His words settled between them and she was too frightened of their power to pick them up.
'We barely know each other.'
He actually laughed out loud but the sound was anything but amusing. 'We know each other intimately.'
Silence fell between them as they both contemplated that statement and the pictures filled Ailee's memories and paralysed her. Then he went on.
'I've seen too much of life not to know my mind. I thought about how complicated you were going to make my world the first time I saw you.'
She felt the tears stinging at the backs of her eyes and she blinked them away. This was too important.
'That's exactly why this is such poor timing. I don't need this pressure. There is so much going on in my life at this moment. You and your daughter don't need someone you can't trust to be there in your life.'
He looked at her and for the first time she felt he really listened.
'Not be there in what way?' His words drifted between them like a cool breeze, zephyr-like and soft. 'And we'll leave my daughter out of this.'
'Your daughter is part of the reason.'
And then Sophie was there. The dark-haired young girl dressed in a martial arts kit ran across the lawn to meet them. 'Daddy? I'm home. Who's your friend?'
CHAPTER SEVEN
Sophie McVicker was a miniature of the woman in the portrait and obviously another determined lady. Ailee wondered in which ways Sophie would reflect the maternal side of her family.
Fergus turned slowly and faced his daughter. 'Hello, Sophie. What happened to martial arts?'
'Chrissy Smythe fell and broke her wrist and Mr Ting had to go with her to the hospital so we finished early.'
Fergus nodded. 'Poor Chrissy.' He turned to Ailee. 'Dr Ailee Green, meet my daughter, Sophie.'
Ailee held out her hand and shook the girl's fingers, which flopped like a wilted flower. Sophie was playing droopy princess, and Ailee tried to contain the twitch of her lips. It was a struggle.
When Ailee had been a teenager, people who'd shaken hands like that had been called fish.
Sophie looked Ailee up and down as they held hands. 'You're very tall, aren't you? I'm going to be tall like my father and grandmother.'
Ailee smiled. 'Yes, I can see that. But you shake hands like a fish.'
The young girl blinked, stared, tightened her grip and shook hands properly. Slowly they smiled at each other.
Fergus watched with interest as Sophie dropped all pretence at aloofness. He wished his daughter would drop it with him.
'Do you work with my dad at the new hospital?'
Ailee nodded. 'I'm one of the transplant co-ordinators at the moment so I don't go into surgery.'
'Can you do operations?'
Ailee nodded. 'I've just finished three months in Scotland with a professor in renal surgery.'
Fergus stared at her. 'Professor Giles? At the Edinburgh Infirmary?'
'And Ian Forrest. But enough of me. I'd really like a cup of tea and one of those gorgeous-looking cakes that Martha has waiting in the library.'
Sophie clapped her hand over her mouth. 'I was supposed to remind you of that. We'd better go in.'
They all turned and headed for the house and Ailee was quite surprised how far they'd walked. Probably because she'd been walking quickly to escape the impending disclosures that she still hadn't made. Now his daughter was involved.
Fergus was quiet and she knew there were some big questions coining her way soon.
There was no chance for Fergus to ask anything because his daughter monopolised Ailee's attention as if she were starved of female conversation. Sophie could talk while she poured, though, and Ailee was very impressed with her hostess skills.
'So who do you think has the best dress sense?' Sophie held out a magazine with two glamorous young women on the cover as a plate of dainty cakes changed hands.
Ailee looked at Fergus for help and he was watching with a small smile on his face. 'Um—they're singers,' he clarified, obviously trying hard to stay up to scratch with his daughter's favourites.
'Definitely her.' Ailee didn't know the other one but she'd look out for her. She took a bite and the morsel melted in her mouth.
Sophie was too busy talking to eat. 'Do you ski? My father promised me a holiday skiing but then chose to work during his holidays.' She pouted.
