by Anna Samuels
‘Have you got anything similar?’ she asked.
I thought for a moment. ‘Actually I have! Back at Mum’s house in the attic! Oh, you’ve just reminded me of it. I’ll go back and get it once Margaret and Keith have come back.’
‘Good! Let me know when it’s finished and I’ll come and take a look.’
‘Okay,’ I agreed.
‘See you in a bit.’
‘Yeah, bye,’ I smiled.
I went back to my window display, thinking how nice it was that I would have Alex nearby once I was working down here. Deep down, I knew I was still extremely drawn to her but I also knew that because she was attached, I would do nothing about those feelings.
I busied myself with my task, working on the display. The couple from earlier arrived forty-five minutes later to pay for and collect the sunset painting. Once they had been and gone, I temporarily locked up again and popped back to the house to retrieve the painting to replace the sunset.
Back at the beach, I hung the new painting behind the beach scene I had created and then stood back to admire the effect. The scene was effective and I liked what I had made. Passers-by were stopping to look at my art work and several even engaged me in conversation. It was reassuring and I felt flattered by the attention I was garnering. I packed up and locked the door before heading around the back of the café to knock on the door.
Alex answered almost immediately and came out to see me.
‘Hey! You done?’ she asked keenly.
‘Yeah…I’m just packing up to head home now but I wanted to show you first.’
‘Ah great. I’m just coming!’
She followed me out and along the back of the building until we reached the front of the shop. There we stood and surveyed my work; with me watching her carefully to see how she reacted.
‘What do you think?’ I asked nervously.
‘I think…I think Ally, that you’re going to be a welcome asset to my business here.’
I smiled, feeling pleasure rush through me.
‘You’re very talented, Ally. A wonderful artist.’
‘Thank you…I’m pretty pleased with how it worked out actually.’
‘You should be! It’s really good! I bet I’ll have loads of enquiries while you’re away next week. People will be keen to get inside.’
I chuckled. ‘Nothing inside to see yet! But I’ll get there…as quickly as possible.’
‘So, you say you’re off now?’ she asked, crossing her arms against her chest.
‘I am. I want to spend tonight and tomorrow with the family before I face Monday…’ I told her quietly.
‘You’ll be fine, Ally. Just work hard, keep your head down and come home when you can. We’ll all be waiting for you when you come back,’ she promised.
‘Thanks Alex…I can’t say I’m looking forward to this stretch up till Christmas…’
‘You’ll get through it…it’s worth it just to come out the other side stronger and wiser.’
I nodded. ‘You’re right.’
‘Be strong. You’ll cope.’
I took her words to my heart and nodded slowly. ‘Thanks for your support.’
‘Anytime. See you next weekend?’ she asked.
I smiled, ‘With bells on!’
Chapter 11
Back to reality
After a blissful, relaxing Sunday with Laurie and her family, Monday rolled around way too quickly. I woke with a sinking feeling in my gut. The alarm rang at 5am, jarring me from an unsettled night sleep.
I dressed quickly and left the house quietly, conscious not to wake the rest of the sleeping family. I drove swiftly out of Bournemouth and joined the traffic commuting to London. The roads were blessedly quiet and I put on music to distract me from my upcoming day.
By the time I reached the school, it was 7.30am. I entered the quiet building, hoping to make it to my classroom unnoticed. Sadly, that wasn't destined to happen, and the day I had hoped for, immediately turned sour.
'Ally? A word in my office please?' the head teacher said, stepping up to where I stood.
'Oh...yes,' I murmured and continued to follow her.
We walked to her office and she proceeded to shut the door behind her, something she did only when the conversation was of a serious nature or private and personal.
'Ally...I have to say, I'm not happy about your decision to leave part way through the term. I think it is unprofessional and selfish of you...those poor children!'
I frowned at her confused. 'My contract was due to end though! It would have been finishing soon anyway!'
'If you had decided to leave...that wasn't the only option.'
'I didn't realise you wanted me to stay, in fact I got the impression you would prefer it if I didn't,' I told her as a matter of fact.
'Well, no matter my decision...are you sure it's the right thing to do?' she asked sternly.
'I'm afraid so. I have other plans now.’
‘Like what?’ she asked, somewhat rudely.
‘I’m just…well, I’m moving on from teaching.’
She frowned and me and narrowed her eyes. ‘Oh really? Is that so?’
I nodded. ‘I think I’ll enjoy life more in other career fields.’
