Vivian sat in covert observation of everyone laughing and talking around the table. Her dad asking his grandkids about school, and what was going on. All the while, Vivian noticed that Candace was fidgeting. Noticed how skinny she was, wearing her hair back in a ponytail. Come to think of it, Vivian realized she always had. Straight, brushed and scraped back flat and smooth as could be to her head, and then a band on it to keep it in place. No make-up on smooth, brown skin, with an oily surface. From Candace, Vivian gazed at Ella a few moments. She was trying to figure out why she'd tortured her so, growing up? While Ella was light skinned, she wasn't really all that pretty. She looked too much like their father, absent his very dark skin. Her lips were too full and pulpy. Similar to their dads lips, which were moderate, not overly big as Ella's had become. Ella's lips reminded Vivian's of a monkey's butt when she wore a certain color lipstick with too much lip gloss. Ella felt her eyes on her, and turned to stare at her.
"Mama, Vivian looking at me."
"What?! Girl please! Ain't much to look at!" Vivian gloated, immediately reverting back to how she was with her.
"Don't start! Ya'll too grown! Ella, you got kids of your own, sittin' up in here actin' like one!"
Vivian smirked, and then laughed softly, working her head in victory.
"Well, tell miss thang there - it's rude to stare!"
"Vivian!"
"Mama, I am not messing with her!" Vivian sassed, and then turned back to Ella. "Although, you need to take your end off to L.A. somewhere; there bound to be three or four white women willing to pay you top dollar for lip donations! You got enough there to help at least four!"
"See, mama!?" She blurted, with her husband laughing next to her. "You know what your problem is, you jealous! You always been jealous of me!"
Vivian sat pursing her lips, then rolled the bottom lip down and covered the top with her tongue making them look similar to Ella's, or a monkey's butt, laughing as she did so.
"Vivian! VIVIAN!" Betty yelled at her, while she sat working her head in circles; terrorizing her sister eagerly, she pointed at her lips and then at her sister, making kissing noises.
"You see how she is, mama!? You could have told us she was gone be here, and we would have gone out to eat!" Ella ignored her sister, speaking to her mother.
"You still can! You don't have to stay! I'll even pay for your dinner! How much you need?"
"Vivian!" This time her father called her. "You don't come home often to have dinner no way - so the least you could do, when you do - is leave that bullshit out the door! Understand?!"
"Thank you, daddy!"
"Thank you, daddy!" Vivian mocked her, in a whiny voice.
"Vivian, what did I say?! Hm?" Her father chastised her for the last time.
Vivian sat back, put out. It seemed that her older sister Lacy, was the only one to see the humor in it, enjoying her antics because they weren't directed at her. One thing about Lacy, she could always handle Vivian when she did little things to get on her nerves. Granted, from time to time it meant kicking her tail - which Vivian knew that she could, this was already an established fact. She had always come out the victor if they got into a fight. Having had her big sister consistently kick her butt, Vivian would do her little deeds, and then wait until she discovered it - because there was no satisfaction in playing tricks on them and not sticking around to see the fruits of her ingenuous plots. Of course, the moment Lacy bellowed her name, flying down the stairs to get a hold of her, Vivian would be off. Running like a little, skinny, dark streak, laughing as she whizzed by whomever stood in attendance to witness her flight. If Lacy got a hold of her, she was as good as whipped - but she had to catch her first, and that - she could never do.
"When you gone quit being jealous o'us, girl? Hm, ain't nothin' wrong with you, but crazy as hell." Candace spoke up for once to say. She had an incisor missing, which gave Vivian reason to tease her. "Pul-lease! You the one jealous, Miss snaggletooth - lookin' all ghetto! You and Miss hemorrhoids of the mouth!"
Lacy was still laughing, as their father shook his head saying, "I should'dah been the one whipping yo' butt! Stead'ah leaving it to your mama! Only reason I did, is 'cause I don't like whipping on no lil' girls! Lookin' at you now, yo' lil' ass needed me to slap you on it - maybe then, that wud'ah got you straight!"
Vivian said nothing to that, his words however brought to mind the actions of Jake just the day before. No doubt were he there, with her father, he would agree. Vivian wasn't sure why she always had to antagonize Ella, which usually lead to Candace, and then Lacy last, because Lacy was the oldest and could always get control of the matter quick, were they confined inside the house and couldn't go out.
"Milton, it wud'na' done a bit a good. I tore her ass up coming and going; she still go back and do the same thing again. I swear fo' God, the four of ya'll like to make me lose my mind! I don't wanna hear no more nonsense either! Everyone of ya'll grown! But the second ya'll come together, I swear all four of you revert back to being children!"
"I beg your pardon, mama. I'm sitting here and ain't done nothing! It's this one here!" Lacy pointed at Vivian.
There it was again, the entire family against her. Vivian sat wondering how it happened so fast? She never failed to have them all ganging up on her, pointing fingers at being the shit-stirrer of the family. In a way she was, but it would have been nice to have someone on her side for once, even if she was the one to start it. This was the reason she didn't come home much, because she would always end up saying something that got the sisters riled.
