Stroke Of Fear

by Kar, Alla

  Cassie nods.

  “Well, a bunch of us are going to go. Want to come?”

  “Hell yes,” she says, looking at me. I roll my eyes. “Oh, come on, Aubrey. It’s one night. It’ll be fun. Plus, you can invite Tanner.” She waggles her brows.

  Shit. Cassia will bug me all day long. I can see it on her face. “Maybe for a little bit.” I inwardly scold myself for being a pushover.

  “Success!” Cassie yells.

  ***

  I double layer my clothes. Its summer, but the evening winds are chilly. About seven of us are going tonight. Tanner is lying on my bed, head resting against my pillow. His hands are behind his head, leaving a sliver of skin showing above his jeans. God, I’d seen him naked last night, and I’m one-hundred percent sure he won’t disappoint when we finally do it. He was thick, hard. I wanted to reach down and wrap my hand around him. But, I’d already dropped my clothes. I didn’t want to push my limits, too much. I don’t even know where this part of me comes from.

  I was like this before the accident, but not in four years. Tanner brought it out in me.

  “Stop checking Tanner out and get ready,” Cassie hisses. “We’re leaving in ten.”

  “Wow, I’ll never let you be my wingman,” I grumble.

  Tanner sits up on his elbow and smiles up at me. The hoodies he’s wearing is tight on his biceps. If I had half a brain I’d ditch Cassie and spend the night wrapped in them. “You checkin’ me out, darlin’?”

  “Red-handed.”

  He winks, then stands up. “I know. It’s so hard not to look.”

  “I’d be a liar if I said that wasn’t true.”

  Cassie fakes a gag and runs her brush through her hair.

  “So, what’s this house we’re goin’ to see, anyway? We missed the story.”

  Cassie snorts. “Supposedly some family was murdered there in the seventies. The story was wicked. Some crazed ex-boyfriend comes after the woman and kills her family off.”

  Ex-boyfriend. Killer. Great. Tanner’s eyes shift toward mine and Cassie frowns. “Sorry, I’m just now getting used to the story, Aubrey.” She reaches over and gives me a long hug. I’m glad I told her. I’m not sure why I ever doubted telling her in the first place.

  “It’s okay,” I say, pulling back. “We better get going.”

  All the counselors are sitting in their vehicles when we get to the parking lot. The blonde that was pressed up to Jake is standing beside him. She won’t make eye contact with me. Jake is clearly pissed off, but he manages a small wave.

  Eric pokes his head out from the back of the truck in front of us. “Who’s ready to go get the shit scared out of them?”

  Cassie raises her hand.

  “That a girl,” Eric says, glancing my way. I flip him off and he laughs, loudly. “Everyone pile into the cars. We’re going ghost hunting.”

  Tanner chuckles and drags me toward his truck. I’m so glad he didn’t try to ride with them. This way I have a better chance of talking Tanner into leaving early.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with doing this, Aubrey? We don’t need you anymore scared than you already are.”

  I pull the strings of my hoodie. “I’m sure. I gotta stop being so damn scared all the time. I can’t live that way.”

  Tanner grabs my chin with his fingers and makes me look at him. “You have every right to be scared. You’re only human. Humans have fears. It’s inevitable.”

  I lean into his palm. God, he feels perfect. “What’s your fear?”

  Tanner screws his eyes shut and wraps his hand around my neck to pull me closer to him. “Losing you.”

  The drive only takes about five minutes. It’s getting parked out of people’s way and out of sight that’s the problem. When we finally part underneath a shade of oaks, everyone gets out.

  Eric’s taken the role as leader, but no one stops him. I’m guessing everyone else is scared shitless. “It’s about a mile this way. Follow me!”

  Cassie squeals and jumps on his back. “Let’s hurry, so we’re not in the back,” I whisper to Tanner.

  Once we hit the woods everyone goes quiet. The wind whips through the trees, giving off an eerie whistle. “Scared, darlin’?” Tanner whispers.

  “Uh huh,” I say, curling into his chest. “This was a dumbass idea.”

  “Then why did you say you’d come? I mean we could be doing something else right now,” he mumbles against my ear.

  I smile. “Peer pressure.”

