Outlaw Hearts

by Rosanne Bittner

  The young man looked dumbfounded, keeping his eyes on his father. “She wants to see me…wants me to come to Chicago. Her husband was killed in a ferry accident two years ago, and she says she needs to talk to me about something very important.”

  “Then you’d better see about getting some time off to go,” Jake told him.

  Lloyd turned away, removing his gun belt and hanging his weapons high on a hook where the baby could not get to them. “I don’t know,” he said quietly. “I just got over her. I don’t know if I want to see her again.” He looked back at his father. “Does she think she can just pick up where we left off? Do you think that’s what she’s thinking to do? I don’t think I could do that, Pa, after the way she let her pa just whisk her out of my life like that when I never really did anything wrong. She said she loved me once, said she’d never let anything come between us.”

  “Lloyd, you don’t know that’s what she wants,” Miranda spoke up. “Everything that happened was a terrible shock for her too. Maybe she just wants to explain. After all, she was only sixteen years old at the time, and she was under the thumb of a very powerful man. She must know how she hurt you. Maybe she just needs to get it off her mind.”

  Lloyd looked down at the letter again. “I wonder how she even knew where to write me.” He looked back at his father. “Do you think I should go?”

  Jake rose, keeping little Jake in his arms. “I think that when a chance for love and happiness presents itself to a man, he ought to grab onto it. And if it’s nothing more than having a good talk to straighten things out, that’s important too. You say you’ve gotten over Beth, but you won’t really be able to get over her until you do have a good talk. It might do both of you a lot of good. There’s something unfinished there, Lloyd. You and I both know it isn’t good to leave things unfinished.”

  Lloyd shoved the letter into his pocket. “I guess you’re right, but it scares the hell out of me.”

  Jake glanced at Miranda. “Yeah. A woman can do that to you sometimes. She can make you do things that are contrary to your whole nature and your better judgment.” He grinned. “But it’s usually worth it.”

  Lloyd shrugged, turning back to the door. “I’ll go see if I can get some time off.” He looked back at Jake. “What about you? You might have to go out alone on your next assignment. You’ll be hunting that guy that killed that Cherokee up north of here. I should be with you.”

  Jake watched him lovingly. “Lloyd, I’ve been up against a hell of a lot worse things than that. Don’t worry. This old man can still take on the best of them.”

  The boy had seen his father in action since riding with him, and he knew it was foolish to worry, especially after the way he had handled Jube Latimer and his bunch. His reputation as a lawman was already spreading, and some men had actually given themselves up rather than having Jake on their trail. “Yeah, I guess you can at that.” Lloyd left, and Jake turned to Miranda and Evie. “I hope to hell she doesn’t hurt him all over again.”

  Miranda walked up to him and put her hands on his shoulders, leaning up to kiss him lightly on the lips. “He’ll be all right. He has his family now.”

  “I’d better go check the next batch of cookies,” Evie said, leaving them alone.

  Jake kept his grandson in one arm and moved the other around Miranda, pulling her closer and planting a deep, lingering kiss on her mouth. “Have I told you yet today that I love you?” he asked, kissing at her eyes then.

  “No, but you told me enough times last night. Now quit teasing me, Jake. Evie is here, and I have cookies to bake.”

  “See you later,” he told her. “I’m going to take Jake for a walk.”

  “Good! Go!” She hurried away from him before Jake could grab her back, and he watched the movement of her hips beneath the dress. Still just a slip of a thing, she was. And she was wearing yellow today. He sure liked that color on her. She always wore it when she knew he was coming home.

  He turned and plopped little Jake into his chair so he could put on his own jacket and hat. He put a little woolen jacket and a hat on baby Jake then, and he picked the boy up again, carrying him outside, where the weather was cool today, but not cold. He decided he’d walk to the courthouse and see what kind of luck Lloyd was having getting some time off. He hoisted little Jake to his shoulders and walked across the street.