Ailee glanced at Fergus, who said nothing in his own defence. 'I know three young people whose lives have been changed because your dad came when our hospital needed him. One of them could have died if we hadn't found a replacement surgeon.' She softened her words with a smile. 'It is disappointing for you, though.'
Sophie looked at her father. 'I have compensation coming my way and I'd really like to go to New Zealand in the winter. Unfortunately he hates planes.'
Ailee remembered that Fergus hated planes. Those memories made her remember other things. Luckily Sophie prattled on.
'They say it's even better than Thredbo.'
Ailee was having trouble keeping up because every subject seemed to bring back more memories that she'd locked away from that time with Fergus. 'I'm a tobogganer, sorry. Haven't tried skiing but I have been to New Zealand and it is lovely.'
'I was a boarder at school but Dad said he missed me too much so I came home. I don't believe him but I like being a day student better.'
Fergus met Ailee's look and tilted his head in acknowledgment. She was glad he'd decided to bring his daughter home. Sophie seemed a bright young woman, if a little hard on Fergus.
Sophie looked up at Ailee after handing her father his cup and saucer. 'Are you staying for dinner?'
'No.' Ailee put down her empty plate. 'I have to go home. I promised my mother I'd be home for a family dinner, which I hope I can still eat, and it's getting late.'
Sophie hadn't taken her eyes off Ailee. 'Will you come again?'
'We'll see. But it has been lovely to meet you, Sophie.' Ailee held out her hand, sure that this time the grip would be firm.
Sophie ignored her hand, hugged Ailee, and then kissed her cheek.
'I liked meeting you, too. Dad never brings women home.'
'I'm honoured.' Ailee looked at Fergus and dreaded the trip home. Suddenly she couldn't face the whole explanation scene and her nerves were shattered. 'Would you like me to order a taxi, Fergus? It would save you going out again.'
'I'll take you home.' There was no doubt that Fergus had earmarked the return journey for some information- sharing and Ailee was trapped.
'Can I come?' Sophie's request hung in the air and Ailee avoided Fergus as she looked at his daughter.
'I don't mind, but it's up to your father.'
Sophie didn't look at Fergus either. 'The only problem is I get sick in the back.'
Ailee was quick to offer. 'I'll sit in the back, and you can sit with your father in the front.'
'No, you won't.' Fergus said it mildly enough but both women knew there was no choice.
Now Sophie looked at her father. 'I could probably sit in the back for a short trip,' she suggested, and as they moved towards the door she whispered to Ailee, 'You wanted me to come, didn't you?'
'Thanks,' Ailee said, and Sophie gave a satisfied nod.
The car journey was quite strained and when Fergus opened her door back at the hospital, his words brushed her neck as she walked past.
'We're not finished. I'll ring you.' Then he helped his daughter into the front and walked back to his own door.
'Thank you for the tea and cakes,' Ailee said.
There was humour in the look Fergus gave her. 'It was an interesting evening. I'll speak to you soon.'
Fergus watched her in the rear-view mirror as he drove away, noting she didn't turn around to wave. He'd never been so unsure about someone else's feelings in his life. She sent out such mixed signals it was a wonder his head wasn't spinning.
He guaranteed he reached her when he kissed her, but the rest of the time he was in the dark. Was he crazy to lay h
is heart on the block again for her to slice up into little pieces, like she had in Singapore?
As he drove he mulled over the way Ailee had behaved that afternoon, and he came to the conclusion that there was hope.
So what were Ailee's reasons for not wanting a relationship?
He decided she probably had a tortured past and had been hurt by some man. He could deal with that. These were all things he'd never thought to have to consider again when Stella had died.
He admitted to himself that he was back where he'd been in Singapore when he'd begun to know her.
Thinking long term and even beyond to life and marriage. To his intense surprise he wasn't fazed by any of those concepts—only that the plan could fail if Ailee continued to oppose his suit.
If it all came to nothing, there would be some personal cost.
But he was willing to take that risk. He had to be careful for Sophie, though.
