by Hawkes, Cora
Everyone looked between me and Scott and I looked down at my toes, red-faced. It wasn't true.
"You don't know what you're talking about." Scott denied.
"Don't be pissed that I nailed her first."
I gasped.
Scott looked at me with a menacing grin, then he turned back to Ad with a fist connecting to the underside of his jaw.
Ad roared in pain and Scott took my hand and led me away calmly from the cafeteria. We exited to the sound of applause and cheers.
He didn't say a word but just led me outside and stopped when we reached the place where we kissed.
He pulled me into him. "Are you okay, baby?"
I nodded and pulled away. "I'm okay. I can't understand what I ever saw in that disgusting excuse for a human." I scrunched my nose, "Everyone will think we're–" I cleared my throat, "–you know."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"Yes, it's a bad thing! I don't want any attention on me. Last week it was my virginity and now it's going to be this." I buried my face in my hands.
"It’s not that bad, Em." Scott seemed offended. "You could do worse, you could still be with that loser."
I looked at him, "I just don't want to be talked about, and now everyone will think that we're secretly together and you are always with some fucking girl." Now this week would be another full week of whispers and stares.
"I got that." His voice was harsh now. "I know you don't want anyone or me," he swiped a hand through his hair, "you really know how to make a guy feel shitty."
"You don't need a confidence booster, Scott. There isn't a girl in this place that doesn't want to be with you."
"There’s you."
"I–" I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to agree or disagree with his mood like this.
"You, what?"
"It doesn't matter." I crossed my arms and looked at him.
"You need to stay away from Adam." Scott said.
"I'll stay far away, don't worry."
"Good," Scott held out his hand. "C'mon, I'll walk you to your next class."
I looked at his hand and shook my head, "I don't want people to get the wrong idea about us and they will after that." I nodded towards the cafeteria.
Scott sighed.
We started to walk. "I don't want to dent your reputation as a one-night man." I teased, not finding the funny side. It wasn't really funny; the way he was the ay started total opposite of what I wanted or needed him to be.
I thought of something and stopped, pulling on his arm. "You wont get into trouble for hitting him will you?"
He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "I don't care if I do but I don't think he'll want it out what he almost did. You can still report him, you know."
"Hi, scott."
I rolled my eyes as another fan came up to him.
"I saw you play the other night and I just wanted to say," she grabbed both his arms and turned him towards her and away from me while giving me a sly smile, "you were just fantastic."
"Thanks, glad you liked it." Scott seemed to love the attention and he put his arm around her shoulder.
Why did it feel like that was for my benefit?
The girl smiled triumphantly in my direction before ignoring me completely. "I’m going to every gig from now on."
Ugh! She was really laying it on thick.
"That’s what I like to hear, babe." Scott grinned at her beautifully and I felt a pang very close to jealousy deep in my gut.
"I'm just going to get on to class. See you later?" I asked.
"I think he'll be seeing me later." Brunette answered while screwing her nose up at me and curling her mouth while eyeballing me from top to toe.
It annoyed the hell out of me that she thought that I wanted Scott and couldn't get him. Her rudeness grated me so much that I wanted to snatch Scott out of her hands. Some girls were unbelievable and she only made herself look stupid.
I frowned at her as she continued to give me her best death glare. Then, all of a sudden, a laugh escaped me. What did Scott see in girls like this? She was way over the top.
"What's funny?" she put her hand on her hip.
I couldn't help it, I continued to giggle more as she placed her hand on her hip like a spoiled little girl.
I shook my head and walked away. Scott was watching me but I didn't care. The giggles were upon me and if I stayed there, they wouldn't go away
The week passed slowly and I hadn't seen Ad at all which was a good thing. People talked about Scott and me being together. I wasn't miss popular right now with all the girls that adored Scott out for my head. They thought I had taken him off the market but it wasn't true and when I was asked I said it was just a rumour. Scott found the whole thing funny and wasn't helping by not being his usual flirty self.
I had a feeling he was doing it on purpose to add to the rumours. I suppose when I thought about it, it wasn't really a bad rumour and I was being touchy by saying it really bothered me because it didn't apart from all the abuse I was gettise thng from girls. Well, not abuse but envious stares and questions. Oh, the questions, "Is he a good kisser," "what's he like in bed?".
"Why can't you go back to flirty Scott?" I huffed on Thursday after classes had ended for the day.
Scott put his arm around my shoulder and aimed his gorgeous smile my way. "I am flirting — with you."
"Oh, you're hilarious; you know what I mean." I removed his arm.
Scott’s face dropped slightly for a split second and then his easy grin was back in place. "Okay, okay." A wicked grin spread over his face then and I wondered what he was about to do.
Nothing could prepare me for what he did. He grabbed the nearest girl in his arms and started to kiss her, full on the mouth. And on and on and on, it seemed to last forever and I watched in slow motion as Scott snogged the arse off of this little redheaded beauty.