‘Doing what?’ she asked, clearly intrigued.
I shrugged. ‘I’ll see where life takes me…’
‘Just because you’re leaving the profession, doesn’t mean you can slack off for the rest of the half term, Ally. You have standards to meet and you’re currently underperforming. I’ll be observing you teaching first thing this morning. We’ll go from there…’
‘But…but I haven’t had notice of an observation,’ I argued.
‘It’ll be a drop-in,’ she informed me. ‘I’m well within my rights to do a drop-in and consider the effectiveness of the teaching and learning within your classroom.’
My stomach sank lower and lower. A faint sick feeling flooded me. It looked like my first day back was going to be harder than I had thought. ‘Right…I best get prepared then.’
‘Yes, I suggest you do. Put your planning out for me to scrutinise too.’
I inwardly cringed. This was not boding well already.
After leaving the head’s office, I set up my classroom and printed out my plans for the day. When the children came in, I was well-prepared but the woman was determined to catch me out. She came to the door as the children came in from playtime; always a difficult time as it meant settling them to the next lesson effectively. It was something that most head’s allowed teachers to do behind closed doors, before the observation began…not as part of it. My head teacher was looking for me to fail though.
The lesson went badly from start to finish. The children didn’t settle well and I spent the first five minutes dealing with issues from the playground. I then became nervous with the presence of the head at the back of the room and started stumbling over my words. By the time the children were working well on task, one of my trickier characters decided to throw a punch at another boy, so all in all, the lesson went about as badly as it could have done. As she left, I could have sworn I saw a smirk of satisfaction on the head teacher’s face. She was probably pleased that it had been such a nightmare. Now she had evidence that I was failing in the classroom.
The day went from bad to worse and was topped off with a long and tiring staff meeting and then a call into the office to have a dressing down. My lesson was criticised and I was told I would be put on monitoring to ensure my teaching improved. Why they were bothering was beyond me though. I was leaving anyway…it didn’t make any sense for them to bother trying to improve my teaching. I just figured it was for their own sick, enjoyment of watching me suffer.
I went back to the Travelodge that night feeling disgruntled and upset. I dumped my bag on the floor angrily as hot tears flooded down my cheeks. I stripped my clothes off in a frustrated temper and headed for the shower feeling upset. I cried as the jets streamed down above me, letting myself dispense
with the emotion of the day. By the time I turned the shower off, I felt cleansed both inside and out. I wrapped myself in a towel and then slumped onto the bed exhausted.
The room felt quiet and empty. I missed the family group I had been staying with already, their noise, their laughter and their company. I longed to go home and for this nightmare to end. I knew I had to be strong through, as I couldn’t leave sooner than planned.
Just as I was musing my predicament, my mobile phone bleeped with a message. I picked it up and saw an unfamiliar number appear with a message.
‘Hey Ally! Loads of enquiries about the gallery today! Great hey? How was your first day back? Alex.’
I stared at the message stunned. It was just what I needed, I realised. A little glimmer of support, knowing someone cared when I was having a tough time. I typed back immediately. ‘Hey, that’s great! People seem to like the gallery! I can’t wait to open. Rough day…can’t wait for this to be over x’
I sent the message and then sat back, waiting for her to reply. When she did, it wasn’t through a text, my caller display flashed up and I saw she was phoning me instead!
‘Hello!’ I said, surprised.
‘Hey,’ she said softly into the phone. ‘I thought I would call rather than message…you sounded down.’
I sighed. Heavily. ‘Ah Alex, I’ve had the worst day ever,’ I complained. ‘I thought it might be hard work being back but nothing as bad as it has been!’
‘Oh no,’ she exclaimed. ‘That’s rubbish…do you want to talk about it?’ she asked.
I shook my head, although she couldn’t see me. ‘No…I just want to forget it’s even happening.’
‘I understand…if it’s any consolation, I know you’ll get through it…you’re strong, Ally.’
‘I don’t feel very strong right now,’ I murmured, struggling with my wayward emotions.
‘Oh Ally…you sound so sad! I wish I was there with you.’
‘There’s nothing you could do,’ I said softly.
‘I could listen…give you a hug,’ she replied quietly.
I looked down at my lap. ‘Well yeah…that would have helped…’ I said, trying desperately not to imagine what a hug from Alex might feel like. To have her so close to me…it was more than I dared to consider.
‘I’ll just get on with it…it can’t get worse than today,’ I mumbled, feeling downtrodden.
