Rocked Under

by Hawkes, Cora

  "Ad, I want…"

  "I know, babe, me too," he rasped. He turned us around so my back was against the wall.

  I ran my fingers through his hair as he kissed my neck. He brought his mouth back to mine.

  "Get away from her," came an angry voice.

  I opened my dazed eyes and looked straight into Scott's furious ones.

  "What the fuck, man?" Ad slurred as he turned.

  Scott crossed his arms and stood tall, not sparing me a glance. "You're wasted, Ad, go and cool down."

  "I don't need to cool down." Ad crossed his arms too and they eyeballed each other.

  Ad sounded very drunk now that the haze had cleared a bit and he was swaying to the side.

  Scott stepped closer to Ad, menace in his stare. "You better. You're not laying another fuckin' hand on her tonight, Adam."

  What the hell did he think he was doing? I saw him with a girl not ten minutes ago and now he was behaving like a jealous boyfriend?

  Before Ad could say anything I spoke, "Scott, what're you doing?"

  He didn't take his eyes from Adam. "Stay out of this, Emma."

  "You're not her family and you sure as shit ain't her man, so–"

  Scott fisted Ad's shirt and pulled him in to his chest.

  "Scott, stop!" I shouted before he floored Ad.

  "Go, now." He growled through clenched teeth.

  Ad's brows rose and then darkened again angrily. Scott let him go and Ad stalked away without even looking at me.

  Great!

  Scott was looking at me like he hated me. Well, I didn't care. It was okay for him and not for me?

  "What're you doing?"re ott was l I asked.

  "Stopping you from doing something you’ll regret," he growled.

  “I wouldn't have regretted it," I said, wanting to taunt him.

  He came forward so fast that I shrank back. He grabbed my wrist, "You wanna be fucked up against a wall in a nightclub your first time?" he snarled.

  I felt ashamed then and tears sprang to my eyes. I pushed them back and stood my ground, "Let me go," I tried to yank my arm free but he wouldn't budge, he was right in my face, eyes blazing at me, breathing heavily.

  I laughed cruelly. "You're just mad because you can't have me," my drunken tongue was working without my brains influence.

  "Don't flatter yourself," he bit out harshly squeezing my wrist harder.

  I gritted my teeth, "Really? You can't stand to see me with Ad! It eats away at you that I prefer Ad to you and the fact that–" I looked him up and down with a sneer, "–you're not good enough for me."

  He dropped my hand instantly like I had burned him and he took a step back.

  I felt pain tear through me as his face became like granite. Shit! I went towards him, "Scott, I didn't mean–"

  "Yes, babe, you did," he cut me off and cupped my face. "All that's true but it doesn't stop you from wanting to fuck me," his eyes drifted down to my lips and back up to my eyes as he came closer. He stopped when his lips were millimetres from mine.

  I closed my eyes and revelled in his closeness, his smell.

  "Does it?" he whispered. He rubbed his lips ever so lightly from side to side against mine in a barely-there caress.

  I knocked him back as hard as I could but my body wasn't working properly. "Fuck you, Scott. Go back to your tart because she can give you what you really want."

  "And what's that?"

  "A hard, cold fuck with no ties."

  I heard his quick inhale. Then he turned his head and planted a soft kiss on my cheek before leaving me completely and walking away from me.

  ƀ

  Chapter Fifteen

  I woke up the next morning feeling groggy and sick. And then, I remembered last night and groaned into my pillow. Adam had totally left the club without telling me and it was all Scott's fault. After Scott had walked away, I went to find the others and got plastered. I didn't see Scott again and Meg said he'd grabbed himself a skank and had taken her back to his place. Oh yes, I got very drunk indeed.

  I turned on my side and picked my phone up off the bedside cabinet. There was a message.

  Adam: Hey beautiful, Im sorry. Call me when u read this. X

  I rolled my eyes and turned onto my back. I would call Ad later. He showed a different side to him last night but then, he was very drunk too. My thoughts went back with a sober mind. I knew why Scott had walked away from me. I said something that I didn't mean and he had got me back for it. He had proven his point. I needed to make it better. Put it right. I felt awful for what I said. Not good enough for me? Why had I said that? I didn't think that at all. He just wasn't what I needed in a man, he would be so bad for me.

  I remembered the look on his face when I said it. The hurt in his eyes as though he believed it. He had done me a favour by stopping Ad and me when he had. I had way too much to drink and I probably would've let Ad take me against the bloody wall like one of Scott's groupies. I debated calling him to apologise but he had hurt me too. I needed some time to think without seeing or talking to him. I needed a breather from the roller-coaster ride that we, well, I was on. He wanted one night, but one night would never be enough for me, not to mention that our friendship would be ruined. How could it not be ruined?

  The next week slipped by with Scott and I not really talking. Okay, we said hello to each other and acknowledged each other but we didn't talk talk. I stayed away from Macy's and spent a lot of time with Ad after he apologised a hundred times first. When I saw Scott, I cringed inwardly and his stare was knowing. I wanted him. There was no denying it or making excuses for myself.

