When I Find You: A Trust No One Novel

by Brown, Dixie Lee

  “You won’t bring him here, will you?”

  “No, Eddy.” She hesitated and dragged her eyes from Walker. “Not if you don’t want me to.”

  “Good. When are you coming? I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too, sweetie. Soon . . . I’m coming soon.” Her voice broke.

  “I just want everything to be like it was.”

  “Me too, Eddy.”

  “I have to go now.”

  “Bye. I love you.” There were tears in her eyes when the line went dead. She picked up her phone and ran from the room. Walker caught up to her at the top of the stairs.

  “He’s afraid of you.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Her angry words hit him hard enough to shake his confidence—not an easy thing to do. Bottom line was, she didn’t trust him—not completely—and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about that. “I haven’t done anything to make him afraid. Johnny’s told him something that’s not true. That’s the only reason he’s afraid.”

  “Johnny isn’t stupid. He’s just trying to protect his family. Why does he suspect you?”

  The anxiety in her voice and the doubt in her eyes stabbed through him like a dagger. “Are you afraid of me now too?”

  “No. I know who you are . . . better than you do.”

  He took a deep breath. “Damn it, Darcy . . . you have to trust me.”

  She straightened and wiped at the tears that rimmed her eyes. “When can we leave for the beach?”

  Walker sighed and shook his head. “Whenever you’re ready.” The old Darcy had been there with him for a short while—angry, but there. Now she was gone again, her feelings and opinions shuttered over like someone had closed the blinds. He wasn’t fooled, though. Her emotions had her walking too close to the edge, searching for answers in all the wrong places. Johnny might care about her as she believed, but not the way Walker did. Of course, Darcy didn’t know that because he’d gone to such incredibly great lengths to convince her otherwise.

  “HOW MANY PEOPLE have you killed, Walker?” Darcy’s breath caught. She hadn’t intended to ask—didn’t realize she’d spoken the words out loud until she heard them. He’d already told her she wasn’t ready to hear the answer. What made her think he’d talk about it now?

  After he maneuvered the Land Rover into a parking spot at the Tidewater Motel, Walker glanced her way, his gaze assessing as though deciding whether she could handle the reality. The truth was, she didn’t know if she could either.

  There were plenty of people coming and going on the beach access, which was just what he’d said he wanted. No deserted stretches of sand to give someone a chance to grab her. A chill teased across her skin. He turned off the engine and sat silently, staring out the windshield. The silence stretched uncomfortably until she slid her hand to the door latch.

  “More than a few.” He turned to look at her. “I joined the marines when I was barely twenty, and after basic, they shipped me out to Afghanistan.” Walker shook his head, something in his memories etching lines across his forehead. “War is bad enough, but the special unit I was in . . . I lost track of how many people I killed. After the first one it gets easier.” He snorted a laugh. “Or at least that’s what they told us. It changes a man—hardens him. Eventually, it didn’t bother me as much, except at night . . . or when something exploded.”

  He paused and a brief smile washed across his face. “It wasn’t all bad. That’s where I met Joe. We had some good times—and some not so good times. He saved my ass more than once. So when he asks me for a favor, I try to accommodate him.”

  Darcy’s gaze swept his face—his eyes, darkened with pain or something equally undesirable, and the flexing of his strong jaw with each breath—and tried to imagine the demons that haunted him. She tentatively laid her hand on his arm, still braced on the steering wheel. “That’s why you came looking for me?”

  “Joe is a good man. It’s second nature for him to help people. That’s how he met Cara. Finding her was the best thing that ever happened to him.”

  “You and Joe have a lot in common.”

  He laughed scornfully. “He’d have something to say if he heard that.”

  Darcy let it go. She didn’t want to argue with him and probably couldn’t change his opinion anyway. “You and Cara are very close.” It wasn’t a question, so she didn’t expect Walker to reply. She grimaced, hating that the thought of their friendship made her jealous.

