Bulletproof

by Melissa Pearl

  “Well, she’s told me jack-all. I have no idea what the fuck is going on in Tucson and part of me doesn’t even want to care.”

  “But you will...because you’re Morgan.” Ella’s smile was tender.

  “And according to Jody, that’s half the problem!” I threw my hands in the air. It felt good to raise my voice and shout a little.

  Ella’s voice was in calm contrast to my ranting. “Can I be one hundred percent honest?”

  I wanted to yell NO, right in her face, but this was Ella, the sweetest human being on the earth, and so I shrugged and mumbled, “Of course.”

  She drew in a breath, smiling at me as she collected up my hand. “You’ve spent half your life looking after other people...you were forced into that position way too young, and I think you’ve tried to compensate by dating all these other guys, desperate for someone to look after you...but then you don’t get out of the way to let them do it. You’ve always needed control to keep yourself sane.”

  “Great, so now I’m a control freak?” I snatched my hand back.

  “You already know you are.”

  “So you’re saying it’s my fault that no one will step up to fight for me.”

  “Maybe...no one knows you need them to. You’re so strong and sure of yourself.”

  “I’ve told Sean. I made it very clear that I don’t want to hide anymore, and he keeps on spouting off about protecting me, but it’s wearing pretty thin. Dammit, Ella, I would have done anything to have him put Travis in his place today. But he didn’t say a word. He just stood there, too afraid of losing his job to do anything.” My voice quivered. I sucked in a breath, blinking fast. Crying wouldn’t solve anything.

  “You deserve a guy who will stand up for you.” Ella’s voice was so quiet, I barely heard it.

  I pinched my nose and drew in a sharp breath. “But I love Sean. I mean, it’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way...you know, to this magnitude.” My jaw clenched tight.

  “Then tell him what you need and give him the chance to do it.”

  A cold fear crept through me. “And if he doesn’t?”

  Ella’s mouth turned down, her expression filling with such a deep sympathy I could barely stand to look at it. “Then maybe he’s not the one,” she whispered.

  And as much as I wanted to deny it, I knew she was right.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  MORGAN

  I tried not to let Ella’s words burn, but they did. They simmered inside of me all week. Sean was waiting for me when I got home that night, and he took away the sting with his soft kisses and gentle hands. I let him. We didn’t talk about it, just made love and fell asleep against one another.

  I’d forgotten to set the alarm, so we both woke late and scrambled to get out the door on time. The issue went undiscussed for yet another day and by Wednesday, I felt like it was old news, and I didn’t even want to raise it. That was so unlike me. Usually I dealt with stuff head-on, but work was exhausting, and Sean’s hands, lips, mere presence, was the only comfort I had at the end of a day. He slept at my place every night that week, but that didn’t seem to stop the chasm growing between us.

  It was like the words had run from our relationship, hidden themselves away, and even though Sean could set off fireworks throughout my entire body, something had shifted.

  I paused outside the studio door, knowing Travis would yell at me for being late, but not caring. This week had been hell. My disintegrating love life, my evil boss, and a sister who refused to return my calls were sending me over the edge. Since my outburst with Travis, his stress relief had taken on a whole new form of cruelty. Although I told him I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of quitting, I didn’t know how much more I could withstand.

  And then there was the scene before me.

  I knew it was just acting, but my heart felt crushed under the weight of watching my lover wrap his arms around Ashlee. Their slow dance routine was seductive, sensual...and reminded me of the night Sean and I made love on this very floor.

  “Burn” by Usher played as the couple practiced their farewell scene for next week. Sasha and Harley were still going through the motions, wanting to be together but fighting their love at every turn. Sasha, starting to realize she’d never get what she wanted, was pulling away from Harley.

  Sean’s hand slid down Ashlee’s arm, grabbing her fingers and pulling her back to his side. Her leg came over his hip, his hand gliding up her thigh as he dipped her.

  Isabella’s choreography for this number captured everything. The emotion in the room was electrifying. She caught my eye and gave me her excited smile. I grinned back, not wanting her to know how much this killed me.

  “They look good together, don’t they?”

  I flinched, recognizing Rhonda’s voice immediately. I threw her a sidelong glare and turned back to watch the couple.

  “Almost as if they’re made for each other,” Rhonda continued softly.

  I hated that she was right.

  “You know, there are actually rumors circulating that these two have something going on off-set. It’s creating quite the buzz. I think people really want them together.”

  A dull static rang in my ears, my throat constricting as I tried to press the brakes on my heartbeat.

  “You know that’s not true.” I clenched my jaw, refusing to look at her.

  “Nobody else does.” I saw her smirk out of the corner of my eye. “Face it, Small Time, if he really loved you, he wouldn’t be keeping you a secret. Why don’t you step aside now and avoid the hurt while you can. It’ll only get worse if you stay. If it were me, I certainly wouldn’t want to be with a guy who let my boss treat me like that. Work is more important to him than you are.”

  I swallowed. Unable to resist, I looked down at the woman. She pushed her glasses up her nose before scratching her right eyebrow with a beautifully manicured nail and smiling at me...with sympathy.

