BOMAW 4-6

by Mercedes Keyes

  "I'm talking about me. Dull - boring - unexciting. Not good looking like my brothers. You kind of settled, didn't you? I don't think I'm really what you want out of a man, am I?"

  "Oh my god!" Meribel hands tapped at her chest because she was going to start bawling and not stop. "Why are you saying this, Derrick?"

  "I heard you say it... the other day, to yourself. You thought I'd left for work. I couldn't leave - not with you the way that you were. I came back in to talk to you, and uh, I overheard your - coaching - to yourself."

  "Oh my god!" Meribel covered her face in humiliation. She couldn't believe that he heard her. Never had she ever wanted to do anything to hurt her husband. Reason she could never come out and tell him what she felt. To see the look on his face that was staring back at her now, made her want to retch.

  "Now I understand. I should have known I couldn't please a woman like you. You're beautiful-..."

  "Derrick, that's crazy!"

  "...- exciting - the opposite of me. Bold-..."

  "Derrick, I love you!"

  "Why? How could you? I'm a lousy lover... you said it. I bore you..."

  "STOP! And listen to me... please."

  He did, gazing at her flooded eyes.

  "I'm in love with you." She palmed his face in her hands, staring into his eyes, praying that through her own, he could see into her soul and believe that it was true. "I regret nothing more, than I regret you hearing that come out of my mouth. I'm in love with you. I love everything about you."

  "No you don't, Meri - you don't.

  "I do-o-o, God knows it's true that I do. It's just that - I don't know how to say it. To make it come out right. Sometimes, I just want -..." Her hands fell away from his face, as she sat back on her heels. Looking away from him. He was too much like his father. Too bible conscious concerning the decent place for a woman. She strongly believed in the bible as well, but felt that when it came to the man you loved, all was fair - if done in love. Some of the things that she imagined and desired, things that she wished he would try and do, would shock him. He had his ideas about sex and what was right. Somehow, he'd gotten mixed messages. Because she knew from the many talks that she and Gert had, that Bart was not so restrained in the bedroom. Although, Gert had admitted, that he was slow coming around to certain things. Neither had he any serious discussions on sex with his boys. Only that a woman's body was never to be misused, harmed, or defiled with perverted acts that would bring them shame.

  "Hey?" Derrick reached over and lifted her face by her chin. "What do you want?"

  Tears fell from her eyes because she couldn't say it to him. It wasn't what he was about. She knew that.

  "Come on, tell me." He coaxed gently.

  "I just want... you... to ... love me ... as if, you really love me."

  "I do really love you. I worship the ground you walk on. It eats me alive, that you're not happy with me."

  "Derrick, stop saying that I'm not happy-..."

  "But you aren't! You left with Sylvia. You took off. If you were happy, you wouldn't have done that."

  "I just needed to get away for a bit, that's all."

  "Meribel, when someone needs to get away from something, it's because that something is what you're forced to endure, that you're forced to bear. Me - our marriage."

  "That's not true! It's not!"

  "Yes! Yes it is. Right now, you're enduring. You're settling for. You're sacrificing what you really want, for what you have. Because the world says, you should be happy with what you have. I'm not stupid. Neither am I slow. I may be big and ugly, but I'm not dumb."

  "You - are not ugly! What makes you think you're ugly?!"

  "I'm not handsome."

  "You most certainly are!"

  "No... Shawn, is handsome. Jake - he - the best looking of us all, outside of Shanna that is, he - he's the really good looking one. I'm just - their other son."

  "Oh my God! You really believe that, don't you?"

  "As I said, I'm not dumb. When I look at you, I think... you lucky bastard! Look at her. Just look at her!"

  "Derrick! You, by far, outshine Shawn and Jake - at the best of times for them. They ain't got nothing on you papi! Nothing that I want. I, me... I got the real man out of the three! I have not settled! Nothing in this world is perfect, Derrick... I know that. But you, my husband, you are as close to perfect as perfect can get... for me. Maybe not for someone else, but for me... you're just fine."

  "I see, so if I weren't such a bore, and a lousy lover, I'd be perfect then, huh?"

  "Derrick!" Meribel screeched in frustration.