  Miranda had come back into the room, and she went to the window to watch Jake. Her heart swelled with love at the sight. She remembered another little boy he used to carry that way, and she knew that in an abstract way he would always carry the weight of his son on his shoulders.

  ***

  Beth waited in the study, smoothing her deep-blue taffeta dress, glancing in a mirror over the fireplace once more to be sure every hair was in place. Would Lloyd think she had changed much? She was twenty-one years old now. Lloyd would be twenty-three. How different would he look, and more important, how would he feel? She supposed he must hate her, but then if he did, he surely would not have agreed to come all the way to Chicago to see her.

  She had no idea if she was doing the right thing, if any of this was fair to Lloyd. For all she knew he was in love with someone else by now, maybe even married, but that didn’t matter. He had to know about his son. It had not been easy finding him. She had made a call to authorities in St. Louis after reading about Jake’s release from prison and his assignment as a deputy marshal. She was happy for him, and for Miranda and Evie. She had found out through St. Louis where she could write the family, but she had not been sure Lloyd would even be with them anymore. She had completely lost track of him.

  She had received the wire two days ago that he would be arriving today, and already she had been sitting here in the study for an hour, a thousand thoughts going through her mind. She had practiced a hundred ways of greeting him, had put on six different dresses before deciding on this one.

  Finally she heard the door ringer. She glanced at the mantle clock. It was eleven a.m. She watched the maid walk past the study doorway to go to the front door, heard her greet someone. A man’s voice replied, said he was here to see Mrs. Vogel. Her heartbeat rushed at the sound of the voice. It had not changed a whole lot, a little deeper, maybe. She backed away from the doors, went to stand near the fireplace, and a moment later the maid escorted Lloyd to the study door, taking his hat and jacket.

  “Mr. Lloyd Harkner here to see you, ma’am,” she said. The woman quickly left, and Lloyd and Beth just stared at each other for several long, silent seconds.

  “Hello, Lloyd,” she finally managed to speak.

  He nodded. “Hi, Beth.”

  Beth wondered how he could possibly be so much more handsome than he was five years ago. There was a look of deep wisdom in his eyes, an air of grace and power about him as he walked farther into the room, looking hesitant. He was filled out in a more manly way, looking as tall and strong as she remembered his father looking, but even more handsome. He wore black, snug-fitting pants, a simple white shirt that made his skin look even darker. His dark eyes watched her carefully from a finely etched face that was perfect in every line, and his nearly black hair was slicked back from his face and just long enough to fall about the collar of his shirt.

  She had not expected these sudden feelings of passion and desire. She planned to just have a talk with him, tell him about little Stephen. She had thought perhaps after all this time she would feel nothing more than a cool friendship toward Lloyd.

  Lloyd looked around the room, a little overwhelmed by the mansion of a home she lived in. He noted lovely paintings on the walls, brocade rugs on the hardwood floors, several plants placed here and there, resting in expensive-looking pots. Two deep-green velvet settees sat near the marble fireplace, in which flames flickered softly. He met Beth’s eyes again, astounded by how beautiful she had become. She was a full woman now, her figure showing delicious curves, her lips full and ripe, her eyes
seeming a deeper blue. Maybe they seemed that way because of the elegant, lace-trimmed dress she wore, a deep-blue taffeta, perfectly fitted to her lovely form. He thought about her lying with another man, and he had to look away. “This is quite a place you have here.”

  She swallowed. “I’d rather be living in a plain little cabin in Colorado,” she answered, surprised herself at the words. She had not meant to say that.

  Lloyd looked at her in surprise. God, how those words hurt. “Yeah, well, we can’t always have what we want, can we?”

  She saw the hurt then, wished she had not said it. “No, Lloyd, we can’t. That’s why I asked you to come here.”

  He frowned. “I don’t understand.”

  “I wanted to explain. It probably doesn’t help much, and I suppose there is someone else in your life by now. That is as it should be. God knows you have every right to hate me. But there was a reason for what I did, Lloyd, and now that David is dead, I think you should know that I didn’t just desert you because I stopped…stopped loving you or thought you were bad because of your father.” She walked past him to pull a cord, ringing for the maid. “Sit down, Lloyd.”