  I walked into the cafeteria late at lunch on Friday. As soon as Ad spotted me walking towards them, they all went quiet. I stopped before sitting down and stared at them wondering what they had been talking about. I knew they were yapping about me that's for sure, Ash and Meg were smiling at me innocently but Ash had a slight flush on her cheeks which was a giveaway that she was hiding something from me. Newton was studying his phone rather intently and Ad was talking.

  "Hey, babe, you okay?" he grinned as he pulled me onto his lap.

  I stole a glance at Scott. He was staring straight at me for the first time for a week. My heart started hammering as he held my gaze. Something was up, he hadn't looked at me like that all week, he had mostly ignored me.

  He was angry about something, angry but there was something else there too — something less noticeable lurking behind the anger.

  His jaw tensed just before he stood and stalked away.

  I watched him go and wondered what I had done wrong or maybe if something had upset him. The urge to go after him was so strong but I kept still.

  "What's up with him?" I asked anyone.

  "Who knows, who cares? Probably a girl or something," Ad nuzzled my neck and rubbed my thigh.

  I knew that Ad and Scott didn't like each other but I didn't want to listen to Ad talk about him that way. hi

  "You're going after him?"

  "I won't be long." Ad was about to argue but I quickly walked out of the cafeteria and rounded the corner. Scott was gone. I looked out the window and spotted him. I ran out the door and after him. He was headed round the back of the building. Probably for some alone time.

  "Scott!" I jogged after him, "Wait!"

  He turned to look at me, "Go back inside," he growled as I reached him.

  I reeled back slightly, not used to him talking to me like that, "I–I wanted to see if you're okay," I said, looking away feeling like a total idiot for caring.

  "I'm just fuckin' great," he replied while he crossed his arms then sighed and shook his head. "Just go back inside, Emma,” he turned and walked away from me.

  I frowned, I didn't want him to be like this with me, it hurt. The last week had been hard and I just wanted to take back what I had said.

  I jogged after him again and grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry." I took a breath as he turned with a frown, "I'm sorry for what I said at Soundz. I didn't mean any
of it, I was drunk and my mouth ran away with me. I know it probably doesn't matter to you that I'm sorry but I wanted to say it anyway. I'm not usually like that, I guess I was just angry and you were right anyway." I took another deep breath, "So, I'm sorry for what I said. Just, please don't be upset with me anymore."

  He didn't said anything, he was still mad but a hunted look came into his eyes.

  I frowned, "What's wrong?"

  He stepped forward and gently took my face in his hands. "Do you love him, Emma?” He whispered, his voice soft while he searched my face.

  My heart was hammering. How did he do that? Be harsh and gentle at the same time? My body rejoiced in his hands touching me, my face warmed and flushed.

  How did I answer that question? Did I love Ad? I knew the answer was a definite no but I didn't want him to know that. "I–I don't know," I whispered back looking away from him. "What has that got to do with anything?"

  "Because he—ah, fuck!" he turned his back to me and drove his hands through his hair.

  "Scott…"

  He spun to face me and came towards me, intent in his eyes. "Kiss me," he cupped my face again and brought his face very close to mine, his lips almost touching mine.

  "We cant." I closed my eyes against his dark ones. I could almost feel his lips, I could feel their warmth close to mine, his every breath touching me in a caress that was tipping me over the edge and sending anticipation shooting through my veins.

  He groaned low in his throat and brought his body into mine, "Kiss me, Emma," he rasped.

  His mouth came to my lips gently, he brushed his lips upwards making my top lip lift and pucker. A jolt so sharp went straight to my belly and I could do nothing but sigh as I opened my mouth for him. His mouth then collided with mine in frenzied desperation as he sucked and then stroked hard with his tongue. In and out, back and forth in an assault of passion against my lips.

  My body wanted this — hell, I wanted this. He stopped moving suddenly but his lips stayed on mine and he took a deep shuddering breath. One of his hands went to the back of my head and the other snaked around my waist as he kissed me in the most tender way I had ever been kissed. His lips were slow and gentle now. I could feel tremors coming from him, his breathing was stilted, shaky. I wasn't thinking, my whole being was here and now and in what was happening. He felt, tasted and smelled so good, I wanted him this way forever, I didn't want it to end.

  He had my body wanting him, singing to him. Our breaths were ragged as they mingled and crashed. I could fall so heavily for him. Then, I stiffened. A coldness flowed up my spine to my skull as panic held me in its grip. Falling for Scott would be me falling on my face and spending my life trying to get back up. Once again, my mums face at her lowest, in her deepest depression, wheedled its way into my mind. Guilt clenched my stomach when I thought about Adam. I just kissed another guy, he didn't deserve that. Maybe my dads habits had rubbed off on me too.

  Scott must have felt me as reality crashed down around me and I realised what I had done.

  He pulled back to look at me, a question in his expression, as of to say, what's wrong? But I looked away. "This isn't right, Scott."

  He released me and stepped back.