  “We have a . . . history.”

  “Oh.” Darcy dropped her gaze under his amused grin. She’d no doubt just proved how naïve she really was.

  “Not the kind you’re thinking about.” He popped the car door open and stepped out.

  Darcy joined him on the path leading to the beach.

  “Cara and I are friends. It’s possible to have friends of the opposite sex, you know.”

  “I suppose so.”

  “What about you and Johnny? You’re friends, aren’t you? Or is there more to that relationship than you care to talk about?”

  Darcy frowned and shot a glance at him. It wasn’t the same. Or was it? Did he have feelings of jealousy, or maybe betrayal, when she defended Johnny? A wickedly appealing smile teased her. Obviously, he was trying to lighten the mood and get a rise from her. She drew herself up straight and feigned an indignant glower, narrowing her eyes. “Isn’t that the same question that got Cooper in so much trouble the day he interviewed me?” Darcy saw the answering glimmer in his eyes and knew he wasn’t buying her act, but she was okay with that. She was just glad he was finally talking to her . . . really talking . . . and she would say nothing that would make him stop.

  “I guess it was.” Walker paused and turned toward her to smile apologetically. “Except I know the answer because I know you, and I know how much you love those kids.” He reached out as though he would caress her cheek, then stopped and stuck his hand in his jacket pocket.

  Darcy yearned for that touch so much, it was all she could do to keep from leaning in to him, but she wouldn’t make a fool of herself again. They resumed their stroll along the path to the beach.

  She fell silent, thinking about Nick and Eddy. They were practically grown, especially Nick. He reminded her more of Johnny every day. Eddy would still need her for a few more years anyway, but that wouldn’t last forever. If she assumed a new identity and left everyone she ever knew or cared about behind, what would become of her when Eddy grew up? Johnny and Gwen would no longer need a nanny. Would she be able to come back to this life . . . to her parents? Possibly, but it wasn’t likely. She’d be forced to start over somewhere new again, only this time with a new job. She’d be completely alone.

  A set of wooden steps, partially covered with drifted sand, led down toward the beach. She’d come here today to make some decisions. The beach had always been her place—when things were bad at home or school—to come and think things through. Here she was only a tiny piece of the puzzle, and she took comfort from the fact that God, or whatever forces ruled the universe, gave the water boundaries it couldn’t cross, knew exactly how many grains of sand it would take, and, occasionally, let some small treasure wash up on the shore. With the first touch of her foot on the sand, she stopped and turned to Walker.

  “You have to wait here.”

  A hard glint came into his eyes, and he opened his mouth to argue.

  She rushed on. “I did what you said. I asked myself a lot of hard questions. Now I just have to find the right answers, and I need to be alone to do that. So is there a compromise we can agree on?”

  “No compromise. We’re doing this my way.”

  “Walker . . . what can happen to me out there alone that can’t happen if you’re with me?” She met his gaze and smiled tentatively.

  “I might be able to take the bullet for you.” His eyes darkened dangerously, and he looked away.

  She reached for his arm and held on until he regarded her again. “I don’t think I could live with that. Besides, who’ll take the s
econd bullet?”

  A myriad of emotions swirled in his eyes. Darcy knew she had him after he huffed out a couple halfhearted arguments. She smiled when he raised his hands in surrender and pointed out the place she was to stop and turn around. Then she walked away, certain his gaze never left her back.

  She turned back well before reaching the farthest point Walker was willing to let her go alone. When she saw him still standing, his back up against the handrail of the steps they’d descended together, she frowned. It would take her a while just to get him out of her head so she could get on to the reason she’d come. He . . . did things to her just by looking at her and the sound of his voice with its faint southern accent. He’d actually answered her question in the car. He didn’t sugarcoat it. Was it possible he was starting to open up to her? She should have asked him what his first name was, too, while he was still in the mood to talk, but it no longer mattered. Walker had made his feelings abundantly clear. She wasn’t his type, and he didn’t want to hurt her by treating her like she was. It was noble of him, really. End of story.

