Stroke Of Fear

by Kar, Alla

  My fucking hand is throbbing. A light blackish bruise is horizontal across my knuckles. I hadn’t realized I’d hit him so hard. Good, he fucking needed it. He came at me like he knew he was going to kick my ass. That’s what made me so angry. He has no idea what I grew up around. Country boys don’t use guns to fight, they use their fists. They’re not afraid to get dirty.

  Eric waves his hand in front of my face. “Come on, Tanner. Where is your head today? Wait—don’t answer that—you’re dreaming about Aubrey and her tight little ass.”

  Narrowing my eyes, I push his hand away from my face. “I’m gettin’ up.”

  Eric laughs and tugs on a jacket. “Have you seen Jake since the fight?”

  “No.”

  “His eyes are swollen. You really gave it to him. What happened anyway?”

  I roll my eyes. “I told you, he pushed me. I was helping Aubrey after she had a panic attack. He came at me, so I fought him.”

  Eric’s eyebrow rises, but I can tell he isn’t going to ask anymore. “All right, whatever, bro. Ready to go?”

  We walk toward the auditorium, which is about a half mile from our cabins. We’re having a movie night tonight for all of the kids. Thank God Aubrey and Cassie are hosting it. If I have to cater to my little brother anymore, I’d probably kill him.

  Everyone is already in their seats once we get there. The huge screen is almost as big as an actual theater’s screen. The smell of popcorn is heavy in the air. The counselors are sitting in a group of chairs to the left. We make our way down there and grab drinks and popcorn on the way.

  Eric starts throwing popcorn at Cassie from a few seats away, and she turns around and flips him off with her other hand hiding it. He laughs and settles into his chair. Aubrey stands up a few minutes later and walks over toward the center of the auditorium in front of the screen. “Okay, guys. We’re watching Finding Nemo tonight. Everyone turn off their phones and enjoy!” Some of the older boys whistle at her, but she ignores them. I watch as she searches over the crowd. I’m wondering who she’s looking for when they land on me.

  A small smile rises from the corner, and she gives me a slight wave. I wink, and a rosy color rushes to her cheeks. God, I love that.

  I watch her from a few rows away as she whispers to Cassie, they eat all their popcorn, and finally settle down long enough to watch the movie.

  “Damn, how long is this? Feels like it’s been six hours.” Eric asks, shutting his eyes. “I just want to get out of here and sneak to Cassie’s cabin. We’re gonna have some fun.”

  My head snaps his way. That means Aubrey is going to be by herself. Suddenly the movie feels like six hours long to me, too.

  When the last of the kids are hauled out of the auditorium I find Aubrey pushing the overhead back into a side closet.

  “Hey.”

  She jumps, hitting her elbow against the wall closet to her. “Shit,” she says. “You scared me.”

  Smiling, I reach over her to push the overhead the rest of the way into the closet. “Sorry. I guess I have a scary face.”

  She mumbles something I don’t catch, then says, “I hear our roommates are going to have a sleepover tonight.”

  “Yep. I heard that, too,” I say as she falls into step with me. “So, where are you gonna sleep? I mean…it’s not like you have an actual room you can go to.”

  She shrugs. “I was thinking about going to one of the other girl’s cabins.”

  “Well, if you want, you could come with me. I was just going to go to the field. I know last time didn’t go so well but—”

  “I’d love to.”

  I grin like a damn girl. I can’t help it. “Follow me.”

  ***

  I make sure we have enough blankets to keep an army warm. I smooth them out in the bed of the truck while Aubrey watches the sun set against the backdrop of the trees. Her shoulders are bear with her strapless shirt. It makes her tits look swollen, delicious enough to eat.

  “I’m glad you brought me out here. I love it. This is the perfect time a day, too.” She swings her feet off the tailgate of my truck, leaning back against her palms.

  “It’s getting chilly, why don’t you come up here with me?”

  She twists around and bites down on her lip. Fuck. I want to beg her not to do that again, but I don’t. I won’t. I want her too much to ever tell her to stop.

  She crawls next to me, then slides underneath the blankets. She rests her head against one of the pillows, and a sigh escapes her lips. We lie there for a long time, staring at the darkening sky. Birds fly above us, the wind blows the weeds making a quiet song.

