and fears.
“God damn, Will,” he said, sweeping into the room and holding out one big hand. “It’s been a long time.” He shot an arm around me, clapping me on the back, and pumped my hand hard. “You look great. Success seems to be working for you.”
“No complaints,” I shot back with a smile. “How’re Louise and the kids?”
“Jill’s already started third grade and is growing like a sunflower,” he said with a proud smile, gesturing for me to sit down. He took the chair beside me instead of the one behind the desk and took his stethoscope off. “Dylan’s only in preschool and now we’re expecting again,” he said, raising his shaggy brows, his smile growing lopsided, “...Pills got lost in the move…”
“It’s got a tendency to happen,” I said, smiling back. “And you already know why I’m here…”
“Well…,” he said, turning the computer screen so we both could see. “I took a look last night… and I’m not seeing that anything has changed.
I’m sorry, Will. I know you were hoping for better news, but the chance for any improvement was a long shot at best. You’ve always known that.”
I nodded and let my breath go, leaning back into my chair. “I knew,” I said. “And it wasn’t really much of an issue until now. But I needed to know for sure.”
“Because you’ve met someone?” he asked gently.
“Re-met, actually,” I said wryly. “We were together years ago. And that’s the real reason I’m here.” I leaned forward. “I hoped you’d tell me things had improved, that there was a chance I could father a child now… but I didn’t really expect it. But I have to know if there’s any reason to believe I couldn’t have fathered a child before the accident…”
He exhaled audibly and furrowed his brow. “Before…?
It was a long time ago, Will. Tests like that aren’t typically run on a young, healthy man. There’s no way to know for sure, especially all these years later.” He tapped a finger against his temple idly. “But in the absence of any other issues, I don’t suppose there’d be any reason to assume that you hadn’t been fertile.” He spread his hands in question. “There’s just no way to know, now.”
“But a test can be run on a child…,” I said, locking eyes with him.
“You believe this child was conceived before the car accident? And you didn’t have a test run at the time?”
“It never even occurred to me at the time,” I said with a hard exhale. “It should have, but it didn’t. Not until I saw Violet… not until I opened my eyes and wanted to see…”
“And will the mother consent to a paternity test?” he asked. “It can be done without, of course. People do, every day. But legally, the child’s guardian has to give her consent.”
I nodded, jaw muscles working, knowing he told me the truth. “I haven’t asked Angelina yet,” I admitted. “I wanted to talk with you first. To see if there was even a chance first…”
“That you could be Violet’s father? And that maybe you might be able to give Angelina another child someday?”
I sighed. There was something about hearing the words spoken out loud. They’d been screaming in my head for so long, but they hadn’t seemed real until he said them. “Angelina’s had to raise Violet all on her own since the day she was born. She’s strong and protective… and feels the responsibility so deeply. It might have been different, if I’d been there from the beginning. Then Angel would know what it’s like to share parenthood.
Part of me is afraid, that if I ask her about a paternity test, she’ll feel like I’m trying to take away her heart. I don’t know if there’s room for me in their lives now, but what if Violet is my only chance at fatherhood? I’m afraid, all these years later, it might be too late… And hell, I don’t even know if Angelina might want another child… but what if she does?”
Harry sat back, tenting his fingers and pursing his lips. He looked at me and I looked at him. And then he smiled at me.
“Only one way to know,” he said, sagely.
I smiled back, full of uncertainty. “Wiseass.”
“Holy shit…,” I breathed through my teeth. Every time I saw her again, she was even more beautiful. And tonight, she looked like she came ready to play…
“So…?” she asked, spinning slowly to let me take in the whole view. She smiled at me, looking more relaxed and comfortable than I’d seen her in weeks. It was a good way to begin...
“So I’m not sure dinner is the first thing on the menu,” I replied, darkly. I reached out and pulled her in for a kiss that left no doubt. “Unless you’d like to be my appetizer…”
She reached her arms up behind my back and pulled me closer. Her luscious breasts flattened against me and spilled over the top of her little black dress. Tall pink heels made her taller, but it was the pink ribbon in her hair that made my fingers itch. She tipped her head back and looked at me, her eyes bright, but her pupils dark and wide with arousal.
“I thought tonight was for talking,” she said, lightly. “That’s what you said in your note…”
“Sustenance first,” I said, taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen. I’d thrown a roast in the oven along with potatoes and some root vegetables. A handful of fresh aromatic herbs in the mix, and the whole kitchen was warm and inviting. I had the wine decanted and waiting. I poured, took a sip and put the glass to her waiting lips. I watched the tiny muscles in her throat convulse as she swallowed and felt a hot rush in my groin.
“Delicious…” She took another long, slow sip and licked her lips. “Are we drinking to anything special…?”