  I wanted to punch her.

  “I know you don’t want to hear that, Morgan, but it’s the truth. You’ll never come first, and if that’s not what you want, you may as well leave.”

  I didn’t know what she was trying to pull, but it was working. I stood frozen beside her, downtrodden and buying into every syllable coming out of her mouth. My eyes stung as I fought the tears that wanted to break free. As if I’d give this bitch the satisfaction of crying.

  With as much dignity as I could muster, I lifted my chin and pushed myself off the doorframe, forcing one more polite smile before brushing past her and pretending there wasn’t a machete protruding from my heart.

  When I got back to the office, Travis was sitting at his desk. His beady eyes traveled the length of my body, his leering smile enough to make me throw up.

  I couldn’t do this anymore.

  Throwing the clipboard onto his desk, I straightened to my full height.

  “I’ve done everything except collect your dry cleaning, but I’m sorry, I have to leave.” I rubbed my temple, the onset of a thunderous headache actually quite real. “I’m not feeling very well.”

  “I don’t care how you’re feeling. You’re not leaving ‘til you get me that dry cleaning.”

  Snatching my bag, I hefted it onto my shoulder and crossed my arms. “No, I’m going home to lie down. If you have a problem with that, then fire me.”

  I looked him straight in the eye, daring him to do it. For some unfathomable reason, he didn’t. Instead, he gave me a silent glare that was more than unnerving.

  With a sharp nod, I spun on my heel and left the room, dreading what tomorrow held for me. I hustled out to my car, unlocking it with shaking hands and slamming myself inside. I started the engine and reached for the steering wheel, my actions slowing as I looked at the ring Sean gave me. I rubbed my thumb over the sapphires, trying to remind myself of the promise, but I couldn’t hear it anymore.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I drew in a quick breath and, desperate for home, accelerated out of the lot. All I wanted was a ho
t shower and bed. I wanted to close my eyes and forget the world existed. I needed oblivion.

  I needed...

  My lips parted as I pulled up to my apartment. Sitting on my doorstep was the last person I expected to see. Her chin was resting on her knees, her blonde curls splayed over her shoulders, her blue-green eyes bright from crying.

  Jumping out of the car, I raced up the path toward her.

  “Jody, what are you doing here?”

  “Hey, sis.” Her smile was glum as fresh tears lined her lashes.

  I crouched down beside her, brushing away the lock of hair stuck to her wet face.

  “I just wanted to apologize for being such a bitch the other night.” Her voice shook, her lower lip trembling before she caught it with her teeth. “You kind of caught me at a really bad time...” She sucked in a breath.

  “Jody, what’s going on?”

  Her face folded, new tears spilling free as she pressed her lips together. She brushed them off her face and sniffed before finally squeaking, “I’m pregnant.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  MORGAN

  My world stopped. Literally. Everything around me went silent, my vision blurring as my kid sister’s words sunk in. I had no response; I couldn’t even think straight. Closing my eyes, I dropped my head and forced my mind to shift from numb to active. Jody needed me.

  My head snapped up, and I pushed a gentle smile over my lips.

  “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

  She let me help her up. I collected her bag and wrapped my other arm around her, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze. She rested her head against me, a sob breaking free. As quickly as I could, I ushered her inside and sat her on the couch, running to the sink to get her a glass of water before sitting down beside her.

  I kept my movements slow and deliberate, rubbing circles over her back as she hiccuped and heaved.

  Eventually her agony quieted to a murmur, and I was able to speak.

  “How far along are you?”

  “Four months,” she whispered.

  My eyes rounded.

  “I was worried I might be when I was home for Thanksgiving. I didn’t know for sure, I just...something was off and my period hadn’t come. I was freaking out.”

  “But you got totally drunk.”

  “I think that was actually the onset of morning sickness. I’d just been drinking water all night.”

  I gaped at her. “I thought it was vodka! Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “How? I couldn’t!” She slapped her legs, rising from the sofa and pacing away from me. “I get this great opportunity to go to this amazing school and follow my dreams. What do I do? I fall in love with my dance teacher, who knocks me up and then says he can’t handle it, because teachers and students aren’t supposed to be fraternizing, and if anyone found out, he could lose his job!”

  My eyes narrowed. Part of me wanted to rip into her for being such a fool.

  “He pursued you?”

  “We pursued each other.” She flicked her hand. “There was chemistry there, right from the second we met. We were...in love.”

  “But not in love enough to stick around when you need him.” It was impossible to keep the snark from my tone. What an asshole! Putting his job before his girl. I wanted to throttle him.

  “I was so scared to tell him, but he noticed. He said my dancing was getting sloppy, and he was worried that I looked tired and wasn’t feeling well. He wanted to make sure I was okay.” She sniffed, wrapping her arms around herself. The baggy T-shirt she was wearing pressed into her body and I saw it. The small curve of her belly. It was subtle; most would just think she’d gained weight, but...

  I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose.

  “He asked me to get an abortion. Told me I was giving up everything if I didn’t, and I thought about it, I really did.” Her voice cracked. “But then, you know, I just started thinking...” She rested her hand on her belly. “Mom told me once that she nearly aborted you. Her and Dad weren’t ready. They weren’t even married.”