  He tugs on my side. “There.” He tosses his head in front of me. Holy shit. When they said Victorian home I didn’t realize it would be gigantic. It’s probably one of the biggest houses I’ve ever seen. The shutters are only hanging by a few nails, the black paint worn and it’s rusted around the edges.

  “The old bat wasn’t lying,” Eric yells. “Here it is, ladies and gentlemen.” His voice is loud, and I can hear the faint sound of fear in it.

  “Shall we?” Cassie yells. A hard hand lands on my right shoulder, and I yelp out, curving my body toward Tanner. I see the mop of red hair and I scowl. Heath.

  “Damn, Aubrey. You gonna pee your pants, too,” he says.

  I scowl at him. “Don’t do that again. And yes, I almost pissed myself.”

  They both laugh and Heath urges me forward with his shoulder. Everyone is walking slowly—inch-by-inch—until we get to the front steps. The porch is caved inward in some spots. The huge glass door has spray paint on it that says Stay Away.

  A lump forms in my throat, but I push it away. Eric takes the first step onto the porch and turns to look at us. A wild excitement is showing on his face. “You pussies coming?”

  Tanner scowls at the word, but pulls me tighter. “Remember, we can leave whenever you want. Just let me know, darlin’.”

  My mouth won’t open to answer. Eric leads us up the squeaky stairs. The door won’t budge when he turns it, so he slams his shoulder into the wooden frame. “Fuck,” he whispers, then slams his shoulder against it again. It creaks opens, encouraging us to step into the darkness. A girl is cussing underneath her breath behind us. At least I’m not the only one about to piss their pants.

  It smells like moth balls, mold and dust. The wooden floors are dusty. Everything looks like it hasn’t been touched in years. A staircase is centered in front of us leading up to the second story. Everyone huddles together in a tight circle in the middle of the floor. I feel like I’m in Casper. I’m tucked under Tanner’s arm and there is no way in hell I’m going to let go.

  The floors squeak and the wind blows the broken shutters against the house with loud bangs. “This is fuckin’ creepy,” Tanner whispers into my ear.

  “That’s the family that was killed,” someone says, pointing toward a huge portrait hanging over the fireplace behind us. The woman sitting looks down at me, her dark eyes smiling. Her husband looks like a young Steven Strait, only more serious. Their two kids are grinning ear-to-ear. It makes my gut twist.

  “Who wants to go upstairs?” Eric asks, hauling Cassie onto his back again. No one answers, but we all follow him anyway. I’m sure it’s because we don’t want to stay by ourselves. It has nothing to do with actually wanting to go upstairs.

  Someone steps on the back of my foot and I whirl around. Jake is behind me, eyes glues to my ass. “Excuse you,” I grit through my teeth. His eyes lift toward mine and he shrugs.

  “Sorry,” he mumbles.

  Yeah, really looks like it. When we get to the top of the stairs there are two different hallways. Eric takes the one of the left and some of the other counselors take the one on the right.

  “Which way?”

  “Left. Come here, you’re fine.” Pressing his mouth to my head, he kisses my hair. The hallway is narrow, several doors line the way on each side. A few pictures hang on the walls, dust covering them. I lift onto my toes and run my hand across the dust, leaving a path. The picture is of the two children. Who in the hell can kill a kid? And this guy killed two. But, I’m the one to know
that scorned lovers will do anything to keep their lover away from anyone else.

  The thought disturbs me, but I step back. “Sad isn’t it? That someone could murder innocent children.”

  “I can’t imagine.”

  “Come on, let’s go so we can leave. This place is freakin’ me out,” Tanner says, pulling toward the first opened door. The room to our right is a bedroom. A small pink bed sits in the corner, the sheets halfway off. A small wooden chest sits against the end. A piece of fabric blows from the opened window.

  The wind is colder, my heart pounding. This isn’t right. Something is off. My leg is jerking in short spasms. “I want to leave,” I say.

  “Okay, let’s go tell Eric we’re leavin’.” Tanner doesn’t question me. He leads me out into the empty hallway. “Where the fuck did they go?”

  “They better have not left us.”

  I hear a giggle from downstairs and sigh. “I think that’s Cassie. Let’s go.” Tanner moves forward and trips over his shoe.

  Tanner fumbles in the dark but bends down to tie his shoe. “These damn boots,” he says.

