And I heard Angel’s breath behind me… a sudden soft intake, as Violet moved her right hand over the keys and began to play. In seconds, she had found the melody, was creating the harmony, almost without missing a note. Miri sat up next to Violet’s little legs and put her nose on the girl’s knobby knees.
And while we continued to play, Violet reached down with her free hand to gently stroke the puppy’s head.
26
Angelina
If I hadn’t been watching with my own eyes, I’d never have believed it.
The closest my daughter had ever come to a shared experience had been to allow me to feed her or dress her without a struggle or outright refusal. I gripped Will’s shoulders as much from gratitude as for the support. My knees were shaky underneath me and the dizziness was back. The puppy whined softly, needing out. Violet was watching her, a curious look on her face…
“I’ve got her,” Will said, standing up and catching me in his arms. “Come keep me company,”
Miri ran for the kitchen door as we followed after her. “You told me she could play,” he said, his voice hushed but excited. “But I had no idea… It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.”
I closed the door behind Miri and leaned back against it. “It’s not the music,” I said, staring up at him. “The incredible thing is that she played the song with you, Will. She’s been playing since she was able to get up on the bench by herself. But she’s never done anything with someone… as a team…”
“Fiercely independent… like her mother,” he teased gently, moving up to press the length of his body into mine. “Instead of trying to draw her out of her world, I thought it might work better just to meet her there.” He leaned into me and a thousand tiny flames inside started to burn.
“Spaghetti,” he said, dropping kisses down the side on my neck… along my collarbone…
“...what… What?”
“Does Violet like spaghetti? I make a helluva sauce… I not only cook, I wash dishes, too.”
“And you’re asking us to dinner…?”
“I’m inviting myself to dinner…” He continued his way down my neck and trailed his lips teasingly over the mounded tops of my breasts. The wind outside had started to howl in earnest. “It’s getting cold outside and the scent in here is amazing…,” he said into my warm cleavage. “You don’t really want to send me home without a taste… do you…?”
The man was many things.
Intense, seductive… persuasive as hell. One minute he was tying me up in a secret room, or fucking me into sweet oblivion in a sex club…
The next, he was washing pots and pans in my kitchen, looking right at home with a dish towel thrown over his shoulder…
“Violet’s fine,” I said, standing in the doorway, watching him. I’d just gone to check on her, and she and Miri were both curled up on the sofa, their full, round bellies lifting and falling in unison. “I’ve never seen her eat so much… I should probably get her tucked in for the night…”
He opened a drawer to put away the wooden spoons he’d finished drying and I caught a reminding glimpse of the bag from the pharmacy…
So close, and yet so far…, I thought wryly. Maybe in the morning…
“I’ll take her,” he said, as I shifted the growing puppy. Together, we carried them both into Violet’s room and slipped them into bed. Neither woke, but they curled into each other in a warm, familiar way. “She’s okay in her jeans and top?” he asked. “No peejays?”
“Once she’s asleep, she’s pretty much out cold,” I answered, leaning back against his chest. “Thank you for tonight… for dinner… and for being so wonderful with her. I know it might not seem like much to you…”
“It’s huge,” he answered back. “It means just as much to me to earn her trust, as to earn yours.” He led me out and I closed her door softly. The fire was starting to burn low in the fireplace and sheets of rain buffeted the roof. He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me until the heat between us felt like it could warm the entire house.
“Ask me,” he demanded, pulling back so he could look down into my eyes.
“...This is you… meeting me… in my world…?”
“Ask…”
“Stay with me…?”
The soft flesh of my breasts swelled between his spread fingers. I leaned into his hands even harder and he cupped them, supporting my weight so I could roll my hips into his groin. I’d come over and over again. And his seed was warm and wet between our bodies. His cock was still huge inside me… my walls clenched against it in a deliriously sweet rhythm…
“I’ve never done this before,” I whispered, savoring the languid look in his dark eyes.
“I beg to differ,” he shot back gently. “And I should know…” He took a hold of my hips and rolled us together until the tables were turned. He teased me with his cock, in easy slow strokes. He smoothed my hair back and stared down into my eyes.
“I mean… this,” I bucked my hips lightly, “with my daughter in the other room.”
He smiled. “Parents do it all the time,” he whispered. “Just very quietly…” He pushed in deeper and I had to bite my lip. “It makes it even hotter, don’t you think…?”
“Play fair,” I warned him with a smile, although the word parent was running circles in my head. “I just meant…”
“I know,” he answered, rolling us onto our sides. He ran a rough palm leisurely over my nipples. It seemed so familiar… so comforting. “You’ve been mom and dad. And you’ve done an incredible job.”
“She’s been the most important thing in my whole life,” I said. “It didn’t matter that she wasn’t planned, or that we’ve had some extra challenges. I can’t imagine my life without her… without being her mother…”
And he moved his hand purposefully from my breast to my belly. “The same way I can’t imagine…
not being a father.”
27
Will
“Violet’s father,” I said pointedly.
