BOMAW 4-6

by Mercedes Keyes

  When she called him on his mobile at the restaurant, she'd asked him what he was up to, and would he mind coming by the house. They hadn't had much time together of late. If Jake hadn't felt like shit, after dropping some on Shawn, he might have turned her down. Unfortunately, envy of his brother had gotten the better of him, and now the deed could not be reversed. Needing to step away from it, he'd agreed to come by Kathy Ann's. He felt ashamed of himself. Shawn hadn't hesitated to reach out to him, and because he had, he was both grateful and resentful. Now he'd opened a can of worms that he wish he could put the lid back on, no way.

  "What's been going on with you?" Kathy Ann asked, as she sat across from her brother. Dwight was at work, would be home in a couple of hours. Her kids weren't home from school yet, and she was already on her fourth beer.

  "Nothing much. Been helping Shawn get his house done up."

  "Oh... I see. I hear through the grapevine, you gotta place in Chicago now; why's that?"

  Jake took a drink from his beer, lowered it. "Just somewhere to go on the weekends. Can't be at Shawn's all the time now, can I?"

  "Seems like you are. Since he's been back, you don't give me the time of day no more. Went all that way and got Shanna, and where is she? Moving in next to Shawn."

  "Well, she's gotta live somewhere, Kathy Ann; you got no room for her here."

  "What's wrong with you?" She asked, finishing off her beer.

  "Nothing." He answered, watching her reach and pick up another one, popping the tab. She took a long swallow of it, set it down, picked up her cigarettes and tapped one out to put between her lips and light up.

  "You know what, for a woman, you drink too much and smoke too much."

  "Got nothing else to do, why not? If I wanna smoke ten packs a day and drink a case of beer while at it, who gives a fuck?!"

  "Whatever." Jake shook his head. "Why don't you go back to school or something? Aren't you tired of doing nothing?"

  "Go to school for what? I'm too old to be going to school. What's gotten into you, all of a sudden?"

  "I'm just - I don't know - getting tired of the same ol', same ol'."

  "Since when?"

  "I'm just saying, there comes a point - when everyone - needs to take a good look at their lives. I mean, look at us. We are nothing - going nowhere. Doesn't that bother you?"

  Kathy Ann stared at her brother a few moments and then looked away, bringing her beer up for a drink. "Hmph, I know what's gotten into you." She murmured, after a few swallows. "You're pathetic."

  "What?!" Jake asked.

  "You heard me. You think I don't know what's going on? Reason you got that place in Chicago? You're the one who's stuck, doin' the same'ol, same'ol!"

  "What the heck are you talking about?"

  "The only reason you're going through this bullshit dilemma, is because Shawn's now back, and you'll have one hell of a climb to top him! You're depressed because you can't do one better! You went after Sylvia and she didn't want you, and now ... there's only one other way to top Shawn for sure... and that's bring home that black velvet prize momma's going on and on about. That Vivian! That's why you got that place in Chicago! Don't be stupid Jake! Don't spend your entire life running to catch up with Shawn; you're still competing with him! That's all you want that Vivian for, to be one up on Shawn... admit it. You don't want her. She's not even your type."

  "What you got against Vivian?"

  "Nothing! I don't even know her! If Shawn weren't here, dangling Sylvia around - you wouldn't give someone like her the time of day."

  "How the hell would you know that?!" Jake was starting to get pissed. "And I'm not still fucking competing with Shawn!"

  "Bullshit! You are too!"

  "You don't fucking know me, Kathy Ann - you think you know me!"

  "Hellooo - how many black girlfriends have you had? For that matter, how many have you even screwed! None - not one!"

  "Excuse me, but its not like I was spoiled for choice! How many were around when we were growing up?"

  "I can't believe that you can't see what you're doing!? The only attraction that exist between you and that Vivian is because she's blacker than Sylvia and prettier! Which makes her, one up better than what Shawn did! If you saw her, without benefit of Shawn being married to a black woman, you'd glance once and then away."

  "Kathy Ann, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Besides, for your information, I'm not even seeing her! So, you're talking all of this shit for nothing!"

  "So, what's the place in Chicago for then?"

  "I told you, just a place to get away to, now and then."

  "CHICAGO? Since when Jake? Admit it! Admit that you're only doing this because of Shawn! Before he came back home, you were happy with your life and content! Now all of a sudden, its not good enough. You so dissatisfied, why don't you take your ass back to school!"

