BOMAW 4-6

by Mercedes Keyes

  Saturday Chicago...

  "My ass is sore. Oh my god! Thank goodness you have a Jacuzzi in this room. I haven't danced that much in I don't know when." Meribel groaned as she sank into the wonderful Jacuzzi, letting the soothing jet stream massage her body.

  Sylvia was sitting at the table by the window typing away at her laptop. "So far, that was most certainly one of the high-lights on my list. Music was a little loud, I'm not use to that, and the cigarette smoke..." She shook her head, glancing at Meribel whose eyes were closed as if she were in heaven. "...I'm sorry I wanted to leave so soon, but... I was getting sick. If Shawn knew I was somewhere inhaling all of that for his Jesse James to breathe in, he'd have a fit."

  "Trust me Sylvie, I was getting tired of it too. At least we got to hear my cousin play and we got to dance and have a nice time, he was so proud to see us there. More than anything, it was to get a chance to see him perform, after that I didn't want to stay much longer either." Meribel assured her.

  "While the experience was nice, I can tell you now, the dance and partying scene is not for me. But its off the list now." Sylvia informed her.

  "You and your list, what's left on it to do?" Meribel asked.

  "Not much... I've pretty much done what I've taken the time to do."

  "Okay... so tell me, what was on it?"

  Sylvia reached behind her laptop and flipped open her little note pad, and began giving the details of her list.

  "I have only four things left on it to do... writing this short story and completing it is one of the four."

  "Okay... start from the top of what you've done so far."

  "First thing I did - a friend and I talked about possibly doing it years and years ago, I thought - what the heck... I'm gonna do it. So I did... and when its delivered, its going to knock Shawn's socks off." Sylvia grinned.

  "Come on spill it - what'd you do?"

  "I did a nude photo session."

  "YOU DID WHAT? You're kidding!?"

  "Nope... I sure did. And if I end up getting stretch marks with Jesse James, I'll have that to remember when."

  Meribel shook her head, "I can't stand your ass! I should have done that! Oh well... too late now." And then thought about the baby's name. "Jesse James?" Meribel said out loud, running the name through her mind, thinking about it. "Sylvie I still can't believe you gonna let that man name that baby after an outlaw! You two are asking for trouble branding that child with a name like that." Meribel shook her head.

  "It's what Shawn wants. Besides, giving it some thought, visualizing our little man in my mind, I think the name fits." She answered.

  "I guess - if you say so."

  "Its important to him that the baby, if it's a boy, which I believe it is, is named that. His very best friend who was killed in L.A., his name was Jesse James. Shawn loved him, I believe he carries a bit of guilt over his death as well. No, I could not deny him that, Jesse James it is."

  "If you say so... back to the list - what's next?"

  "Second thing I did, was buy the car - which was connected to the third thing on the list. Bite the bullet and for once, splurge on myself and spend an insane amount of money. I've always been tight fisted and budgeting. I'm one of those women who goes shopping, walking through the store filling the cart, and then I stand and think about how bad do I really need this or that, projecting forward in my mind trying to imagine where that item will be in 6 months and how much I'll really use it. By the time I check out, my cart's empty and for the sake of the time I spent in the store, I buy toilet paper. Buying toilet paper is never a waste." Sylvia grinned.

  Meribel was cracking up, "You are crazy Sylvie... I swear you are - toilet paper?!"

  "You can never have too much toilet paper."

  Grinning Meribel coaxed, "Okay, next on the list."

  "Shawn is going to buy a gun. We had a bit of an argument about it. He insists on it, and truth be told - there's nothing I can do to stop him. So... I signed up at a firing range, listened to a safety course on firearms, the laws surrounding it, the safe and unsafe ways of having one. The whole nine yards, and I got to hold one and shoot it."

  "Wow... my Uncle had a gun and rifle, but I was always afraid to touch them."

