“Grey!” she screams, dropping the present on the floor and running over to my son. He’s sitting on the floor in the midst of all his stuffed animals.
He looks completely overwhelmed as the little girl runs his way but smiles as she takes a seat next to him and kisses his cheek.
“I’m so happy they’re such good friends,” Eden comments as she watches the pair. “They both have another new little friend on the way.” She runs her hand over her stomach, which looks just as flat as it did the last time I saw it.
Ronnie steps forward to help them with their packages before ushering them into the living room. Eden looks around the room as if this was her first time seeing the decorations. She freaks out over every single detail, going on and on about how wonderful it looks. Quinton and I stand back and give the girls time to gush over the décor. I guess now would be the time when we men would normally go into the kitchen and grab a few beers while our girls talk… This is one of the hardest things about being sober, the social aspect of drinking fucking kills me. It seems like you miss out on so much when you can’t drink since so many events revolve around consuming alcohol. Hell, I can’t even go out to eat without being reminded of my former vice.
All I have to offer Quinton is punch, which he’s more than happy to drink. It’s nice to have a friend who understands my issues. Honestly, Quinton is probably the closest friend I have now. Travis is… Well, despite how close we’ve become, it still feels like there’s something between us which makes me uneasy. While Quinton is just one of those guys I really feel like I can be myself around. One of the luxuries of coming back to a town where no one really remembers me, is I can start completely fucking fresh. I can be whoever the hell I want to be. He didn’t know me before or during my problems with drugs and alcohol; he only knows the man I’ve become during these past eight months. He and Jaxson are the most solid friends a man could ask for.
As we stand back, sip on our drinks, and watch our girls play with our kids, I think about how my life has transformed. It all feels so fucking normal. I can’t believe it! I remember the days when I wasn’t sure where I was going to crash that night. Now everything is so different—it still catches me off guard at times.
Jaxson and his girlfriend arrive next with a huge gift in hand. I almost laugh when I see them. I’ve been friends with Jaxson for months now; we’d always talked about going on a double date, but we never actually went through with it. So, this is the first time I’m seeing his girlfriend. This girl is his polar opposite. He has his usual carefree smile on his face, while his girlfriend has, what could only be described as, “resting bitchface.” I’ve never truly understood that phrase until this moment. She’s incredibly hot, though. I’ll give her that. I can definitely see why he’d want to date her. Luckily, her cold demeanor fades away as soon as Jaxson introduces us. She seems more than excited to meet her boyfriend’s friend.
“You don’t seem like the usual assholes he hangs out with,” Josie comments, smirking at her boyfriend.
I’m taken aback for a moment. I can’t believe this girl is so laidback!
“Yeah, Trevor’s a pretty great guy.”
I pull Ronnie to my side, who’s carrying my very happy son in her arms, and introduce them both. Josie gives my girl a once-over before her face softens and she smiles. She compliments my girl’s outfit and they fall into an easy conversation. Is that a girl thing I don’t understand? Compliment each other and you’re like instant friends? While they chat, I introduce Jaxson to Eden and Quinton. They instantly hit it off, as well. Fuck, I feel like I’m on a family sitcom right now. I’ve never had things run so smoothly before. It’s like I’ve fallen into an episode of Full House.
Ronnie’s the perfect hostess, offering everyone drinks, handing out cupcakes, and making sure everyone’s having a great time. Grey, who was initially happy with all of the attention, now refuses to leave my arms. I guess the amount of people in one room is overwhelming him. He’s not used to having to share my attention with so many people.
Grey starts to tug on my shirt as I’m talking to Jaxson and Quinton. He then pulls at my cheek, until he finally gets my attention. “Dada! Dada!” he says as he tries to pull my face next to his.
“What’s up, buddy?” I smile at him, bringing him up to rest on my shoulder to pat his back.
“Dada! No!” he whines as he’s still tugging at the collar of my shirt.
“I don’t think he wants you to talk to us, man,” Jaxson jokes.