  "I want to be perfect. For you...that's what I want."

  "You are Derrick."

  He sighed, determined that he would be, even if it killed him trying.

  Chapter 149

  "So tell me, when you get married and have kids, what's it gonna be? Boys or girls?" Shawn asked as they, he and Jesse, sat chilling at their beach house on South Pacific Ave. A beer in hand, just watching the occasional woman, or family stroll by, the odd beachcombers walking their dogs. They were living the good life, albeit off of a career that revolved around being able to screw from one scene to the next. Even so, in between, there were many days they enjoyed a little get together with their friends. If they weren't at the pool hall, giving it to King Louie - hustling a game or two, then they were at the beach house, chilling. As they were doing that day when Shawn asked Jesse that question.

  "Man! You must be kiddin' me, I ain't havin' nothin' but some rock heads." Jesse commented, and sipped his beer. They were both wearing shorts and tank tops, for the moment, on top of the world.

  "Rock heads?!" Shawn laughed, asking the meaning.

  "Boys! Nothin' but boys! Rock heads! I'on want no goddamn girls! Girls will make a man kill some goddamn body! Man! Shit... if I had daughters - fuck that! I couldn't deal with it, man. Daughters? Hell naw! The shit we do to women?! Ma-a-an - I'ah kill a motherfucka' repeatedly for doing that shit to one of mine! My girls would hate me - shit! 'Cause my ass would be on the porch every goddamn night with a gun, shootin' every son'a'bitch that peek they way! Bodies be stackin' up in the yard! Hell nah! No girls for me. Tears, looking up at you with them eyes. Looking to you, they daddy, to see about them. Protect them. First time some bastard break my daughter's heart, I'ah be breakin' my foot off in his ass! Nope! I'on want nothin' but some rock heads! That way, they do something wrong, you can just slap they ass upside the head! Can't be slappin' lil' girls upside the head. They precious. Mine would be. I'd have they ass so, wouldn't no man stay with them, no way. They be puttin' that motherfucka' down all the time. Nigga' I'on need you! I'ah call my daddy! Shit! What the hell I need you fa'?" Jesse laughed, thinking about it. "Well, maybe I'ah have one - maybe two. I just be kickin' asses comin' and goin'." He smiled, and took a sip from his beer. "What you gone have?"

  "I don't know. I'd rather have all boys, too. Girls are crazy sometimes. My sister Kathy Ann, jeez - talk about nuts! We were always fighting. Thing is, I could never hit her, but she would haul off and punch me in a minute."

  "Damn! For what?" Jesse asked.

  "Everything and anything. I couldn't tell her anything. She loved to roll her eyes at me. When she was a baby, and little, we got along fine. Then she went through puberty, started having a monthly, liking boys, and got mean."

  "See, that's another thing! It's enough to have to deal with that shit from yo' woman! But then, to have to deal with it from yo' daughter, too? Hell naw! Man can only take so much! So, why she turn on you?"

  "I wouldn't let boys talk to her. Use to make her mad." Shawn laughed. "I would kick their ass, and turn around and have to get kicked and punched by her."

  Jesse was cracking up. "So, you just let her beat you up?"

  "I had to, my dad wouldn't let me hit her, and she knew it. So, I would just tease her, dodge around her, outrun her. She could never catch me. I'd do little shit to drive her crazy, and she would try to run me down to hit me. I'd just lau
gh at her, taunt her a bit. Every now and then she'd get a lucky punch in."

  "Glad to hear it. 'Cause you can't hit them."

  "That's what my father always said. He said, a man hitting a woman, is like a Lion attacking the females in his pride, ever see a Lion attack a female in his pride? Ever?"

  "Hmmm, you know... I don't think I ever have. But then again, his lazy ass probably ain't got the energy. Motherfucka' don't do shit, but lay his ass in the sun and wait for them to bring his ass back a zebra to chew on!"

  Shawn threw his head back laughing, "That's true!"

  "I get your point though. Yo' ass always talkin' 'bout Lions!"

