“I always wanted to reach out to you, Trevor. Every birthday I’d send you a card, but I knew you’d never see them. When your dad took you in, Evelyn made him promise to cut all ties with me. I wanted you to have a safe home to grow up in. I was just happy that he convinced his wife to let you stay at all. I agreed to her terms, and your dad promised to always take care of you. Losing you was devastating, but I knew that it was what was best for you. I did visit you once before I left. You were completely healed and playing with your new brother Dean. He was holding you and telling you a story. It was so nice to hear you laugh again. I was able to leave knowing that you would have a better future with them compared to anything I could’ve given you.”
My heart fucking breaks for her. I couldn’t imagine leaving Grey. God, just thinking about losing him gives me such anxiety and heartache. He’s so fucking precious to me. He’s literally the center of my universe. However, if I knew it was best for him, I’d let him go. I’d want him to have the best life possible; even if that meant a life without me in it. If I ever thought for a second that I truly could not care for him, I would give him away to someone who could. Every decision I make, I try to make with him in mind. My mom did that for me. She sacrificed her happiness with me to give me a better life. She gave me a chance at a normal, happy life with my dad.
“I love you, Mom,” I say because it feels natural to do so. “I don’t know you very well, and we have a lot of catching up to do—but I do love you.”
Her eyes fill with tears again, but this time, they’re tears of joy.
“I’ve loved you every single day of your life, Trevor. Even when I wasn’t there to tell you. I’ll love you no matter what you do or what path you choose in life.”
After a long moment of comfortable silence, just enjoying the feeling of relief which has settled over the room, I finally ask the question that’s been weighing on my mind since our discussion began. “Why’d you stay with him, Mom? Why didn’t you leave?”
She’s silent for a few heartbeats before she finally answers. “I left him a few times, but he always found a way to come back into my life. Even when I left, we were still legally married, and every time I asked for a divorce he’d threaten to hurt me—or to hurt himself. When he finally died, I was so relieved. As horrible as it sounds, I couldn’t help but feel that way. I didn’t have to fear him anymore. I returned to Colorado in hopes of finding you.”
She came to me as soon as she could.
“How did he die?” The morbid side of me wants to know.
“He died in a car accident,” she answers quietly. “He rear-ended a tractor trailer and was decapitated.”
I want to say what most people would say in this situation, "God, that's so horrible!" Instead, I remain silent. I don't feel horror at all. If I feel anything, it's satisfaction knowing that he's gone.
“I’m glad he’s gone, too,” Mom says, as if hearing my thoughts. “Although, I wish he hadn’t met such a gruesome fate. It was a horrific way to go.”
The way she says this so nonchalantly, makes me think she’s lying. I’m sure that, deep down, she’s not troubled by her husband’s death one bit. We sit in silence for a while. My arm wrapped comfortably around her narrow shoulders. It feels natural—like we’re making up for lost time.
“Where do we go from here?” I finally ask.
“I guess we continue moving forward. At least, I hope we can do that. I know there’s so much to forgive, but I want more than anything to have a relationship with you, Trevor.”
I want that, too. Although, I’ll never fucking admit it out loud. I’ve always wanted a mom who loved me. I’ve always wanted that sort of relationship. It was hard growing up watching my brother receive all of this love from Evelyn, while I was a fucking outcast. It makes perfect sense now, but it’s hard to erase the years of hurt I had to endure. I guess I can relate to my mom’s abuse in some way. While Evelyn never raised a hand to me, she had fucked with my head and neglected me. I kept brushing her behavior under the rug; excusing it by thinking I was just an unlovable and defective child. I can understand why my mom was able to do the same sort of thing with her husband. When you’re feeling worthless, actions like those make sense.
“I’d like to have you in my life. I’m sure Grey would love that, too.”
She smiles at the mention of Greyson and muses, “Your dad was right about you, Trevor.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re pretty incredible. He always used to tell me that. Every time he would send me your school picture—behind his wife’s back, of course—he would write something like, ‘Our son is pretty incredible, Felicity.’ And you are. Just like he said.”
