Outlaw Hearts

by Rosanne Bittner

  She liked these get-togethers as a chance for Jake to relax after the long, hard hours he and Lloyd both put into helping with spring roundup and branding. It was a wonderful opportunity to see neighbors who lived miles away, a chance for Evie to meet new young people, and it felt good to see so many people after a long, lonely winter spent buried against the mountains, sometimes unable to get out for days on end.

  She watched Lloyd and Beth leave the crowd then and walk off alone together. They seemed so happy, had been good friends for so many years now, a good foundation for love.

  She was glad there had been no more incidents like the one four years ago when Lloyd had killed that squatter who had attacked him and Jake. She did not doubt that the incident had affected Jake more deeply than Lloyd. It had shattered him to see his son shoot a man, but he had since come to realize it did not mean Lloyd was going to take the wrong path in life.

  Lately the problem had come up again. Over the past year, Zane Parker had set his men to ridding his land of sheepherders who had begun letting their animals graze on land Parker claimed was meant only for cattle. Jake had been left with the responsibility of leading raids against the sheepherders, and he didn’t like the assignment. He had talked about quitting as Parker’s right-hand man if the raids had to continue. They brought back too many memories of his own days as an outlaw, and he no longer cared to go gunning after innocent people.

  Legally, a lot of Parker’s land was really public land, and the sheepherders had every right to be there. The situation left Jake caught in the middle and had been a source of contention between Jake and Lloyd, which upset him even more. Lloyd wanted to go with his father and the other men on the raids, but Jake would not let him go. Lloyd had thought he was old enough and skilled enough now to be allowed to participate in all phases of ranch work, but Jake knew there could be trouble, maybe shooting, and he worried that Lloyd would be forced into a situation again where he had to use his gun against another man.

  “Why is it all right for you, and not for me?” Lloyd had asked.

  “Because you’re a hundred times better than me,” Jake had answered. “You belong to a new generation, Lloyd, of men who do their fighting in the courts and not with guns. That’s where this whole mess with the sheepherders is going to end up, in the courts. I’m doing what Parker pays me to do, and only because he pays me well, and that money is sending you to college so you can learn to live by the law and not by these.” He had held up his Peacemakers, and it was one of those rare times when he was genuinely angry with Lloyd.

  The whole situation was eating at Jake, and he was hoping the sheepherders were gone for good. He wasn’t sure he could keep obeying Parker’s orders, and he was worried about the attention he could draw if someone were killed and the sheepherders tried to have him and the other men arrested. Jake and other Parker hands had spent the winter putting up barbed-wire fencing around land Parker considered his, even though under new edicts from Congress most of it was declared public government land on which anyone could settle to farm, to raise sheep or do whatever else they wanted to do with it. The matter was causing tremendous problems all over the West, as longtime settlers like Parker, who considered the land they had used for years their own, butted heads with newcomers who felt they had a right to it.

  “Do you want some help, Mother?” Evie walked up beside Miranda and began cutting another pie. “Why don’t you go back and find Father? You should dance some more and be together. Father was gone so much this spring during roundup.”

  Miranda brushed her daughter’s hair with her hand and smoothed it back from her shoulders. “That’s very nice of you, Evie.” She looked around. “Where is Lonny?”

  Evie blushed a little. “Oh, he decided to wait a while before asking me to dance again. I think he’s a little bit afraid of Father. I wish you’d tell Father to stop giving him those dark looks of his. He scares boys away from me.”

  Miranda laughed lightly. “I’ve already mentioned it to him, but I’ll remind him again.”

  “Well, I’m a big girl now, Mother, big enough to dance with a boy without Father acting like I’m going to run away with him.”

  Miranda grinned more, but inside she felt a sudden urge to cry. She had so wanted to have more children. Now the only two she was blessed with were growing up and within two or three years would probably leave them. How lovely Evie was, with her dark beauty.

  “You just enjoy yourself,” she told the girl. “I’ll take care of your father.” She left the girl then to find Jake, wondering where Beth and Lloyd had gone. She couldn’t see them anywhere as she moved through the crowd. She did spot Jess York, whom she had not seen for weeks.

  “Well, you finally made it, Jess! Be sure to try some of my pumpkin pie.”

  The man tipped his hat to her. “I wouldn’t think of leavin’ without a taste of it,” he answered. “Where’s Jake?”

  “He’s over there,” she pointed, “talking with Zane Parker and those soldiers, probably feeling very uncomfortable at the moment. You know how he feels about soldiers.”

  Jess squinted to see better in the bright sunlight. “Yeah. I kind of wish Mr. Parker hadn’t got that government deal, but maybe it will work out okay. After all these years and bein’ clear out here in Colorado, I don’t think Jake ought to get all worried about it.”

  Miranda touched his arm. “Jake worries about everything. You know that.”

  Jess smiled, a sadness to his eyes as his gaze moved over her. “Well, he just loves all of you so much, he’s scared of losin’ it all.” I love you too, Miranda. I’ve loved you for years now. Jake knows it. I’ll bet you do too, down deep inside, but it will always only be Jake, won’t it? “Listen, I, uh, I see the widow Adams over there servin’ up some of her famous honey biscuits. She’s still a right handsome woman, don’t you think? Maybe she’d like to dance.”