  "That's because my dad said that as a Lion protects his pride, so a man should protect those that belong to him. Just as the Lion tolerates the females in his pride, knowing that they serve an important purpose, we should protect the women that belong to us. Tolerating them, even when they are the most difficult. He said, there's more to being the king of beast, than wearing the crown. He said, you must respect what it is that only they can do. Women have a place that no man can replace with something else. They should be honored. Not hurt, abused, demeaned, beat on, treated as if they have no value."

  "Umph, sounds good to me. I guess your ol' man wouldn't like what we do for a living then, would he?"

  Shawn was quiet, slowly answering, "No - he wouldn't."

  Shawn ran his hand over his head, shaking off thoughts of Jesse. He was at the light in Tomah, looking for the street that he'd written on the paper. Finding it, he turned right and drove down it, checking the house numbers. Finding it, he pulled up to the curb and parked, seeing Victor out in the front yard with another young boy. They'd been tossing a football back and forth. Victor recognized his SUV and stood still, holding the ball, staring at it waiting for Shawn to get out.

  "Who is that?" His brother Tegan asked.

  "Here." Victor tossed him the football, heading down the walk to meet Shawn at the curb. "I'll be back in a bit." He called out to him, not bothering to answer his question.

  Shawn walked around the vehicle to the other side, to lean against the door. He made eye contact with Victor and held it. The fact that this was not a happy visit could not be mistaken.

  "Hey Shawn, what's up?"

  "I would say, my fuckin' blood pressure. What the fuck are you doing?"

  "Huh? Excuse me?"

  "You heard me. Why are you allowing your parents, to fuck over Crystal and treat her like shit? Why are you - treating her like shit? I'm fully aware that she has a temper, yes she does! I'm fully aware that she's hard to handle, she may be. However, where in that, do you come off throwing someone else in her face?! It's one thing to discreetly piss about, but you're going to ask her for the boys, and admit they'll be spending the weekend with you and another woman? What kind of fucking shit is that?! When this shit began, I was trying to understand your side, but you're fucking up, now! She's there trying to keep herself together and take care of business, and you're off over here behind mummy and daddy, letting them dictate to you how you should be towards your wife! She is your WIFE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS?!!" Shawn couldn't stop himself from shouting.

  In the house, Tegan was asked by his mother, "I thought you and Victor were going to the park and toss the ball around?"

  "A man came wanting to talk to him."

  "A man?" Natalie questioned, and walked to her living room looking out the front window. Her face flamed up to see Crystal's stepfather in an aggressive confrontation with her son. He was shouting at him, she could hear bits and pieces from where she stood.

  Immediately, she went to her front door and out of it, "VICTOR!!! COME AWAY FROM HIM, NOW!"

  Shawn was breathing hard, when he heard Victor's mother screeching at him from up the yard. He turned back to Victor, "Ah, mummy's calling. Be a good little boy, run on home now, it's feeding time. I'm done with telling you what a weak, worthless, fuckin' dickhead, worm you are!"

  Knowing he was wrong for what had been brought to his attention, there was little Victor could say in his own defense. The last thing he wanted to do right now, was turn and go to his waiting mother at the door, confirming what Shawn had just said to him.

  "Look Shawn, I'm wrong, okay? I admit it. Can we just leave it alone, I don't want any trouble, especially on my mother's doorstep."

  "Okay, how about this, you get in my SUV here and we can go to the park and resolve it there."

  At that point, Natalie approached Victor, ignoring Shawn, telling Victor, "Son, come on in the house now. Don't make me repeat myself."

  Shawn smirked, "Go on Victor son, mummy's spoken, in the house now - your milk and cookies are waiting, then it's off to bed with yah'!"

  Natalie turned to Shawn and loftily said, "Mr. McPherson, I would appreciate it if you would leave, now! Obviously, due to the company you keep, you've lost all sense of how to conduct yourself in a respectable manner. While that may be your personal choice, you have no right to come here forcing your ideals on our son. He was a bright, ambitious young man before her. Now, he's been reduced to toiling as a common blue collar worker. All due to a successful trap to snare him, she got herself pregnant! No surprise in that, it's what they're good at. It's what they do, breeding like roaches!"

  "Mother! You have no right! This discussion is between Shawn and I!"

