Ailee nodded because she couldn't agree more. They desperately needed to raise public awareness for participation in the donor programme. Ailee was glad that Fergus felt as strongly as she did because donor promotion was dear to her heart.
The hours flew by but Ailee couldn't get the resignation in Lawrence's face out of her mind. She supposed it was a mixed blessing as Lawrence distracted her from worrying about her appointment with Fergus later that day.
As the clock crept around to five, Ailee put off her coming meeting with Fergus, and she dropped back to sit for a few minutes at the side of Lawrence's bed. 'How are you going, Lawrence?'
'I'm not too bad.' He looked at Ailee's handbag. 'Going home?' He smiled at Ailee. 'Mr McVicker said you're a doctor?'
'Yep. I'm Transplant co-ordinator at the moment but I'm just filling in. How did you go with Trudy? Did she answer your questions about hepatitis B?'
Lawrence's eyes lit up. 'She's a special lady. You all are. She's coming back to see me again tomorrow. I thought everyone would think I was such a loser for going overseas and then being stupid enough to get burned.'
'I'm sure your reasons were good.'
He raised his eyebrows comically but Ailee could see no humour in his sad blue eyes. 'Yeah. If I didn't go I wouldn't be here. Four years on dialysis wasn't for me.'
He shrugged. 'I kept getting sick, and I couldn't handle being put on and off the donor programme.'
He shook his head. 'Then I'd get depressed and have a few days on the booze. When I came into dialysis I'd be way overloaded in fluid. The cramps would kill me when they had to draw off the extra fluid. So I thought I'd speed the process up and go for a commercial kidney. I wish I'd just done what I was told and waited.'
He sighed. 'It was a gamble but I wouldn't have made the four years anyway.'
Ailee's gaze sharpened. 'Was it that bad?'
He shrugged again. 'Not enough to live for.'
Ailee shook her head vehemently. 'There's always enough to live for.'
'Spoken like a woman in charge of her life.' Lawrence smiled grimly. 'I don't have family, I can't work because I've been sick for two years, my friends feel bad when they're well and I'm not. It's not much fun and I don't see the point.'
Ailee disagreed. 'I don't see that. Everyone can make a difference. Lawrence, you have experiences that new end-stage kidney-disease sufferers could learn from. Promise me you'll give me a chance to help you help them.'
'You sound like Mr McVicker.' Lawrence mocked her. 'He was always going on about what I had to offer. I reckon I would have topped myself a year ago if it wasn't for Mr McVicker.'
Ailee refused to give up. 'That proves you're special. I have to go, but I'll make a few enquiries, talk to some colleagues, and I'll see you tomorrow as well.'
She rested her hand on his shoulder and left. She could feel the stinging in her throat for the sadness around Lawrence.
He didn't have a sister who would donate her kidney and she wondered if she'd missed the times when William and all the other dialysis patients felt like Lawrence did. Depression could play such a large part in end-stage kidney disease and dialysis patients.
She was so absorbed in Lawrence's dilemma that she almost walked into Fergus. But she couldn't miss the man when he stood in front of her.
Ailee looked up as he smiled down into her face. For a moment all she could do was bask in the gentleness in his eyes. She recognised that look and the way it made her feel. Something had changed between them today and suddenly it was dangerous around Fergus again.
Rita came out of her office and Fergus looked away.
She opened her mouth to say something, looked at them both and then suddenly, inexplicably, she turned around and walked away.
Ailee blinked and could have kicked herself. She'd been mooning like a dairy cow in heat and the warmth of embarrassment ran up her cheeks.
Time alone with Fergus was a very bad idea. She'd forgotten the whole reason she'd backed away in Singapore. Lawrence's situation should have reminded her like nothing else could.
Fergus took Ailee's arm. 'Don't say it. You're coming with me before you change your mind.'
Ailee found herself marching beside Fergus like a new army recruit. Slowly her mind cleared and she realised what she was doing.
'Do you mind?' She shook off his hand and rubbed her arm. She was awake now and it was more important than ever to not become involved with Fergus.
'I thought you might have bolted,' he replied mildly.
'Was that an option?' she said dryly. 'I'm only here because the air needs clearing and I don't want this to happen again. You need to realise that.'
Fergus ignored what Ailee had considered a good response under pressure. 'We'll talk when I can give you my full attention,' was all he said.
He stopped beside a bottle-green Jaguar, long and sleek with a waft of new leather when he opened the door for her.
She narrowed her eyes at him and wondered if she might after all manage to not do this. He stared back and she accepted her escape wasn't in his plans.
Well, capitulation wasn't in hers either and she would choose her battleground.
Ailee sat ungraciously in the passenger seat and he closed the door with a satisfied slam. She clenched her hands nervously and then carefully straightened her fingers so he wouldn't see. She was darned if she'd let him know he put her on edge.
She lifted her chin when he was settled. 'Where are we going?'
Fergus glanced at her before he started the car. 'You don't want to be alone and I want to be private so we're going to my house. My housekeeper and her husband are there and my daughter won't be home for another two hours because of her self-defence class.' .
Ailee laughed without mirth. 'I need self-defence to stop people forcing me into cars against my will.'
