The Blessing

by Elizabeth Price

  He’s so fucking giddy today. He’s like an Energizer bunny as he kicks his feet and waves his hands around while I’m getting his bath ready. I take a moment while I’m holding him to stop and etch everything to my memory. He’s one now, and soon he’ll be two, three, four… All too soon he’ll be going to pre-school, elementary school, middle school, high school, and hopefully college. Shit flies by so fast, and if I don’t allow myself a moment to appreciate the present, it’ll pass me by before I can grab a hold of it.

  “Happy birthday, buddy,” I say before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

  He laughs loudly and grabs my finger, bringing it to his mouth to gnaw on it. I love seeing him like this: so happy and carefree. He’s too little to understand how hard his life has been. The happiness on his face is so… pure—so beautifully pure and completely unaffected by the world around him. I’ve never seen him truly upset. I hope I never have to—as unrealistic as that hope may be.

  “Dada,” he says again with a giggle.

  “You’re one year old today! How does it feel, buddy?” I ask, bouncing him on my knee while I fill up the tub with water.

  His eyes widen with excitement as he listens to the inflection of my voice. He has no idea what I’m talking about, but he knows I sound excited. Therefore, his eyes brighten, his mouth drops open as if he were surprised, and his cheeks flush. I’ve got to laugh at his expression because it’s the fucking cutest thing I’ve ever seen. When I laugh, he does as well, giggling loudly as I get him undressed and ready to bathe.

  “Do you feel older, Grey?” I ask again as I reach down to tickle his stomach.

  He squeals and wiggles away from me, causing me to tighten my hold on him so he doesn’t slip off my lap and onto the floor. He nods and claps his hands. I suppose I can take that as a “yes.” That thought makes my heart sink for a moment. Part of me doesn’t want him to grow up. However, another part is excited for the day when he’s older and we can do shit together.

  “We’ve got to get you all washed up, buddy. Today’s your special day!”

  Grey giggles as I lower him into the tub. He immediately reaches for one of his rubber duckies floating in the water, splashing it against the mountains of bubbles. Since he’s acting so crazy today—probably sensing my excitement—it’s really a struggle to get him clean. I bathe him to the best of my ability before allowing him time to play in the water on his own. He looks so fucking adorable, and before I know it, I’m grabbing my phone to snap a picture of him. I want to remember this day. He’s not going to be this small forever.

  I take a few pictures of him as he plays with his rubber duckie and splashes around. “Grey, look at Daddy, buddy! I want to take your picture!”

  Grey turns his head and gives me a bright, fun-loving smile. It makes my heart swell until it feels as if it’s about to burst. Tears prick my eyes as I look at my happy, little boy. Fuck, he looks so much like his dad when he smiles. I have to look away before I burst into fucking tears. God, I’ve been so fucking sappy lately. It’s embarrassing. I’m sure he’ll only look more and more like Dean as he grows older. He has my brother’s eyes as well as his smile. Dean’s smile was so optimistic and easy-going. You could tell he was truly happy with everything in his life. Even when he wasn’t happy, he’d smile through whatever shit life threw at him. Even though it’s too early to tell, Grey seems like he’ll be the same way.

  As fucking hard as it is to remember my brother at times, I’m happy that Grey looks just like him. He’s like a little piece of Dean I’ll always have with me. Today’s exciting, but it’s fucking hard, as well. This is Grey’s first birthday and Dean and Cat won’t be here to see it. I force myself to push those thoughts aside because I need to get through today. I’ve got to focus on the positive—and the positive is that I have a happy, healthy baby who’s experiencing his very first birthday. This is a day for celebrating, not sadness. He must sense the shift in mood because he abandons his toys and reaches out to me, wanting to be held. I pick him up, wrapping a towel around him before holding him close to my chest. It’s so nice to feel his soft breath against my skin because I know he’s safe. I close my eyes for a moment and allow Grey to shift my mood. Today is about him.

  “Let’s get you dressed, buddy.”

  A short while later, I have him dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and a T-shirt Ronnie purchased for him a few days ago, which reads: “I Make 1 Look Good.” I laughed when she showed it to me. I have no idea where she finds this sort of shit, but it’s really fucking cute.