  "At least I finished!" He pointed out, tapping his chest.

  "Good - for - fucking you! I would have too, if it hadn't been for Shawn!"

  "I don't wanna hear it, Kathy Ann! I've heard it a thousand times - get over it already!"

  "That's easy for you to say! You didn't go through what I went through! You weren't humiliated, the way that I was humiliated!"

  "Well, you shouldn't have fucking went to bed with him Kathy Ann! Shawn didn't make him humiliate you! Shawn didn't make you fall in love with an asshole! Shawn didn't make you drop out of school ashamed! Shawn didn't make you sneak off, and get an abortion! You did all that shit on your own!!!"

  "FUCK YOU JAKE!!!" Kathy Ann shot to her feet screaming, "GET BACK TO YOUR FUCKING SHAWN!!! YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME ANYWAY - NOW THAT YOU GOT SHAWN BACK!!! NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH!!!"

  "KATHY ANN - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! DID I NOT KICK HIS ASS FOR YOU?! I BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF HIM!! ALL YOU HAD TO DO, WAS GO TELL MOM AND DAD - I'M PREGNANT - THAT'S ALL YOU HAD TO DO!?!"

  Kathy Ann wilted. Falling back to the bench. "I couldn't Jake. I couldn't. Daddy would have been so ashamed of me." She started weeping.

  "Yeah well, better would it have been to say you were pregnant, than for him to find out you'd gotten an abortion." Jake calmed. Knowing all about everything, and hating that he knew. He sat watching her dissolve into tears, because she couldn't live with the fact that she'd killed a child by her first love. Someone, whom had felt the humiliating sting of Shawn. Then in turn, regained his dignity, by broadcasting over the school speakers a recording of him screwing Kathy Ann. The humiliation of it had been more than she could stand, making her drop out of school, refusing to return. Only to find later on, that she was pregnant. She'd begged him to help her. To help her get the money. To take her to get it - (an abortion). He had, as the only one she trusted and her older brother, he couldn't let her go off alone. She'd never been the same since. Angry. Bitter, mean. She'd clung more to their father, as if somehow he would forgive her, should he ever find out. Sticking close to home and being available for them, no matter what.

  A few years later, on a whim after meeting Dwight Dearborn, she married him and got pregnant right away. Jake told her not to marry him, that she wasn't in love with him. She'd done so anyway. Now, she treated him like crap - and though she loved her kids - she was forever mourning the aborted one too much, to realize she was blowing important years with the two she had. Every time she drank, she went into hating-Shawn mode. Blaming him. Pinning the entire ruin that was her life, on him. He'd become the scapegoat for her misery.

  "I have nightmares, Jake. I can't sleep at night. When I'm alone during the day - I hear a baby crying. You know how old it would be now Jake... do you?"

  "Yeah... around my boys age."

  "It would be 20. I look at Benjamin - Kevin... and I think - mine might have been a boy - like them. Or maybe... maybe a beautiful girl - a daughter."

  "You have Jenny and Jason, Kathy Ann. You don't climb up out of this shit you're in, you're going to wake up one day and they'll be gone, a
nd you'll have even more to regret." He mumbled low. He was sitting, holding onto his beer can. It was still half full. He didn't want it; he felt like shit now. Wish he hadn't come to see his sister. He had been feeling bad enough, now he felt even worse. She thought she was the only one their deed had haunted. It haunted him as well. Instead of forcing her to tell their parents back then, he'd taken her to do something, that their father would forgive neither of them for. Especially him. He sat knowing, had it been Shawn, he would have handled it differently. Shawn would have made her tell. Looking back, Jake could see that. He now wished he'd thought of that then. Yet, he'd been young, always in trouble. He and Kathy Ann had forged a stupid, young trust between them, a bond. Now looking back, he could see how wrong his part. Sitting, now looking at her, he felt more responsible for aiding in ruining her life. Yet, she blamed Shawn.

  "Look, I'm gonna take off." He said, pouring his beer out on the ground.

  "You just got here; can't you stay for a while? Don't be so quick to go."

  "Dwight's gonna be home soon, isn't he? I don't wanna be here when he gets here, you know we don't like each other."

  "Hey... okay - let's go out? Let's go to the bar, have a few beers, shoot some pool or something?"