“I don’t think he’s used to being around so many people,” I explain just as there’s a knock at the door.
“I’ll answer it,” Ronnie tells me, walking toward the door with a big smile on her beautiful face.
turning out. She put so much fucking work into it; I would’ve hated to see anything go wrong. Fuck, I won’t let it all go to hell. I couldn’t bear to see my fiancée and son all upset.
My mom and dad walk in with a handful of presents. Dad looks tired, but he’s happier than the last time I saw him at Christmas. While he was thrilled to spend his first holiday as a grandfather, he was so… broken. I know every day must be hard for him. Hell, I couldn’t imagine losing Grey. I don’t know if I’d ever be able to get over it. The weight of losing Dean sometimes feels as if it’s too much to bear, but at least my dad and I can carry the weight of it together.
“Hey, Dad—Mom.” I give them both a hug. Well, as much of a hug as I can give them with Grey demanding my attention.
Ronnie takes their gifts and hugs them both, before walking off to add their gifts to the pile on the gift table she had setup.
“Want to say ‘hi’ to your granddad?” I ask Grey, who’s hiding his face against my neck. I rub his back until he loosens his grip on me and turns his head to look at our new guests. “He’s really overwhelmed,” I explain, then kiss his forehead to assure him I’m here and not going anywhere. Finally, he calms down and lets me pass him off to my dad.
“Happy birthday, Greyson,” he says quietly with a small, loving smile on his face. “I love you so much, buddy.”
Dad looks plummeted by his emotions, but he pulls himself together and smiles when Grey starts to giggle and play with his shirt. The baby’s laughter is infectious. It’s hard to be sad around a happy, bundle of energy like Grey. I need to make sure I give my dad more time with his grandson. I’ve been so busy lately I’ve neglected giving them time together; I know he really needs it.
“Thanks for inviting me, Trevor,” Mom says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
She shrugs and gives me a sheepish grin. “I don’t know… but, I’m happy to be here.”
I know she still feels uncertain of her place in my life. She’s my mother, but she wasn’t in my until recently. There’s bound to be some awkwardness now that she’s back, but I know it’ll fade away eventually. While shit is still uneasy, I just feel bad for her. I don’t want her to be unsure about anything. I want nothing more than to make up for the lost time now that we’re together.
“Happy birthday, Greyson,” Mom says, turning her attention to my son.
Grey’s smile brightens as soon as he sees her. Even though she’s a new face in his life, he reaches out to her and demands to be held. I offer them a drink and some food after Dad hands the baby over to my mom. Grey squeals excitedly as soon as he’s in my mother’s arms; he plays with her hair as he babbles to her. It’s as if he were trying to have an intense conversation with her. He’s such a fucking trip.
“He’s so cute, Trevor,” she says as they follow me into the kitchen.
“Thanks! I can’t believe he’s getting so big,” I chuckle as I pour them each a cup of punch. “It’s weird seeing all his old baby clothes he can’t fit into anymore. I can’t believe how small he used to be!”
Mom and Dad laugh as they take their drinks. “You were really small, too,” Mom says, staring down at my very happy son. “You were so little I worried about yo
u. You were just over six pounds when you were born, and you were the cutest, little baby. Well, besides Greyson, of course, and the babies you and Ronnie will have together.”
Ronnie walks into the kitchen to join us just as the last sentence flies out of my mom’s mouth. She blushes and gives me a small smile but doesn’t comment on what my mother said. Although, I can see she’s definitely happy about that prospect. Ronnie wants a baby. Hell, Ronnie might want multiple babies! The more I think about this, the less frightened I become about the whole idea. I can’t say I’m excited to have more kids, but I no longer feel as if I’m going to pass out at the mere mention of them. That’s progress, right?
“Ronnie, I was just telling Trevor, I think you and he will have beautiful babies together,” my mom repeats.
