Looking Glass

by Christina Henry

  He had a sudden flash—Grinder falling to his back, crushing Nicholas beneath his weight. Nicholas loosed his grip just in time and fell away a second before the other man threw his body backward. Grinder’s landing made the whole ring shake. Nicholas rolled away, trying to get back to his feet before the Grinder did, but Grinder snagged Nicholas’ left wrist and twisted.

  Nicholas screamed as he felt all the little bones in his wrist shatter to dust.

  How can I beat him now? How can I beat him with one good arm and one good leg?

  He saw a flash out of the corner of his eye, a figure in a plain muslin dress. She was watching him, and her eyes were full of tears.

  She’s watching him beat me into nothing.

  Nothing. Nothing. You’re nothing.

  A tide rose up in him then, a tide that washed everything red. He wasn’t nothing. He wasn’t nobody.

  He yanked his wrist away from Grinder, who was still rolling on his back like a turtle on its shell. Nicholas managed to stagger to his feet while Grinder slowly lifted himself to a sitting position. The other man was too big and bulky to rise quickly, and the long fight was clearly sapping his energy.

  Nicholas kicked him in the face. His boot caught under the other man’s chin and snapped the Grinder’s head back. The big man fell backward again and Nicholas stomped hard on the Grinder’s left hand.

  He heard the Grinder scream, but the scream came from somewhere long ago and far away, the blood was rushing in Nicholas’ ears and there was nothing he wanted more than blood, wanted to see the Grinder’s blood run all over the ring. He wanted an axe in his hand so he could grind the Grinder up, but he didn’t have one, an axe would definitely not be allowed but he still had his boots and one good leg and so he smashed the Grinder’s other hand to powder, too, because if the Grinder’s hands were broken then there would be no more grinding, not ever.

  Then somebody was pulling him away, shouting in his ear, and the red in his eyes washed away. Dan was holding Nicholas in his corner and all the spectators had gone completely berserk, everywhere there was screaming and clapping and little white tickets being thrown in the air.

  It was then he realized that he’d won, and that all those people were clapping for him.

  Nicholas stared around at the arena, looking for only one person.

  She was staring at him, her hands clasped together at her breast, her blue eyes wide with something like shock. Next to her stood the Rabbit, who didn’t seem to notice Hattie at all. He was watching Nicholas, too, and his gaze was full of speculation.

  * * *

  Dan somehow managed to find a doctor in that crowd, or perhaps one had been kept on hand in the event that Nicholas was beaten stupid just like all of Grinder’s other opponents. The doctor followed Nicholas and Dan out of the arena. A crowd had gathered around Grinder, who seemed to be passed out from the pain.

  No doubt they’re trying to figure out how to move him, Nicholas thought. The Grinder would need a lot more medical care than Nicholas would and it wouldn’t be an easy thing to get the enormous man onto a stretcher.

  Nicholas held his left wrist in his right hand and every step made him want to cry out, but he kept his head up because every man he passed wanted to slap his shoulder and tell him he’d done well and Nicholas wasn’t about to humiliate himself in front of all those people.

  As soon as they were inside the hallway and away from the crowd Nicholas slumped against the wall. Dan was there to prop him up.

  “It’s all right, boy. It’s all right now. You can rest. You did well. You did better than well.”

  “I’ve seen some brutal fights in my time,” the doctor said conversationally, “but I’ve never seen anyone give the Grinder a beating like that.”

  “He deserved it,” Nicholas said. His voice sounded slurred, like his tongue was thick and swollen. “He was going to kill me.”

  “Yes, I think we all realized that,” the doctor said. “Well done for not letting him.”

  Nicholas laughed, or tried to, but it was a choked-out thing that died away quickly. He was tired. He was so, so tired.

  He remembered Dan lowering him to the lounging bed in the room they’d been in before the fight. Then later he remembered someone half dragging, half carrying him to the carriage. Somehow he got from the carriage to his own bed in Dan’s apartment, and there wasn’t anything else after that.

