“I know. I went up, but…”
Thank God, they hadn’t seen me. It had taken weeks to screw up the courage to even consider telling Joe how I felt about him. I’d talked myself out of it a hundred times, but in the end, I’d realized I didn’t have a choice. He’d only been back home for a short time, and now I was the one leaving for the next four years. Mrs. Decker had been generous enough to pay my tuition… something to do with an agreement she and Dad had made before he died. I’d only been ten at the time, but I still remembered. He said it was a debt come due.
I’d gone up to the main house, nails bitten down with nerves, but in the best dress I owned and my hair combed into smooth waves. It had lightened some over the years and was blonder than when I was little. I wanted Joe to finally see me. Really see me, as a grown woman about to start life as an adult. Not as the kid who had needed him so badly, but as a young woman who cared for him. Who wanted him…
I had my speech planned. I’d even practiced a few seductive moves from movie scenes. It was going to be that all-or-nothing moment, when the hero realizes the girl of his dreams was right in front of him all along…
But when I’d reached the stairs leading up to the sunroom, I’d stopped dead in my tracks. I heard his voice… and then I’d heard hers. My stomach had turned with a sickening lurch as I’d crept into the bushes like a thief… or a child…
“You know how I feel about you, Joe.” The girl’s voice was syrupy sweet and made my stomach tighten even more. “There hasn’t been anybody since you, sweetheart. There never will be…”
I leaned over the shrubs in time to see her wrap her arms around his neck. Her hair was bright, boldly red, and she rubbed herself like a cat against him. I squeezed my eyes shut and felt the burning sting of childhood tears. “Kiss me, baby,” she purred. “Just kiss me again…”
I watched long enough to see her touch the muscle along his jaw. The one I dreamed about… the one I ached to touch… Then I’d turned and run, all the way back to the guesthouse without stopping. I’d torn off the dress, tangling my hair and ripping a sleeve, sick at how close I’d come to complete humiliation. I’d stood in front of the old dresser mirror, watching the mascara I’d so carefully applied run down my cheeks…
Whatever feelings I had for Joe needed to stay buried in the past. Dead and gone. And I’d never, ever take such a foolish chance again. I vowed to keep my heart close that night. And to keep my secrets even closer…
I shifted next to Ryan, grateful for his friendship. “I saw him. But no. I… I… there just wasn’t anything to say.”
“How about, ‘I love you, you big blind jackass’?”
I pulled back and cuffed him on the shoulder. “Yeah, well it’s not so easy.”
“And what about you? Have you told him?” I watched as his blue eyes turned serious. He pulled me back against his shoulder and I relaxed into him.
“No…,” he said softly, compassion warming his gentle voice.
“You’re right. It’s not so easy…”
5
Joe
“Bess said the old jeep finally gave it up.”
What the hell was the matter with me? Five minutes in the car with her and I felt like a tongue-tied teenager again. She uncrossed her legs and wiped a smudge off the toe of one boot. Christ… I shifted my eyes back to the road and kept them there.
“Yeah, I had to leave it on the side of the road. I got a ride into Norman and took the bus from there. Will Dean be home when we get there?”
“Yeah, I think so… What the hell do you mean, you got a ride?” I locked my eyes on the road and shifted uneasily. I reached down and turned the A/C up to high. My goddamned knuckles brushed against her knee…
“I got a ride. You know…” She bobbed one bare leg up and down. “Fellow road warriors, giving a girl a break.”
“Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?” I shot her a hard look. “A girl on the road by herself… You’ve got no idea what kind of men are out there… the sick things on their minds…” I coughed self-consciously.
“Relax,” she said, laughing at my warning. She reached out and patted my thigh. “It was a highway patrol officer. And I doubt she had any sick ideas.”
I ground the gears and stepped on the gas. I sounded like her father… or her big brother. But one touch of her hand on my leg and I had the hard-on of a horny high school kid. I was thirty-three years old, and the head of a billion dollar corporation. Yet here I was, next to a girl young enough to be…
“Bess said you won’t be staying with us for long.” I tried distraction. “Your degree’s in social work?”