  "Exactly the way I felt. But - I think I can deal with having it in the house - I'm going to work with Shawn on keeping it safely out of the wrong hands. Even so, I must admit - it still bothers me a bit... but at least I'm trying for him."

  "Okay that's four things, what next have you accomplished?"

  "Last night what we did is five. I've never gone dancing, to disco's or anything. I'll probably never do so again, but I did have fun last night - over and done with now."

  "Six?"

  "We did six yesterday... well actually I did six and then we did more of six yesterday with our makeovers and my new hair cut and look."

  "You think Derrick will like my hair like this?"

  "I think he's going to love it."

  "I can't believe I let you talk me into straightening my hair. I've never done a relaxer - I just combed it out, or pinned it up. Now... it seems strange on my head."

  "Doesn't it feel lighter?"

  "A bit... I can't believe how long it is."

  "You look very exotic - he's going to be all over you." Sylvia predicted. Meribel had extremely thick, naturally curly hair. If cut short enough, she could easily wear an afro. But she'd never cut it and it hung past her shoulder blades now that it was straightened. Sitting in the Jacuzzi, she had it pinned at the top of her head.

  "We'll see when I get back home. Okay, what's left on your list still to do?"

  "As I said, complete this short story novel, and I don't know if I'm going to make a way to do one of the things."

  "What is it?"

  "I uh... well, I'd like just one chance... to well, perform live... um... sing."

  Meribel sat stunned, then she thought back to the days when they were in school. She'd completely forgotten that Sylvia had a fantastic voice. She hadn't known her back then, only that she sang in the school's choir. That she'd sang the national anthem at a couple of their games, and she'd sang solo in one of the holiday concerts. Her voice, and her manner, was the pull for many of the boys at school. She hadn't known it at the time when sitting with Armundo at a game, that he'd been staring hard at Sylvia when she sang a song during intermission with the choir. It hadn't been too long after that, that he'd started acting strange with her, and then... it was over.

  "I remember you singing in high school. You were really good, it was during a game you sang that Armundo must have decided that he wanted you, and not me."

  Sylvia quietly stared at Meribel, unsure of what to say.

  "Don't look so worried mami... you taking him from me did me the biggest favor of my life."

  "I did not take him Meribel. I just couldn't get rid of him. He pursued me tirelessly. No matter what I said or did... he was there, as if forcing me to accept that we were a couple. I don't know, it got so... that I just accepted him, I didn't have the energy or the mindset to shake free of him. My friend who lives here in Chicago, her name's Sheila... she never liked him. She tried to get me to break it off with him and I tried, but he would do such crazy things. I couldn't handle him. Then, he pushed and pushed for us to be alone together, I didn't want to be - but I was like a puppet on a string and next thing I know, he was all over me. When I left school, I was pregnant."

  Meribel sat watching, she knew that what Sylvia said was true. Because he'd done the same thing to get her. She hadn't been a virgin when she went to bed with him, and the love they made was exciting and incredible, making her climax, touching her and doing things to her that made her cling to him. Once out of bed, he had treated her like shit. She'd taken it, thought she was in love with him, until she met a real man... Derrick.

  "I'm amazed that you were married to him for as long as you were."

  "So am I, because he drank, beat on me, cheated on me, and threatened me if I ever even c
onsidered leaving him. So I psyched myself up - forcing myself to believe that I loved him, and that by hanging on... everything would be okay. It wasn't okay. My self-esteem was in the toilet, I was gaining weight - and he made sure to tell me about it. You know he use to walk into the house sometimes from wherever he was and greet me with, "Hey fat ass, what you been doing?"

  "Oh my God! You stayed with him treating you like that!? Talking to you like that?!"