Mom! Jesus, stop talking! What a “mom” thing to fucking say to my fiancée. “Beautiful babies”? Nice Mom, real nice.
My dad looks at me for a moment, then bursts out into laughter. “Trevor, having kids of your own would be a good thing.”
I can’t believe he’s suggesting this? Fuck, it wasn’t until recently that I could financially support Grey and myself. Plus, I’ve also just gotten my life together. Right now is not the time to have another child. However, I know Grey would love a little brother to play with…
I wrinkle my nose and roll my eyes at him and say, “I’ll keep that in mind, Dad. Thanks.”
He laughs at my expression, and I can’t help it, I smile, as well. It’s nice to see my dad genuinely happy. My mom seems happy with his smile, too, as she leans forward to give him a quick kiss. It’s fucking strange to see them interact like this… I’m so used to seeing him being intimate with Evelyn, that I barely know how to react with this image in front of me. Watching this is so fucking weird—but strangely nice at the same time. Their kiss is short and Mom blushes as she pulls away. I quickly mask the uncomfortable look I’m sure is on my face and smile at her. I feel Ronnie stiffen at my side and I wonder if she’s uncomfortable for the same reason. I shoot a questioning look in her direction but find that she’s not looking at me. Instead, she’s looking over my shoulder with an unreadable expression.
I look over my shoulder to find Eden letting Evelyn into my apartment. She’s looks just as I remembered her. For some reason I always expect her to be different somehow, but she appears just as she’s always been: beautiful, cold, and distant. Her hair is curled around her surgically enhanced, yet, attractive face. She’s wearing her usual style of dress. Of course, it’s not exactly appropriate for a baby’s birthday party. She’s also wearing the most expensive jewelry my dad bought for her. I can’t seem to look away after noticing her entrance. She still has this strange power over me despite everything which has happened. Part of me still craves her attention and approval… And I hate how fucking weak that makes me feel. I always feel like a small child when I’m around her—yearning for something I’ll never be granted.
It’s obvious she’s uncomfortable from the moment she walked through the door. She looks like a fish out of fucking water. Parties that don’t revolve around her aren’t exactly her thing. Despite how much she loved Dean, she never threw him a proper birthday party growing up. She always said those type of parties gave her “headaches,” and would opt for a more adult theme—which, of course, centered around her. I hadn’t realized it growing up, but she had always been fucking selfish, even where her favorite son was concerned. Part of me believes she just can’t help it. It’s just the way she is. Her head is wired differently than everyone else’s or some shit like that. When my dad would bring up her self-absorbed worldview, she’d just shake it off and explain that everyone was selfish. The difference being she was “just a little bit more honest about it.” From her perspective, the world was wrong—not her.
I’m too busy reminiscing about shitty times, so it takes me a moment to see the hostile look on her face. Evelyn is glaring at my mom and dad—who are too wrapped up in each other to notice her. This isn’t good. Although, I doubt she’d do anything here, she does look like she has some sort of shit planned for my parents.
I look back at Ronnie’s face and find she’s fucking fuming, too. She’s only met the woman once in person. Nevertheless, she’s heard all about her. Needless to say, she was beyond horrified when I told her stories of my “mom” from my childhood. Ronnie pitied me because of the shit upbringing I had. She’s never told me that straight out, because she knows it’d make me upset, but I know she feels that way. Now, however, her sadness has turned to anger, and all of that anger is directed at the woman across the room. I reach down to grab her hand and squeeze it, as a way of silently telling her to calm down. She snaps out of her violent haze and gives me a tight smile. I kiss her cheek and plead with her to not bother with Evelyn.
“I have to go say ‘hello,’ ” I tell her before I start to walk away.
