Total Freedom (Total Freedom Series Book 1)

by Ann M Pratley

  "Well, I'd rather stay where we were. Tracy was good to let us take off like we did. And I like the people there."

  "Great, I'll relay that to Andrea. Have you seen the music charts for the week just gone?" he asked. I hadn't. "Album number … six ... on the top 10! Isn't that great?!"

  "Well I know where my money will be going!" I said and he questioned me. "My wedding! And maybe a home to live in."

  "Can't Steven's parents help you out there?" Craig asked. I shook my head.

  "But traditionally the bride's parents pay for it, don't they. And there's no way they will be this time."

  The line was silent again. Then Craig spoke ever so quietly, like he expected me to explode at the suggestion he was making.

  "Perhaps now might be a good time to resolve differences."

  Now I was quiet. The thought had gently crossed my mind the night before. "We'll see."

  * * * *

  That evening I sat on the sofa in Steven's home, feeling like I had on that first night. His parents were sitting opposite us and I felt very nervous, even though by now I had come to know them so well.

  At first it felt like both of Steven's parents were actually against us getting married, even though they had mostly been accepting of me. Once we told them it was what we both wanted, both Mr and Mrs Chalmers started full on about the wedding. "It must be a beautiful wedding, in our garden," they said.

  As they chatted away I looked at Steven and felt him squeeze my hand tightly before he turned and kissed me. I had only experienced adrenaline like this in one other place - on the stage.

  "Now what about your parents? How can we contact them?" Mrs Chalmers had directed the question when Steven and I were still kissing and we both pulled apart slowly to look at her. In hindsight I should have expected that exact question, but when it was asked, I was dumbfounded. What was I to say? I looked to Steven for comfort but he was asking me the same question with his eyes.

  "You can't. My parents won't be part of our wedding." Steven's parents exchanged looks, confused. "I know that the bride's parents traditionally pay for the wedding service and reception but I have enough cash to pay for it myself."

  "What about giving you away? Your father should do that," Mr Chalmers said and I retorted, already having been prepared for the question.

  "My friend, Craig, has agreed to do it and I contacted a celebrant to make sure it was okay. They said it was fine."

  Everyone was silent - sort of embarrassed I supposed. "Well, don't you concern yourself with money for the wedding. We will be more than happy to pay for it."

  "Thank you, but I would rather pay for it myself. It is my responsibility and I would just feel better…"

  Steven's father cut me off. "That's okay. We understand. But you know if you need a little extra, you can come to us." I nodded and thanked them.

  Soon Steven and I were left alone and as we sat on the sofa, Steven with his arm around me, all I felt was a beautiful calm warmth and happiness. For a long time neither of us spoke, each in our own private thoughts.

  Taking note of the time, I sat forward and turned to kiss Steven goodbye. "It's late. I had better get home." Then I was in his arms again, being held and kissed.

  I had to make a break and pulled away to stand up.

  "I can't wait for the day when I can hold you in my arms all night, every night," Steven said and I almost melted back into the sofa.

  "Bye," I sighed and walked out of the house that had become so much of a home to me over the preceding months.

  I felt so light that I ran all the way home and when I entered the flat, Tina and Sally were waiting for me. "Is there something important that you want to tell us, Debbie?" Tina asked playfully.

  "Yes, something concerning my cousin?" Sally added.

  I laughed at both of them. "You both know already that Steven asked me to marry him and I have accepted."

  Each of my flatmates shrieked and started hugging me excitedly. "Congratulations. Let's have a glass of wine to celebrate."

  All I really wanted to do was go to bed but the happiness on their faces made me realise I should really have been celebrating. I was getting married after all.

  * * * *

  The phone rang on my desk at work the next day, breaking me out of a daze that had captured me first thing that morning. It was Andrea. "Our first gig is on Saturday night at the local. Is that okay with you? A few other clubs in town made us proposals but everyone was in agreement to go back there." I agreed with her.