  Sylvia smiled sadly, "Yeah. I did. He made me - hate me." She had tears in her eyes, surprised that the memory could still affect her. "It took a long time, a long time... to work myself up out of the way I felt sometimes. Only good thing I had from him, was our two kids. When Mundo was born, I got on the pill right away. I wanted to get my tubes tied, but was too chicken to endure the surgery. Every morning like clock work, I took that pill though, faithfully. I wrapped myself up in my children and I learned to cope with my life as it was. He didn't always get his way, there were times when I had my say - I may have had to fight for it - physically... but I won some battles with him."

  "Look... I'm sorry... let's not talk about him anymore. Thank God, he's dead and gone... never to return again."

  "Yeah."

  "So you wanna sing hm?"

  "Yep... I may or may not fulfil that one thing on the list... I haven't a clue of how. Another thing, I'd like to go somewhere I've never been before. I'm going to save that one to share with Shawn, and last, one that I must do... before I go home."

  "That is?"

  Sylvia hesitated. "My father. I'm going to go and see him again. I haven't seen him since I was in high school. I wanna go to him, and I wanna ask-..." Sylvia stopped and turned to the table, feeling her chest fill and thicken. Immediately tears rushed to her eyes and spilled over. She hated crying in front of anyone. Meribel stood from the Jacuzzi, grabbing a towel to wrap around her waist. She went to the bed quietly watching as Sylvia shut down her computer and straightened up the table that was already neat. She would get no more writing done, it was impossible with Meribel present. She saved where she was, and gazed out of the window, trying to will the tears to stop flowing, wondering what her husband was doing this morning. She was tempted to call him, just to see. She looked over at Meribel.

  "You okay?" Meribel asked as their eyes met.

  "Yeah... I'm fine." She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, then chuckled a bit, "You'll have to excuse me." She felt it welling up again. Afraid she was going to start crying and not be able to stop. She took a deep breath, using her fist to dig into her eyes to dry them. "Being pregnant sure makes you act stupid sometimes doesn't it?" She smiled through her tears, trying to laugh it off.

  "Mami... I see nothing stupid. Nothing at all. My father died in my sophomore year. It was really hard. I went a little nuts too. Got a bit boy crazy, looking for a male to hold me. I still miss him sometimes. When he was alive, he was good, and funny and there for us."

  "You're lucky... even though he's gone... you know he loved you."

  "Yeah... I do."

  "Look uh... I'm gonna call home, Shawn... just to... well... I just wanna hear his voice." She sniffed and walked to the other side of the bed, picking up the phone, dialling home. Meribel rose and went to the Jacuzzi, letting the water out to straighten up while Sylvia talked on the phone with Shawn. With the phone to her ear, Sylvia waited as it rang.

  "Hello?" Angela answered.

  "Hi baby... it's me... Sylvia. You ah'right?"

  "Hi Sylvia! Yes, I'm all right. I was just about to go across the road, Crystal and I are going to Madison. Shanna called this morning, she's there taking care of Uncle Derrick's kids."

  "She's what? Hang on a minute baby..." Sylvia put her hand over the phone. "Girl..." She started, laughing while still sniffing. "Derrick done got Shanna to come to the house to help him take care of your kids!"

  "What?! UGGGGH! Great! There goes him learning anything from this! I wanted him to deal with them alone! So he could see what I go through!"

  "I know - I know." Sylvia shook her head and went back on to Angela. "...I'm back sweety, so tell me, why are you guys going there?"

  "Because Sasha is having a fit - (Angela giggled) - she wanted to have a slumber party last night, but Uncle Derrick said no - because there were no women around, that's why he called Shanna. She couldn't get there in time for her to have it last night, so he's going to let her have it tonight. Crystal's gonna take me there so I can go to it too, then tomorrow, we're all coming back here because of that funeral everyone is going to for that lady that killed herself over Uncle Jake."

  Sylvia shook her head, knowing that she promised to be there as well, but wasn't looking forward to the idea, even though she wanted to see Shawn.

  "I see... where's your dad?"

  "Sleeping."

  "Sleeping? Still... that's not like him to be sleeping so late. He's not sick is he?"