  “Tell me about you,” she finally says. “You seem so put together. Is that a southern thing?”

  I laugh, my voice deeper than I imagined it to be. “I’m not put together at all. I never have been.”

  She snuggles into the blanket more and turns her head to face me. She isn’t wearing a lot of makeup, and I can see a splash of freckles across her nose. Her naturally pink lips look plump. Warmth spreads to my dick, and I focus to keep him down.

  “Tell me about you,” she says again.

  “Well,” I clear my throat. “I grew up in Arkansas in a small town south of Little Rock. We never had a lot of money, but I felt like we were the richest people in the world—until my dad started drinking. He tore down my family one wall at a time. Then he left. My mom remarried and then he left, too.” I sigh and rub my hands over my face. “That’s where Austin comes in. After years of my mom being verbally abused, Austin’s dad brought him out here to California. My older brother moved out here, too, and it left Mom and me by ourselves. My oldest sister had been long gone to college. She never wanted to come back. I couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t long until my no-good dad came crawling back. Mom—feeling lonely—let him in. He never left.”

  “Why did you move out here?”

  “To get away from it. From Dad, Mom and Amand—” I have no idea why I said her name. Why I even brought her up. It’s been a fucking year. I should be over her by now.

  I feel Aubrey’s fingers lace through mine. “A girlfriend?”

  “She died a year ago.” I choke out. “She was coming home from class and ran off the road trying to return one of my texts. I couldn’t stand to be around her family anymore, knowing I ruined their lives. I just…I just needed to get away from those memories and make new ones.”

  Aubrey nods and squeezes my hand. “You can’t blame yourself. You know that, right?”

  I nod. Do I know that? I have no fucking idea whether I do or not. I tell myself that, but it never seems to stick.

  “What about you? You feel like telling me the story? Why you don’t swim anymore?”

  Frowning, she turns to look at the blackening sky. She doesn’t say anything for so long, I’ve almost made my mind up that she isn’t going to say anything.

  “I see him all the time. Whether it’s in my nightmares or out of the corner of my eye, I always see him.” She presses her eyes closed and a tear runs down her cheek. “I was a senior in high school. I’d been on the swim team since I was a freshman. My mom used to call me mermaid because I was always in the water.” A blank expression travels across her face, and I see the memory start to consume her.

  ***

  Aubrey

  “I thought I had it all. The swim finals were coming up, and I was the second fastest freestyle swimmer in the state. I was going to beat Becky Peters this year. I knew it.” A laugh breaks from my throat. It doesn’t even sound familiar. “Hannah, my friend from high school, and I decided to go out to a party an on September sixteenth. I remember that day like yesterday. We spent the entire evening getting ready. Our hair had so much hairspray in it. I used an entire bottle.” She pauses and shifts.

  “Maybe I should tell you this first. Two years prior, there was a guy on our swim team name Michael Powers. He was the fastest swimmer in the state. He was popular. Everyone loved him… including me. We dated for a year until he suddenly
…changed. The once-a-day phone calls turned into four-a-day calls and then into two an hour. He had become obsessed. My parents made me stop seeing him. I wasn’t allowed to talk to him. We even had a restraining order against him. He didn’t stop. Somewhere deep down inside me I knew he wouldn’t stop…”

  ***

  “Aubrey, get your cute ass over here. The party is this way,” Hannah pulled me toward the small alleyway close to Seventeen. It was a club where high school kids could get in.

  “I would if I wasn’t wearing these deathtraps you call shoes. Shit, my feet are throbbing.”

  Hannah flips her black hair and tugs me closer. “Oh, there’s Aaron and Jace.” She squeals into my ear, and I hold back a laugh. I had started seeing Jace a few months after the Michael incident. He was good-looking. Nice. Sweet. He never pressured me into doing anything I wasn’t ready to do. “Well, don’t you look pretty tonight,” he said, trailing a kiss along my jaw.

  I smiled into his touch and let him drag me toward the building. When we stepped in line, I reached around for my purse. “Shit, I forgot my wallet. I’m gonna run back and get it really quick.”

  Jace took a step with me.