“To you,” I said, tasting her neck. “I hope… to a future together. And to clearing the air between us. There’s a lot we need to talk about…
You and me… and Violet…,” I said, softly. “The three of us… as a family…”
She reached up and tangled her fingers in my hair, the gesture intimate and familiar. “You know I’ve been struggling with some things… I’ve been unsure if our lives could really fit together. I wasn’t sure I could… I was afraid that… well, it really doesn’t matter now,” she said, firmly. “You’re so good with Violet and you’re the only man I ever wanted. I’d be crazy to turn my back… crazy not to throw myself in head first and trust that we were meant to be.” She looked up at me and I slipped the silky ribbon from her hair. It fell like a soft gold curtain around her shoulders. “It all seemed too complicated before… but now it isn’t anymore.” She looked up at me with trust and longing in her eyes.
“Just as long as you’re sure… sure that you could truly raise another man’s child as if she was your own…”
30
Angelina
I held my breath, staring up at him, waiting…
Kiss me… tell me you love me… I can say it back now. I love you with all my soul, Will… I always have. Just tell me you want me. That you want us… It’s only you and me and Violet… I’m not pregnant… Everything will be easier this way...
But he shifted, picking me up and carrying me into the living room. He sat down in an overstuffed chair by the fire and settled me on his lap.
“I love you, Angel. And I would love any child that belongs to you… no matter who the father was. And you’re the only parent Violet knows.”
“And nothing really has to change,” I said. “Except that she’ll have a father figure in her life for the first time…”
“Or she may have a real father,” he interrupted gently. “You must have thought about it, sometime in all these years…”
“But Jimmy’s not interested in being her father,” I said deliberately. “He didn’t even want his name on her birth certificate. He wants nothing to do with either one of us…”
“I’m not talking about Jimmy,” he said, cupping my face with his hand. “Surely it occurred to you… that it was possible Jimmy was never Violet’s true father…”
I could feel my eyes blinking, my throat working but failing to swallow. My mouth was open,
but no sound came out. Thoughts, memories, fears chased each other in my head until it was spinning… I was spinning. Maybe I had thought… for a split second… years ago… but it can’t be true. Violet is mine…. Violet has always been mine...
“I went into the city to talk to a friend of mine,” he went on calmly. “He’s a good man… a fertility specialist. He said there’s a simple test that can be done. It could prove that Violet is mine.
About a year after you disappeared, I was in an accident,” he continued, looking past me… unfocused. “I was just learning to paraglide and took a bad landing. A lot of broken bones, but that wasn’t the worst of it. The accident damaged… well, the chance of ever having a child of my own is likely over now.”
“For me, too,” I said faintly. “There were complications after Violet, and scarring.” I swallowed a lump in my throat, unsure whether I was swallowing laughter or tears. “And I just took a pregnancy test…”
“I don’t suppose I have to ask the result,” he said, sadly. I shook my head.
“I thought it would be easier for us if I wasn’t pregnant, that you might be overwhelmed by it.”
He smiled wistfully. “That’s why I’m hoping you’ll agree to testing Violet, Angel. She’s my only chance at being a dad. And if she turns out to be mine… I have to know, sweetheart.” He took my face in his hands. “And Violet has a right to know…,” he added softly.
And deep in my heart, I knew he was right. But my head swam and my heart was pounding in my chest. I’d come here thinking that the path ahead was clearer for us. That I could be brave enough to let Will inside the cocoon of safety I’d built around myself and my precious daughter. The idea that he could have… that he wanted to have rights to her that were equal to mine…
Maybe I’d always known, somewhere deep down, that Violet could have been Will’s child. But I had pushed the possibility aside and I had done it intentionally. When Jimmy left, it had simply been easier to think of her as only mine, and I’d just taken the easy way out. Everything in me was telling me to do the same thing now. To pack up and run. To take my child and disappear. To protect her… to protect myself…
I looked into Will’s hopeful face and felt ashamed. My head was pounding, my stomach churning. How could I share my baby… my heart… with this man? With anyone…?
But could I deny him forever… his one and only chance to be a father?
31
Will
“She’s mine, Will. Since the day she was born. I had Mattie and her sister for support, but I was the one who stayed up with her at night. I was the one who changed her and fed her and washed her and protected her. Donna had a family of her own. And one day, even Mattie is going to find someone and want to have a family of her own. I’m the only person who’ll never leave her, Will. And she might need to be cared for… for the rest of her life. There’s no way to know right now…” She was breathing hard and her eyes were bright with intensity and emotion. “Men, even men who are fathers, can always walk away. Mine left me and Mom… Jimmy wanted no part of Violet… Fathers walk away. They have for centuries…”
“But I’m not going anywhere,” I said, taking her possessively in my arms. “Not now, not ever.”
“I don’t think any man plans to,” she answered. “But it happens every day. And I won’t give you the power to take her away from me if you go…”
“Angel… my God.” I stared at her. “Do you honestly believe I would…”
“I don’t want the paternity test, Will. I won’t give my permission, and I’ll fight you on it, if I have to.
I want you… I love you, Will…,” she said finally. “It’s taken me all this time to say it, and I do love you. But I can’t take the chance.” She shook her head and I watched dark tears stream down her face. “I told you at the club that I could never be a submissive. And I meant it, Will. Maybe there’s no point in denying that sex between us is…”
“Primal… Hot… Erotic as fuck…?”