By this point, my mom and dad have finally noticed the change in atmosphere in the room and the reason for it. My mom’s facial features look so sad and fucking remorseful now that she sees Evelyn has arrived. I can tell she feels horrible for the affair with my dad, but if she knew who Evelyn truly was as a person, she wouldn’t feel as regretful. Mom hands Grey to me with an apologetic smile once she notices Evelyn eyeing her down for holding her grandson. Fuck, this situation is as awkward as I expected it to be. Fuck my Full House analogy from earlier. This is more like a fucking soap opera! And I’m the fucking star…
Ronnie hangs back as I cross the room to greet Evelyn. Eden is attempting to make small-talk with her, but the hateful woman is too busy being… well, herself, to listen to a word she’s saying.
“Hey, Evelyn. Thanks for coming. Grey’s excited that you’re here,” I tell her, although, he hasn’t seemed the least bit different from the moment she arrived. “I can take your gift if you want to hold him?”
She gives me a tight-lipped smile, the ends of her overly plump lips barely twitching as she hands the present over. There’s a sadness in her eyes which doesn’t go unnoticed as she takes Grey and holds him close to her chest. As terrible as she’s fucking been to me in the past—I still feel fucking bad for her. She lost Dean to a car accident and my dad to another woman. If she wasn’t such a bitch to me, I wouldn’t mind being there for her. We all lost the same person, and it should’ve brought us together… but it didn’t. And now it seems like nothing ever will.
“Happy birthday, Greyson,” she quietly says, kissing his temple.
I stare at them for a moment—too transfixed to look away. There’s something in her tone that breaks my fucking heart for some reason. It’s illogical, considering the way she treated me for so many years, but I don’t want her to be alone. I can imagine her now, stubborn as always, walking through life completely by herself. Of course, she put herself in this position due to her years of fucking terrible, selfish behavior. Still, it’s depressing nonetheless. Part of me hates her—but I feel like I hate her in such a way that a child hates their parent when they’re not getting enough attention. They’re crying out and screaming, but on the inside, they just want to be held… just want to be loved. Looking at her now, I realize I acted out and treated her like shit for so many years because I wanted that: her love, her acceptance… yet, she gave me nothing in return. Even now, despite the fact that she isn’t my biological mother, I strangely yearn for her in the same way. I’ve always lashed out at her because I feel fucking weak around her. I always felt stripped naked with nowhere to hide. I’m stronger now, and have a family of my own, but those feelings are still inside of me and I wonder if they’ll ever go away.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I politely ask as soon as I can fucking think straight.
She doesn’t look at me—because why would she bother?—and says, “That would be nice, Trevor.”
We’re so fucking formal around each other; so fucking stiff. I walk away with my mind reeling. Ronnie’s watching me with a curious expression and frowns when she sees the look on m
y face. I must look fucking rough; my emotions have always been so apparent to her.
“Are you ready to order the pizzas?” I ask, my voice rough.
“I placed an online order while you were talking to Evelyn,” she says with a small, comforting smile. “Are you okay, baby? What happened?”
“Nothing,” I quickly say because nothing did happen. Although, I feel shitty anyway. “Let me take her this drink.” I put on a brave face, even though I know Ronnie can see straight through me.
“I see you invited Felicity,” Evelyn says in a derisive tone as soon as I return with a glass of punch.
“Yeah,” I respond lamely. What the fuck can I say? She’s my mom, after all. Did I really want to bring all of that shit up?
Evelyn shoots me a cold look before turning her attention back to my son. Grey must have not liked the look she gave me because he stares at her for a moment before he starts fussing and reaching out in my direction. She frowns at this and is quick to hand him over to me.
“I can’t stay long,” she says as she takes her drink. “I just wanted to stop by and give you his present.”
“Thank you for doing that,” I say honestly. It was so much more than I thought she’d do. Still, her departure so soon fucking stings.
“It’s nothing,” she says dismissively. “He’s my grandson, after all.”
Evelyn looks agitated; I can tell she wants to leave. Fuck, I would too if I were in her position. She must feel so out of place here. Everyone has someone they came with and she doesn’t. On top of it all, my dad is here with my biological mom… the woman he cheated on her with. It’s such a fucking awkward, horrible situation.
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