  * * *

  Two days later Nicholas was playing draughts with Lee Miller, one of the oldest duffers in the club. Nicholas’ wrist and leg were wrapped tightly in plaster and tape. He was in constant pain but flatly refused to take the laudanum that Dan kept trying to press on him. Nicholas had seen the wide empty eyes of laudanum addicts and he wasn’t about to become one of them.

  Lee leapt over three of Nicholas’ pieces in a row, cackling as he did so. “Gotta get up pretty early in the morning to beat me!”

  Nicholas stared resignedly at the single black piece he had left on the board. “Guess my future isn’t in draughts.”

  It was midmorning. There were only a few fighters around practicing, and even fewer old fellows at the tables. Dan was sequestered in his office, though he had passed by the table earlier. He’d clapped Nicholas on the shoulder and given him a broad grin, the way he always did now.

  His take must have been even bigger than he imagined it would be, Nicholas thought. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dan so happy.

  Dan had been fair, though—more than fair. Nicholas had seen a pretty good-sized take himself, though he’d asked Dan to hold on to it for him in the office safe. Nicholas didn’t want to spend it on silly things, shiny things.

  He had an idea that he might like to buy a little house somewhere, and make it nice.

  He tried not to think about who might fill up the rooms with him, or how he might see her again.

  Nicholas heard the outside door open and close and turned to see who was on their way into the club.

  It was Rabbit, and he was alone this time except for Hattie. The girl wasn’t tied to his wrist this time, though she stood just as close as if she were still attached. Her hands were folded in front of her and her eyes were downcast.

  Nicholas got to his feet, grabbing the crutch he needed to get around until his leg healed. Rabbit halted in the center of the room, watching Nicholas make his careful way.

  “Something I can help you with?” Nicholas asked.

  “Yes, there is, as a matter of fact,” Rabbit said. “Is there somewhere we can speak privately?”

  Nicholas jerked his head back toward the office door. “Dan’s office.”

  Rabbit pursed his lips. “My business isn’t really with Dan, you see. It’s with you.”

  Nicholas gave him a hard stare. “If you’ve come to collect on me because I took down your fighter you’ve got another think coming. He broke the rules before I did.”

  “Peace, boy. I’ve not come on Grinder’s account. Everyone in that arena saw that you were only defending yourself.”

  “So what is it that you want then?”

  Rabbit made a little gesture toward Dan’s office door. “In private, if you please.”

  “It’s Dan’s office and Dan’s club, so whatever you want to say to me will be heard by him,” Nicholas said, leading the way.

  “Well, I suppose he’d find out eventually in any case,” Rabbit said. “Fine, fine, I will speak in front of your master.”

  “He’s not my master,” Nicholas said sharply. “No one’s my master. I’m my own man.”

  “Are you now?” Rabbit said, and smiled.

  That smile made Nicholas want to knock some of Rabbit’s teeth out, so he knocked on Dan’s door without responding. Harp gave him a sideways glance but didn’t say anything.

  “What?” Dan said.

  Nicholas stuck his head in. “Rabbit’s here and he wants
a word in private.”

  Dan stared at Nicholas for a moment, then waved. “Send him in.”

  “He wants me, too.”

  Dan shrugged, as if to say it was all the same to him.

  Nicholas filed in, followed by Rabbit and Hattie. There was only the one chair, and Nicholas’ inclination was to have Hattie sit in it, but Rabbit took it and then Hattie stood behind him. Nicholas limped around to stand next to Dan.

  “You want to sit, boy?” Dan asked in an undertone.

  Nicholas hoped his face didn’t appear as shocked as he felt. Nobody ever sat in that seat except Dan.

  “No, I need to stretch out or I’ll get stiff.”

  They turned their faces toward Rabbit in unison.

  “What do you want, then?” Dan asked.

  “Well, strictly speaking, I want to have a word with your boy,” Rabbit said.

  Dan narrowed his eyes. “What sort of word?”

  “He impressed a lot of people with his performance against the Grinder, including me. I’d like to offer him a job.”

  “He doesn’t need a job,” Dan said. “He’s a fighter. Besides, he earned enough off the other night to quit, if he has a mind to.”