From that point forward, she tried to behave herself. Answering questions only if they were asked of her, keeping her eyes off of Ella's big lips. It wasn't easy not to scrunch her face in distaste, watching her eat and leave crumbs or meat sticking to that big bottom lip. Vivian had to bite her tongue a couple of times, wondering if her lips were numb or something? Wondering, why couldn't she feel that food was stuck to her bottom lip?
Her mother had made all the sides, because she'd called ahead to say she would bring fried chicken and rib tips for everyone. Happy for not having to cook the meat and just sides, her mother agreed. Once the minor bickering abated, the family went on to enjoy a nice visit. Upon departing, Ella rolled her eyes at Vivian and turned up her nose. Lacy smiled at her little sister, squeezed her cheek and winked; saying, "If you learn to behave yourself, come back next Sunday too, but bring seafood or Chinese food." With a second wink, she was out of the door, talking to her son about making the movies as they made their way to their car. She and Candace were the last there, helping their mother clean up the kitchen and around the house.
When their mother left the kitchen to see what their father wanted from shouting for her from the kitchen, Candace turned to Vivian. "Loan me some money?" She asked really quick, while her mother was out of earshot.
"Loan you some money? For what?" Vivian asked, on guard, she could just imagine what it was for.
"I got behind on a few bills." She explained, showing signs of the fidgets again. "Look, let me drop by your house, we can talk about it there."
"No, I don't think so. Besides, I don't live there anymore."
"Oh. You don't? Why?"
"I needed to move. I live someplace else now."
"Where? I'ah come by there. And uh, let's keep this between you and me, okay? I'on want mama to know I'm asking you for money. So, write that down for me, okay? Your number too, that way I'll call first, make sure you at home."
Vivian stood staring a moment with warning alarms going off in her head. Before she could say anything, her mother was on her way back into the kitchen calling out to Candace, "Candy girl - some man is at our door for you. Your daddy ain't happy about that, either. I do believe he told you once not to have your 'friends' coming to this house. Go get rid of him - now!" Betty ordered.
Candace glanced nervously from her mother to Vivian. She needed some money. She knew who was at the door, and grew irritated at the predicament. She looked
like she wanted to say something to Vivian, however, the presence of her mother made her swallow it back. Confused about what to do next, she made her exit from the kitchen. In the living room, Vivian and her mother could hear Milton warning Candace again, "Tell them motherfuckas stay the hell away from my house! I ain't playing, now! If you gone be bringing son-of-bitches like that around here, stay your ass gone too!!! You better believe me, I mean what I say now - don't let me tell you this shit no more!"
Betty exhaled, and turned her gaze to her youngest daughter.
"Mama, what's going on with Candace?" Vivian asked carefully.
"Chile, I don't know. I try not to even think about it. Lord knows, don't seem like mess gone end with ya'll." Betty commented and then, "Come on, help me put these dishes away, I don't wanna talk about Candace. What's going on with you? You staying away from that doctor?"
Vivian did as she was told, helping her mother clean the kitchen and answered truthfully, "Yes mama, you'll be happy to know, that that is over. Never to be resumed."
"Good for you! That mean you got somebody else in mind?" Betty asked, glancing at her daughter's reaction to the question. Vivian was silent a moment, as she sprayed her mother's stove down to clean it and then shine it. Her mother believed in a spotless oven. The rest of the kitchen would be clean, but she would remain in the kitchen longer than normal to get her stove cleaned and shining, knowing this - it was the perfect instrument to keep her hands busy while she struggled with how much to say.
"You hesitatin', that mean yes - you are." Betty leaned on the counter with one hand, the other on her hip watching her daughter get into cleaning her stove. Vivian took several deep breaths and reached for the butter knife, a tooth pick and cloth to get into all the nooks and crannies.
"Well... who is he? What is he?"
"It's not really a big deal yet, mama."
"Yet? Okay... who is he? What does he do? When'd you meet him? And which color of man's rainbow does he fall under?!"
"Mama, why do you have to ask me like that?" Vivian pouted, as she cleaned.
"How else am I suppose to ask?"
"You - you ask with prediction mama! As if you already know - but you just need to hear it from me, to confirm your judgment of me. Which, of course, is usually a negative judgment. That's how you ask."
"I see. So, you going all the way this time, huh?"
"Going all the way? What does that mean, mama?" Vivian asked, pausing with cloth and cleaning utensils in hand, kneeling on the floor in front of the oven, she was wiping down along the base on the floor.
"Look here girl, don't play dumb with me. You know where I'm coming from, because I know you. And you know, I know you."
Vivian sighed, and turned back to finishing the front lower part of the stove saying instead, "It's nothing serious yet, mama. We're just - just friends. He's - ..."
"He's what?"
Vivian wasn't sure what to say, so answered the easy stuff first, "Remember Sylvia, mama?"