'You like her, don't you, Dad?'
He'd thought Sophie had been listening to her MP3 player, which travelled everywhere with her. He glanced across at her. The expression on her face reminded him of her mother when she'd been indulgent of his 'man's' ways.
The usual pain from his loss of Stella didn't come as viciously as it once had and he was thankful for that.
He smiled at the tiny warming from his daughter. It was unusual for Sophie to initiate a conversation.
'Yes, I do, Sophie. Do you like Ailee?' He slowed the car as he looked across at his daughter again.
'I think she's neat and I think she's kind, too. Elizabeth Arrow's step mother is a witch. I don't think Ailee would be a witch. It would be good for you to have another woman around for a change. You might stay home more—especially if she has a baby.'
Fergus nearly ran into the gate as he drove into his driveway. His daughter was way ahead of him.
'I might need to get to know Ailee better before we think about babies. And I'd really prefer if you didn't mention this conversation to anyone at school. OK?'
'Sure, Dad.'
His daughter was twelve going on twenty and it was darned scary.
Ailee heard the car pull away and forced herself not to turn around. She drew in a shuddering sigh and wished she'd had the chance to tell him. The longer she left it the bigger her secret loomed, which was ridiculous. Of all the people in the world to understand, Fergus should.
Still, she needed to think through the implications of the last hour and be fair to both of them. Actually, the three of them.
At least she had the weekend to get it right before Monday.
Ailee glanced at her watch and her eyes widened. She had only enough time to jump in her car and make it home before her mother's roast was ruined.
'So how was work?' William appeared quite chirpy at the dinner table. He'd only just come in from being out with some friends and looked different to his usual solemn self.
'Work was fine.' Ailee glanced at his plate. 'And since when do you eat bananas?'
Ailee raised her eyebrows at the tiny half-banana William had tucked under his plate and, caught out, her brother shrugged.
'It's my once-a-month treat, and I'm having dialysis tomorrow.'
William knew he had to be careful of foods that contained 'dangerous salts' like potassium, and his fluid restrictions were the part he hated the most—he was allowed to drink less than a litre of fluid a day.
When he was well enough, he went out with his friends on Friday nights. He couldn't drink alcohol, mainly because of the fluid amounts involved and the chemicals his body couldn't get rid of.
Like most dialysis patients, William had established a good rapport with the staff and mostly older patients who came into the dialysis clinic at the hospital on the same days as he did.
Unlike less fortunate end-stage kidney-disease sufferers, William knew it was ending soon. He was guaranteed a kidney. Ailee's kidney!
Ailee smiled across at her brother. 'You're looking stronger.'
'I'm getting there. The next assessment clinic will be the big test and it's not far off. I'm pretty nervous about that.'
'I've got my fingers crossed.'
Helen looked across at her son because she knew how much depended on it. 'William said the man standing in for Mr Harry seems very good. Do you think he'll be the one who does the surgery if it all goes ahead quickly?'
Ailee hadn't considered that. It was a disquieting thought and she wasn't so sure Fergus would be happy either when he found out who the donor was. She concentrated on her mother's question to avoid thinking about Fergus operating on her.
'Fergus McVicker has been seconded from Sydney West. It all depends on Mrs Harry and how quickly she recovers from her stroke whether Mr McVicker stays on for two or four weeks.'
Her mother still looked worried at the change of surgeon at this late stage so Ailee went on when the last thing she wanted to do was talk about Fergus. 'He's dedicated and apparently a whiz in Theatre. It seems that he's the best laparoscopic surgeon in Australia.'
'Then William can't lose, whoever the surgeon is. We need the best when my only two children depend on the man.' Helen put her napkin to her lips and closed her eyes.
Then she smiled tremulously and stood up. 'I'll just get some more vegetables,' she said brightly, and left the table.
William and Ailee looked at each other and Ailee stood up. They both knew their mother would be crying in the kitchen and Ailee patted her brother's shoulder as she followed her mother.