  "No... I don't think so. He's just missing you-..." She was saying when Sylvia heard a male voice ask her, "Who is that?" Angela must have put her hand over the mouth piece, because her voice came back muffled as she answered, "Sylvia." and then,"Here let me talk to her."

  "Sylvia?"

  Sylvia felt her heart leap in her chest, a mix of resentment and dread hearing Jake on the other end. He was the last person she wanted to talk to this morning. She'd called to speak with her husband... not him.

  "Yeah." She finally answered after some hesitation on her part.

  "What are you doing? You just married my brother - why are you putting him through this? I'm the one who screwed up-..."

  "Excuse me?! I did not call to talk to you! I have nothing to say to you - you have nothing to say to me!"

  "Look Sylvia - I'm sorry okay? Please believe me... I am truly sorry for everything I did that brought this to where it is now."

  "Hmmm - you'll have to excuse me if I struggle with belief on that one."

  "I mean it Sylvia. I was wrong. I've been wrong for a long time now. Okay - I deserve your disdain. I deserve you not trusting me, fair enough but what has Shawn done to you, but love you? You haven't a clue of what you're doing to my brother right now. You need - to come home."

  Sylvia was quiet. Guilt assailed her. She felt her face burning at the thought of doing this to Shawn. She just needed one more week, just a bit more time - and it would over, she would be home and for good.

  "Are you listening to me? Are you hearing anything I'm saying?"

  "Yes... I hear you."

  "Well? Are you coming home?"

  "Not yet."

  "Dammit! What the hell is with you goddamn women?! All of you - you like to twist a man's fucking guts until there's nothing left of him!"

  "Well listen at the pot calling the kettle black! What would you know about that!? As if any woman's ever put you through anything! You haven't a clue! Don't stand there holding my phone and trying to correct me on anything! You of all people haven't a clue of what its like to give your heart and soul to anyone! All you've ever done is take! When have you ever given your heart to any woman?! But I'm sure beyond a doubt, many have had their guts rung out by you! Thus - the funeral tomorrow! Goodbye!" She hung the phone up on him.

  "Who was that? What was that about?" Meribel asked.

  "That - was Jake! Telling me off about Shawn."

  "That was cold girlfriend... that blow about Doris - even after what he did to you - I wouldn't think you could be that mean."

  Sylvia sat a moment thinking about it. She felt her face burning from shame. She had to admit to herself, it had been a mean blow, but she hadn't been able to help herself. He was the last person she could stand getting an accusing finger from pointing at her. She dropped her face into her hand, because as wrong as he hadbeen, for all intent and purposes, he was trying to help them, or rather... his brother. She couldn't blame him for that. She grabbed the phone and dialled home again.

  The phone rang and rang, she was about to hang up when Jake answered, his voice was low.

 
"Hello?" He sounded down.

  "I'm sorry for that. You didn't deserve that and I'm ashamed of myself for saying it." She took a deep breath, he was quiet as well. "Please forgive me."

  "Nothing to forgive, you were right on the money. Can't argue with the truth." He returned.

  "Doesn't matter what the truth is, I went too far. Look Jake. I'm not wanting to hurt you. I'm especially not meaning to hurt your brother. I love him in a way I've never loved a man before, I'm not absent from him to hurt him. I have every intention of coming home. I should have put my foot down with Shawn and waited for us to get married, and insisted that he wait. I didn't. I regret that I didn't-..."

  "You telling me that you regret marrying him?"

  "No... that's not what I meant. I mean... I should have given myself more time. There were things I put off, delayed on doing for me. Well now, I'm carrying his baby. I'm on my way to raising a family... again. I'm willing to do that Jake... with Shawn. There's nothing I can do to make you understand, and I'm really tired of trying to explain my actions to everyone. Just know that I took this time, stolen from him or not, that I should have asked for from the beginning. My wrong is that I didn't - even so, I'm taking it now."