.

  I tried to slide down, but he kept a firm grip on me.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “I was going to help you carry everything down.”

  “Oh no, slicko the sicko. You stay right where you are, so I know you aren’t getting into any trouble.”

  I stayed put, doing what I was told, and almost drooled when Kill lifted two suitcases in each hand with me still on his back. His muscles bunched under my stomach, and I mourned the loss of the bed. We followed Gunther downstairs with the rest of our stuff.

  “Is that not the best way to travel?” Amy asked, noting my spot on Kill’s back.

  “It’s not bad, but I like being thrown over his shoulder better. I get to stare at his ass the whole ride.”

  “I can’t believe you stare at my ass while I assist you to your destination. I feel like a piece of meat.”

  “You like it,” I told him, kissing the back of his head.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  Lissa stood at the front of the tour bus, talking to D. They were both engrossed in the schedule on their tablets. Van came out of the house, lugging his stuff. Jet and Amy emerged next, struggling with theirs. They were in a fit of laughter, making fools out of themselves. Kill and I chuckled as we went to help them.

  “You two are a hot mess,” I said, trying to lift one of the suitcases, grunting at the weight. “What the hell is in here?”

  “That’s our sex toy case,” Jet announced.

  I dropped the handle, and the suitcase thudded to the ground from the couple of inches I’d been able to lift it.

  “He’s kidding. Holy shit, your face turned fire engine red.” Amy cracked up, smacking Jet on the back of the head.

  “I’ve got these.” Gunther grabbed the suitcases.

  “Where’s the bus driver?” Jet asked, looking around and scowling when he noticed Lissa.

  “I don’t know.” I squinted to see if anyone was waiting in the bus.

  “Are you ready to go?” Gunther asked on the top step of the bus, clapping his hands.

  “I guess he’s here,” I answered.

  “Hell yeah. Gunther, you’re our driver?” Jet ran over to Gunther with Amy firmly on his back.

  Standing back, I watched the boys gather around the bus to give Gunther high fives. They talked animatedly to him, their hands flying in all different directions. I dug my phone out and snapped a quick picture, wanting to capture the excitement. This was the beginning of something special, and I wanted to document it.

  Kill turned around, his eyes searching until they landed on me. His hand motioned for me to join in on the start of this journey. Snuggled into Kill’s side, I soaked in the excitement, letting it charge my system with the rush of the unknown, allowing it to pull me in with the rest of them.

  “So you’re our driver?” I asked Gunther when he shuffled us into the bus.

  “I requested to stay with you guys, and the label agreed. This way I can be your driver on the bus and any other time you’ll need me.

  “You couldn’t stay away from us, could you, big guy?” Jet asked, trying to hug Gunther.

  Gunther rolled his eyes at Jet, a tiny smirk lurking on his face.

  “Yes, I’m sure the thought of not seeing you again was motivation to take this job,” D answered in a sarcastic tone.

  “I get it. Don’t feel bad, it happens to the best of them,” Jet replied, choosing to ignore D’s comments.

  “Everyone, get settled in, and we’ll take off in ten minutes.” Gunther moved to the front of the bus to get everything ready for departure.

  “Come on, Slick, I’ll show you where we’re going to be.” Kill grabbed my hand and led me down the narrow walkway toward the racks on the side of the bus. “This is ours.” Kill spread out his arms at the wonder of the rack that would be our home while on the road.

  “It’s bigger than the last one.” Kill moved the curtain back to reveal the made bed. The amount of space impressed me.

  “That’s what she said,” I countered.

  “That’s what they all said.”

  I snorted and patted him on the chest. “Sometimes we have to lie. You should be thankful they spared your feelings.”

  Kill snatched my hand and rubbed it against the front of his jeans. The bulge tore my teasing to shreds.

  “All right, you win,” I grumbled, squeezing the growing erection.

  “It’s going
to be a long ride,” Kill pouted, nipping my neck.

  The bus had been converted so the back half housed four racks, making it more spacious by utilizing the room. A tiny bathroom was located right before the racks, and a small kitchen and living area were closer to the front of the bus.

  “Cozy,” I said, hopping on the bed. Once again I was surprised. “This is really comfy,” I told him, snuggling on the pillow, my eyes threatening to close.

  “You look hot in there. Super sneaky rack sex is going to be fun.”

  “Any sex with you is fun,” I said before yawning.

  “Don’t get too comfortable. I have one more thing to show you.” Kill held out his hand, which I took with reluctance. It really was comfy.

  All the packing and little germlets I’d been dealing with made me want to sleep until our first stop.

  “I promise it’ll be worth it,” Kill said, noting my lack of enthusiasm to leave the bed.

  We sat in the little living area as Gunther pulled away from the house. The first leg of the tour was all west coast shows, all until the end of September. After that, the JackholeS would move over to the east coast all the way to December.

  Lissa had just booked them a huge show on New Year’s in Portland. After the New Year, they would be finishing out the last of the tour with some mid-west shows until February. They would then get a much needed break, until festival season started in the summer.

  My agent, Andrea, with Lissa’s persistence, made most of my book signings near or in the same city the JackholeS were performing. My signings would run until the end of December, before the next book in the series was scheduled to be released. During my off time, I was contracted to finish the third and final book.

  Fear that I wouldn’t be able to meet all my obligations ballooned inside of me. The publicity and marketing for Hope’s Journey had everything to do with the JackholeS’ imminent success. The book had already gained momentum. There was nothing I could do to slow it down now that it was linked to the boys.

  No longer did I feel guilty about how my publishing journey started. Kill laid those emotions to rest when he asked if I would do the same thing for them if I had the chance to help them. Now guilt was overtaken by fear, and I wasn’t sure which one I preferred.