  “No, wait here. I’ll be right back,” I said.

  He furrowed his brow. “Maybe I should go with you.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s right there,” I pointed toward Hannah’s Civic. “You can see me from here. Plus,” I reached up and kissed his lips, “I can take care of myself.”

  Slapping my butt, he pointed for me to go. I clacked against the parking lot, humming underneath my breath. My wallet was sitting in the passenger side seat. I grabbed it, turning and tripping over my heel. “Fuck.”

  “You look beautiful.”

  Chills ran down my spine. I knew it was him. I knew his voice. I had gone to sleep every night listening to it over the phone. Slowly, I turned around. Michael stood toward the left of me, hands shoved into his jeans pockets.

  “Michael, you know you’re not supposed to be near me. You need to leave.” I glanced over at the alleyway. Jace was talking to the usher, laughing, not looking my way at all.

  “We won’t have to worry about him anymore, Aubrey. You don’t have to pretend to love him anymore.”

  I opened my mouth and shut it. His blue eyes were cold. Hard. They didn’t look like they used to. “I’m not pretending, Michael. I like Jace.”

  “No,” he hissed, “you don’t. You’re fucking lying. You’re a fucking lying bitch.” His voice had grown, ringing against my ears.

  “I’m going to go back to the club now. You need to leave.”

  Michael tore his white polo hat from his head and ran his fingers through his dark hair. “No, you’re not going anywhere.”

  Fright wrapped around my throat. There was no way I’d make it if I ran. Not in these heels. But, I had to try. Clenching my fists, I turned and ran. The rocks kept twisting my ankles different ways, causing me to stumble as I pushed frantically forward.

  I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, forcing my voice to reach its limit. Jace’s head twisted around, and his eyes widened. He started toward me, screaming my name. But it was too late. Michael’s arms wrapped around my waist, and pulled me back. I kicked, screamed, clawed. Then I felt something hit my head and everything went black.

  Water. I knew that smell, that feel anywhere. I spent three hours a day in the water. I knew when I was near it, and I was near it alright. My head felt heavy and my body was limp. I tried to move my hands, but they were tied together, along with my feet, with pink zip ties. My favorite color. Bile rose into my throat.

  My tongue was dry against the top of my mouth, but I managed a soft “help.”

  “No one can hear you, baby.”

  Fuck. I screwed my eyes together. No, no, no. “Michael, please untie me. Please.”

  He let out a breathy chuckle. “‘Please?’ Why should I take pity on you? You’re cheating on me.”

  “We’re not together, Mich—” A hard slap hit across my face. My lip started to tremble and the metallic taste of blood ran down my throat.

  “You’re a fucking bitch!” he yelled into my face. Bending down on his knees, he reached underneath me, picking me up into cradle. He grunted, and I realized why I was so heavy. Cement blocks were tied to each one of my feet. Oh, God. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I am. But, if I can’t have you no one can.”

  “No,” I shouted, while my body was being lifted onto a rail. I focused on my surroundings. I was on a bridge about a mile from my house. The water was freezing, the September wind blowing rapidly against the dark abyss.

  “You see that. You took that away from me. You took my chance of getting a scholarship away! You put charges against me.” He was screaming into my ear. My upper body dangled from the rail, my feet too heavy to move. “You have no idea how much I loved you, baby.”

  Helpless, I lied. “I love you, too, Michael. If you let me up I’ll come back. I’ll leave Jace and come back.”

  He laughed. It was on the verge of hysteria. Grabbing my head, he twisted my face around until he could press his mouth against mine. I tasted my own blood mixed with his tongue. It was rough, his lips hard and cracked. I could barely breathe from the force of his mouth.

  “I’m so sorry, Aubrey. I love you so much. But, I can’t take him having you.”

  “No, no,” I screamed. He didn’t think twice before pushing me over the edge. My back hit the side of the bridge, and I cried out in pain. My feet were still hanging over the rail. I heard him grunting and then the wind whipped against me, the cement blocks sending me toward my death quicker than imaginable. The water had been so cold it knocked the breath out of me. Hard. Freezing. I couldn’t feel anything. That was the last thing I remembered.