  Miranda smiled. “I expect she would, especially with you. She had her eyes on you last year, and her husband had only been gone for eight months. Maybe it’s time you did something about the woman’s loneliness.” She squeezed his arm. “And your own.”

  Their eyes held for a moment, their smiles fading. “I expect so,” Jess answered. He readjusted his hat and gave her a wink. “You’d better go rescue Jake from them soldiers.”

  “I’ll do that,” Miranda said with a laugh.

  Jess left her, and Miranda turned toward Jake, her heart a little heavier. She knew Jess loved her. It was just one of those silent matters that was understood and never talked about. It could never affect her love for Jake, or go beyond the friendship Jake and Jess shared.

  The orchestra started up another foot-stomping, hand-clapping tune, and while everyone was involved in partying, no one noticed Beth and Lloyd darting into a barn several hundred yards away.

  “Alone at last!” Lloyd said, pulling at Beth until they were well inside where no one could see them. In the next second she was fully in his arms, and their lips met in a hot kiss. Their youthful urges had exploded two weeks ago into a new awakening of desire for both of them. Now they could hardly wait to find ways to be alone so they could share this newfound ecstasy, this wondrous world of kissing and touching and holding and petting.

  Beth finally pulled away, her face deeply flushed. She smiled and ran teasingly from him, going to pet one of her father’s prized palominos. “This is our last summer together for a while, Lloyd,” she told him, her smile fading as she softly stroked the horse. “After a winter of schooling, Father wants to send me to Europe next summer. Then I’m to go right back to school for another year.”

  She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. She had loved Lloyd Hayes since she was just a little girl. As far as she was concerned he was the most handsome young man who ever walked the face of the earth; but that wasn’t why she loved him. They were the best of friends, had played together when they were very little, had talked oft
en when she would go to visit Evie, had watched each other slowly grow and change. They knew each other so well, respected each other’s dreams. This summer, when she saw him again after coming home from Denver, he had told her that he loved her, that he would wait however long it took to be able to marry her, would fight anyone who tried to stop him from making her his wife.

  “Europe! Beth, we’d be apart almost two years if you don’t come home next summer.”

  “I know.” Her eyes began to tear. “I can’t go that long without seeing you,” she told him. “I love you so, Lloyd.”

  He studied her exquisite face, her skin so clear it looked like porcelain, her white-blond hair reminding him of an angel. He wondered if this was how his father had first felt about his mother, wanting her so badly he thought he might die if he couldn’t touch her. He wanted to do more than taste her mouth, more than just feel her breasts. He’d never even been with a woman in the fullest sense, hated it when Parker men teased him about sex and talked about the female anatomy.

  He knew from being around animals all his life how the physical part of it was done, had dreamed about being with Beth that way many a night; and he knew from the deep love his parents shared that there was something beautiful about it, knew by the way his father talked about his mother when they were camped alone that there was something wonderful about having one special woman at his side. He knew it was something that transcended age and beauty, something that stayed the same no matter how long a man and woman were together. His parents still made love often. They tried to hide it, but it was impossible to shut out all sound in the cabin.

  He touched Beth’s face. “I love you too, Beth. You know that. I don’t want to be apart either, but it’s best you do what your pa wants. What if we stayed right here and got married? You’d always wonder if maybe you should have gone on to finishing school, seen Europe and all. I want you to know for sure about us.” He pulled her close. “Besides, the way things are now, your pa so wealthy and all, hell, I’ve got a ways to go to be able to take proper care of you. I don’t want to leave you or my folks or this ranch, but I know I need the schooling. Your pa would never settle for you marrying a cowhand. The only reason he lets us see each other is because he knows I intend to go on to college and be a lawyer. He’s a powerful, determined man, Beth. He’d never let us be together any other way.”

  Beth swallowed back tears. “You know I love you just like you are, Lloyd. I’d stay right here and live on your pa’s land with you if that was what you wanted. I just want to be together.”

  He pressed her tighter, enjoying the feel of her against him. He allowed his hand to wrap itself into her long tresses that felt like silk. “I’d like that just fine myself, but if we ran off and got married now, your pa would always hate me, and I don’t want it to be that way. Besides that, you’re only sixteen. Someday you might wish you never would have settled so soon and for so much less than you’re meant for. We’ll just have to find a way to make the next couple of years go as fast as possible.”

  She leaned her head back to look up at him, tears on her cheeks. “What if you go off to school and find somebody else?”

  He wiped at the tears with his fingers. “You know me better than that. You’re my best friend, besides my own folks. In some ways we’re closer, because we share things we can’t even talk to our folks about. It’s going to be worse for me, you know, you being rich and beautiful and traveling the world. Hell, rich young men will be after you like…” God, how he hated the thought of any other man touching her. “I couldn’t stand it if you up and married somebody else, Beth. I feel like you already belong to me.”