“You tie me up and you dominate me.”
“And you can’t imagine it any other way,” I said, intently. “It’s the same for me.”
Her eyes shifted away, but not before I saw the truth in them. “It’s all I ever wanted since the very first time,” she admitted. “But I never… It was never… not with anyone but you…”
“I know.” I turned her face back to mine. “It’s the closest you allow yourself to come, to trusting me. That’s why you need it, that’s the reason you crave the experience. Because deep inside, all of us have to find that one person they can trust with their whole heart and soul.” I gripped her arms and held her to me. “You know as well as I do that it’s part of us. Part of the unbreakable bond between us… Hell, it was part of finding each other again.”
“I can’t put my needs before Violet’s,” she whispered. “It doesn’t matter what I want… how I feel. Her life, her little world, has finally become stable and secure. If things between us didn’t work out…”
“You would disappear again? This time with a child you knew was mine, too…”
“You don’t understand the responsibilities of being a parent, Will.”
“I don’t,” I admitted. “And I never will. Until you can learn to trust me.”
And the evening was suddenly and abruptly over.
She’d stared at me for a long time, both of us silent, neither knowing the next step. It had felt like an impasse. And then she’d climbed off my lap and slipped away without another word. I was angry, frustrated… mostly with myself. If only I’d handled it differently… I reached into my pocket and pulled out the black velvet box.
I’d gone straight from Harry’s office to the jeweler’s. The order I’d placed weeks ago was finally ready. I opened the box and six stunning carats of antique diamond flirted and winked in the firelight. It belonged on her finger, warmed by her flesh the way she warmed my heart. I should have started here, I thought, snapping the box shut. By offering my heart before I asked her to give hers.
I paused in the kitchen long enough to shut off the oven and pour myself a scotch. I tossed it down in a single swallow and climbed the staircase to my room. Our room…
We were supposed to be together tonight, Angel. You, with my ring on your finger and me… spilling myself inside you. It should have been the first night of a thousand more to come. Of a life together… of every need being met.
I stripped down and climbed into the shower. I let the water run hard and cold, but it did no good. I was hard from the moment I’d taken her into my arms. I gripped my cock and jerked it punishingly. I wanted the oblivion of sleep and this was the only way. But I wasn’t looking for pleasure. I pounded myself to a fast, explosive climax, spilling useless seed against the cold glass of the stall. It was empty and heartless, just a path to unconsciousness. For my heart was with my angel. And the empty space in my chest was all that was left behind.
32
Angelina
“I won’t let him take her from me.”
“Who the fuck says he wants to, Angie?”
I had thrown another handful of clothes into the suitcase and was digging into the back of the closet for a missing shoe. I spun around to face her.
“He can’t have any more children, Mattie. Violet is his one and only chance at fatherhood.” I ran an exasperated hand through the mess of my hair. “We’ve been apart for years. And it seems like he’s been getting along just fine without me. We met again at a fucking bondage club…” Mattie threw me a sidelong glance. “Again, no offense…,” I added, swallowing.
“I just don’t see why you’re in such a fucking hurry to throw away a man who’s obviously ga-ga over you,” she replied dryly. “It’s not like he forgot all about you all those years, either. He was trying to find you…”
I stuffed the errant shoe into the bag and sat down on the bed. “And he did,” I said, with a sigh. “He found us… and he gave me a job that should have gone to someone with a hell of a lot mor
e experience than I have.
“Something to be grateful for…”
“He did it all in secret, Mattie,” I said, my empty stomach rolling. “He made sure I never knew it was him until I’d signed the contract and we were already on the island. He talks to me about trust and honesty… Was that honest, Mattie?”
She frowned and crossed her arms stubbornly. “I think he knew you were a fucking flight risk, Angie,” she said plainly. “And it looks to me like he called it.” She reached out a hand to push the suitcase away. “I’ve seen this too many times, honey,” she said gently. “You take a few baby steps forward and you get scared.
And you use Violet as an excuse… to never let yourself get close to anyone. Or to let them get too close to you.”
“That isn’t fair,” I shot back, bitter tears stinging my eyes. “I’m a single mom. My child is supposed to be my first priority.”
“Your happiness is supposed to be your first priority,” she said softly. “Because if momma ain’t happy or fulfilled, then baby won’t be either…” She looked at me and blinked. “You matter, too…”
I sat, open-mouthed, unable to respond. She was so calm, so straightforward… so infuriatingly right…
“Will’s one of the good ones, Angie,” she said, taking my hand in hers. “And I know damned well he’s a big part of the reason you never got close to any other man.” She took a big breath in and let it out noisily through her nose, taking her time. “It isn’t fair to any of you… to him, or to Violet… to run away from a man you happen to be in love with. Not to mention what it could mean to Violet to have a chance to have a real father, her real father, in her life.”
Best Friend's Little Sister Page 26