My heart kicked and a lump formed in my throat as I watched in shock as his hand crept down to her butt and squeezed as he pulled her closer. He broke off abruptly and Redhead looked dazed.
"There, is that what you wanted?" his voice was husky and the girl was ignored.
I smiled but I felt like my face was cracking and I'm sure he could tell."I–" I couldn't look at him any longer so I turned my face away. "Yeah," I replied in a small voice.
"Are you okay?" he asked and I looked at him for a moment.
"Yes," I said after a minute. "I have to go. I’ll see you later." I rushed off with the burn of scott's curious gaze on my back.
Ash, Newton and Meg were having a heated debate on whether Adam would leave me alone now. Why couldn't they stop talking about it? Ad's face had been absent since the scene in the cafeteria on Monday. I was relieved although I had an awful feeling that it wasn't over with him, not by a long shot.
From Under came on stage and Scott raised a hand in greeting to us, his gaze staying longer on mine with a thoughtful look. I wished I could get into his head and see what he was thinking. I was near the stage dancing around while he sang and strummed on his guitar. The way he held the mic, his hands were the best hands I had seen on a man. Even his stance was sexy, masculine. I loved it when he sang to me, his gaze seeking mine in a sea of hundreds of other eyes.
I tipsy by the time he came off stage and he was immediately surrounded by six girls, all vying for his attention.
I knew how they felt and I wanted his attention on me. I frowned at my errant thought, I shouldn't be thinking like that at all. I waited for him to come over to me like he usually did but I waited and waited until I saw him pick one of the girls and lead her onto the dance-floor. He didn't even look my way, not even once. I felt stupid then, dumb for waiting for him and thinking that he would come. I had no claim on him.
r/>t s He didn't belong to me, he belonged to no one. Scott would never be any one persons man. I reminded myself that I didn't really want him and that I didn't wake up every day thinking about him or wonder where he was when I wasn't with him. But
I would be lying to myself. I was falling in love with him. I stilled, a cold sensation going down my back as I realised that I was actually being honest with myself. I had been on a path that led to heartbreak for a while now and it had happened without me knowing.
Maybe I wasn't fully there yet but I was going to be if I didn't do something. The past flashed through my mind in a painful succession of images and painful expressions and I gripped the edge of the bar as my heart hammered hard against my ribs in fear. Fear of what would happen if I didn't take control now. Fear of losing control out of pain and hurt. Fear of hurting the people I loved.
I looked at Scott again briefly, he had his tongue down her throat now. Pain and jealousy created an overwhelming need to pull him away from her. I needed to get away. I wanted time alone to gather my thoughts. I went over to Ash and told her I had a headache and I was going home for an early night. I didn't say goodbye to Scott and I didn't look back at him again as I made my way to the exit.
My phone buzzed a text alert as I lay in bed hours later, unable to sleep. I reached for it blindly, too lazy to move my head.
Scott: R u ok? Ash said u have a headache.
No kiss on the end when I always send him one on the end of my texts. But that was Scott all over; no emotion. Just sex. I decided to ignore it and then he might think I'm asleep. I hated this. I hated that I wanted him but was too afraid to have him. Why was nothing ever simple for me? Now I was feeling sorry for myself, I loathed self-pity.
Another buzz. Another text message.
Scott: I hope ur awake cos im comin down if u dont return my txt in 2 mins. Wanna know u got home safe!
Me: Im ok. In bed. C u 2moro.
I left out the kiss. He never gave them back to me anyway.
Scott: Sweet dreams!
I was sure he wouldn't be dreaming or getting much sleep at all tonight. Agitation gripped me in it's annoyingly firm hold and I turned onto my back to stare at the ceiling. I needed to stop thinking with my heart and start thinking about a practical way of avoiding falling for him completely because this wasn't me. I didn't let my heart get to me over guys, ever. Maybe I was only delaying the inevitable?
No! My mind screamed. Do not go there — do not give it to it. But it was hard.
Scott had everything going for him, looks, sex appeal, charisma, he was kind, could be tender and gentle at times. He was protective, a great musician, a loyal friend, had great hair and eyes that a girl could look into forever. The list went on so I concentrated on his bad points. He slept around and was afraid of commitment, that was the two bad things that counted as six in two. He was moody at times, he… I was running out already. I needed a distraction. Something to set me on the right track again because loving Scott would be the worst mistake I could ever make.
ƀ
Chapter Twenty-one
The next day things were almost back to normal. The rumour that Scott and I were having a thing had almost completely died with Scott flirting last night with everything that had boobs it was no great wonder. I say almost because I was now getting quite a few pity-looks from my fellow students. Great! I huffed and crossed my arms. I wasn't happy with Scott. I wasn't happy at all. But I would be okay, I told myself and I repeated it over and over. Even though Scott took over most of my waking thoughts I could still pull myself out of this, I still had time.
