by Hawkes, Cora
I kissed him harder as anger and humiliation fizzed along my veins. I hoped this embarrassed him, I hoped what I was doing in front of half of the students made him feel the way I had felt. Only a few people had known I was a virgin and he had made it common knowledge.
Bone broke our kiss slowly and looked at me, "Damn, baby, you can kiss me anytime."
I laughed and then noticed that everyone was looking at us, I smiled inwardly, my gaze went to Adam.
His stare was lethal and cold, a bubble of nervousness settled in my tummy but I felt better. Well, I felt a bit better, it still didn't erase the fact he had gobbed off so everyone knew my private business.
I nudged Bone's shoulder. "C'mon, I'll buy you a drink."
An hour later I made my way to the ladies. Ad's eyes were on me constantly and his glare was icy but I didn't care, he was an idiot and he'd made me believe that he was something he wasn't. He didn't really care that we were over, he just cared about saving face. It wouldn't surprise me if he had cheated on me. I thought about the times he had cancelled on me. He probably had.
Scott had been watching me with equal amounts of iciness as I danced with anybody and had fun, but he kept his distance from me. If I was honest, it bothered me. Our friendship meant a lot tomeame wit me, he just got me and I missed that. I missed his smile, his tenderness. Okay, so he was the male equivalent of a slut but he had a great personality. I wanted to hate him for adding to my bad week, for ignoring me, but I couldn't. Maybe I was just no good with guys?
Suddenly, I was grabbed and pulled down the corridor, into the darkness and against a wall.
"You fuckin' slut!"
My eyes widened in alarm as I looked into Ad's glazed ones and the fact that, we were alone.
"You just showed me up in front of everyone and you're not gonna get away with that, Emma."
"And you think you can get away with what you did? You're a fake and you played me. What happened to the Adam that wanted a wife and kids, huh?"
He laughed, "I can't believe you swallowed that." His body pinned me against the wall and he yanked my hair back hard so I was forced to look at him.
I can't believe I fell for his lies, why did I not see him for what he was? My heart was pounding in alarm and fear. I had no idea what was going to happen.
"Let go of me, Adam." I said as sternly as I could as I struggled to get free. "Let go of me right now before–"
His mouth slammed down to mine harshly. He was hurting me. I moved my head to try to shake him off but he brought his hands up to my face to still me in a vicelike grip.
I clawed at his back and brought my knee up between his legs.
"Ah!" he choked. "You fucking cunt!" he grabbed my hand and dragged me off the wall and even deeper into the dark corridor.
I opened my mouth to scream as a hand grabbed my free arm and yanked hard. I was quickly pulled away and placed behind a body.
Scott.
Scott stalked up to Adam and punched him. Ad went straight to the floor but Scott went down after him, punching him again.
"Don't!" Punch. "You!" Punch. "Ever!" Punch. "Touch," he fisted Ad by the shirt and pulled his face close to his, "her again!" he roared right into his face.
My hand f
lew over my open mouth, my heart pumped a thousand times a minute.
Scott was tense and his neck muscles were bulging to the point that I could see his veins. "Do you fuckin' hear me? Don't go near her again or I'll kill you." He shoved Ad away from him like he was some disgusting creature and stood.
He turned to me, his chest heaving with great breaths of anger. His murderous eyes caught mine and I sucked in my breath. I had never seen him so full of hate.
He clinched my elbow and marched me out of the club through the back entrance.
ƀ
Chapter Nineteen
Once we were outside he released me and aimed his furious glare to me. "Did he hurt you?" His voice was raspy, strained.
I shook my head with wide eyes, speechless.
He turned away jerkily and paced back and forth in a front of me like a caged lion. "Motherfucking motherfucker," I heard him mutter a few times under his breath as he paced.
I wrapped my arms around myself, wishing he would calm down. I felt drained and shaky and cold. Scott was still pacing, his hands moving through his hair in agitation. I didn't know what to do or say.
Suddenly he stopped with his back to me. I saw him take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and then exhale slowly, shakily.
"Scott?" I half whispered, my voice trembling.
I didn't want to make him angrier. My plan of revenge had backfired on me and Scott had suffered for it too. He had come to my rescue in a big way and I would be forever grateful to him. If he hadn't of intervened when he did, a cold shiver ran through me, I didn't know what Adam would've done. To think that I had slept with him and spent so much time alone with him. My skin crawled at the thought of what he was capable of doing. Now I just wanted to go home and cry in the privacy of my bed.
When Scott didn't answer I spoke again. "I’m sorry, Scott," I whispered, "I'm so sorry." I shook my head and went to walk past him to go home but his hand shot out and he pulled me into him tightly.
He his thick arms around me and buried his head in my neck. He held me until my shaking subsided and my body was warmed by his heat. I breathed him in, his smell comforted me, I felt safe. Safe is a word that I never associated with Scott.
