by Hawkes, Cora
The only sounds I could hear was the dull thump of the music in the bar and our breathing. His was heavy and laboured as he smacked one hand on the wall above my head and the other gripped my waist tightly.
I frowned as I realised what was happening, "Stop it, Scott.” My hands came up to his chest to push him away but my feeble attempt made him angrier.
He grabbed my hands swiftly and pinned them above my head.
I looked up at him then and saw his dark green eyes blazing down at me, "You know what I want," he hissed the words at me.
He crushed his body against mine.
My eyes widened in shock as electricity shot through me. My hands went to his hips in surprise.
He quickly released my hands and drove his hands into my hair and pulled my face up to his. He held my gaze and I closed my eyes to hide myself from him.
He placed his forehead against mine. "I can't stop this,” he whispered roughly, "I can't stop wanting you and seeing you with Ad is–it's driving me fuckin' crazy," as he said those last words, he drove his hips into me with a low groan. “I want to take you right now, in a goddamn back alley and against this fuckin’ wall. It’s so fuckin' wrong and I'm a scumbag piece of shit that doesn't deserve to even look at you."
My eyes flew open. His gaze was desperate, needy, lustful.
"Scott," I whispered brokenly but I had nothing else to say. I couldn't tell him I wanted him, I couldn't tell him not to stop, I was Adams. "Stop." I said just above a breathy whisper. I dropped my hands to my sides and fisted them to keep them there.
Scott stiffened and stepped away from me completely sme I wan.
I didn't know what to say to him as I stared at him. He was panting just like I was. "I'm not one of your groupies, you know that."
“Yeah, you're my friend.” I didn’t miss his sarcasm and I frowned.
“What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t want me as a friend? Fine, fuck you! I don’t want a friend that doesn’t respect me as such and molests me any chance he gets!”
He raised his brows in hurt and then turned away. He was quiet for so long that I almost turned around and went back inside but I waited for him. His great shoulders rose with a breath, held and then let go slowly as his hand went through his hair.
"Sorry, Emma," he turned his bleak gaze on me. "Jesus, I'm fucked up thinking that–" he shook his head and looked at me.
He came towards me and took my hand, "Come on." His voice was quiet and calm.
"Where are we going?" I wasn't sure I wanted to go anywhere with him now.
"Back inside."
He led me back into Macy's, back through the corridor and back into the noise and crush of bodies.
"I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow." He squeezed my hand before letting go, before leaving me standing there, wondering what the hell was going through his head.
I went to find the guys after watching him leave. I sat next to Ad and he asked where I had disappeared to for an hour. I told a part of the truth. I went to meet the band. He didn't like it but I really couldn't care less if I tried. Ash eyeballed me from across the table and I knew that we'd be having a talk when we got home.
All I could think about was what Scott was about to say when he stopped. "Jesus, I'm fucked up thinking that–" Thinking that, what?
"What's going on between you and Scott?"
Ash didn't beat around the bush, she just came right out and asked.
"Nothing's going on," I fiddled with my charm bracelet as we sat on the sofa after getting back.
She looked at my charm bracelet and frowned. "Are you sure, Em?" she didn't look so sure that I was telling the truth.
I didn't want to lie but nothing had really happened and I didn't want the questions that would follow if I was honest with her. I couldn't tell her after she had warned me about him and she would kill Scott if she found out he had come on to me. I didn't want that. I wanted to forget and move on. Telling another person would make it harder to forget, more real. She would always be watching so I had to make sure she believed me.
"Yeah, you know he's not my type. That whole bad boy thing is definitely not me."
"Why did you disappear with him for so long and I know you danced with him?" Her look was stern.
"We danced. He asked if I wanted to meet the band and I said yes. I had a drink with them and we talked and then I came back." I shrugged.
"Right." She said slow while studying my face.
I threw my hands in the air. "Oh, Ash, stop with the Sherlock impersonation."
"Scott's different with you; he treats you different to the rest of his friends."
"Probably because you have all been friends for years and he's not known me long?" I looked at her like, duh!
"Hmm… maybe s"Hme all ."
After that she let it drop but I could tell she wasn't very convinced.
I woke up in the morning to a text message on my phone that was sent at 3:48AM.
Scott: Im sorry 4 bein a dick. 2 many shots. Ur friendship is important an I dont wanna lose it. Pls 4give me.
ƀ
Chapter Twelve
It was freezing. The trees had been stripped bare, their branches like gnarly fingers reaching for the watery winter sun. I wrapped my jacket around me closer against the wind as I crossed the street and almost ran home from meeting with Ad at the diner for lunch. The last few Saturdays I had been teaching Scott the piano. Well, I say teaching but he really only needed practice. He picked it up naturally, as I thought he would. His first lesson had been the day after he had kissed me at Macy’s; awkward was an understatement. He apologised again and again until I asked him to let it drop because I didn’t want to remember it.
I knocked on Scott’s door and waited for him to answer. The door opened and my stomach fluttered at the sight of him.