  The surf was loud. The whitecaps continually rolled in and receded. The sun warmed the sand and made the water a deeper shade of blue-green. The stiff ocean breeze whipped her hair around her face and the seagulls soared on the air currents above her head. She loved the slightly fishy smell of the ocean. Why did she stay away so long? Would she ever see it again if she went with the Fontanas?

  Darcy sat in the warm sand facing the water. A father and small daughter near the water’s edge were trying to fly a kite—without much success—but there was a look of pure joy on the little girl’s face. A group of five women walked arm-in-arm, laughing and talking. It was obviously a girls’ getaway, and Darcy envied them. She thought about her mother and couldn’t remember the last time they’d had a girls’ weekend, or any other kind of weekend. Suddenly overcome with homesickness, tears formed in her eyes. Blinking them back, she took out her cell phone and dialed her parents’ number. Her mother answered on the second ring.

  “Hey, Mom, how are you?”

  “Better now. Darcy, I’m so glad you called.” Her mother’s voice rang with excitement, and it brought the tears back to Darcy’s eyes. For a moment she couldn’t talk.

  “Are you all right, dear?”

  She’d never been able to hide anything from her mom. “Something has happened, Mom. I’m going to be fine, but . . . can I come home? Just for a little while—until I find a job and a place of my own.” There was no response and it took a moment for Darcy to realize her mother was crying softly.

  “Oh Mom, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  “Sweetheart, you can always come home. Stay as long as you like.”

  “Thanks. What do you think about you and me getting away for a few days? Just the two of us.”

  “I’d love it. Where should we go?”

  “How about a tropical island somewhere?”

  “Sounds wonderful. I’ll pick up some travel brochures.”

  “I’ve got a couple loose ends to tie up here. I’ll call as soon as I know my schedule.”

  “Is there anything we can help with?”

  “You already did. I love you, Mom.” Darcy was smiling when she ended the call. Somewhere during her conversation with her mother, she’d found the answer she’d been looking for.

  Chapter Thirteen

  * * *

  “THAT WAS QUICK. Everything okay?” Walker leaned against the railing with his thumbs hooked in his pockets and studied her for clues as to what she’d decided.

  “I love the ocean. Thanks for bringing me. It was just what I needed.”

  Darcy’s smile warmed him and made it seem as though he’d imagined the kiss, and his overreaction to it, that had ripped their friendship apart the night before. Refreshed, relaxed, happy almost, her expression radiated peacefulness. Never one to expect things to go his way, he braced himself for the news he dreaded, but she remained silent as they walked back to the car. Inside, with the engine running, Walker’s patience couldn’t take anymore.

  He turned toward her. “You called him, didn’t you? You told him you’d meet him somewhere, even though you promised you’d talk to me first.”

  “Chill, Walker. I called my mother.” She looked at him as though he’d lost his mind.

  “Oh . . . sorry.” Okay, so he’d made a fool of himself, but he was dying here and he didn’t give a damn what anyone thought. “Guess I’ve learned to expect the worst. Why don’t you tell me the plan and put me out of my misery?” He pulled out of the motel parking lot and pointed the car toward the house on the hill.

  A deep sigh escaped her. “I’m not going with the Fontanas into the witness protection program.” She stared out the side window at the wind-capped waves and didn’t look at him. “Since Johnny isn’t dead, the marshals don’t need my testimony, so there’s no reason for me to give up my life . . . not even for Eddy and Nick. It wouldn’t be fair to my parents to simply disappear without a trace. I can’t imagine how awful that would be.”

  Relief flooded through him. He could imagine. While waiting, he’d thought of nothing else. He snuck a glance at her. Did she understand how permanent her separation from those kids would be? They’d disappear from her life, and she’d never get to know where they went or how they turned out.

  “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

  She looked at her hands and then out the window—everywhere but at him. Her fingers twirled her hair nervously.