  "You've had enough, Kathy Ann. Besides, your kids'll be home soon."

  "They've got a key to get in, I don't need to be here."

  "Bullshit! You do need to be here! You need to stop fucking drinking! Get some fucking help already! This shit is getting old!" His frustration with everything, suddenly erupting. "You know what you need to do, go tell mom and dad what you did! Get this shit off of your chest! Then go get some help!"

  "What's happening to you, Jake? Do you even care what I've gone through? I've been there for you Jake! I've always been here for you! Tell mom and DAD? Are you nuts?! While I'm at it, you want me to tell 'im you took me!? That you got me the money! Should I tell him that, too?!"

  "You know what, Kathy Ann - its getting so - I don't give a shit! Do you hear me!?" Jake felt tears in his eyes - he was too stressed, and filled with anxiety for this. "Kathy Ann - do you know that I'm going to be 40 years old in a few months?! 40 years old! I've GOT SHIT! SHIT TO SHOW FOR MY LIFE! If you don't fucking wake up - and quit-..." He stood, and grabbed her half empty, twelve-pack box of OldStyle and threw it as far as he could from her. The box broke open upon hitting the ground, a couple of cans ruptured open, spraying out beer foam from impact.

  He stood there by the table, breathing hard, staring down at her as she gazed out into the yard at her beer. After a moment, she turned a red, tear-streaked face up to him. "Go. Leave me alone, I don't need your fucking company anyway. Ass kisser! Shit head! Loser! Go kiss Shawn's ass! He's no better than me! Neither are you! That Vivian had any sense, she'd tell you to fuck off! 'Cause you're just a red-neck, chicken shit loser! Now - fuck off!"

  Jake backed away, turned saying nothing more, and climbed into his truck and looked back at his sister. She held her middle finger up for him. He started his truck and pulled off. When she drank, she was impossible to deal with, and he just as soon not be around her. For once, as he drove, Jake realized he had nowhere to go. He thought about Doris. He missed her right then. Because, she had been easy to just drop in on, and chill. He could have sex with her, get something to eat, and just ignore the world outside. Couldn't do that anymore. He drove, with no set destination in mind. He wanted to go to Shawn's, but he was afraid to. He wanted to kick himself for stirring the mess with his brother again. He drove, thinking about what Kathy Ann said. Wondering if his attraction to Vivian was because of Shawn. Trying to best him. He shook his head, that was insane. After all, he wasn't trying to marry her. He'd just wanted to go to bed with her.

  He drove on, with her on his mind. He found himself at a bar. Sitting in the parking lot. Being that it was so early in the week, there wasn't many there, a few locals. Old-timers, mostly. He sat in his truck, off of the country back road. He looked at his clock radio. It was almost 4 o'clock. He sat wondering had Vivian gone to work this day? The front of his body was suddenly giving off weird sensations, from his nipples to down over his belly. Every nerve ending seemed to respond, coming to life from the memory of pressing against her. His pelvis rolled upward, blood was surging, causing him to stir with arousal. Just that simple, thinking about her - made him feel a need. Whether it was because of Shawn having Sylvia, or not, one thing that Jake could not shake, and that was the fact that Vivian Cooke did something for him that he could not get rid of. If she outright spat in his face - showed that she didn't want him. Rejected him outright - he could swallow that. This was different.

  She did want him - he was sure of that. It was that - which made it hell and torture for him.

  She responded to his presence. Thinking back to the first moment he saw her, at the point that she too saw him, in the Kwik Trip - their eyes had met - there was a quick, weak spark of electricity. God help him, if he had known then, what he knew now, he would have never gone to the reception. He would have stayed the hell away. Nothing for him had been the same since! Everything in his world had gone straight to hell since - Vivian Cooke!

  She had moved. He should have left it at that!

  Nooo - he had to meet the challenge! Shawn! Mind games! Yes - there is where Shawn certainly contributed to his downfall, before the incredible ebony goddess! He couldn't just leave it alone, he'd had to show them! He'd had to take his ass out there, and track her down! Thinking about that fact made Jake's nostrils flare. He'd found her. As if he had every right to be there, he'd entered her new home with all the arrogance of a statuesque, golden god! There he stood, watching, studying her. He studied her eyes, he'd taken his time and watched her body, how it squirmed and came alive under his hazel-blue gaze. He watched the desire explode to life within her - and just as he knew she would, she fought all that she was feeling in that instance.