  He walked over to the fireplace. “I think I’d rather stand.” He met her eyes again, trying to keep a look of anger and defensiveness in his eyes, even though all he wanted was to pull her close and tell her he still loved her. He had not expected to feel this way. He thought he was finally over her. “My pa is out of prison, you know. He didn’t do any of the things they arrested him for. Some woman came forward and said he actually saved her that day. He’s a Deputy U.S. Marshal now. So am I. I expect Pa will be a full-fledged Marshal pretty soon. He’s real good.”

  “I expect he is,” she answered. “Considering how good he is with guns, and knowing what he knows about outlaws and such, he should be.”

  “There are reasons for the things he did, Beth. I want you to know that. I don’t hate him anymore. We’re closer than ever.”

  She nodded. “I’m glad.” The maid came in then, and Beth ordered some tea. She looked at Lloyd. “Would you like some kind of a drink? Bourbon, perhaps?”

  “No. I don’t drink. I’ll just take some coffee.”

  “Fine.” The maid left, and Beth stepped a little closer. “I know all about your pa being a lawman now, but I wasn’t sure about you. I found you by calling the authorities in St. Louis. All I could get was where your father and mother lived. I was hoping you would be there too. I couldn’t be sure.”

  He turned away, a little upset by the emotions she stirred in him. This was not supposed to happen. “I ran off after Pa’s arrest, hung out in Canada for a while. You ought to know I developed a bad drinking problem, ended up holing up along the Outlaw Trail. I took up with rustlers, killed a couple of men.” He turned back to face her. “I was pretty much going to hell, till Pa came for me after he was released. I had got myself in pretty deep trouble with a band of outlaws who were set to kill me. Pa risked his life to come for me. He helped me get off the whiskey. That’s why I turned down the drink.”

  She nodded. “I understand. I’m glad you came through it, Lloyd, glad you’re back with your family again. That’s good. That’s the way it should be. You and your father were always close.”

  He felt the anger welling up inside him then. “It wasn’t just what happened with my pa that made me do those things, Beth. It was you! Why did you just run off and let your pa force you to marry somebody else? You were forced, weren’t you? You couldn’t have loved the man, not after the way you felt about me, or at least how I thought you felt about me. You told me nothing would ever come between us, remember?”

  She closed her eyes and turned away. “I remember, but life can take some strange twists sometimes, Lloyd. Something did come between us, but it was something good, not bad.”

  The maid brought in a tray with two pots and two cups. She set it down on a table between the settees, and Beth moved to sit down. “Come and sit, Lloyd. Have some coffee.”

  The maid went out and closed the doors so they could be alone. Beth poured Lloyd some coffee, and he grudgingly came to sit down across from her. She poured herself some tea, took a sip, as well as a deep breath. “You’re right,” she told him. “I didn’t love David. I grew to respect him, and in public we looked like a loving couple; but he never touched me, Lloyd. That’s the God’s truth. It was a masquerade of a marriage.”

  Lloyd frowned, setting his cup down. “I don’t understand.”

  “I had to marry quickly, Lloyd, because I was pregnant.” There, she had said it. She stared at her teacup, afraid to look at him. “David was a friend of my father’s. He was a widower. They had an understanding that he wouldn’t touch me until after the baby was born, but that he would say he was the father so my baby wouldn’t be branded with those awful names people have for the babies of unwed mothers. I never did find the courage or the desire to be a true wife to David, and he was not the type ever to force me, so our marriage was never really consummated.” She finally met his eyes, saw the tears in them. “I did what I did for our son, Lloyd. His name is Stephen, and he’s four-and-a-half years old. He’s a beautiful little boy, sweet and obedient. After David died, I knew I had to tell you, you had a son. No matter how you might feel about me, or if you’re in love with someone else, he’s still your son, and he should know you. I thought about how lies had nearly destroyed your life. I don’t want the same lies for Stephen. I want him to know the truth right from the beginning, to know you’re his real father.”