“Hey, babe, come in, I'll be a sec."
He was wearing nothing but a pair of jeans again and the effort it took to avert my eyes from his solid body was getting harder.
"Okay, take your time," I smiled.
He turned and walked away. His jeans hung low on his hips and I felt a flutter as I watched the muscles in his back move as he walked.
I sighed and walked through to the living room, where the piano was by the balcony doors.
As I arranged the music sheets I had brought with me, I heard him coming back, "Are you ready for–"
A girl with dark shoulder length hair walked out wearing nothing but one of Scott's shirts.
She was beautiful in a sickly kind of way. I felt an ache in my gut as I thought about both their states of undress. Had I interrupted something? Jealousy reared it's unwelcome head but I had no right to feel that way so I pushed it away and smiled.
She perched on the edge of the couch, crossed her legs and smiled tightly, "So, you're the piano teacher?" she looked me up and down.
I didn't like her. "Yes, I'm Emma,” I smiled. It was so forced but points for trying.
She reached up to play with her hair. "Scott's just getting some clothes on. He must've forgotten that you were coming over. We woke up late and spent the morning in bed," she said with a sly smile.
She wanted me to know what they had been doing. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to picture Scott with anyone. I kept telling myself I didn't care but I did.
Fucking slut! "How nice for you,” I said sweetly in my posh voice.
"Yeah, it's always the same with us.” She smiled dreamily.
I started to laugh but covered well with a cough. I didn't say anything, I didn't call her a liar. I knew that she had only just met Scott last night. Let her have her fantasy, I've had enough about him.
I had a visual of them in his bed, him lying above her, rocking into her gently...
I shook myself. I needed to stop it. I had told Scott weeks ago to stop so I had no right to think that way about him and I wouldn't — soon. Things would just slip into place and he would be more like a big brother than…
Scott
walked into the room and the room shrank before my eyes. He put his arm around the girl but his attention was on me. “Hot cocoa?"
"No thanks, I just had one at lunch with Ad," I smiled.
His smile or gaze didn't falter. "Okay," he looked at the girl and kissed her.
I turned around and pretended to rearrange the music sheets. I didn't like seeing him kiss her at all. I didn't know why I had to feel that way. After all, I had blown him out, not the other way around. I could do this. I just had to ignore it and pretend it didn't bother me. I was a good actress, I had been acting most of my life, I think I could handle myself now. My back stiffened slightly as I became more hopeful. I mean, I would be here two hours tops and once our lesson started it would be fine.
"Get dressed and go now," I heard Scott say.
"Okay, I'll come back later," she replied.
"Sorry, babe, I'm playing later."
"Well, I'll meet you there when you get off then."
Oh dear, this is where it got ugly.
"Just leave me your fuckin' number and I'll call you when it's a good time."
"I'm not a slut, Scott. I thought we connected.” She said quietly.
Yeah, they had connected okay. Maybe if she wanted him to respect her she shouldn't have opened her legs after only hours of meeting.
"We did, baby," he crooned. "I'll call you, just leave your number."
I felt sorry for her a tiny bit. Perhaps she really liked him but then I thought about it. Nah, she only just met him.
Five minutes later, Scott kissed her goodbye at the door with her number on a piece of paper in his hand.
As soon as he closed the door he balled it up and threw it in the bin. He was amazing. How did he get away with treating girls that way?
He stalked toward me with an easy grin on his face, "Now, I'm rea {"No thady."
We spent an hour and a half practising, going over songs that I had assigned him to learn. I picked out his mistakes, which were very few, and corrected them.
“You want a drink now?” he asked after we were done and I nodded.
While he was gone I let my fingers roam over the keys, playing of their own accord. Scott sat back down beside me, putting our drinks down.
He stalked my fingers on the piano with his eyes. I groaned inwardly, how could he make such a normal thing seem sexy? The way he was looking at my fingers like he wanted them on him made my toes curl.
I watched him as I played, his mouth parted slightly. The atmosphere in the room thickened, we were being wrapped in a tension of our own making. My fingers slowed as my heart sped up. God, I should stop this now. There was definitely something there between us, I could feel it, touch it, smell it. It was as real as it was uninvited.
I slammed my fingers over the keys and he jumped. He gazed at me with slumberous, drowsy eyes. "Right, I'm off. Got a load of work to catch up on before tonight."
Scott stood with me and gazed down at me in a way that told me he wanted me. His jaw tightened as he fought it right along with me.
"You at Macy's tonight?" His voice was a low rasp.
"Yeah, I'm meeting Ad there," I picked up my music and sifted through to find his assignment for the week. I would pick something more complicated but I had no doubt that he'd be perfect at it. He was perfect at everything he did. "Here's what I want you to learn this week," I handed it to him.
"Thanks," he scanned the sheet.