  I jump in the shower to wash up in record time, styling my hair and brushing my teeth while I’m at it. I get dressed in a pair of jeans and a nice button up shirt while Grey plays on the floor of my bedroom. I don’t want him to see the decorations just yet, not with Ronnie still fast asleep. She was up late decorating, and when she came to bed we fucked until she nodded off in my arms, so, I thought I’d let her rest this morning. I want her to see the look on Grey’s face when he sees his party decorations for the very first time. I know I’m going to be taking all the pictures I can. It’s already past ten. I know Ronnie will want to get up and ready soon. Our guests should be arriving around one o’clock and there’s still so much stuff to do.

  “Babe, it’s after ten o’clock,” I softly say as I nudge my girl awake.

  She moans in her sleep and shoos me away before my words finally register and she shoots out of bed. “Fuck, Trevor! Why didn’t you wake me up sooner!?’

  I have to chuckle because she rarely curses. When she gives me an annoyed look I cover my mouth with my hand to hide my smile. I have to take a moment before answering. “I thought you’d want to sleep in a bit. We have a busy day ahead of us, so I thought you’d appreciate your rest.”

  I force myself to look so contrite that Ronnie gives me a small smile and a kiss on the cheek before heading to the bathroom to shower. I entertain Grey while she’s getting ready, making sure he doesn’t take a peek into the living room. When he starts to get fussy, I run to the kitchen to grab him a snack, bringing it back into the bedroom. He smiles as soon as he sees food in my hands, but then pouts when he sees it’s just a banana. I’d bring more, but I want us to have his birthday breakfast as a family.

  The small snack keeps him satisfied for the duration of the time it takes Ronnie to get herself ready. When she exits the bathroom, she looks so fucking beautiful that it takes my breath away. Her hair is curled and pulled back from her glowing face. Her makeup is light, and she’s wearing a pretty dress that has shorts. I have no idea what the fuck it is—it looks like one of those onesies I put Grey in—regardless, it’s fucking hot on her.

  “You look hot, babe.”

  She blushes and smiles at me. Hell, she always blushes when I call her “hot” and I have no idea why. Is she unaware of how beautiful and tempting she is?

  “So do you,” she tells me before joining Grey and me on the floor. “Happy birthday, baby boy,” she coos before picking him up and holding him close to her heart.

  “Mama,” he says before practically motorboating her tits, and then turns his head my way to give me a giant grin.

  “He’s been pretty excited all morning,” I inform her with a laugh.

  Ronnie kisses his little nose before suggesting, “Maybe we can show him all the decorations now?”

  She looks just as excited as our son. I’m excited, as well. It’s been so long since I’ve seen a day like this. A day where I’m truly, deeply happy. Everything feels like it’s coming together for once in my life. I never realized moments like these could be so meaningful. Who knew a quiet moment in my bedroom with my son and fiancée could impact me so much? Such a simple thing could become something I’ll remember forever.

  I smile at my sappy thoughts, then Ronnie’s inquisitive look brings me back to reality. “Let’s go check it out,” I tell Grey, standing up off the floor before helping Ronnie to her feet.

  The look on Grey’s face as we enter the decorated living
room is one which I’ll never forget. His eyes are wide with amazement; his face is lit up with a huge smile; his entire body is shaking with excitement as he takes in all the work Ronnie did for his little party. Gibberish flies out of his mouth as he looks around at the Winnie-the-Pooh balloons, Winnie-the-Pooh party banners, and the numerous Winnie the Pooh decorations. It’s as if he’s trying to tell us how much he loves everything. I pull my phone out and take a few pictures of Ronnie and our son. The pictures capture my son’s astonishment and my girl’s happiness. As I’m snapping pictures, she looks down at our son, her eyes are watery but her smile is bright and loving. I can feel the love radiating off of her as I take each picture. The way she looks at Grey makes my eyes water. She has no biological connection to him, yet she loves him as if he were her own. I wish I’d received that type of love when I was growing up. Ronnie loves him unconditionally. She expects nothing in return. I’m so thankful my son has a woman like her in his life.

  “Want me to take a picture of you with Greyson?” Ronnie asks when she notices me snapping photos.