  Lloyd rose, walking to a window. “My God,” he muttered. He shook his head. “You should have told me, Beth. You know I wouldn’t have run off. I would have married you.”

  “I know. But Father had me whisked off to Denver and saying my vows before I had a chance to think straight. You had already run away, and I had no idea how to find you. I was already a good six weeks along when I married. Time was of the essence. Besides that, I was young and afraid, and I was so sick I could hardly hold my head up, sick from the baby, and sick with grief over you. I never wanted any of it, Lloyd. I just wanted you. I know it’s probably too late for that now, but it isn’t too late to get to know your son.”

  He closed his eyes for a moment. When a chance for love and happiness presents itself to a man, he ought to grab onto it, his father had told him. “There is no one else,” he told her quietly, his back still to her. “There never has been. I thought I was over you, till I saw you just now. You want the truth?” He turned to face her, his eyes misty with tears. “You said you don’t want anything hidden. Damn it, I still love you, Beth! You don’t know what it was like, thinking about you being with some other man. I blamed my father for my losing you, hated him for a long time. But it’s like he told me once, we’re the only ones responsible for what we do with our lives. We can blame others all we want, but it’s really up to us.”

  She rose, walking closer to him. “I never stopped loving you either, Lloyd, and Father can’t stop me now from doing anything I want to do. All I’ve ever dreamed about since Stephen was born was us as a family. I hate it here in Chicago. I hate it anyplace where I can’t be with you.”

  “We can’t just pick up where we left off, Beth. Too much has happened.”

  She nodded. “I know. I’m so sorry for hurting you, Lloyd, but I did it for our son. Can you understand that?”

  He searched her eyes, saw the same, sweet Beth he had loved so very much. “I said we couldn’t just pick up where we left off. That doesn’t mean we can’t kind of start new.”

  She reached out and took hold of his hand. “I’d like to try, Lloyd. Can you stay a day or two? We have so much to talk about, and I’d like you to get to know Stephen.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that. Can I see him now?”

  She smiled and squeezed his hand. “I’ll get him.”

  She turned and left the room then, and Lloyd inhaled deepl
y with a mixture of passion and joy. He still wanted her, and he could tell by the look in her eyes she felt the same way. He had a feeling he would not be going back home without a wife on his arm. Better than that, he had a son! He was sorry for what Beth had suffered because they’d made love before marriage, but sometimes the result of sin could be something good and wonderful, and where was the sin when they knew how much they loved each other? The child was the result of that love, not of their wrongdoing.

  Moments later, Beth came into the room leading a little boy by the hand. Lloyd was struck with the most stirring feelings of love and protectiveness he had ever felt in his life. There stood a beautiful little child with dark skin and dark hair and big, brown eyes. The boy watched him carefully as he came closer. Lloyd knelt in front of him. “Hello, Stephen,” he said.

  “This is the man I told you about, Stephen,” Beth told him softly. “This is your real daddy.”

  The boy pursed his lips and frowned, reaching out and touching Lloyd’s cheek with his finger. “My daddy,” he said matter-of-factly.

  Lloyd understood now all the things Jake had told him about how it felt to be a father. He understood why Jake had been afraid to tell him about his past, afraid of losing his love.

  He pulled the child into his arms. “My son,” he whispered. Oh, how well he understood!

  Order Rosanne Bittner’s next book

  in the Outlaw Hearts series

  Do Not Forsake Me

  On sale July 2015

  Read on for a sneak peek from Do Not Forsake Me,

  the sequel to Outlaw Hearts

  Oklahoma, May 1892

  With a reporter’s eye, Jeff Trubridge studied Marshal Jake Harkner as the man rode into Guthrie with four prisoners in tow, three of them looking mean but defeated, their faces bruised and battered. The fourth man was obviously dead, his body draped over a horse and wrapped in a blanket tied tightly with rope.