  I swallowed, remembering the story.

  “And she said she was always so grateful that she didn’t, because then she would have denied the world a Morgan Pritchett, and that would have been a tragedy.” Jody’s voice squeaked, and she ran a finger under her nose to catch the drips.

  I jumped up and snatched a Kleenex from the side of my bed. She took it with mumbled thanks and sank back down onto the couch. I studied her for a minute before grabbing the entire box of tissues and perching down beside her.

  “The school’s asked me to leave. There’ll be a spot open in August next year if I want it, but I can’t stay and perform in my current state.”

  “So, I guess you’ll move back home?”

  Her blue eyes were huge as she spun to face me. “I can’t tell Dad. Morgan, you know I can’t tell him.”

  “Jody, you have to. It’s not like you’re gonna be able to hide this.”

  “Yes, I can. I’ll stay here. I’ll be a hermit; no one will even see me leave the house.”

  I frowned. “And what are you going to do after the baby’s born?”

  “Adopt it out to some loving family who can take care of it. Then I can go back to school and no one will know the truth. No one, but you and Stefan,” she ended woodenly.

  That’s right, Stefan. The dance teacher I wanted to murder.

  I ran my hand down her arm, squeezing her fingers. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry he broke your heart.”

  “I really did love him. I thought...” She punched out a breathy laugh. “For one second, I thought he might pull a Dad and marry me.”

  I swallowed.

  “This is probably better, you know. Mom and Dad didn’t last. I wouldn’t want to do that to my kids, just walk out on them.” She blinked. “This is better. I’ll adopt this little one out, and then it can have a good and normal life, and I can go back to chasing my dreams.” Her giggle was breathy and lifeless.

  “Have you seen a doctor yet?”

  She shook her head.

  “Okay, so that’s the first thing we need to arrange.” Grabbing my purse, I pulled out a note pad and pen, flipping it open and starting a list. “You can stay here tonight, of course, but I can’t agree to you not telling Dad. I just—”

  “No! Please, Morgan! He’ll be so...disgusted with me. I can’t. I can’t handle him looking at me like that. He’ll be so disappointed.”

  “Jody, we can’t hide this from him.”

  “Yes, we can!” Her hopeful yelling would not win me over, but I could see her hysteria quickly building. Her chest began to heave once more and I raised my hand.

  “It’s okay. Just calm down. Everything will be okay. We’ll work it out.” I snatched up the list and added contact adoption agency.

  I felt sick writing it. Lists usually filled me with a sense of purpose; this one filled me with dread. How could this happen? Jody, the most talented person I knew, had gotten herself pregnant and kicked out of school.

  My head spun, the ache searing through my brain. On top of everything else, I wasn’t sure I could handle this. Panic skittered inside of me, but I swallowed it back. Jody didn’t need to see me fall apart. I had to be strong for her...like I always had.

  “Can we at least tell Ella?”

  Jody’s head bobbed, and I reached for the phone before she could stop me.

  Forty minutes later, Ella burst through the door. Her face was pale, her large eyes rounder than usual. They filled with tears the second she saw Jody. Without a word, she wrapped her in a hug, and they clung together for what seemed an age.

  I wrapped my arms around myself as I watched them, the weight of my future a heavy burden. Could I do it? Could I honestly take this on?

  I had to. What choice did I have?

  Jody needed me. There was no Mom. There was just me.

  *****

  I answered my phone after three rings, ducking outside as I noticed the number.

/>   “Hey, you okay?” Sean’s deep voice was soft and husky.

  “Yeah, I just had a headache.”

  “I didn’t see you leave.”

  “You were in rehearsal, and Rhonda was waiting to speak with you. I thought it’d be best to leave.” I tried to keep my voice light. I had no idea if it was working.

  “Travis was pretty pissed you left.”

  “Travis is always pissed.”

  Sean chuckled. “Well, I just wanted to check in. Things aren’t going great here today, so I’ll probably be late. Don’t wait up for me.”

  “Actually, do you mind sleeping at yours tonight? My headache is really bad, and I kind of want to be on my own.”

  “I can come over and look after you.”

  “I’ll be asleep by the time you get here anyway, so there’s really no point, Sean. You go home and I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  I closed my eyes, wanting to spill it all, but what was the point? Like he could help me with this nightmare.

  “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Okay. Love you, baby.”

  I swallowed, wondering how much he meant it. “Love you too,” I croaked and hung up.

  Easing back into the apartment, I clicked the door shut quietly and looked across at my bed. Jody was asleep, finally at peace after her harrowing day of tears.

  Ella sat on the edge of the couch, looking up at me as I stepped toward her.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, just Sean checking in.”

  “Did you tell him about Jody?”

  “Not yet.” I sighed. “He...I don’t even know if I want to.”

  “But this is huge. You have to tell him.”

  “I know.” I rubbed my forehead. “Ella, I don’t know if I can do this.” My voice hitched as I looked across the dimly lit room at my baby sister...my pregnant baby sister.

  Ella’s tiny hand landed on my arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You have to.”