He really was the most gorgeous guy I knew, even his hands were sexy. I looked around his apartment to take my eyes away from him while he studied the paper and my eyes came to rest on a picture on the wall that I must've missed. I walked over to it to get a closer look. It was a picture of an older Scott and a younger Scott. They were in a boat with sun hats on. They were holding a large fish between them. Scott looked to be about ten, his father looked in his forties.
"That's dad and me," Scott said right behind me.
I flicked a glance at Scott and found him watching me with a wry grin.
"You look a lot like your dad, you know." I smiled at the image of the cute ten year old with the bright happy eyes.
"I don't know if that's good or bad," he laughed.
I took another look at the photo. His dad had the same dark green eyes, the same nose, the same hair, I noted that they had different mouths. While Scott had full lips, his dads were thin. His dad was almost as handsome as his son, he was good looking for an old man.
"You don't need me t {n'tis o tell you that that's a good thing."
"So, you think my dad's hot?" he teased, wiggling his eyebrows.
I laughed, "He's a total babe!" I teased back rolling my eyes, the tension between us easing.
"So, that also means you think I'm a 'total babe'?" he was still smiling but somehow I felt that something had shifted.
I tried to keep it light, "I think your dads way hotter," I giggled when he pretended to look offended.
My phone started buzzing then. Caller ID was unknown, I frowned and answered.
"Hello?"
“Emma?”
“Dad? How did you get this number?” I hissed down the phone as I turned my back on Scott.
“Does it matter? We need to talk.” His voice seemed strained.
"No, I have nothing to say. Don’t call me again.”
"Emma, wait!"
"I can't talk now." I hung up on him.
My heart was in my throat. It had been so long since I had heard his voice. There was nothing that he could say that would take away the misery he had inflicted on us. I wanted to forget — leave the past behind. Forget what he had done and ignore what he once was; the good memories of what my dad once was to me; my hero. It was all a lie. I felt my eyes sting as I thought about it. I sucked in a breath and looked down, willing the tears not to come now, please not while I was in company.
"Are you okay, Babe?” He put a comforting hand on my shoulder from behind me.
The softly spoken question just made me want to release the tears even more and my body shook with effort to keep them in.
"Yeah," I whispered, my throat was hurting so bad. "I'll see you later." Without looking back I almost ran to the door.
Before I could get there, my wrist was seized and I was swung around to face a concerned Scott. He held my hand and put his other up to my cheek while he searched my face.
My lips were trembling and my eyes were going to start streaming at any moment. I closed my eyes. I didn't want Scott to see me cry.
"Baby, what's wrong? Was that your dad?" he frowned, his thumb sweeping back and forth across my cheek.
The tenderness in his eyes was my undoing and my tears came. I yanked my hand out of Scott's as I put my hands up to cover my face before it crumpled in pain.
"No, baby, don't hide." He took my hands away and gathered me into him.
I buried my head into his chest and it all came out. All the hurt from years came pouring out of me in great shuddering sobs that racked my frame, hurt my throat an { my all cad stung my eyes.
He stroked my hair while holding me tightly to him, "It's okay, baby." Hurt and raw disappointment burst out of me in thick tears that wouldn't stop. The unfairness of everything that happened. Everything our family was and what it had become, because of him. I wanted to beat something, stamp my feet and scream. Memories of what my family once was kept flashing through my mind. Dad smiling indulgently down at me. Dad chasing me around our big garden and letting me get away on purpose. Dad tucking me into bed every night. My dad... I stopped and gave myself a mental shake.
How could he? How could he call now? I hated him. I never wanted to hear his voice or see him again. My father — my hero. What a total fuck up my hero had turned out to be. I wanted to reject the good memories I had of him, they were worthless now.
After a while Scott lifted me in his arms and carried me over to the couch where he sat down with me in his lap.
I started to settle and Scott was still rocking me and holding me. His hand softly strok
ing my arm.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" he whispered.
I shook my head into his wet chest, "No, I'm sorry for crying over you." I didn't want to look up at him yet. I was too embarrassed, I couldn't believe I had just cried like that in front of him. I had never really let anyone see me cry. I was so used to putting on a brave face but now that I didn't have to I supposed I was out of practise.
"You can cry on me any time you want, Emma." His chest expanded and deflated heavily. "I don't fuckin' like seeing you like this, babe."
I took a deep, shaky breath and relaxed into him. I was tired and my eyes felt thick and heavy.
Scott was quiet. I took another breath and inhaled his scent. He smelled faintly of his aftershave – I loved that smell. He also smelled damp, I put my hand up and felt his chest, solid and damp with my tears. His breathing became deeper and I put my ear to his chest. His heart was beating fast and strong.
Something changed in the last minute, making the energy around us become weighted. I felt him underneath me as I wriggled slightly. Breathing stopped and my skin became hot as I felt him grow bigger beneath me. I pulled away from his chest slowly and gazed at him as he continued to harden. I froze and stayed absolutely still, not wanting to encourage it. My eyes must have been like saucers as I looked at him, my face was heating and I bit my lip nervously.