Helen wiped her eyes as her daughter came in.
'We will be fine,' Ailee said.
'I know. I'm being a drama queen.'
Ailee smiled and dropped a kiss on her mother's cheek. 'No, you're not. You're being a wonderful, caring mother and we wouldn't have you any other way.'
Later that evening, Ailee searched out William after her mother had gone to bed. She leaned over his chair and ruffled his hair. 'Hey, Will. How's it going?'
William smiled crookedly up at her and shrugged. 'The usual.'
Ailee sat down next to him. 'Do you mind if I ask you something?'
'Shoot.'
'How are you coping with dialysis? I know you hate it and I know you don't have much choice, but it must be hard, especially when you're going through a rough patch like the last couple of weeks.'
William looked away. 'Dialysis sucks but death is worse. I guess that keeps me going.'
Such basic equations from an eighteen-year-old made Ailee wince.
He shrugged and flicked the pages of the television guide. Ailee thanked God that her brother still felt it was worth it.
After talking to Lawrence—had it only been today?—she'd been worried William was becoming morbid, too. She'd noticed a few deviations from his usual happy self and even wondered if they'd lost a little closeness since she'd come home.
William went on. 'Dialysis gives a rotten quality of life—three days a week at least tied to a machine for half the day. Watching everything you eat. Can't go out with my mates and have a few drinks. This horrible fistula. ..' he shook his wrist where his veins stood out, scarred and bulging where a grafted artery had strengthened his vein for needle access to his bloodstream '...would scare any self-respecting girl away. They'd probably think I'm a drug addict anyway because of the needle marks up my arm.'
He shrugged. 'The day before I go for dialysis I feel sick because my blood's filling up with toxins. The day after treatment I need to recover from the strain of the procedure and the cramps 'cos they have to take extra fluid off. I can't remember when I last felt really well.'
He sniffed. 'They tell me all that will change after the op but the drug regime to stop your kidney being rejected seems pretty heavy. I'm not hanging out for that either.'
Ailee nodded. 'We're here for you. I think you're incredibly brave.'
He shrugged and then looked away. 'We all know you're the brave one.'
For a moment Ailee thought there was a bitter note to her brother's voice but then he smile
d up at her and she pushed the feeling away.
On Saturday morning Ailee woke in her lonely bed, and as her dreams faded she thought of Fergus and the way he'd kissed her yesterday.
She could almost feel his arms around her, the warmth of him and the way she'd looked with his hands holding her body, and she wanted those things again.
But if she wanted those things, she would have to include him in her plans, and her reasons for not doing so were still there.
Ailee rolled over and pulled the pillow over her head to block out the bright light.
She'd slept late because it had taken her so long to get to sleep.
The phone started ringing and Ailee scrambled out of bed to get it before it stopped. It wouldn't be for her because she wasn't on call as co-ordinator and William seemed to get the most calls anyway.
'Ailee?' She recognised Fergus's voice immediately and her grip tightened on the receiver.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Ailee glanced around but no one was in earshot. 'Yes?'
'How are you?' There was amusement in Fergus's voice and she couldn't help the curve of her own lips.
'Fine.' Where was this going?
'Are you up to visiting us again? My daughter requests the pleasure of your company and she's been talking to me more than she has for a long time.'
She needed to get less involved with Fergus's daughter, not more involved. 'I'm not sure this is a good idea.'
'Would you do this, just today, for me, please?'
It was hard to say no. Ailee stalled. 'What did you have in mind?'
'Sophie likes tennis and we have a court here. I suggested she have some friends around and she asked if you would come, too. Any chance?'
'I'm not very good.' It was a lame excuse and nowhere near the definite no she'd meant to say.
'There's three other pre-adolescent females coming. I'll be outnumbered. Help.'
'I'm sure you'll manage.'
'Just this once. How about I pick you up in an hour?'
He was railroading her again. 'You don't know where I live.'
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