  “Obviously, there’s more. What is it?”

  “I have to see them. To say good-bye. I can’t just let them disappear. I have to get on that bus and meet Johnny so I can see them one more time.” She still refused to meet his gaze.

  “I can understand that. I know this will be hard for you. Did you think I wouldn’t take you to meet him?”

  She looked at her hands again and then finally turned her green eyes on him. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Walker, but . . . I don’t want you there.”

  Apprehension squeezed his insides and anger flared. “If you think you’re going to meet him by yourself, you’re crazy.”

  “Cooper will go with me.”

  “Sending Cooper with you would be worse than letting you go alone. How do you know it’s not him Johnny suspects? Why are you so sure it’s me?”

  A second of uncertainty wrinkled her brow. “That’s ridiculous. Cooper is a U.S. deputy marshal.”

  “Evans was a U.S. marshal.”

  “. . . and Cooper shot him because he tried to kidnap me. Look, I don’t like Cooper any more than you do, but I trust he’ll do his job. I know you’re not out to get them. I trust you with my life, but I owe Johnny and the boys the courtesy of respecting their opinions. I have to do this.”

  “And what if it’s not me or Cooper that Johnny is afraid of? What if there’s someone else out there just waiting to get you alone?” Walker turned off the highway and bumped along the rough, uphill road.

  “I’m aware I could be taking a chance, but I have to do this, Walker. You have to let me do this. Please don’t make me sneak out while you’re sleeping.”

  “That works both ways. I could always lock you in your room. What about respecting my opinion? Damn it! I’m just trying to keep you alive.” He was about as angry and scared as he’d ever been in his life. The volume of his voice steadily rose.

  “I’m going with Cooper and it’s not open for discussion. It’s not your problem anymore.”

  She turned away, but not before he saw the sadness settle in her eyes. He’d give anything to take back his angry words. Maybe if he’d waited and let her calm down, he might have talked some sense into her. Instead, she’d raised her chin defiantly and chosen to put her life in Cooper’s hands. That bastard was bad news. Thinking about him taking Darcy into a possibly dangerous situation made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

  He had to calm down before he talked to her again. If he could keep his temper under
wraps, maybe she’d listen. He felt hollow at the thought of her leaving. Wouldn’t be his problem anymore? Goddamnit. She’d be his problem for a long, long time.

  Walker pulled up to the house and parked the Land Rover in the garage, pushing the button to close the overhead door. He thought about killing that idiot deputy, but she’d probably make good on her threat, sneak out, and go alone. The idea of her never coming back nearly took his breath away. They went in the house, and Walker immediately stepped out on the deck. After a few minutes, he sensed her presence behind him.

  “There’s one more thing.” Her voice trembled slightly.

  “Well, spit it out.” What could possibly top her last announcement?

  “I want you . . . to make love to me.”

  He swung around, sure he’d heard her wrong. She stood tensely in front of him, her fists clenched at her sides, uncertainty warring with determination in her eyes. A rosy glow spread across her pale cheeks.

  Walker laughed coarsely. “That’s rich. Last night you didn’t want anything to do with me or my apology. Now, all of a sudden, you want in my bed? Is this the consolation prize for stepping aside and letting you see if you can get yourself killed?”

  The instant pain in her eyes stabbed him through, but he refused to be swayed. Her cheeks flamed red and she dropped her gaze. When she looked at him again, determination had won out in her expression.

  Her voice was soft but laced with steel. “I can’t imagine trusting any other man as much as you. I’ve gotten a few signals from you that made me think you might not be completely opposed to the idea, but I’ve done everything except show up naked in your bed. I guess that should have been my first clue you’re just not interested. I understand. I know you could never be satisfied with a small-town girl like me.”

  “Darcy, you’ve—”

  “I’m not finished.” She held up a hand and stopped him. He bit back the words and gave her the floor with a sweep of his hand.