  “I do belong to you, Lloyd. My heart belongs to you, and if we have to be apart, I want this summer to be wonderful for us. I want to belong to you in every way, Lloyd.” Her cheeks reddened, and she rested her head against his chest, hugging him tightly. “I want you to remember me in a special way, to make me yours so I know I belong to you and you belong to me and that no matter what happens, you were my first man and I was your first and only girl. You’ve never been with anybody else, have you, Lloyd?”

  He took a moment to weigh what she was telling him. Was it right? How could it be wrong, when they loved each other so much and this was their last summer together for two years, maybe longer? He kissed her hair, feeling a fire move through his body that culminated in an ache deep inside that made him feel like he might die with the want of her. “It’s always been you, Beth.”

  She looked up at him again and whispered his name, and he bent closer, brushing her lips lightly at first, feeling the heat there. He kissed her then, a fierce passion ripping through him in that one moment that made him want to taste her with his tongue. She whimpered when he pushed his tongue between her lips and ran it deep, and he gripped her tighter when he felt her fingers dig into his shoulders.

  The kiss was long and delicious, the most wonderful kiss they had shared yet. Both of them fantasized about what it might be like to be together, like a real man and woman. He moved a hand from her slender waist along her ribs to a breast, and she left his lips and kissed at his neck, whimpering his name. Their lips met again in a groaning kiss, and he lowered her to a pile of hay on the floor, leaning her back into it and kissing her wildly then, enjoying the feel of her breast, the way her aroused nipple was raised so that he could feel it through the material of her dress.

  He had never wanted her so badly. Maybe it was because of the news that they would be apart for so long. He wanted to touch her everywhere, to see and explore every part of her. He moved his hand down to catch the hem of her dress and push it up so he could run his hand along her leg. It was slender and silken, and he thought how beautiful she must look naked. He felt himself growing hard with an ache for her, the same thing that happened when he dreamed about this in the privacy of his bed at night and he had to rub himself to relieve the terrible need. He moved his hand to pull at her bloomers, but she pulled away from him slightly then.

  “Not here,” she whispered, her face flushed. “There are too many people here today. Father might bring someone in her to see the palominos.”

  Lloyd ran a hand over her breast again, kissed at her neck. “Where then? When?”

  Beth shared his excitement. It was understood what they needed to do. She wanted him as badly as he wanted her. She couldn’t imagine how it could be wrong, when they knew each other so well, loved each other so much. It seemed the only right thing to do. She smiled and snuggled against him. “Father lets me ride alone down to the pond behind the house. He knows I like to sit there and read, and write my poems. I could go there tomorrow, only I could ride a little farther south, meet you at Fisher’s Creek. It’s secluded there.” She sat up and faced him. “You’d have to come up through Devil’s Canyon to get there without being seen. Can you get away tomorrow?”

  He studied her beautiful face, tried to argue it was wrong, but the temptation was too great, her willingness too impossible to deny, his love for her too strong. “Pa says I can have a few days off, now that the roundup is over. I’ll tell him I want to go hunting alone.” He frowned, pulling her close. “You sure, Beth? What if I hurt you?”

  “You know how happy your parents are, and I know my mother and father were happy. It must be wonderful, Lloyd. I’m not afraid of it. I just want to be as close to you as I can get. I want to love you completely, to know you belong to me and will never forget me when we’re apart. If it was anyone else, I’d be afraid of it, but not with you. And I know you understand why I want to do this and won’t think less of me for it.”

  “I could never think less of you for anything.” He kissed her hair, thinking how he ought to talk to his father about this, but sure the man would tell him it was wrong. He loved his father as much as he could love anyone, but it seemed like sometimes the man worried too much about things. He’d find some reason why he shouldn’t make love with Beth, and he didn’t want to he
ar the reasons. He was old enough to make his own decisions now, and this was as right as it could be.

  “We’d better go back before we’re missed,” Beth told him.

  He met her mouth again in a long, hungry kiss that made him wonder how he was going to wait another whole day to be one with her. “I love you, Beth,” he said softly when he left her mouth. “I’ll meet you tomorrow, one o’clock down by Fisher’s Creek then.” He quickly rose and helped her up, sure if he stayed here one more minute with her, he wouldn’t be able to wait until tomorrow. “You go out first, mix with the others for a few minutes. We’d better not be hanging on each other too much the rest of today or your pa or mine might get suspicious.”

  She shook straw from her dress and turned to let him pick more out of her hair. “I’ll dream about you tonight, Lloyd. Will you dream about me?”

  He wondered how he was going to get rid of the fire under his skin. “You know I will.”

  She turned and stepped back to study him, wondering if a more handsome young man existed in Colorado. She didn’t care that he wore denim pants and a plain cotton shirt and leather vest. That was part of what she loved about him, his brawn, his ruggedness, the smell of leather. She took a deep breath and smiled. “Tomorrow then.”

  She hurried off, and Lloyd watched after her, studying her tiny waist, wondering how her bottom looked bare, how her long, blond hair would look hanging over her shoulders and caressing her bare breasts. Tomorrow he would know. He would be a man, and she would be a woman, and they would be one. After that, nothing could change the fact that she belonged to him. Nothing could take her away from him, and no other man could say he had been the first to claim Beth Parker. He would be her first man, her only man.