She nodded. “I’ve got a business plan and a few amazing colleagues. I’m hoping our funding will come through by the end of May.” She turned so she was facing me and tucked one leg under her shorts. “We’re starting a non-profit, based right here in Texas. Support for children and families. Especially emergency aid. I spent all four years at KU amazed at how much need there was. Fires… storms, and just good old-fashioned neglect…”
“There’s the Red Cross, FEMA, too. They do amazing work…”
“They do,” she agreed. “But sometimes a private foundation can respond more quickly, do even more. I’ve got a therapist on board and two nurses. Even Dean’s expressed interest. There’s always a need for more people, willing to be right there… hands-on. There are too many kids… too many people who are alone when everything starts crumbling around them. Plenty of people write checks, but I’m going to be there, Joe. I have to be there.”
I watched as she spoke, passion evident in every word, her dark eyes sparkling with youth and energy. She was bright and lovely, fierce in her conviction. It was how I’d felt when I’d covered my very first news story.
“It’s a hell of a goal, Mags,” I said. “A lot to bite off, fresh out of school.”
“I know how it feels, Joe,” she shot back, “to have little to begin with, and lose even that…” She looked out the side window, shifting her body away from me. “I know how it feels to be alone… and to need. You don’t know what that’s like… You’ve always been one of the philanthropists.”
The last few miles passed in silence. She never turned back toward me. The bright, passionate woman who had opened herself to me was quiet and distant now. I pulled up into the drive and saw Dean’s car door open. He stood, smiling, and headed toward us.
Maggie glanced back at me for a split second before she climbed out to greet him. Her eyes were huge and dark. Too big for her delicate face.
6
Maggie
“Damn it, Maggie! You went and grew up while nobody was looking.”
Dean wrapped his arms around me and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. I could feel myself blushing red. My brother had changed plenty himself.
“Went away a girl and came back a woman,” I said pointedly. I could feel Joe standing behind us, still near his expensive roadster. “I’m not a kid anymore.”
“Well, no shit, Mags. I’m not sure I’d have recognized you at the bus station either. It’s been way too long.” Dean took my hand, making me blush again. “You’re downright pretty now. You must have had to beat those college guys away with a stick.”
I glanced over at Joe, who was head down in the trunk, wrestling with my suitcases. He shot me a dark look and I looked away. What the hell would it hurt… a little white lie?
“Yeah, well… they say college is the time to spread your wings, kick your heels up a little.” I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “I might have broken a heart or two.”
“Maggie!”
I turned to see Ryan flying down the gravel drive. He caught me up in his arms and spun me like I was weightless. We were both dizzy and panting by the time he put me down. “God, honey. It’s so good to see you again. More beautiful than ever…”
I wiped the tears off my cheeks and gave him a big kiss. We broke away, both of us laughing. “Rye, oh my God, it’s so good to see you. Thanks for th
e great sweater you sent for my birthday.” I stroked his blond curls. “I’ve missed you so much…”
He smiled, his eyes lit with delight. “Come on,” he said, pulling me by the arm. “Maria’s planning a crab boil for dinner, but we’ve got plenty of time for margaritas by the pool. We’ve got all evening to catch up, and I want to hear everything.”
Thank God I’d thrown my old black bikini into a suitcase instead of the donation box when I’d cleared out my dorm room. The last time I’d been invited to swim at the big house, I’d been an embarrassed kid in a polka-dot one-piece. This time was going to be different. I took my sweet time drying off.
I lifted my arms high, pressing the water out of my hair with the towel. My curves might not be the biggest in the world, but they were graceful enough and in the right places. The tiny black bottoms showed my legs to their best advantage, and as long as I tied the top tight, it still stayed in place well enough. Ryan teased me gently about how grown up I was, and handed me a frozen margarita. My brother frowned, and draped his shirt around my shoulders.