My brows knit together in confusion. I can’t believe my dad actually wrote that about me. I was such a little shit growing up. Nevertheless, his remark makes me grin. Thanks, Dad.
chapter 39
cumbersome
After my visit and a few phone conversations with Felicity, I feel like it’s time to formally introduce her to my son. Of course, he’s technically no relation to her, but he’s my world and I want her to know him. Besides, my mom will just be one more person who will love Grey. He barely sees Evelyn anymore, and that’s not due to my lack of effort. I’ve reached out to her a few times, asking her when she’d like to see her grandson. Every time she declines, stating she’s busy or has prior plans. I’m not sure whether I believe her or not. While she is quite popular in her little social circle, she also reeks of bullshit. For whatever reason, she hasn’t had any interest in seeing her grandson since she and dad separated. Maybe it’s because seeing him would mean seeing me. I hope she gets over all this shit, though, because Grey deserves grandparents who love him. However, if she’s going to continue to act this way, maybe she just doesn’t deserve to be in his life. Suddenly, water splashes me in the face and pulls me away from my contemplations.
“Come on, Grey. Let Daddy finish getting you ready, buddy. You’ve played in the water long enough.”
Grey ignores me and giggles as he splashes the water around. He loves his bath time; nothing compares for him. He gets so fucking giddy any time he’s in a tub filled with bubbles, surrounded by the collection of rubber duckies I bought for him. I love seeing him enjoying himself, but sometimes I wish he would calm down for two seconds, so I could actually bathe him. He moves around so quickly and being so slippery it’s practically impossible to wash him. I don’t know how Ronnie manages to do this in under twenty minutes because he’s practically pruning right now, and I haven’t gotten much done.
“Grey, come on, buddy,” I practically plead as I squirt some shampoo in my palm and attempt to wash his hair.
“No!” he exclaims with a giggle, scooting his little butt away from me.
I sit back on my haunches and just look at him in disbelief. Fucking great. His new word is fucking “no.” Of course, he finds my shocked expression absolutely hilarious because he can’t stop giggling in-between clapping his hands together and splashing the water. His laughter quickly turns to hiccups, causing me to laugh, too. Despite everything else, seeing him like this is extremely fucking cute. And this is coming from a man that doesn’t use the word “cute” very often. He’s not going to be little forever, so I might as well enjoy these years while they last.
“What did you say, buddy?” I ask as I reach down to tickle his belly.
“Dada!” I tickle him again and he laughs before shooing me away with his hand. “No!”
“Ronnie!” I call out with a laugh. “You’ve got to come hear Grey’s new word!”
She breezes into the bathroom still clad in her pajamas and smiles at me; her beautiful face is bright and without a tinge of makeup. Fuck, is she beautiful like this. I ogle her for a moment—completely dazed as I usually am when I see her. I close my mouth, so I’m not gaping at her like a fucking fish.
“You’ve got to hear his new word, babe,” I say as I reach down to tickle my son’s belly once more in
hopes he’ll decide to say it again.
“No!” he squeals before giving me a bright smile.
“Oh, no.” Ronnie giggles as she joins me on the bathroom floor. Sitting next to the tub, she trails her fingers through the water as she continues, “He’s going to be saying that all of the time now.”
“It’s sort of cute,” I contemplate with a chuckle. Although, I wish his new word could’ve been “yes.”
Thank fuck, I’ve reigned my cursing in around him because how fucking embarrassing would it be for his new word to be “fuck” instead of “no.” I could only imagine the look on people’s faces if they heard my little boy throwing words like “shit” and “fuck” around. He’s not going to be talking like that until he’s a legal adult. Shit, I’m so overprotective already.
“Hurry up, Daddy! We all have to finish getting ready if we’re going to make it to your dad’s place on time. So, clean him up and get him dressed because we still have to shower, Trev.” With that, she smacks me on the ass and stands up. I watch her hips sway as she walks out of the bathroom before returning my attention back to my son.