His lips twitched and she realised she hadn't seen him smile much since Singapore. 'I didn't force you— I just leant a little.' He looked across at her as he started the car. 'I'll take you home any time you ask.'
She opened her mouth but before she could speak he butted in to qualify his statement. 'As soon as we've had our talk.'
Ailee closed her mouth again, but strangely she did believe his promise. It should have reassured her.
They didn't speak during the short drive, though surprisingly the silence wasn't awkward. When they pulled into the sweeping drive past remote-controlled gates, Ailee remembered she'd met this man in first class on a plane, and that he came from a different world to her.
'You have a beautiful home.' At least his wealth showed he committed to the responsibilities of his job because he was passionate about his work and not because he needed the money.
The imposing white-columned building was surrounded by acres of manicured lawns and a high stone wall that prevented those on the outside from looking in.
'It was my mother's house, and before you ask, yes, I did have a mother.'
'Would I say that?' Suddenly she felt ridiculously at ease with him. Maybe it was just because they were away from the hospital, but the warmth in his eyes told her he could feel it, too.
He smiled. 'You would say anything if I made you wild enough.'
Ailee tossed her hair. 'I don't get that wild.'
His eyes darkened and his voice dropped. 'I've seen you wild.'
Suddenly their laughter disappeared and the silence in the car felt like a wind tunnel that sucked Ailee's strength away until she felt she could barely lift her head.
Fergus dragged in a breath and tore his eyes away from her face. 'Come inside,' he said.
He climbed out, walked round the car then opened her door, and she accepted his help, powerless to resist.
Fergus kept hold of her arm as she stood up. He didn't say anything as they walked towards the front door but his touch on her burned and her surroundings faded.
An elderly woman in an apron opened the door and Ailee smiled.
'This is my housekeeper, Martha. Martha, Dr Ai
lee Green.'
Martha and Ailee shook hands briefly. 'Fergus has mentioned you and your husband.'
'Aye. And he's mentioned you, too,' Martha said. 'I've put tea in the library, Fergus. Ring if you want me.'
'We'll be there in a moment.' Fergus ignored the lift of Martha's brows as he steered Ailee across the black and white tiled entry and past an open carved wooden door.
Ailee looked into the room as they went by and saw a round table with cups, a teapot and a basket of tiny cakes.
'Was that the library?' Ailee craned her neck.
He didn't answer and his hand moved to the small of her back as they arrived at the bottom of the stairs.
Ailee had the first flutter of panic as they ascended and Fergus didn't look at her as they reached the next floor.
'We'll have tea in a moment.' He stopped in front of another closed door and turned the handle, indicating she should precede him into the room.
A moment... She swallowed and tried to settle her heart rate with that tiny reassurance—surely not a lot could happen in a moment?
This room was a bedroom, though not your usual bedroom, more of a 1920s showcase and a window into the past.
The enormous four-poster bed was austere in maroon and gold covers, softened by a mound of cushions. A dressing-table shone with polish and several mirrors and a tapestry-seated chest gleamed in the corner.
This wasn't happening. If he kissed her in here she'd be gone. She looked up at him and felt like a rabbit caught in headlights.
Fergus paused at the panic in her face as he crossed the room and hesitated. He stopped and almost in slow motion he pulled her gently in front of him until her back was firm against his chest.
'Perhaps just a little experiment,' he said, and then turned them both towards the mirror so she could see their reflections in the glass.
Her body was framed by his, her spine rigid and unbending against him, and her eyes and mouth were narrow with wariness.
She saw his intention in his eyes in the mirror and she realised the kiss was as inevitable as his hand turning her body to face him.
She stood there, captive, and his beautiful eyes darkened to black and melted her resistance with barely any effort.
When his lips descended her eyelashes fluttered closed and she could do nothing but savour the homecoming of his mouth against her own.
His lips were softness and warmth giving way to the slow build-up of heat and firmness, growing more demanding and finally plundering until her hands clutched at his neck, seeking purchase in the storm, and then she demanded right back.
A slaking, satisfying, quenching kiss that she hadn't realised she'd needed but couldn't get enough of, and his arms held her safely away from the intrusion of the world into this timeless interlude her body needed but her brain denied.
Finally, a few minutes or many minutes later, achingly slowly, he drew away and his hands held her shoulders until her legs regained their strength.
She opened her eyes as he turned them to face the mirror again and a different woman stood there.
This woman was flushed, her languorous eyes complemented red swollen lips and she leant back against him for much-needed support.
Breathless and disorientated, her breasts ached and the fire in her belly throbbed in time to her heartbeat. She shook her head to deny he could do all that with one kiss.
He lifted her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist before gently leading her across the room. 'That explains a lot of things, I think. Perhaps we'd better move on. This way.'
He walked past the bed and opened another door. 'You can freshen up in here. I'll meet you in the library when you're ready.'
Ailee nodded, still stunned and with the tiniest gleam of something else. Frustration? Disappointment?
She heard him leave and she sank down onto a stool in the ornate bathroom, rested her head back against the cold tiled wall and closed her eyes.