  I smile and hand her my phone. Grey’s still vibrating with excitement as she passes him off to me. I’ve never seen him this giddy. My cheeks ache as I smile for the camera. I guess I’ve been smiling all morning and haven’t realized it.

  “That’s a cute one,” Ronnie says before taking another photo. “What do you think of all of this, birthday boy?” she asks as she hands me back my phone.

  “Mama,” Grey says, smiling in approval.

  I carry him around the room, showing him each and every detail. He looks more and more excited with each thing he sees. If he’s this pumped up now, I can’t imagine how thrilled he’ll be when he sees the cake. The cake is so fucking extravagant, I was shocked. Of course, Ronnie purchased it from a nearby bakery, stating it was beyond anything she could ever do. The fact that anyone could make a cake like that is fucking unreal to me. She did make some Winnie-the-Pooh cupcakes and other desserts—which look just as incredible in my biased opinion. Just knowing she slaved away in the kitchen for our son makes her desserts the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.

  “Are you ready for your birthday breakfast, buddy?” I ask as we walk toward the kitchen.

  His little tummy responds with a loud grumble, causing us to laugh. I sit him in his highchair, then start to get his breakfast ready. All the while I try to ignore the uncomfortable twisting that’s developed in my stomach. Whenever things seem to be going right, something always comes along to fuck it up. Maybe I’m just a pessimist, but with the life I’ve led so far, it’s hard not to be. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s just that I’m so happy right now, so much so, life seems fucking unreal to me. I shove the unpleasant thoughts aside and try to enjoy happiness while I have it.

  I turn on morning cartoons for some background noise before going back to help Ronnie cook Grey’s favorite meal: apple and potato pancakes. He’s babbling away in his chair and gazing over at the television as it plays reruns of Courage, the Cowardly Dog. Everything’s all right, I tell myself as I look at him. You’re just not used to feeling so content. Stop being so negative, Trevor! I smile, although, it feels more forced than it did earlier in the morning.

  “Is something wrong?” Ronnie asks as she finishes up the pancakes and begins to plate them.

  “No,” I say too quickly. “No, I was just thinking. I can’t believe Grey’s growing up so fast.” An unconvincing laugh escapes my lips and I cringe.

  She gives me an odd look before her face relaxes and she smiles at me. “Yeah, he’ll be a toddler before we know it.” She stops to look at me again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No. It’s fine, baby.”

  Instead of pushing the issue, Ronnie kisses my cheek before turning her attention back to our son.

  “Breakfast is served for the birthday boy!” She coos as she sets the plate of pancakes before him, then takes a seat at his side to help him eat.

  Grey claps his hands in excitement as he looks at his meal before he, quite literally, digs in. He scoops up a handful of his pancake and attempts to shove it into his mouth before Ronnie stops him.

  “Slow down, birthday boy.” She giggles.

  “Do you want me to make you some tea?”

  She turns to smile at me and answers, “Yes, please,” before turning her attention back to our overzealous son.

  I make a cup of Earl Grey for her and a cup of black coffee for myself. I down one cup of coffee and pour another before joining my family back at the table. I’m going to need a hell of a lot of coffee today, as I can already tell it’s going to be exhausting. If Evelyn does show up, she’s going to be stuck in my small apartment with my mom and dad. It’s going to be fucking awkward to say the least. I’m going to do my best to keep all of my focus on the birthday boy; I don’t want to let any drama ruin his party.

  It’s going to be a small affair, which might make the awkwardness between Evelyn and my parents even fucking worse. At times like these, I’m sad to say Ronnie and I don’t have a ton of friends to help run interference. We’re both such recluses, we mainly hang out with each other and our baby. However, all the people we did invite are very close to us. I’d rather have a few close friends than a bunch of people that are just acquaintances. We invited: Eden, Quinton, and Harper; Jaxson and his girlfriend—who’ve I’ve never met—Josie; my mom, my dad, and Evelyn; Travis, and Cat’s parents—who couldn’t afford to fly down, despite how much they wanted to. I even dug a little deeper and found the names and addresses of some of Cat’s extended family and sent them an invitation, too. None of them live in Colorado and declined to come because they couldn’t afford the trip down for the party. As bad as it may sound—I wasn’t too broken up to hear that. I’m terrible when it comes to making small-talk. I didn’t really want to deal with meeting Cat’s extended family for the first time when I’d be trying to focus on Grey’s special day. Luckily, I don’t really have any extended family… well, at least not technically. Evelyn has a sister she barely sees and I invited her to be nice. However, I doubt Kimberly will come. Despite being Grey’s great aunt, she’s only seen him a few times and that was before I became his legal guardian.