"Sylvia? Who is she?"
"Remember, when I was younger and I use to hang with those older girls? One of them was heavy, and the other one was skinny? Sheila and Sylvia?"
"Oh! Yeah... I remember them, I seen that Sheila the other day, she was with her husband and two of her kids. Good looking black man ain't he!?"
'Here we go!' Vivian thought. "Yep, that would be Dennis. But I was asking you, did you remember Sylvia?"
"Vaguely, she was the skinny one right?"
"Yeah... well, she got married a few weeks back. I went to her wedding with Sheila, and uh - I met - him - uh - Jake ... there, at the wedding."
"I see. So, are you seeing him now?"
"On and off, but - just as friends."
"Then why mention him? What's the -yet- all about?"
"Because - I um - I really like him - a lot."
"Em... and how does he feel about you? This - Jake."
"He - treats me - really well."
"Meaning?"
"Just that - he treats me really well."
"You been to bed with him?"
"NO! No, I have not." Vivian answered, standing from the floor, putting the knife in the dishwater and rinsing out the towel to finish up wiping down the top.
"What kind of name is Jake? Don't sound like the name of no black man."
"He's not." Vivian confessed.
Betty stared at her daughter, trying to think of what to say. Since she'd never bitten her tongue before with her girls, she wasn't going to start now. "Vivian, what you got against black men?"
"No mama, the question is - what do black men have against me?"
"And, what is that suppose to mean?"
"Mama - most black men - no offense - want a black woman that looks like you! Not one that looks like me."
"That's the biggest load of crap - if I've ever heard any!"
"Mama - to a black man, I am not the prize! Most want brown skin, high yella, or outright white! Me - they just wanna play with. Go to bed with me, have fun with me, but when it comes to marriage-..."
"Hang on here, sista'! And the Chinese doctor - what exactly was it he wanted to do with you? He didn't wanna play? He wanted to get married? Oh, wait a minute - yeah he did - in fact, he wanted to get married so bad - he was already married!" Betty cut her off sarcastically.
"That was a mistake, mama. It's over - okay?"
"Okay - I accept that it was a mistake - but if you must make mistakes, why not make it with your own kind - a black man?"
"Mama, we've already had this discussion before."
"Yes, we have! And it still pisses me off! How can you possibly justify deliberately choosing to be with another race, rejecting your own?!"
"Mama, the man I choose to spend the rest of my life with, is up to me to choose. What about all the black men that choose to be with white women?!"
"Trust me, my silly daughter, when I see one like that - you better believe the look I give him is enough to straighten his hair!"
"That's wrong mama, that's wrong. That man has every right to be with whom he wants to be."
"A black man with a white woman ain't about nothing, but strutting around with a status symbol on his arm! Like she some goddamn - medal of honor! The only reason he need her is to stroke his ego, so he can say to the world, 'LOOK AT ME! Ain't I some big shit! I got me a white woman on my arm!' It pisses me off that he can feel proud about her, but not feel the same sense of pride with a black woman on his arm! And here is my own goddamn daughter, doing the same goddamn thing! That's the only reason you date anything else but a black man! Just like them, you saying to the world without opening your mouth, 'LOOK AT ME! I may be black as night, but a white man want me! Don't tell me I ain't the shit! See - I'm good enough for him!'-..."
"So, what if I am, mama?! What if I am! If that's what it takes for me to feel good about me - leave me to it then! All of a sudden, because I prefer someone other than black, ya'll wanna defend black! Tryin' to act like you all - so - pro-black! If that was the case, you all would have cared about me, the same as Lacy, Ella and Candace!!!"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!" Betty shouted, on a short fuse. She wasn't one to stand for too much back talk from her girls, didn't matter how old they were, and how long they'd been living out on their own. This one included.
"Mama, look - I have to work tomorrow, I'm just gonna go, okay?"
"Oh, no you not! We gonna finish this right here - right now! You ain't going nowhere! I'm tired of this mess!"
"So am I, mama. I'm 28 years old. And if it's all the same to you, I'd just as soon spare us both this and leave."
"Vivian Cooke - I'm telling you right now - you walk out that door after I've told you to stay put - you do that - don't you come back! You understand me!? You done got so grown and full of yourself, you gone turn your back on me and keep stepping?! Who the hell do you think you are!? I'm still your mother dammit! So, what's it gonna be?! You leaving for good this time?"
Vivian stoppe
d mid-stride, and turned to face her mother.
"I'm gone tell you right now - I do not appreciate you throwing that in my face, and thinking you get to just walk out with the last word. In my goddamn house, I have the last word here, sista'! Not you!" Betty steamrolled her. With flared nostrils and and tightly pursed lips, she eyed her daughter and shook her head. Going through her mind, was all the years of hell it required to raise four daughters. Having paused long enough to gather her thoughts and gear up her second wind, she asked again, "Now - you made a statement, I ask you, what are you talking about - I wanna know."
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