  "So we're not playing Friday, Andrea?" I asked and she confirmed we weren't.

  "They want to cram the place solid on Saturday only and then we'll play regularly from next Friday and Saturday."

  A thought came into my head. "Well then, would you like to come to my flat on Friday night? We're having a little party."

  "Any special occasion, Debbie?" she asked and I got the distinct impression she knew anyway.

  "Yes," I replied. "To celebrate my engagement." Again the response was a shriek and very loud congratulations. I laughed at her. "You're the first to be invited, Andrea, so can you tell the guys when you speak to them next?"

  "Okay," she said. "And Craig? Or would you like to invite him yourself?" I told her I would call him. "Then I won't say a word."

  As soon as I hung up from my call with Andrea, I dialled Craig's number. "We're having a party at the flat on Friday night, Craig. Are you going to come?"

  He laughed. "This isn't the party, is it Debs?" I confirmed. "Of course I'll be there. I wouldn't want to miss your beautiful smile for anything."

  It may have been my imagination but I sensed that Craig wasn't overly happy about something. "Is everything okay with you?"

  "Yeah, I'm just a little tired, that's all."

  I paused, unsure whether to push. "Okay then," I started to say but was cut off.

  "No, actually I would really like to talk with you. Would you like to come over for dinner after work? I could pick you up."

  I smiled again, grateful for having a great friend who trusted in me. "Sure."

  By the end of the day I had phoned everyone important to me, to invite them to the party.

  "Did you phone your parents?" Craig asked when we were driving to his house.

  "No," I said. "Maybe I'll call them before the wedding but it wouldn't be such a hot party if they turned up and we started our usual arguments." He nodded in agreement.

  Chapter 18

  I sat and watched Craig prepare our meal. "You're going to be a wonderful husband. I do envy the lucky lady who will become your wife, whoever she may be."

  He gave me one of his 'you know I'd do anything for you' looks and changed the subject. "Come on, let's go eat in the living room."

  We sat beside each other, eating in silence until I couldn't stand it anymore. "It seems like there is something really bothering you, Craig. Won't you tell me what it is?" He looked as if he didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. "Is it because I said yes to Steven? Or something I've done?"

  He shook his head and took my hand in his. "No, it's nothing you’ve done. You know you make me happy when you’re happy." Silence again.

  "Then it's you and Andrea?" I asked.

  His answer was a little confusing. "Well yes - and no. I feel like I don't know exactly where we stand with each other. Like, we get on really great and I love being with her."

  He paused and I continued to wait in silence for him to find the words to continue.

  "But sometimes I get carried away when we kiss and she's told me she doesn't want a relationship built around sex so we haven't gone there. But I find I want her so bad sometimes."

  He stopped, as if embarrassed. I squeezed his hand, to encourage him to continue.

  "I think that after all this time of loving you from afar, wanting to be with you, it's not a loving relationship I need - I have that with you now. What I really need is someone to love me physically - to want me!" Another pause. "Do you know what I mean, D
ebs?"

  I nodded. "And have you told Andrea that?" I asked and he laughed mockingly.

  "I can't tell her I respect her wish to not have sex - but I want it anyway," he said, with a tone of sarcasm.

  "Well, what other choice do you have?"

  He looked at me so deeply I almost jumped. "I could break it off."

  I took a moment to process what he was suggesting.

  "And you would be happy? And Andrea would be happy? I don't think so, Craig." There was silence. "Just tell her that you love her and you want to be with her. She'll come around."

  "And if she doesn't?"

  "Then maybe you are just going to have to wait until she does."

  "But why doesn’t she want to be with me, do you think? Why doesn't anyone want to be with me physically?"

  I gaped at him. "Craig! How can you say that? All those women on tour who threw their phone numbers at you - don't tell me they wanted to share a cup of tea with you and chat!" He looked down, as if frustrated. I brought my hand to his chin and raised him to look at me. "You are gorgeous. Don't take Andrea's wishes as an insult. She is entitled to say when it feels right for her. It doesn't mean she doesn't want you at all."