  “Everything’s going to be just fine,” Ronnie tells me, pulling me from my contemplations.

  Am I really being that fucking obvious? I give her an embarrassed smile and continue to drink my coffee.

  “Maybe we should’ve gotten him ready after we had breakfast,” Ronnie giggles as she tries to prevent our little guy from making a giant mess of himself.

  “I can wash him up again if I have to,” I assure her.

  His face is covered in pancakes and he appears to be on cloud nine. I can’t resist taking out my phone and snapping another picture. How many pictures am I going to take today? Fuck, like it matters. My entire camera roll is pretty much filled with pictures of Grey… and a few pictures of Ronnie I took while she was sleeping after we made love the other night. I’m sure she’d kill me if she knew I’d taken them.

  “I’m going to finish getting everything set up. Maybe you and Grey could watch a movie?” she suggests, obviously wanting her space in the kitchen.

  “Of course, babe.”

  I grab a handful of paper towels to clean my son up before heading to the living room to put on a movie. I find one of his favorites, The Lion King, and quickly pop it into the DVD player before settling on the couch with him. As soon as the opening titles come on, his eyes widen with excitement. I chuckle at the huge smile on his face before wiping up the remnants of his breakfast.

  I have to admit, I don’t really pay attention to the movie. Instead, I pay attention to my fuck-hot fiancée as she gets the party stuff setup. I bite my lip every time I watch her bend over to adjust the treats on the dessert table. It doesn’t take long to tell she’s doing it for my benefit. When she “accidently” drops something and bends to pick it up, I can see my favorite pink lacy thong. I can see it
’s covering her beautiful pussy as the loose shorts of that dress thing she’s wearing moves aside. I’m happy to be rewarded with the smallest peek. A faint groan escapes my mouth and she turns her head back to wink at me. She’s so fucking playful today. If we weren’t having guests over soon and my son wasn’t watching a movie in the same room, I’d pull that onesie thing off of her and fuck the shit out of her for teasing me this way.

  “Are you feeling okay, babe? You look really uncomfortable,” Ronnie teases.

  “I’m fine,” I reply, adjusting myself before rolling my eyes at her.

  She responds with a giggle and practically skips back to the kitchen. What a beautiful tease.

  She returns with a two-layer, honeycomb inspired, bright yellow Winnie-the-Pooh birthday cake in her hands. She’s focusing on it like she’s certain she’s going to drop it. I resist pointing it out to Grey until she has it placed safely on the table.

  “Buddy! Look at the cake Mommy got for you!”

  I gently shake Grey’s shoulder to get him to take his eyes off the television to look at the cake. When he does see it he squeals and tries to climb off my lap to get a better look. I chuckle and help him down before taking his hand in mine and helping him walk across the room toward the dessert table. He’s getting so good at walking. I’m sure he’ll be doing it without my help soon.

  “This is your birthday cake, baby boy,” Ronnie tells him as she picks him up and allows him to get a better look.

  “My,” he says, pointing toward the cake.

  He’s learned another word and he’s only been one for a matter of hours! What a smart fucking kid!

  “Yes, it’s yours, Grey! Happy birthday, baby,” Ronnie says, misty-eyed as she kisses his forehead.

  Eden’s family is, of course, the very first to arrive. They bust through the door twenty minutes early with a giant pile of gifts in their hands. Harper has a box that is almost as big as her body. Quinton laughs at his struggling daughter and explains that she insisted on carrying it and would cry every time he tried to take it from her. Apparently, she wanted to make sure Grey was most impressed with her gift, since it was, by far, the biggest. Although she’s struggling with the box, she doesn’t show it on her face. She’s smiling and her smile grows when she sees her best friend.