I don't know how long we stayed like that for but he finally pulled away and cupped my face.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he looked at me softly and brushed my hair off my forehead, "none of this was your fault Emma, do you understand?" his gaze was piercing mine, waiting for an answer.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
"Do you know what could've happened in there? He could've–" he ground his jaw. "He could've hurt you so badly, babe. Shit, baby, why did you rattle his cage like that?"
I lowered my lashes and tried to pull my face away but Scott held me gently and firmly, willing me to not hide my expression from him.
"I wanted to show him what it felt like to be humiliated." My voice was hoarse, clogged with tears. I closed my eyes and tried to lower my chin but Scott wouldn't let me hide and the sting in my eyes couldn't be denied. My lips turned downwards and a sob escaped my lips with the tears.
Scott’s thumb darted out and wiped away th wiars.
"I know it was s–stupid but he humiliated me!"
He sighed as his hold on me loosened. He took my cold hand in his hot one. "C'mon, lets go home."
We took a taxi back and Scott sent a text to Ash telling her that I had a headache but he was with me.
He came into my apartment with me, led me into my bedroom and sat me on the edge of the bed. He knelt in front of me and took my heels off and then put me under the sheets and tucked me in.
"Scott?"
He looked up from what he was doing, his eyes soft, just how I loved them. His hair silky and thick and covering half of one eye.
My hand swept his hair out of his eye, "I missed you."
His eyes lit a little, "I missed you too, baby." He came to kneel beside the bed and stroked a gentle hand through my hair. "Do you want me to make you a hot cocoa?"
"No, I'm good but I–" I hesitated and let out a sigh. Just say it! "I really don't want you to leave me."
Scott sucked in a breath.
"I mean, can you just lay here with me? Just until I'm asleep," I didn't want to be alone tonight. What if Adam came in the night? He knew where we lived. He knew far too much about our lives really and I was frightened. I had no idea that he could do something like that. I didn't know him at all.
"Of course, baby." He came around the bed to lay down next to me on his back. I got closer to him and put my head on his chest as his arm went around me.
We stayed like that, in silence for a while. He had burst in like a knight in shining armour
for me. I didn't know what to think anymore. Scott had gotten himself under my skin and I had gotten under his a little too. I missed him much more than I liked to admit, even to myself. There were no certainties when it came to love, no definites, just a lot of maybes and I would be waiting for the day it ended. The thought of being heartbroken, the actual feeling of my emotions being so out of my control was my darkest demon. I didn't want to end up like my mum. I wanted to avoid it at all costs, but what if the cost is unhappiness anyway?
"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly, jolting me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah, I was just thinking."
"About what?" he asked as his hand came up to rest on my hand that was resting on his chest, over his heart. The steady thump was strong and soothing.
I looked down and saw crusted blood on his knuckles, "Scott, you're bleeding." I went to get up but he held me firm.
"It's not mine. What were you thinking?" he nudged.
I relaxed with a sigh. "About us," I said and saw him frown.
"What about us?Whadth="0" a" He whispered, his eyes searching.
"I was wondering if we're friends again."
He removed his arm, turned on his side so he was facing me and propped his head up. "Emma, I'm always your friend but you know I want something more with you."
"Scott, I cant." I shook my head. I suppose I was secretly happy that he liked me that way but the fear of being broken like my mother was a fear that had been with me for far longer than the short time I had known him. "I’m sorry."
"Why," he pulled my face up to his, "why, baby," he paused as my eyes widened, "what're you afraid of?"
"Nothing, I–I just…" I searched my feathery brain for an excuse but I couldn't come up with one and lie blatantly to him while he was so focused on me. "I don't want to talk."
"Emma," Scott pleaded. "Tell me why. You can trust me."
I shook my head and looked away from him. "I don't want anything right now." That sounded stupid.
"You're lying to me, Im not stupid, babe, I know when…" he stopped what he was about to say and breathed deeply. "You want me. You know it and I know it. Why are you fighting this?"
"Scott," I groaned going to look away but his hands came up to my face and he leaned over me.
"Stop it, emma. Stop acting like all we have is friendship 'cause you know it's not. Look at me and tell me that I'm imagining this thing between us. If you can tell me that, to my face, then I promise I'll never bring it up again. I’ll stop and move on." His gaze was scorching me, burning me from the inside out. The green of his eyes almost totally eclipsed by black.
Move on? That was exactly the kind of thing that made me fear giving in to Scott. He moved on almost everyday. What made me so different? Because I knew that every girl that Scott took to his bed thought somewhere in their drunken or sober minds that maybe they could be the one to keep him. They all thought they would be scott's first girlfriend. The trouble is that Scott isn't boyfriend material. I knew he had it in him but he just wouldn't settle and I didn't — no — refused to be one of those girls that begged him to take them again — never.