  At that point, Shawn was too mad to respond to her, so he turned to Victor instead, choosing to ignore her, "She just insulted your wife! What about that!? Fuck it - that she's interrupted our conversation! What about the other shit she said!?-..."

  "Don't you dare stand here and encourage my son - to talk down to me - to disrespect me! I am his mother!" Natalie snarled, losing her patience.

  "...-boy, your balls must be no bigger than acorns!-..."

  "Mr. McPherson! We are a Christian family here! Your language in highly inappropriate, if you do not cease to-..."

  "Christian my fucking ass! If that were the case-..."

  "Mr. McPherson! As I was just saying, we are Christians here! And according to the bible, whether you know the bible or not, the young are taught to respect their elders!" She smugly reprimanded him.

  "Ohhhh, we're gonna bring the bible in now, are we?! Well then, certainly you know, since it's right up front, in the second chapter of Genesis, verse 24 - and I quote - "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." - unquote - God-dammit! But wait - here's the get out clause for Victor, it does say, "Therefore shall a man..." Doesn't it, now?" Shawn turned to Victor, looked him in the eye, saying the last part.

  "I resent your implications that my son, is not a real man!"

  "And I resent, madam, your total disregard to that scripture when you're quick to throw out one that you know!"

  "Mr. McPherson, I haven't the time nor the inclination to stand here and argue scripture with you."

  "Good point. I'm not in the habit of arguing with women and little boys! So - how's about you bring out the man of the house! I'm sure there has to be one around here somewhere!"

  No sooner had Shawn finished, when he turned to look towards the door to see a medium height, pale blonde man, holding a tiny Chihuahua. "Well madam, I take it that's either the hubby, or the hairdresser?"

  Natalie chose to ignore Shawn's jibe, while Victor stood staring at his own feet, shuffling nervously, burning with shame, to hear his mother call to his father, "Go back in the house, Perceval! I'm handling this!"

  In response, her husband dutifully obeyed and went back into the house.

  Shawn stood in disbelief and disgust. Shaking his head, he mumbled calmly, with all the anger sucked out of him, "Boy, you never had a chance - did yah? Just a chip off the ol' block, aren't you?" Shawn turned from them, walked back around the front of his vehicle, climbed in chuckling under his breath, "Perceval... Per - ce - fuckin' - val." started the engine and pulled out.

  * * *

  Vivian sat at the
kitchen table, trying to eat. She couldn't, she had no appetite. Her hand was throbbing from getting four stitches in it. She kept it high and struggled to eat using her left hand. As much as she loved Sheila, loved Dennis, enjoyed them and their children, it's not where she wanted to be. She wanted to be with Jake. She wanted to feel him with his arms around her, holding her tight, and telling her it would be okay. Something she wasn't sure of; if it would be okay. Sheila kept trying to get her to phone her parents, to tell her mother what happened and her father, but she restrained from calling them. One thing heavy on her mind, was the coincidence of Candace needing some money, calling her job to get her to give her some, and then getting mugged. She hated thinking that the two incidents were related, but it kept coming to mind. The police had questioned her thoroughly, asking her questions of whether she thought the person snatching her purse might know her, she denied it.

  She put the fork down and picked up the phone, trying the credit card company's 24 hour line again. It was the last one she needed to contact, to cancel her card on. Sheila had taken care of most of them, but the last ones, she'd needed to give password clearance to cancel. She waited on hold again, hoping to get through this time and not get cut off. Sheila was upstairs with her boys, Dennis in the basement watching TV. Both leaving her to take care of her business. The landlord had come, instead of giving her a new set of keys, he'd changed the locks on the front and back door for her. Sheila insisted still, that she stay over. Vivian wasn't in the mood to wrestle with Sheila on the matter. She gathered some of her things, mostly casual clothing. She decided not to go in to work the next day. She phoned her floor manager and left a message on her machine, telling her what had happened, leaving with her the number to the police, the report incident number and all, stating that she wouldn't be back to work until after the Memorial Day weekend.

  She didn't want to look up and see Laek Chan again, and she didn't want to have to go to work on public transport again or come home that way. Now, more than ever, she needed a car. She finally got through on the phone, gave the relevant details and her card was cancelled. All companies were willing to issue her new cards, numbers and pin numbers. That was done.