  "Why?!" Jake grated between clenched teeth. He knew why. Without realizing it, he was rubbing his thumb and fingertips together with his right hand - remembering the feel and taste of her moist essence, as he'd lapped it hungrily that night at the club. Jake closed his eyes shifting back, feeling himself growing harder. He needed to reroute his thinking. With little success, his thoughts flashed to her standing on that porch, telling him. - "......I was meant for you. I am, the one person - you can believe in. Were I yours, no man ... no man - would dare lay his hands on me - only you Jake ... only you."

  "FUCK! Why me!? Dammit - why me!?" He growled out, he couldn't block the vision of her, with tears flowing as she went on to say. "You don't know it yet ... but I'm the one ... I would love you, the way you need someone to love you." Jake ran his hand through his hair. "I don't want - don't need - you - to love me... I don't need it!" He grunted out with great force, hating the tears that came to his eyes as he turned red with the strain of his unhappiness. Yet her words came again, "...the way you need someone to love you." Jake sniffed, muttering, "Jesus - I got shit for you. I got nothing - I am nothing." He sniffed again. "Fuck it!" He reached for the door handle, and climbed out of his truck.

  * * *

  Sylvia and Shanna were standing in the basement kitchen, finishing up dinner. Shanna was excited, because Sylvia fried up a huge seafood banquet. Catfish, Hoki nuggets for the kids, Jumbo Shrimp, and Oyster's on the half shell with lemon and butter sauce. Served with it, spicy Castian rice, Okra and sweet corn fry, a large pot of greens and hush puppies loaded with onions. Shanna stood making a huge salad to serve along with everything else, as they talked about plans for decorating. Crystal had picked up Angela from school and together they were out front with the boys, replanting Sylvia's favorite bulbs in front of the house to grow again that summer. Due to that location, naturally they were there to see a grinning Mundo, pull up in his new Blazer.

  "AAAAH NO WAY!!! I'M TELLIN' MAMA!!!" Crystal shouted, leaping up from the ground with soiled hands, to gasp and gape - all she could see was her brother's white teeth, as he pulled
into the driveway. Making a face, she stomped off, dusting her hands of the dirt. Angela jumped up smiling, and ran to the Blazer that he parked beside Sylvia's red mustang. "Cool Mundo! Wow, dad... this is nice!"

  "Ooh lemme' see!, Lemme' see!" Isaac jumped up and down, calling up on Shawn's side of the vehicle. He looked out of his window down at Isaac, grinning as he opened the door to step out. "Ooh - this is nice Mundo - this yours?" Isaac asked, with Shawn picking him up and sitting him on the front passenger seat.

  "Sharp, ain't it?" Mundo stated, cutting the engine, stepping out after removing his keys so that Angela could climb in. He picked up Darren, placing him on her lap so he could play with the steering wheel.

  "You guys get this today? Oh, I wanted to go!" Angela complained, with her lip out, mad about being left out.

  "You was at school, girl! I'ah take you all for a ride in a bit!"

  "YEAAAAH!!!" Isaac, Darren yelled out, with Angela encouraging it.

  Shawn was standing behind the opened passenger door, when he saw his wife exit the house with Shanna and Crystal. He slowly backed up out of sight, hiding on the other side of the Blazer, trying to look for somewhere to run and hide.

  "What - is this!?"

  Shawn winced, hearing her voice, close to that shrill - 'I am not happy about this!' - tone. He waited for her to get directly on the other side of the Blazer, so he could run behind the garage. Peeking and ducking, trying to gauge her location, the moment she was there, he took off for the garage, running on the far side of it.

  Mundo was standing there, chewing on the corner of his bottom lip. "Huh?" He responded to his mother standing ten feet from the Blazer, with her hands on her hips.

  "Don't, huh me? What is this?"

  "This?" He asked, standing next to the Blazer, as Crystal and Shanna walked around it, looking at it. Shanna was looking for her brother. She reached the other side of the Blazer, spotted him hiding on the side of the garage, and started rolling with laughter. This, as he stood hitting his lips with his index finger for her to be quiet. Crystal was inside the Blazer checking it out. "Ooh mama - come look in here! Now, you know this cost some money!"