Joe had made the drinks and taken a quick dip in the pool himself… but he’d kept his distance, letting the rest of us have time to catch up and relax. I caught a fast glimpse when he climbed out of the water and grabbed a towel. He dragged it across the broad expanse of tanned chest, and water ran in thick rivulets from his dark hair. He shook his head hard, and it curled back into a rough mane, just brushing the line of his shoulders…
Maria had managed to make something as casual as a crab boil into an elegant outdoor event. The long wrought-iron table was spread with a creamy linen cloth. Candles lit the evening with pinpoints of flickering gold. There were bowls of sliced lemon and steamed crab legs, along with clams and corn on the cob.
“So,” Dean punctuated the word with a crash of his wooden mallet. Elegance be damned, nothing opened a crab shell better… “Tell me how it’s going with the funding. I’m expecting RemedAid to be up and running by the time I finish nursing school.” He sucked at the broken end of the claw. “You know, your enthusiasm is contagious. You must have half a dozen millionaires in line to write you checks by now.”
I smiled over the table. “Not exactly lined up, but yeah, we’re getting there.” I pushed the empty shells away and wiped my hands on my napkin. “I’m really proud of you, Dean. Going back to school…” I could feel my face growing warm. “I know it hasn’t been easy.”
We locked eyes for a moment, and I could feel his pleasure. Then he went back to work on his crab leg and I leaned back to look up at the night sky. It was still hot, the air heavy and humid. I sipped my drink and savored the moment. It really did feel like I was home. After so many years…
Dean had started having trouble in high school, partly because of his drinking… and mostly from skipping classes. But he’d cleaned up his act in the last several years, and he’d made up for a lot of lost time. In another year, he’d have his nursing degree, and he’d earned it. We’d kept in touch while I was gone, and in spite of the distance, we’d become closer than ever. It finally felt like I had a brother who cared about me. And now it was my turn, to show him I was responsible and capable, too.
Maria came out after we were finished and began to clear away what was left of our dinner. Dean and Ryan stood talking near the bar. “Welcome home, Miss Maggie,” she said with a shy smile. “Madam says you’ll be staying with us in the guest house?”
“Yes, Maria… I…”
“No,” Joe’s voice interrupted, catching us both off guard. He’d been quiet during dinner. Too quiet. And I’d been all too aware of his eyes on me all evening. He seemed unsettled somehow… distant, until now.
“She’s staying in the main house,” he added firmly. “There’s more than enough room, and I don’t want her in the cottage by herself. It’s too isolated down there.”
“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” I answered sharply. “It’s not like I haven’t stayed there alone before.” I met his eyes and set my jaw determinedly. “I’ve grown up… in case you haven’t noticed…”
I saw his eyes flicker downward for a fraction of a second, and I felt a surge of satisfaction. My bikini top accentuated the curves I had, lifting my breasts and displaying them to their best advantage. He stayed silent, but when his eyes lifted back up to mine, I felt my short-lived confidence drain away. There was something in his sharp blue eyes that I’d never seen before. Something I didn’t understand… Suddenly I felt heated and foolish, like a child caught playing dress-up, lipstick smeared across her face…
“As you like,” he said shortly.
And without a backward glance, he disappeared inside the house.
7
Joe
In case I hadn’t noticed…
She was all the fuck I had noticed. That was the goddamned problem.
I had eleven years on her. I was supposed to be the grown-up, the responsible one in her life. I had always been the one man she could depend on, and yet I knew I’d hurt her badly, maybe broken her trust beyond repair… She’d felt completely abandoned when I’d left for Brown. So much so, that years later, when it was her turn to leave for college, she hadn’t even said goodbye.
Now she’d grown up, and clearly didn’t need me anymore, but she’d come home feeling like she had to prove herself anyway. I felt like I was betraying her yet again, by looking at her the way I was… by feeling the way I did… I peeled off my wet swim trunks and threw them over the side of the tub. I turned on the shower and stepped under the cooling blast.