  A soft squeak against the floor draws my attention to the other hallway. At first I don’t see anything, then I do. The silhouette of a person stands in front of the end door. The shape shows me it’s a large man, and he’s not moving. “Tanner,” I try to whisper, but my voice is so low I don’t think he hears.

  The shape is familiar. Lifting one foot, he takes a step toward me. The lighting of the window cast a faint glow over his face, showing strong features… and a white polo hat.

  My voice returns and a scream rips my throat, echoing against the walls. All the way down the stairs. “What’s wrong?” Tanner asks, bounding up from tying his shoes. I’m staring at the figure. When I blink he’s gone. Tanner furrows his dark brows. “Darlin’. What happened? Who did you see?”

  “I want to go now,” I mumble out. “Right. Now. Tanner.”

  He pulls me down the stairs. Cassie and Eric are kissing on the couch. I nearly vomit. Who the fuck can be horny at a time like this?

  “Who was screaming?” Jake runs into the room shouting. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  Ugh! “Nothing. Let’s go,” I say again. Tanner interlocks our fingers and pulls me toward the woods. We’re running. I’m not sure from what. Because I’m not sure what the fuck I saw. It looked like him. He seemed so real. The white hat covered his face, but he always wore that polo hat. Always. Tanner is slapping branches out of our faces, still dragging me through the brush. I’m starting to get worried we’re not on a path, when I see Tanner’s blue pick-up gleaming from the moonbeams.

  I sigh once I’m inside, and the doors are locked. “Now,” Tanner says through ragged breaths. “What happened? What did you see?”

  I glance up at him. I want to tell him so badly. Will he believe me? Or think I’m crazy like everyone else had in school? “Tanner,” I screw my eyes shut. “I saw him. He was standing at the end of the hallway. I know we’ve talked about it—he’s in jail. But it looked just like him. Why am I hallucinating? Why can’t I just forget about him?”

  Tanner grabs my chin and makes me stare at him. “Aubrey, you’re hurt. He hurt you badly. He took away the one thing that you loved more than anything. You’re going to think you see him. You’re going to hurt. But—goddamn it—if I have anything to do with it, it’ll slowly drift away. I’ll help you get rid of him. He won’t have any more control over you, I swear. You’ll be all mine like it’s supposed to be.”

  I grip his hair and bring his mouth to mine. His kiss is demanding, hard and it feels like he’s marking me with it. He’s going to rectify me, just like I’m going to heal him.

  ***

  Tanner’s woodsy scent makes my thighs warm with scolding heat. He’s snoring lightly in my ear, his arm draped over my stomach. Cassie got back a few hours after us. I pretended to be asleep even when she tugged on my leg.

  Now she’s tucked in her bed asleep. It started raining last night, and it’s not supposed to stop until tomorrow night. The camp activities are canceled for tomorrow, and Tanner says he wants to go out to the lake. It’s supposed to rain, but he doesn’t seem bothered by it. I had made progress with him carrying me into the water. But now I’m going to have to get in. Actually get in. My nerves are everywhere. Not only for tomorrow, but because of tonight. I saw him. It was different this time. It wasn’t the ghostly hallucinations I had right after it happened.

  He was full, whole. He seemed so real. My fingers twitch around the covers, and I pull them from me. Tanner moves onto his stomach and smashes his face into the pillow. I grab my cell from the nightstand and go into the bathroom.

  The prison is on my speed dial. I’ve never actually called, but it’s there just in case. A woman answers on the first ring. “Hi, I need to check on an inmate.”

  She clicks around on the computer. “Name?”

  Twisting on the closed toilet seat, I grip the edge with tight fingers. “Michael Powers.”

  More clacking against the keys. “He’s here. You want me to get them to check?”

  A crack of thunder crashes against my ears. “Yes,” I whisper, bringing my knees to my chest.

  “Please hold.”

  I’m on wait for ten minutes. I trail my thumb up and down my shin and fiddle with my loose ponytail holder. “Ma’am are you still there?”

  “Yes.”

  “He’s in his cell asleep. Is there a reason why you called?”

  A sigh escapes from my mouth. Christ, I’m losing my mind. “No, thank you for your time.”