Ailee felt as if she'd climbed a cliff rather than a flight of stairs. She wondered if he'd known it was going to be like that, how long he'd planned to do that, and if he was amused or.. .as frustrated as she was.
Whatever. She needed to explain her reasons, tell him about William, make Fergus realise he had to walk away before they got in any deeper, until she was free to live her own life.
Crack. There was a sound similar to one William had made many times over the years and, puzzled, she looked up. It couldn't have been. It had sounded like a ball had hit the wall. Who'd be playing cricket in the house?
Fergus rubbed his palm. He looked ruefully at the impervious wood on the wall and the pinkness on his fingers.
Not something he'd done for many years. At least he hadn't been stupid enough to punch it.
To walk away from Ailee in that room had been one of the hardest things Fergus had ever done. That moment in the car had shown him how easily she could send him to boiling point just by a teasing comment and tossing her hair.
The way she made him feel was something he'd never experienced, never believed was in him, a dangerousness and recklessness that belonged to someone else.
When she'd turned to look at him in front of the bed he hadn't been able to stop himself. It hadn't been his original intention but he'd had to take that final step and pull her into his arms.
This was out of control and he should never have brought her here.
A few minutes later Ailee entered the library and she avoided his eyes. Instead, she looked at the portrait above the mantelpiece that dominated the room.
'My mother,' Fergus said, but Ailee didn't need to be told that.
The woman was tall, judging by the rail on the staircase she was standing beside. Her hair, the same chocolate brown colour as Fergus's, was coiled in a knot at her neck and the dark bedroom eyes were eerily similar to the ones Ailee had had no defence against barely ten minutes ago.
'She was a beautiful woman.'
Fergus nodded. 'Sophie takes after her.'
Ailee half smiled. 'So does her son.'
She looked away from the compelling portrait and raised her chin. 'You shouldn't have brought me here, Fergus.'
'That's the first time you've called me Fergus since you left my bed.'
After what had happened upstairs she'd known it was on his mind but she hadn't expected him to be so brazen about it. His words struck low in her stomach and she sucked in her breath. 'Don't.'
'Don't what?' He narrowed his eyes like a hunter sensing prey, and she felt trapped by his strength and her own weakness.
She turned her back on him and walked to the window that looked out over the lawn. 'Don't remind me. Singapore was a mistake and I need to explain something.'
He ignored the latter half of her sentence and concentrated on one word. 'And what just happened or nearly happened upstairs—was that a mistake, too?'
He raised his eyebrows, daring her to dispute it. 'I've never felt anything less like a mistake. We connected. The same happened in Singapore and then you left. With that ridiculous note, as if we'd shared a cup of tea.'
She glanced back at him and the sombre note in his voice made her frown.
He stroked the lid of the steaming pot Martha had left and then crossed the room to stand beside her shoulder, not touching, as if he couldn't trust himself, but close enough for her to feel his heat.
She turned her face away and he went on.
'Why did you leave like that? You agreed we should see each other in Sydney. I didn't dream that connection, Ailee. Did I?' He lifted her chin with his finger and she was forced to look at him.
This was a disaster. She should never have come. This was one hundred per cent his battleground and she needed to get out of there.
'Yes, there was a connection, but I need air. Take me outside. I need to explain but I can't breathe in here.'
Because you're larger than life in this room and I feel intimidated by my weakness when I'm alone with you. And I'm frightened what will happen if you kiss me again. You
could make me do things I'd never dream of doing, would go against my own soul. She didn't say it out loud—it was bad enough, admitting it to herself.
'All right, we'll go outside, but I want some answers.'
He led the way to a side door that led into a conservatory furnished with white cane furniture and dozens of lush green potted plants. In another time and place she would have loved this room. The windows were full- length French doors and he opened one to allow her to precede him onto the tiled balcony.
She drew a deep breath at the fresh air and the space she'd created between them and headed for the stone steps that connected the balcony to the lawn.
Fergus was determined as he caught up with her on the grass and swung her around. 'When you left like that I assumed you didn't care. Was I wrong? If you tell me you didn't feel the same, I'll leave you alone and never speak of it again.' His eyes bored into hers and then narrowed as she hesitated.
It would be so easy. Just lie and say he meant nothing to her. Ailee opened her mouth and then closed it again. She had to be honest with him.
'You are right. There is something between us.' She paused. 'But...' She felt him stiffen beside her.
She went on doggedly, 'The time of our meeting couldn't have been worse. I can't look ahead that way. What I see in you is something I've waited to find for a long time but Singapore wasn't the time...' He didn't let her finish.
Fergus shook his head. 'What about now? You have the world to offer me. I know I'm moving fast, hell, we both move faster than light when we're together, but I can't let you get away now that I've found you.'
He was right beside her now and slid his hand possessively over the curve of her shoulder until her skin glowed with heat from his hand.
She was fine as long as he didn't touch her, but as soon as his skin met hers she weakened like a child against him. She could feel her knees tremble and she stepped away from his contact before it was too late. His hand fell to his side and she bit her lip.
'You tremble when I touch you and you run if I don't stop you from doing so.' His face twisted into a cynical smile. 'What do you think that means?'
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