Half the day was over and I hadn't seen him all day but as I made my way to the cafeteria I knew that was about to end. It ended sooner than I thought as I neared the cafeteria and saw Scott with a girl. He had her against the wall outside the door with his head buried in her neck. My heart missed a beat as a heavy weight settled in my stomach. I met with the girls gaze, she grinned smugly at me and ran her fingers through his hair in a possessive way that rankled so much that my step faltered slightly and she giggled at my near fall.
I wanted to go right up to her smug face and bash the grin off of it but that would mean I cared so I smiled politely as I pushed the cafeteria door open.
"Hi, Scott," I flung over my shoulder in the most average voice I could just because she pissed me off. I pathetically high-fived myself inwardly as I saw Scott pull away from the girl at the sound of my voice. I knew it was childish but I didn't care. The bitch thought she was getting one over on me.
"Hey, wait up.” Scott grabbed my arm to slow me down. He turned me toward him, "Are you feeling better?" He had a questioning frown on his face showing his concern.
"Yes, thank you.” I smiled up at him.
"You could've told me you were leaving early last night, I would've walked you back. Don't leave alone again."
He was telling me off now? Ordering me to not leave alone? Oh no — no way!
My back stiffened. He had no right to speak to me like he owned me. No right at all and he needed to know that. This protective thing needed to stop. "Stop being so protective," my voice was sharper than usual. "You're my friend, you can advise, but you can't tell me what to do."
He frowned deeper into my eyes with his jaw tensing, "Sorry for caring."
"I don't belong to you. In fact, no one belongs to you," I sniped and then felt bad. Why didn't I know when to keep my mouth shut?
"Are you mad at me?" his eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Are you mad at me because I've done what you asked me to do and gone back to flirty me?"
"I–no!" Yes! But I would never let him know and I wasn't supposed to slip up like that. Oh, me and my big mouth! I looked away, willing my cheeks not to glow as I noticed we were getting odd looks from a few of the other students.
"You wanna know what I think, Emma?”
"Not here, Scott," I pleaded with my eyes.
He closed his mouth into a straight, tight line and grabbed my elbow to take me to our table which was empty at that moment.
We sat down and Scott studied me with a slight frown and his head lolling to the side slightly.
"What?" I asked, he was studying me like something he had never seen before.
"Why're you acting like this?"
"Like what?"
Scott shook his head and looked down, "I don't get you, babe.”
We were interrupted then as Meg sat down.
"Hey, have you heard about the frat party?" Meg sat down excitedly. "I just spoke to Kyle Larson and he asked me to ask you," she looked at me pointedly, "to go!" She almost squealed.
Kyle Larson was a rich frat boy who I had noticed more and more hanging around lately. He seemed a nice enough guy but I had barely said two words to him in the time I had been here.
"I barely know him. Why does he want me to go?”
"Isn't it obvious?" Scott's voice was harsh.
I frowned at him and he stood quickly, "I'm getting my lunch."
"Wow, what's up his cute ass?" Meg asked as she watched him walk away. "Anyway, back to Kyle; he likes you, dummy!"
"Oh," I said as I looked down at my twiddling fingers. Kyle was a good looking guy. I looked over at Scott who was watching me with hooded eyes. I could feel him watching me like I always felt it, like a weird, messed up sixth sense or something.
"Oh?" Meg mimicked. "Is that all you can say? He's smoking hot, Em! Are you blind? And he wants you to go so you're going, so I can go." She smiled sweetly whilst batting her eyelashes.
I chuckled in spite of my mood. "When is this party?" I asked, avoiding the subject of Kyle Larson completely for the moment, although I was girl enough to know he was handsome. He wasn't Scott but he was nice in a totally different way to Scott. Stop comparing!
I looked over at Scott again and now he was talkow t but he wing to another girl. She was taking all his smiles and intense stares. Jealousy was a savage bitch and she was biting me in the ass.
"Tonight, Ash and Newton aren't going so please, please say you'll come with me."
Wow, there was nothing like feeling second best but then I suppose I could go. A bit of away time from Scott is what I needed and I would be going home for Christmas soon so if I could make it to
the end of the term, or semester, as I should call it, then I would be okay.
“I’ll be ready for around eight." I told Meg and watched her bounce and clap in her seat. I frowned, knowing what she was up to."Who are you looking forward to seeing then? New crush, Meg?" I asked.
"Maybe," she hedged whilst examining her fingernails.
Scott slipped back in his seat and put both elbows on the table.
"I persuaded her to go." Meg told Scott. "I would ask you too but I know you're at Macy's tonight aren't you?"
Scott's mouth tightened as he nodded and shifted his eyes to me.
"You know Kyle's parents are rich. He's probably the richest guy here," she tried and failed to get me interested.
Kyle was probably a spoilt rich kid. I had known people like him all too well most of my life and knew that they were the worst sorts of people. I didn't want to stereotype but when you live around rich people, you realise that nothing is as it seems, friendships are usually fake and are purely to keep up appearances while they stab each other in the back.