“You saw how she responds to me. There’s a connection between us, and I think it’s more than just coincidence. I know she doesn’t know me well enough to talk to me yet,” I went on. “She’s young and bound to be shy at first…”
Angelina shifted her weight and sat up beside me. “Hold on, Will…”
“I’ve got the resources to give her every advantage. Hell, there’s so much inside her, just waiting to break free. There’s no telling what she’s capable of.”
“She’s only five, Will… and she’s my daughter…”
“Could you imagine her being ours?” I asked. I watched quietly as a strange look came over her face. I could tell it was an idea that hadn’t ever occurred to her before… the idea of sharing the joys and burdens of parenthood.
“I know when Jimmy left you alone, you did everything in your power to make sure Violet didn’t suffer.” I took her hand and sat up in the bed beside her, wrapping my legs around her hips. “And she hasn’t. She’s perfect, and that’s all you.”
“She was born early…,” she said faintly. “I blamed myself for it… the stress I was under…”
“And you thought maybe that was the reason for her autism.”
“I thought a thousand things,” she said. “Maybe most of them were wrong.” She gripped my hand and looked at me strangely. “But it’s my job to take care of her… my job to make her world safe and secure and dependable. I spent the last five years making sure nothing, no one, could ever hurt her… or disappoint her…”
“Or leave her?” I asked gently. “The way her father did.”
She let go of my hand and pushed her hair back over her shoulder. “He didn’t hurt us,” she replied. “I told you that before. It was the best choice he could have made. He would only have made everything more complicated. “I’m the one who knows what she needs… I’m the one who understands her. Jimmy and I would have been at each other’s throats if he’d tried to take those decisions away from m
e…”
“I’m offering to help make it all easier, not take anything from you” I said, touching her chin. “I love you, sweetheart. And I intend to make a life with you…”
“But there’s nothing conventional about anything that’s happened between us,” she answered, strain in her voice “I grew up thinking you and I could never…
and then we had one single night together… Hell, not even a night. I saw my high school boyfriend fucking another girl, and then you were there and I was in your arms. You swept me off my feet and opened my eyes to a whole new kind of experience, Will…
But then it was over and I’ve made it all on my own. We hooked up at the club and it’s been incredible, but your life went on without me before. And when this job is over with, it’ll go on without me again. It’s better for everyone, especially Violet, if we don’t make any more of this than it is.” She was breathing hard with emotion and pulled the sheet up over her breasts.
“So you can’t believe that I could want more than that?” I asked. “Because I don’t think my life can go on, without you in it…”
“I think that prom night woke up something inside me. A sort of hunger that needed to be fed again.” She looked at me directly. “But I’m not sure it’s who I am. I’m not sure I can be that woman… and be Violet’s mother, too.” Her eyes were pleading, confused… all the things I didn’t want for her…
“I feel like I’m living two different lives,” she said. “And what’s best for my daughter has to be the priority.”
“Of course it does,” I said, running my fingers over her arm. “And it should be.
But there’s a bond between us you can’t deny. And the night I first made you mine was a turning point in my life, too. Nothing was ever the same for me again. And it’s no accident I found you… I would have done anything…” I took her in my arms, unable to bear the distance any longer. “I know it’s hard for you to open your heart, terrifying to think of trusting and getting hurt. But we belong together, sweetheart. And this is our chance…
Trust me enough to give us that chance…”
28
Angelina
For a moment, just a moment… I wished I was anywhere else. Back in college, driving to Vermont, sitting in the dentist’s chair… Just anywhere but right here, struggling with everything that terrified me most… and another possibility, even more frightening, that I barely even dared to imagine…
Except when he kissed me again, his lips tender and exploring… I knew why I was here, and why it was the only place I could ever be. But even that awareness didn’t change the facts… or the fears that made my stomach turn over. I thought of the test still hidden in the kitchen drawer, and knew that before I could decide anything, I had to find out if I was carrying his baby. Could a man, any man, really be willing to take on a woman with one child, let alone two…?
Panic rose up in the back of my throat and I took everything I had to force it back down. The chances that I’d gotten pregnant had to be next to zero. The odds in any given month weren’t all that high for any woman, let alone one with my medical history. I could easily never get pregnant again, even with months, or years of trying to. I pushed the whole idea aside. It wouldn’t be true… it couldn’t be true… but what if it was…?
“You don’t need to answer now,” Will said, pulling me gently down beside him. He curled his warm body against mine, spooning me as he tucked his face into the curve of my neck. “Just sleep with me for now, Angel. Let me take care of you tonight.” I raised my head to speak, but he kissed my ear and stroked his hand soothingly over my back. “I’ll be gone before she wakes up in the morning, I promise.”
And he was.
I woke up and rolled over to find the bed still warm beside me, the sun only barely beginning to brighten the sky. I wrapped up in my old flannel robe and stuffed my feet into a pair of Mattie’s slippers.