  “The next thing I knew I was in the hospital. Jace had followed us and got there in time to save me.”

  I turn my head and glance at Tanner. His jaw is set tight, his gray eyes wide. “Aubrey, I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I can’t believe that happened to you.”

  Swallowing a lump in my throat, I attempt a smile. “It happened. I can’t change it.”

  Tanner turns toward me, sliding a finger against my cheek. “You’ll get through this.”

  “You will, too.” His fingers feel safe. Good. I want them all over me. “You think it gets better with time?”

  Tanner smiles. “Absolutely, darlin’.”

  A few minutes go by. I listen to the crickets sing. The night wind is cool and the blankets feel amazing over me. So does the warmth from Tanner’s body. God, I want him on me. Now. “Tanner?” I whisper.

  “Hmm?”

  “Is Amanda the reason you haven’t kissed me?”

  Shock rolls over his features. His eyes dart toward my lips, and his tongue dampens his own. “No.”

  Furrowing my brow, I jerk my head back as if I’ve been slapped. “I’m sorry—I thought you—”

  “I do. I like you. A lot. I’ve wanted to touch you everywhere from the first time I laid eyes on you. I just didn’t want to push you. I wanted to make sure you were into me first, darlin’.” Not into you? Who in their right mind wouldn’t be? “You did slap me pretty good. Even though it turned me on.”

  Goddamn. Heat is scorching my stomach, my thighs. Pressing my lips together, I glance over at him. “And now? What do you want to do now?”

  A dangerous smile crawls up his face. The look in his eyes makes me hum in all the right places. “I want to devour you.”

  Warmth spreads from my belly to set fire between my legs. I need him now. I need him to put this fire out. “Then why don’t you do it?” I whisper.

  A growl rips from his throat, and he closes the distance. Ten rough, calloused fingers grip into my hair at the back of my neck, forcing my face toward his. Gray eyes are staring down at me. “You are the sexiest woman I have ever laid eyes on. You know that?” he says softly. “I’ve wished I could do this since I pulled you out of the water. You were all wet. Everywhere.” His voice fl
oats against my mouth.

  I’m too turned on to talk. I smile up at him and beg him to kiss me with my eyes. He must see the plea and closes the distance. His lips are soft, hard but dangerously delicious.

  He feels perfect on top of me…the kiss perfectly right.

  Tanner’s mouth opens, driving me to do the same. Our tongues meet and every place where he touches me triples in heat. His tongue gives wicked strokes against my lips, and the inside of my mouth.

  His calloused hand runs underneath my shirt, cupping my ribs. It adds fuel to my fire. Our fire. I’m losing control. I want him so badly I’m burning everywhere. Aching.

  Just as I’m thinking I’ve gone over the edge, I can’t come back from this, he pulls back. His lips parted, slowly turning up into a smile. “Goddamn, Aubrey,” he whispers.

  More, I fucking want—no need—more. “More,” I say, grasping the back of his neck and bringing his lips down to mine.

  He groans into my mouth, gripping at my side. “Aubrey,” he warns. I feel what he’s talking about pressed against the inside of my thighs. He definitely wants me, too. Badly. Christ.

  I don’t care. I can’t care. I run my fingers through his hair, drag them down the taunt, hard muscles of his back, through his shirt, all the way down to his pant line. I grip onto his belt loops, and he presses into me harder. So, I don’t stop. I tug harder, not wanting him to let me go.

  Suddenly I’m gasping when he’s growling into my mouth. Sliding down, he dips his hands underneath me and palms my ass and squeezes. Feeling his calloused hands through my yoga pants is making me ache, everywhere. My panties are soaked. I’ve never been this turned on in my entire life.

  There isn’t any self-control between us. None. Mine left the premises as soon as his lips touched my own. I roll my eyes back and screw them shut when he rocks his hips against my own. “Fuck,” I mumble, twisting the edge of his shirt into my grasp. Pulling, I tug it off until he is shirtless on top of me. Big. Fucking. Mistake. The bad lighting in his cabin the night before didn’t do him justice.

  His chest is wider than I remember, his muscles long, lean. I can’t help myself; I reach up and bite where his neck meets his shoulder. “Christ,” he hisses through his teeth.