“I can help you clean up, Ronnie,” I call over my shoulder before she’s gone out of earshot. “You know—to make things go faster.”
“There’s an idea, champ!” I hear her tease as she retreats to the kitchen.
I quickly finish bathing Grey, but I give him a few minutes more to play with his rubber duckies in the bubbles before pulling the plug. Although I can hardly wait to be under a hot stream of water naked with my girl, I don’t have the heart to shorten his playtime. He cries when I pull him out of the water and start to towel dry him. However, he’s back to his mellow self by the time I dressed him in the outfit his mommy laid out. He’s babbling up a storm by the time I get him settled in his baby gym in front of the television. He fusses just a second when I put him in his gym but is easily distracted when I turn on some cartoons. Once he has his eyes glued to the television and he’s bouncing in his little gym—I seek my girl out.
Ronnie’s cleaning up in the kitchen, rinsing off our dishes from last night, completely oblivious to my presence. Unable to pass up the opportunity to hear her scream, I quietly cross the room and pounce on her. I wrap my arms around her midsection and lift her up off the floor backwards. She screams—just like I wanted her to—and drops the hose, causing water to spray all over my kitchen. Laughing, I grab it before it flips in our direction and point it into Ronnie’s face, causing her to shriek.
“Trev! Stop it right now! You’re getting me soaked!”
I look down at her white pajama T-shirt and smirk after I see the way it’s molded to her braless tits. I know we need some alone time when I notice her pebbled, pink nipples through her wet shirt. Unless, of course, she wants me to fuck her on the floor of our kitchen. Before I can take her anywhere, she forces the hose out of my hand just before she presses her lips against mine. I know exactly what she wants when she wiggles her ass against my erection. Unable to help myself, I turn her around so she’s facing me before lowering her body to the ground. I pull her pajama pants down and touch her where she needs my attention most. A soft moan escapes from her lips and she writhes underneath me as I continue to apply pressure before sliding one of my fingers inside of her.
This time, a stronger moan emits from her lips and I quickly cover her mouth. “If we’re going to do this here, you have to be quiet.” She nods, and I grin before pushing my pants down.
We’re a half hour late by the time we arrive at my dad’s apartment. Dad smirks as soon as he sees the sated look on Ronnie’s and my face. I’d feel embarrassed if I weren’t so relaxed. Fuck it, though. My dad obviously knows I’m no virgin. Haven’t been since middle school. Mom’s smiling at his side. This time when I see them standing side by side I realize that they truly are a great looking couple. They look like they’re meant to be together. Honestly, I’ve never seen my dad look so content. I never realized how unhappy he was with Evelyn until now.
“Ronnie, it’s so nice to see you again,” my mom gushes as she comes forward to embrace my girl.
Ronnie seems surprised at first but is more than happy to hug Felicity back. Grey is smiling from his perch in my arms. He starts cooing as he reaches out his arms, wanting to be included in the embrace as well. Ronnie sees our son out of the corner of her eye and smiles at him.
“I think Grey wants a hug, too,” she states, stepping forward to take our little guy from me.
My mom’s face lights up like a Christmas tree as Ronnie passes Grey off to her. This is the first time she’s gotten the chance to hold him. Her eyes quickly fill with tears as soon as he’s settled in her hold. I can practically feel her joy as if it were palpable in the air as she snuggles my son to her chest. He seems just as happy. He gives her a mischievous smirk as he runs his chubby, little hand through her hair before trying to stuff it into his mouth. My mom laughs, pulling her hair away and giving him a small kiss on the forehead.
I step forward and give my son a proud smile, happy with how mellow he’s behaving right now. Whenever he meets strangers his reactions are always unpredictable—so, I’m happy he’s taken to my mom so quickly. “This is your nana, buddy,” I say to him.
Well, she isn’t technically his nana, but she will be playing a prominent role in his life. Just because she isn’t blood doesn’t mean she can’t love him just the same. And my little guy deserves all of the love in the world.