Scott was already embedded in my heart if I was honest with myself and if I let it go any further I might just end up being hurt. My mums wan unhappy face flitted behind my eyes and I hardened myself to him. When I got overwhelmed by my feelings, be it either anger or hurt, I went overboard and it was as though I was watching myself react stupidly, without sense or a care for those I hurt in the process, but couldn't stop myself. Like what happened before mum moved us over here.
He was still watching me, waiting for me to speak, his jaw tight and his eyes focused and narrowed towards me. God! He's gorgeous!
"Scott, you move on everyday anyway." I teased but I didn't find it funny at all really.
He turned his face away from me, hiding his expression and I wanted to pull him back. He never let me hide from him. "Does it bother you?" He studied me and waited for my answer as though what I said would be significant.
"I think you're better than that. I happen to think you're pretty awesome actually but, you let yourself down. I don't understand why you sleep around. I don't think I ever will since you don't even seem to enjoy doing it." Why did I just say that? It was all true though, he was awesome. When we argued, I hated it. When we were together, it was as though we pulled each other in like magnets whether we wanted to or not. I felt like I had known him for longer then I had. He understood me somehow; he knew me.
"Only since you moved in." He waited for my reaction.
I frowned, "Since I moved in?"
"I haven't liked being with girls since you came."
I sighed, picking a bit of fluff off of his shirt. "Scott, you only want me because I've said no to you."
He sat up and grabbed me by the shoulders, "Is that what you think? Thats not the reason, Emma."
I shook my head, "It doesn't matter because I really need a friend right now. I want us to stay friends." I didn't think I could go through having sex again either. I cringed just thinking about it. "After everything thats happened with Adam and me the last week, I need a break."
"Did he hurt you?" his breath held.
I knew what he was asking and I might as well be honest. It might help him change his mind about me if he knew I hated sex. "Yes, it hurt and I hated it." My cheeks burned. "I regretted it before it was over and even more, I regretted that it was him." My eyes squinted with my scowl.
I looked at Scott then and watched as anger flitted i
nto his expression briefly. I wanted to forget about the whole thing.
Scott was silent for a long time. What is he thinking?
"Did you love him?"
I shook my head.
"Forget about him then."
Scott stayed until I fell asleep but when I woke the next morning, he was gone.
ƀ
Chapter Twenty
"He's telling everyone he got mugged outside Soundz by three huge men. Fucking asshole," Ash stomped with her mood. She was out for Adam's head.
It was Monday and I hadn't seen Ad yet and I didn't want to either. I wondered again how I could've been so blind to what he was really like and I kind of felt stupid that I had been taken in by him. "I’ll be happy if I never see him again. I still can't believwid><'ve bee he did it."
We were walking to the cafeteria. I felt slightly nervous at the thought of seeing him again.
"I’m so sorry, Em. He did seem a bit up his own ass but I had no idea he would try something like that." Ash opened the cafeteria door and we walked in.
"It’s okay, it's not your fault and nothing happened anyway. Scott got there before it got really ugly." I knew what would have happened if Scott didn't intervene.
Speaking of Scott, he was sat at our usual table with Meg and Newton.
"There’s our hero now." Ash faked a swoon but froze suddenly, her face turned red and her mouth curled.
Before I could stop her, Ash marched over to Ad who was watching her smugly. His face was one big bruise which satisfied me — a lot.
Ash bunched her fists, "You fucking asshole!" The whole cafeteria came to a halt.
I quickly went to Ash's side and grabbed her left arm to drag her away. I saw Scott out of the corner of my eye, he was rising out of his seat and coming over, his face a mask of wariness.
"Come on, he's not worth it." I sneered at him.
"Fuck you." Adam was talking to me now.
"Don't dare talk to her that way. I bet everyone believes that story you spun but I want everyone to know what you're capable of." Ash tugged her arm out of mine as Ad stood out of his chair and squared up into Ash's face.
"Try it, bitch." He was about an inch away from Ash with his fists at his sides.
"Sit down, Adam, before you hurt yourself." Scott said from my side.
"Tell Ashley to get out of my face and I will."
Before I knew what happened, Ash pulled her arm back and let it swing full pelt at Ad's alr
eady bruised face.
"Ah!" he shouted in pain. "Cunt!"
Scott went behind Ash quickly, looped his arm around her tummy and pulled her out of harms way behind him.
"You even blink in her direction again and I'll kill you!" Ash spat furious venom at him.
I looked around quickly, I didn't want Ash getting into trouble over this.
Scott was between Ad and Ash now, looking Adam squarely in the eye. "Sit down." Scott's authoritative voice brooked no argument.
"I get it," Ad said, "you want her for yourself."
Everyone looked at Scott in shock, which made Ad feel brave. "I’ve seen the way you look at her."
"Shut your mouth and leave." Scott growled.
"Do you hear that everyone?" Ad shouted at the toutn="op of his voice, "Scott's in love. Isn't that sweet?"