Violet was still asleep. And Miri only lifted her head when I cracked the door open to check. She tucked her velvet nose into my daughter’s curled hand, and I felt an almost overwhelming desire to have Will beside me. I could smell the aroma of brewing coffee coming from the kitchen…
“Will…?” I poked my head hopefully through the doorway. But the room was empty. The coffee was still hot and waiting for me, my favorite mug sitting next to a note…
“Violet and Miri are safe and sound asleep. So are you, Angel.
I’ll be in the city for a day or two, but I’m only a phone call away.
Let’s talk when I get back… Dinner at the main house?
It was unsigned, but I ran my fingers over the tall, sloping letters before I tucked it into my pocket. I leaned back against the counter and stared out the window at the endless, soothing movement of the waves on the sand. I knew he was right. It was more than time for us to talk. And I needed to have an answer ready. Part of me was terrified he might ask me to marry him. Most of me was sure he might want an answer to the same question that had been nagging relentlessly in the back of own mind…
I held my breath and opened the drawer. It had been so long since I’d had to take one of these tests…. I scanned the directions on the back of the box. Simple… straightforward.
Pee on the stick and wait to see if your entire life turns upside down…
But I headed for the bathroom anyway. Who knew when I’d have a few quiet moments to myself again? And if it was positive… I closed the door with a soft snick and turned to catch my own reflection in the mirror. My pale hair had an almost golden glow in the morning light, blue eyes that looked too round for my face. I untied the belt and let my robe slip to the floor. When was the last time I’d even looked at myself naked?
My mouth was full, bruised from last night. My breasts were heavily rounded, nipples large and dark. I ran my hands down my belly, remembering the fear and excitement I’d felt when I’d found out I was pregnant with Violet. I’d been so young… so afraid of all the unknowns. And I’d been on my own… especially after Jimmy…
But I’d discovered that I loved being pregnant, watching my belly grow rounder and fuller. I’d talked to her, read her stories, played music for her from the very first trimester. I’d eaten right and exercised and seen my doctor… I’d done everything in my power to make sure she was healthy. I was still doing everything I could. And my little girl was slowly starting to blossom…
My stomach rolled uneasily as I touched myself. Were my breasts fuller? They were tender, the nipples exquisitely sensitive. But that could as easily be from Will’s hands… from Will’s mouth. He had sucked me hard, squeezing and kneading me as I’d climaxed on top of him. Hell, my whole body was deliciously sore and sensitive…
And there was only one way to get an answer. I peeled the wrap off the test and sat down on the toilet, my heart pounding in my chest. I held my breath, wondering which result I was hoping for most. Negative… or positive? A baby brother or sister for my little girl? And this time, a baby that I shared with Will… My thoughts were running wild and all of them were frightening.
He said he wanted to be a father… but he was only thinking in terms of helping me with Violet. Hell, that all by itself would be more than enough to scare most men away. But a baby we shared… He would have as much right to that child as I did. And if things didn’t work out between us, if he never made a real commitment to us… I let out my breath and tried to relax.
No go. I turned on the water faucet and listened to a thin trickle of water stream down the drain and willed myself to let it happen. Whatever the result, at least I would know. And I had to know for sure. I’d lose my mind if I had to wait one more minute… Decisions could be made later on, if there were even any to be made…
I felt my knees soften and heaved a big, relaxing sigh. I felt my tiny stream just starting to come…
“Hey, Angie…? You home… Anybody here?” Mattie yelled, letting the front door bang loudly shut behind her.
29
Will
; It was amazing how alike they were. Angel slept with the same sweet innocence her daughter did. I ached to stay, to wake up with them, like a real family…
“But first things first,” I said out loud, climbing into the truck on Bainbridge. I could take the ferry into the city and make the appointment in plenty of time. I revved the engine and hit the gas. And the first thing was talking to Harry Chapin. We’d gone to college together, graduated together. Then I’d gone off to start my company and he’d gone on to medical school. We’d kept up over the years, and he and his family had only recently moved into the Seattle area to start a new practice. Never once in the last ten years had I imagined needing his services. But I needed them now.
When I reached the dock, I pulled the truck into the belly of the ferry and left it there. The day was incredibly clear after the night’s storm. I climbed up to the deck and leaned against the rail, the feeling of crisp air on my face. A light mist sprayed up from the inky water as it slid beneath the bow and the view of the city was sharp and clear.
Any other day, these would have been the only things on my mind. Ferry rides had always been that stolen time in the day to relax and enjoy living in the moment. But for the last few weeks, as my feelings for Angelina had only deepened, I’d been finding myself more and more distracted.
Now it was the future that occupied my thoughts. A future with the woman I loved… and the question of just what that future would look like…
The Jag was waiting at the dock, and started instantly with a gentle purr. Even with traffic, it didn’t take long to find Harry’s office. Rather than making me sit in the waiting room with husbands and their wives, the nurse took me straight into the back. There was no need for an exam… I’d had my most recent test results, those done almost a year ago, sent directly to him. Mostly, what I had were questions…
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