“Hello, Greyson,” she coos as she rocks him.
“No!” he responds with a giggle.
“That’s his third word,” I explain with a laugh.
“What was his first?”
“Da.” I can’t help but grin as I say this.
Mom gives me a warm smile before returning her attention to him. “Well, this is going to be fun, isn’t it? He’ll be telling you ‘no’ all of the time now.” She pauses and watches him for a moment without saying a word. I wonder what she’s thinking. It doesn’t take long for her to answer my silent inquiry. “You were just as happy and giggly when you were his age, Trevor. You were so playful and easy-going. Just like Greyson is.”
I smile, awkwardly, sticking my hands in the front pockets of my jeans. I wish I had some sort of memory of the time I was with my mom. It sucks that I had to leave her at such an early age. Maybe I can ask her for more photos, or maybe she’ll have some videos of us together. I’m sure she must have some of that shit. I know I have a crap load of pictures and videos of Grey on my phone and computer already. I always feel compelled to document every little thing he does because I don’t want to miss a thing. I’m sure my pictures will embarrass the shit out of him one day, but I’ll treasure them. I don’t want to end up regretting not keeping records of his life.
“You guys ready to eat?” Dad inquires as he ushers us out of the foyer.
This place is definitely a major upgrade from the one he rented for a few months while his divorce was being finalized. That one had been almost depressing with its lack of personal touches and dreary paint job. This apartment, on the other hand, looks like a home. There’s so much attention to detail that I’m sure Felicity has helped him decorate. Dad definitely isn’t the type of man to buy accent pillows. Hell, I didn’t even know what the fuck they were until Ronnie bought me a few for my couch to “spruce it up.”
“The place looks great, Dad.”
He smiles in appreciation of my compliment, then gestures for us to sit down in his brand-new leather chairs to “try them out.” As we comply, he goes on to proudly state, “Felicity helped me pick out most of the furniture. I would’ve been completely lost in some of those stores if it weren’t for her.”
Mom blushes at this but can’t seem to take her eyes off him. I have to admit as much as I like them together, it’s sort of fucking strange. All of my life, the only woman I saw him with was Evelyn. So now—seeing him with another woman—I can’t help but feel really weird. I don’t know how to describe it; I just feel like I
have an entirely new life. It’s not a bad thing… but it’s just something that I can’t seem to wrap my head around.
“You okay, Trevor?” my dad asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
I give him a curt nod and reply, “I’m cool. Just thinking. You ready to eat?”
Dad smiles, but I can tell he’s trying to figure me out. I’m sure it won’t take long for him to understand what’s on my mind. He’s usually really good about reading me. I don’t want him to take my confusion the wrong way, though. I do love having my parents together. I know they’ve waited such a long time for each other, but it’s still a lot for me to take in. Luckily, he decides to forgo talking about it during the brunch my mom made.
“So, is Evergreen a permanent place for you two?” I casually ask as I sip on my cup of coffee while lightly bouncing Grey on my lap.
“Well, for now,” Dad says as he places his hand comfortably on top of my mom’s and turns his attention to her. “I was thinking that buying a house would be a nice move for us to make in the future. You know, something more permanent.”
“Ronnie and I are going to be looking at houses soon.” The words fly out of my mouth before I can restrain them.
His eyes widen in obvious shock before a giant grin lights up his face. “That’s great, son! Where were you two thinking about moving? Are you going to stay in town?” I hear and see the hopeful note in his voice and smile.
“Well, there’s this house we’re thinking about checking out,” Ronnie chimes in. “It’s nearby. My sister, Eden, lives in the neighborhood so it’ll be perfect for us, I think.”
“Look at you two! Getting married and settling down. I’m so happy for you two kids,” Dad jovially states.
I always thought marrying and settling down would be absolutely fucking terrifying; however, it’s anything but. Maybe it’s just Ronnie. She always seems to find a way to make everything blissful. I’m a lucky son-of-a-bitch to have her.
The Blessing Page 48