  "Sometimes, Debs…" He started to cry. "Sometimes I still feel like that fat kid you met all those years ago. Like changing my body hasn't changed anything at all. I'm still unattractive." I put both of our meals aside and put my arms around him.

  "Everything's going to be okay, Craig. You just have to wait."

  Seeing Craig crying always made me want to do the same, and so I did.

  Chapter 19

  Friday arrived and our party was a great success. Even crew from the recording studio turned up, plus a photographer from the local newspaper.

  All night Steven chatted away to everyone and I couldn't help but smile to myself when Sally said to me, "The change in my cousin is amazing, Debbie, and I guess we have you to thank for that." I looked at Steven and saw she was right - Steven was a lot more outwardly confident now.

  Craig and I danced the night away. We had so much fun together on the dance floor - something I'd never do with Steven.

  When Andrea walked in, I left her and Craig together, giving him a wink to say 'sort it out'. He smiled back.

  "Debbie, you have so many friends!" Mrs Chalmers exclaimed upon arrival.

  I smiled. "Yes, I am very lucky."

  We were very quiet for a moment. "Mrs Chalmers?" I asked and she smiled at me. "I don't talk to my mother at all ... but I feel this is when I want motherly advice, you know?"

  She smiled again and nodded.

  "Well, I was wondering … can I come to you to talk about all those mother/daughter things. I don't mean just the wedding … but everything to do with homemaking? I'd really like that."

  She gently put her arm out to me and kissed my cheek.

  "Debbie, I would be honoured to share anything with you that you'd like to talk about. It may have all happened to me a long time ago, but some things you never forget. Call me anytime." I nodded and we hugged briefly before I went to sit with Steven.

  "What was that all about?" he asked.

  "Oh you know, woman to woman things." I answered and kissed him to let him know just how happy I was.

  Chapter 20

  The months passed until all came together for me - money, wedding plans and my decision and plans to finally commit myself to Steven.

  Fortunately we managed to find a minister, caterer and dressmaker all within a short span of time so we could plan our service in the hot days of summer when the garden at Steven's home was most beautiful, and at a time when the band could take a short break.

  On the day, Steven's mother helped me get ready at the flat, along with my bridesmaids, Andrea, Tina and Sally. Early that morning I finally got up the courage to phone my parents. My father answered. "Debbie, baby, how are you?"

  "I'm fine, Dad. I don't want to talk long. I just wanted to know if you got my invitation."

  He acknowledged. "Yes, we are just getting ready now. I guess you're really grown up." I could hear him crying. "Look, you must have a lot to do. We’ll see you there, okay? We love you, Debbie." And then came the click. What a waste of a phone call, I thought. We still didn't have anything to say to each other.

  After a lot of rushing around, the time came to leave the haven that was my flat, and head down to Steven's parents' home for the ceremony. Craig came to the door and breathed a heavy sigh when he laid eyes on me. He came up to me and gave me as much of a hug as he could without disturbing anything. He leaned in and whispered, "Are you sure you want to marry Steven? Looking like that, I'd happily run off with you and elope." I punched him and we laughed as we left.

  When we 'walked down the aisle' in the garden, I was grateful Craig was filling in for my father. It felt so right, having him beside me at that time. I briefly looked at the people seated and tried to place my parents but the only face I could focus on was Steven's, at the end of the aisle. It was going to be odd, me standing and him sitting. But I didn't care - all it meant was that I had to lean down to kiss him at the end. People laughed when I happily sat on Steven's knee and melted into my husband's arms for a long time after we heard, "You can now kiss the bride".

  When we finally broke apart everyone had already started standing up and I saw my parents just before they reached me. For a moment we just looked at each other.

  "Steven," I said, not breaking my gaze from their faces. "I'd like you to meet my mother and father."