  I press the red END button and hold my hands over my face and cry. It’s not a sad cry but a relieved cry. He’s in prison. Where the fucker needs to be.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Aubrey

  Most of the campers are in the game room by the cafeteria. There’s an X-Box, TV, games and sofas. It’s pretty much like a clubhouse for rainy days. I’m thrilled. Mrs. Jones is watching them so all the counselors get the day off.

  Cassie jumps on my bed, spilling my fingernail polish on my comforter. “Bitch,” I say, trying to clean up the mess.

  She laughs and runs to the bathroom to get some toilet paper. She dabs the sheet until it’s mostly clean. “Sorry,” she says. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”

  I stiffen. “I’m going somewhere with Tanner.”

  “That’s code for ‘you’re not invited, Cassie.’” She flips me off and scurries over to her bed to make a dramatic scene. “You hate me.”

  I laugh. “Remember that girl who used to say that freshman year?”

  She rolls over holding her stomach. “Yes, she was such a weirdo. She cried all the time for nothing!”

  Finishing my last toe, I stick my foot out to examine it. “So, how come you left so early last night?” Cassie asks over her phone.

  Cassie knows about the incident now but she doesn’t know I hallucinate. I’m not sure if I want to tell her, but she’s only been a good friend to me. “I hallucinate sometimes. I thought I saw him.”

  She frowns. “I’m so sorry, Aubrey. What he did to you is sad. It’s pathetic and crazy. You didn’t deserve it.”

  No one ever deserves being tortured or killed. “I know.”

  Cassie bails and goes to lunch, leaving me alone in the cabin. I’ve been able to move a little better knowing he’s still locked up. I tug on my swim suit and slide some shorts and a tank top over me. Since it’s raining I put a hoodie on, too. Tanner’s supposed to be here any minute, and my nerves are raging.

  I answer my mom’s text and flip through my Facebook for a while. I see a post from Michael’s mother. She’s going to visit him next week. My heart breaks reading her status. She was the nicest woman I’ve ever known. She had no idea Michael had gone off the grid. She loved him so much. I loved her, even after we broke up I communicated with her. She had cried so loudly when they convicted him in the court room. Jesus, the wails broke my heart. But he deserved it. He
tried to kill me. I try to tell myself it’s not my fault, because I know it’s not. It’s hard to accept it sometimes. Hard to know out of everyone in the world, he hurt me. Someone who claimed they loved me.

  Three months after the attack I went through the what-ifs. What if I had paid more attention to him? What if my parents hadn’t made me break up with him? What if he’d gotten help before it was too late?

  Slamming my phone down on my bed, I close my eyes and lean back. I’ll never be able to forget what happened, but I’m sure one day it’ll fade.

  Thump. Thump. Thump. “Come in.”

  Tanner steps in. “Sayin’ come in while you’re sittin’ on your bed is never a good thing to do to a guy. He could get the wrong idea.”

  God, his southern drawl make my knees buckle. “Well, maybe said girl wants to be taken advantage of.”

  He rubs his thumb against the side of his mouth and leans down over me to give me a kiss. “You ready to do this?”

  I nod. “As I’ll ever be.”

  ***

  “That’s it, darlin’. One foot at a time.”

  The mud of the bank seeps between each of my toes. The water in the light looks more terrifying. Not to mention the light rain cascading down on me. Tanner is right beside me, his finger gripping my upper arm. The rain has caused his white T-shirt to stick to his chest. His dark hair is fallen into his face, and his lips parted. If I weren’t petrified of the water right now, I’d jump on him.

  Sliding my foot forward the water engulfs my foot, then my ankle, now my calf. It’s so smooth, refreshing. I close my eyes and let myself remember. Let myself try and love it again.

  “Come on! Faster. Faster. Dig,” Coach yelled from the edge of the pool. I was swimming. My arms and legs moved in time with each other. My breathing evened out with each stroke. I was moving faster than the others. I saw them behind me when I turned and shoot of the edge. I was free. Moving quickly. Brilliantly. It was perfect. This was my life.

  I gasped for breath when I plunged from the water. Tearing my cap and goggles off, I tossed them to the side as I crawled up the side of the pool. “Great time, Depp.” Coach Bethany slapped my butt and wrote something down on her clipboard.