I’d kept my distance all evening, even in the pool while the others had splashed and dunked each other playfully. I was glad to see she and Dean had reconnected. Glad, too, that he’d reached out to me for help when his drinking had gotten out of control. The last thing I wanted was for him to end up the way his father had. But he was sober now, finally happy and achieving his dreams. He was becoming the brother Maggie had deserved all along…
I’d watched as Ryan had put his arm comfortably around Maggie’s waist and they’d laughed together. They had been close, almost like brother and sister themselves growing up. It had been natural enough… they were close in age. I’d often wondered if they wouldn’t end up together one day…
I’d liked the idea well enough, back when they were kids and I was the eldest in the group. But somehow… seeing them together tonight… They were so easy together, so uncomplicated… laughing and teasing. Maggie was beautiful, her eyes flashing, her long silky hair licking at the delicious tips of her breasts… She had glanced at me, but she’d always looked away.
There was a wall between us. And I didn’t fucking like it. I wanted her laughing in my arms. I wanted to touch her skin and stroke her hair. I wanted her to open up to me, to trust me the way she did Ryan. I wanted to take care of her the way that I used to, and I wanted her to need me, the way it had always been.
Except that she didn’t. And it wasn’t. Nothing was the same as it used to be, and it was my fault, not hers. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t see little Mags anymore. One look at her in that fucking hot bikini, dripping wet and sexy as hell, and I knew I’d never see her the same way again. I’d kept my distance in the pool because my cock had been hard as fuck from the minute I’d seen her in those boots. And I’d hardly dared speak to her over dinner. I knew she’d see it in my eyes, hear it in the timbre of my voice. I was a man, and she was no longer a little girl. I wanted everything a man wants with a woman, and that very thing was a betrayal in itself. I hoped she still trusted me. I knew that Dean did. And if my brother Ryan had intentions of his own towards Maggie…
It was for the best she’d refused my invitation to stay in the main house. I’d regretted it the minute I’d said it… Almost.
No, the best thing I could do for everyone was to stay the hell away from her. She didn’t plan on staying in Southlake long anyway. She had a world to change, out there waiting for her, and enough ambition to probably do it. The best t
hing for both of us was to simply leave her alone. I toweled off roughly, working hard to ignore the throbbing ache of my erection.
I climbed into bed that night, imagining her alone in the cottage… just down the hill. And I knew it was going to be a long, hot, fucking night.
“It’s hot out tonight,” she said, stretching out beside me in the grass. She was wearing a tiny little denim skirt and those fucking delicious boots… She licked at a long, frozen ice pop. Her lips were bright red and I knew they would taste like cherries…
Somewhere inside I knew I was dreaming. I rolled over struggling to wake up, but I could still feel her next to me, fully grown and fully ready. I could smell the scent of her hair…
She lifted one long leg and pointed her boot to the sky. “That’s Scorpius… there… near the center of the Milky Way. I used to look up into the stars when I was little and wonder if there was someone out there looking back. My mother maybe… or my dad, after he died…”
I rolled onto my side to watch her. Her hair splayed out over the soft, cool grass. But the air was hot and there were rumbles of thunder in the distance. A damp, sticky breeze blew over us and I pushed her hair off her forehead. She looked up at me with those enormous brown eyes and smiled, her lips parted, delicious…
“I want you, Joe,” she said softly. “I’ve loved you forever, and now I’m here…” She touched the cold, sweet melting ice to my lips and smiled. “Taste,” she said, and I did. She smiled again as she watched me. “Do you want me, too?” she asked huskily.
I watched as she reached down between her legs, and drew a trail up the inside of her thigh with the very tip of the ice pop. I saw her flesh tighten as it melted and left a delicate, dripping pink line behind. She raised her legs and I saw she was naked under the denim skirt. She spread her legs wider and moaned, catching her lip in her teeth as she pushed the cherry tip just inside her pussy…
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