  My father extended a hand to Steven and greeted him with the respect he deserved, but I saw in my mother's eyes exactly what I feared I would - dissatisfaction for my choice of husband. She blatantly ignored him and came to hug me instead. "Debbie, it's been so long. And you look so beautiful." She was gushing at me and I started to feel angry at her again.

  Craig appeared by my side, like he had known I would explode at any moment. "Mr and Mrs King. How are you?" he asked and my mother gave him an approving look up and down.

  "Have we met?"

  I couldn't help myself. "Yes, mother, this is Craig, that boy who I moved in with when I was 16. The boy you said I, and I quote, 'could have done better than'".

  She looked embarrassed. "I never said that, Debbie," she said and then the layer of niceness started to peel away, as if she couldn't pretend any longer. "But you did always make stupid decisions and you never listened to us. Leaving home when you were so young was hardly a wise move, was it. I knew it was wrong but as always you did what you wanted and showed how cold hearted you are, not caring about anyone but yourself, you selfish little…"

  That was it. I turned to Steven, who was watching with an incredulous look on his face. "And you didn't believe someone's mother could be like that, did you Steven?" I whispered angrily in his ear.

  He pulled me down to kiss me. "Hey, this is our day. Calm down and let's just make it a happy one, huh? I love you." That was all it took to make me forget my mother.

  Because we had chosen to have our reception at the home also, the two events really ran into one and it was such as beautiful day that we could hear cameras clicking everywhere, and people laughing. This was exactly the kind of wedding I had dreamed of long before I met Steven.

  When everyone started dancing I happily snuggled into Steven and we became oblivious to our guests as we held each other and kissed. The words kept running through my mind, 'my husband, my husband'. And for the life of me, I couldn't stop that adrenaline rush.

  "Excuse me," I heard Craig say and Steven and I broke apart to look at him. "Sorry to interrupt you lovebirds, but may I sweep Debs away for a dance?"

  I looked to Steven who playfully pushed me at Craig. "Please do."

  Craig always seemed to know when a slow, romantic song was about to be played and again he was correct, as Berlin's song 'Take My Breath Away' started. He pulled me into his arms and we looked into each other's eyes for a long moment. He laughed and I questioned him.

 
"You have got an amazing glow on your face. I've never seen you like this."

  I smiled at him brightly. "Well, I've never been married before. Maybe that has got something to do with it."

  "Do you know what I was dreaming of when you and Steven said your vows? That this was our wedding. That you and I were to kiss and say I do."

  I looked closely at him and saw tears form in his eyes.

  "Craig, you are going to make me cry if you keep talking like that. And it won't look good if I cry at my own wedding!"

  He laughed and hugged me tight. "I really love you, Deb. And I do want to be happy that Steven is making you as happy as he is. I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

  The song stopped and I pulled away. "I know you will."

  Right then Andrea came up and kissed me on my cheek. "Debbie, you look so beautiful," she said and I thanked her.

  "So do you, Andrea. And thank you for being my bridesmaid. I am honoured." She blushed and smiled before turning to Craig. I excused myself to leave the hopefuls to talk. Looking back I saw them dancing closely but somehow both looked unhappy.

  When I returned to Steven he was closely watching something and when I followed his eyes, I saw why. His parents had somehow found mine and were talking away. "How did that happen?" I asked Steven and he shrugged.

  "I was trying not to introduce them but they just seemed to find each other." I pulled up a seat to sit beside Steven and he took my hand and kissed it. "Hey, if you can't look at them without looking morbid, just don't look at them," he tried to say jokingly, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. I hadn't seen them for years after all. "Will you tell me what happened that made you lose contact with them?"

  Slowly I turned to him. "Let's not talk about it, okay?" He looked at me with his worried frown that I was so used to now. I smiled at the thought and leaned in close to him. "In fact, let's not talk at all," I said and we kissed again until I had to break away, breathless.