  “I’m not speaking to you,” Rabbit said mildly. “I’m talking to Nicholas.”

  Nicholas thought Dan would fire back at Rabbit—nobody talked to Dan that way—but the club boss only raised his hands in the air in surrender.

  Rabbit gave Nicholas an expectant look.

  “What sort of job?” Nicholas asked.

  “Let’s say it’s not very far out of your current skill set. Occasionally there are people who come to me for things—loans, let’s say, or other things of value. And occasionally these people have trouble repaying those loans, or they don’t like to do it. Or sometimes there are those who steal from me or those under my protection. These are just examples of different kinds of circum stances,” Rabbit said, waving a hand back and forth. “And in these particular circumstances you might go and have a chat with these people, and encourage them to change their ways.”

  “You want me to be an enforcer,” Nicholas said.

  “If that’s the term you prefer, yes,” Rabbit said.

  “What kind of terms?” Dan asked. Dan was always looking at the bottom line.

  Rabbit named wages that Nicholas couldn’t have imagined in his wildest dreams.

  It would be enough to help me set up, buy all the things I would need for my house. Between that and the fight money I’d be doing pretty well.

  But I wouldn’t be free. I’d be Rabbit’s man, and I’d have to do what Rabbit said. What if I have to beat up somebody who’s innocent just to prove a point of Rabbit’s? Could I do that?

  Nicholas looked from Rabbit to Dan to Hattie. Hattie was staring at the ground.

  “Dan,” Nicholas said, very quietly, very respectfully, “I wonder if I can have a word with Rabbit in private.”

  Dan gave him a long look. Nicholas wished he could explain, for the other man had been good to him, but there was something Nicholas needed to do. Or try to do, anyway. He’d never be able to live with himself if he didn’t try.

  After a minute Dan nodded and left the room without a word.

  Rabbit gave Nicholas a delighted look. “Want to negotiate without Dan leaning over your shoulder looking for a finder’s fee, eh?”

  “No,” Nicholas said.

  He didn’t like Rabbit. He wished like hell that he could have made this deal with someone else, anyone else. But Rabbit was the only person who could give Nicholas what he wanted.

  “Why does she always follow you around like a dog?” Nicholas asked, gesturing at Hattie.

  “My little Hattie?” Rabbit asked. He reached back over his shoulder and Hattie obligingly put her hand in his without his even asking. “Oh, she was a prize that I won and I like to keep her close. Her father was a good man, a respectable man in Old City terms, but poor Papa liked to gamble too much. When my collectors came to collect from him Papa didn’t have anything to give, not even a brass coin under his pillow. But he did have this pretty girl.”

  “Why did you tie her to you?” Nicholas could see the raw red marks where the string had bound her to Rabbit.

  Rabbit had been stroking Hattie’s hand, but now he gripped it hard enough to make her cry out. “Hattie had a bad habit. She kept trying to run away. So I was forced to leash her until she understood that I was her master. But she’s good and broken in now, is my Hattie.”

  Nicholas felt a surge of anger and for a moment it was like he couldn’t see anything except Rabbit’s head spinning away from his shoulders and falling to the ground. Then the vision cleared, and he wasn’t sure if it had been the Sight or his own wishful thinking.

  “Why are you so interested, Nicholas? I’ve been told by many little birds that you never go and see the whores in the house upstairs, or ever take a woman at all. Those little birds seemed to think that your interests lie elsewhere.” Rabbit gave Nicholas a crafty smile. “I know a place that has the prettiest boys you ever did see.”

  Nicholas didn’t rise to the bait. Sodomy was illegal—at least in the New City. In the Old City anything was allowed. Nicholas didn’t care if men wanted to sleep together and didn’t see why it mattered, but it did bother him that some of the boys in those places were too young. Some of the girls in the house upstairs were too young, at that, and it made his heart ache even though he knew he couldn’t do a thing about it.

  “I want to make you an offer,” Nicholas said.

  “Do tell,” Rabbit said, crossing his legs and leaning back. “What can you offer me besides your ferocity, Nicholas?”