  I peeked at him from under my lashes. He was angry at me and I could understand why. I followed him to make amends but I had only made it worse.

  "Fuck this shit," he said and walked off.

  ƀ

  Chapter Sixteen

  I decided to skip afternoon class and sent Ash and Ad a text message telling them that I had forgotten something in class and I would see them later. I trudged home slowly in the cold air, trying to let my mind clear but it didn’t work. As I approached, I could hear angry rock music blaring from Scott’s open window. That was probably good, he wouldn’t hear me going in.

  I spent the afternoon going over everything. Why did Scott want to kiss me? Why was he upset? I had a feeling that it wasn't just about last week. It was something else. Questions flitted around my head but I had no answers and it was driving me insane trying find possible answers. I knew I was doing the right thing by being with Ad, I didn't love him but I didn't want the mad love every other girl seemed so desperate for.

  Scott would get over it, he wasn’t the type to hanker after a girl for long. I was only a ching tallenge to him because I said no and I was Ash's cousin. Suddenly, the music from upstairs went off and I heard footsteps hurriedly thumping down the stairs. I held my breath, hoping that he wouldn’t come in. Did I lock the door? I couldn’t remember but my shoulders relaxed as I heard the front door slam closed. I went over to the window to watch him. He got in his car, both of his hands gripped the wheel tightly and his head flopped down.

  I was witnessing an emotion within him that was usually kept hidden and suddenly I felt as though I was breaching his privacy. My heart wanted to go out to him but I needed it to stay whole and safe, with me. I didn't dare give a piece to Scott, he would make it crack until it shattered into a million pieces that would take a lifetime to put back together.

  I turned away from the window, not wanting to see anymore. I was just a challenge, that’s all. If I had said yes to him then he would have got me out of his system. But where would we be now if I had been with him that first night? I would hate him for using me and as he lived upstairs it would be awkward for us both. No, I had made the right choice, done the right thing as far as our relationship was concerned and if he was having problems accepting that, then that was his problem not mine. My back stiffened with my resolve. I was probably the first girl who had said no to him.

  Adam: B ready at 7. Im taking u out 2 dinner. X

  Me: Ok. C u in a bit. xx

  "Wow," I breathed later when we walked into the restaurant Ad had made a reservation at. “This place is really posh," I had been in much more upmarket places but Ad had put in an effort for me tonight so I made the effort to be impressed.

  "I knew you'd like it.” Ad took me over to a candlelit table in the back corner and a waiter came to pull the chair for me.

  "I love it, what’s the occasion?”

  “Can’t a guy take his girl to a nice place without there being an occasion?” he teased.

  “Yes, but you didn’t have to, you know.”

  “I wanted to, so sit back and enjoy, woman.”

  We ordered our food and talked easily. Ad made me laugh by telling me stories of the pranks he used to play on his older brother. I sat and listened while he did most of the talking, which was usual for him. More and more my mind kept drifting back to what happened with Scott earlier. I wanted us to be okay again instead of all this bad feeling between us. I didn't want to admit it but, I missed him.

  “Emma?”

  I blinked and found Ad staring at me, “Sorry, what?”

  “I said, I have a surprise for you.”

  “Sorry,” I shook my head, “my mind was elsewhere. What surprise?”

  “I’ve booked us into a hotel for the night.” He grinned cheekily and wiggled his brows.

  “Oh,” what did I say to that? Was I ready for that? I wasn’t sure.

  “Look, don’t worry. Im not going to force you to do anything that you don't want to do. Let’s check-in and see where it takes us.”

  “Okay, I’ll have to let Ash know that I might not be back.” I went to reach for my phone.

  “I’ve already sorted that.” He waved his hand in the air.

  “You have?” I didn’t like the sound of that and frowned, “When?”

  “At lunch today.”

  Suddenly, I realised why Scott was that way with me. He knew about tonight. I thought back to the way he had stomped off as I got in the cafeteria and our argument afterwards. He thought that I was going to sleep with Ad tonight. He’d asked me if I loved Ad. The answer to that was no, I didn’t, but I cared about him and I think he felt the same way about me.

  “Okay, that sounds good.” I smiled but inside I was secretly mad with Scott, I mean, how dare he be like
that with me for maybe sleeping with someone when he sleeps with numerous girls a week.

  “Great, I’m ready to go when you are.”

  When we eventually entered the hotel room after spending an hour in the bar, we were giggling at a story Ad had told me about what he did that summer.

  "It's nice in here," I said as I looked around the room and slipped my heels off. The decor was golds and browns, very rich and decadent. This must have cost him a bomb.

  "Only the best for you, babe."

  I giggled at his cheesy words. He was really laying it on thick.

  "Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight," he said as he come closer to me.

  I was wearing a black baby doll type dress with blue heels and jewellery.

  "Only several times," I rolled my eyes.

  He slipped his hands onto my waist and I put my hands on his shoulders.

  I knew what he wanted, we had almost done it the other night but... I groaned inside as Scott invaded my head, again.