  “I can save you some money on those wages,” Nicholas said. “I’m sure you can use it to buy yourself some more velvet coats and pretty top hats.”

  For a moment Rabbit’s face went white, and Nicholas realized he’d accidentally hit Rabbit in his pride.

  Stupid, stupid. You’re going to blow the whole thing because you can’t keep your smart mouth shut.

  The tension in Rabbit’s face relaxed suddenly and he gave a short, sharp laugh. “Go on, then. Tell me how you’re going to keep me in style, Nicholas.”

  “I’ll take your job, and three-quarters of the sum you offered. But I want Hattie.”

  Rabbit’s eyebrows raised. “You want Hattie? What makes you think I’m so inclined to give her up?”

  “She doesn’t matter to you,” Nicholas said. “You only wanted to break her. Now that you have you’ll toss her in one of your houses and look for a new toy to play with. All I’m asking is that instead of tossing her you give her to me.”

  He hated that he was talking like this, hated that Hattie could hear him referring to her like a horse to be traded. His only hope was that Rabbit would agree, and that Nicholas could explain later that he’d never meant it at all, that he only wanted her to be free from him.

  Rabbit gave Nicholas a speculative look. “You’re right, sweet Nicholas. I am getting bored with her. But I don’t see why I should give her up for such a small sum as you offered. Her father owed me quite a lot of money, you know.”

  Nicholas waited. He knew Rabbit would want to negotiate the figure down. That’s why Nicholas hadn’t offered himself so cheaply to start. He didn’t want Rabbit to see how important this was. But he did want Rabbit to feel satisfied, like he was in control of the situation.

  Rabbit abruptly released Hattie’s hand. “Half the wages I offered, and you can have her.”

  Nicholas took a moment. He didn’t want to appear too eager. “It’s still a good wage. And I assume there will be opportunities for increases in the future.”

  Rabbit laughed, and it was the first genuine laugh Nicholas had ever heard out of him. It made the gang boss sound disturbingly human.

  “Always the eye on the main chance, eh
? That’s the kind of attitude I like,” Rabbit said. He stood up then and dragged Hattie around to stand in front of Nicholas. “Well, she’s all yours, and I wish you joy of her.”

  Nicholas stared down at the top of Hattie’s head. She hadn’t lifted her face once during the entire conversation. He wondered if she’d even heard any of it.

  “I’ll give you a fortnight, since you’re hobbling around on that stick,” Rabbit said. “Then you come to my place in Heathtown.”

  Nicholas nodded. “I’ll be there.”

  Rabbit tipped his hat at Nicholas and sauntered out of the room, leaving Hattie behind.

  Now that he had her Nicholas had no idea what to do with her. She stood as still as a statue, her hands folded in front of her, her eyes on Nicholas’ boots.

  He cleared his throat. “Listen. I didn’t mean any of that stuff, about you being a toy and all. I want you to know that. It was only that I wanted Rabbit to let you go and I had to talk in a way that he would understand.”

  She didn’t move, didn’t raise her face to his, didn’t say a word.

  “You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to,” he went on, though his heart longed for nothing else in the world. “You can go back to your parents or wherever you want. I don’t want to force you to stay with me. I’m not like him.”

  “Why?”

  The single word was so soft, so fragile that Nicholas almost imagined that he’d heard it.

  “Why what? Why did I make him give you up?”

  Her head moved just a fraction.

  All the things he’d been feeling since he first saw her were stopped up inside him, tangling up and making his words seem useless.

  “Because you looked so sad,” he finally said. “Because I’ve never seen eyes as sad as yours. And because he treated you like nothing, tied you to him and made you bleed.”

  Hattie made a choked sound. “That was hardly the only part of me that he made bleed.”

  Nicholas didn’t know what to say. He wanted to hold her close to him, to stroke her hair and tell her that it would be better, that no one would ever hurt her like that again. But he didn’t want to touch her unless she looked at him. He wanted to know that she was allowing him to do it. He wanted her to know that he wouldn’t take what he wanted from her like Rabbit had done.