‘Exactly. And someone once gave me some advice…start at the worst possible scenario and work backwards…so you’re having a nightmare at work…mainly with you head, right?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Okay…so worst possible…is she going to kill you?’
I chuckled, seeing how absurd it sounded. ‘No, of course not.’
‘Can she physically harm you?’
‘No,’ I conceded.
‘Can she mentally harm you?’ she asked.
‘I think she already has,’ I murmured.
‘Okay…so start from there…and stop letting her, Ally. You’re the master of your own destiny. If you don’t want to let someone else affect you, you won’t. Let her do her worst, she can’t punch you or kill you! What’s she going to do? Throw a few mean words, ruin your teaching career? It doesn’t matter! You’re out of it anyway!’
I nodded to myself, realising how right she was. ‘You’re absolutely right, Alex! Why am I letting her bother me?’
‘Because we all do with someone or other at some point! Just stop letting her upset you. Life’s too short.’
‘It is,’ I said, thinking of my mother and how early she had left us. ‘I’ll cheer up…thanks for calling, Alex. I feel better now.’
‘Glad to be of service,’ she replied. ‘Hey, your shop is generating much talk my end!’
‘Is it now?’ I asked, chuffed.
‘Yeah…loads of people have been asking about who the artist is and when they can buy some of the items in the window. It’s going to be great, Ally…I can just tell,’ she said smiling. I could tell she was smiling by the change in her voice.
‘I hope so,’ I said softly. ‘My life would be completely changed for the better if I did do well.’
‘I think you’re on your way,’ she replied.
I smiled to myself. ‘So, what are you up to tonight?’
‘I’m just relaxing in front of the TV alone…quiet evening in alone.’
‘Yeah…it’s so quiet here. I miss Laurie and the kids already. It’s so lonely here on my own,’ I admitted.
‘Oh don’t say that! It makes me sad thinking of you up there alone in some rubbish hotel room…hey, I have an idea!’ she announced.
‘What’s that?’
‘We’re both alone and lonely, why don’t we watch a program together? We can keep talking on the phone and chat like we’re in the same room. Instant company! What do you think? Good idea?’
‘It’s…perfect!’ I grinned. With that, we decided on a popular sitcom and chatted our way through the program. By the time I hung up, I felt cheerful and at peace again. I went to sleep feeling positive, light and happy.
I woke with good intentions. I would take the day as it came to me and not let anything and anyone upset me. Comments or insults would glide off me like water from a ducks back, I told myself. I kept thinking of Alex and her support the previous night. Knowing she was thinking of me and caring how I was gave me the boost I needed to get on with the day.
Even though I started out well, my day was long and hard again. By the time it was over, my strong resolve was cracking. My wayward emotions were fighting to explode outwards, in a desperate need to rid myself of the tension I was feeling. When I got back to the Travelodge, I poured everything I was experiencing into a painting which took me most of the evening to complete. I fell into bed late and slept long and deeply.
The next day was Wednesday. As it was the only day of the week where I had no meeting or commitment after school, I had decided I would be heading home.
I worked hard all day, desperately trying to get everything up to date so that I could leave for Bournemouth soon after the children left the school. I marked books through break and lunch time and by 3pm, I was finished.
I escaped without a backwards glance. I climbed into my car at 3.20pm as children still wandered away slowly with their parents. I eased out of the car park slowly and then set off on my long journey home.
I turned on the radio to provide company for myself on the long car ride. Before long I was out on the motorway, concentrating on the road while my mind slowly let go of the tension from the day. I listened to the voices talking to me on the radio without really hearing what they were saying and I sat through songs where the meaning escaped me. I was focused on one thing…getting home.
When I arrived in Bournemouth, I found myself driving past my old family home and instead driving five minutes further to the beach. I pulled into the car park as the light was dimming. The view was stunning as the sun came down in the skies before me. Leaving my car, I headed down the path and walked past the restaurant and the café to the gallery. I stood there and stared at the building which held the key to my future. Feeling satisfied, I wandered back down to the sea wall which lined the front of the café building and climbed over to sit on it. The stone was cold beneath me but I didn’t care. The sea air filled my lungs and the breeze ruffled my hair. I felt at peace. Here, I found solace.
‘Ally?’ a voice said, startling me.
I turned feeling surprised. ‘Alex!’ I exclaimed. ‘I thought everyone would be long gone by now!’
‘No,’ she said, climbing over the wall to sit beside me. ‘I was just locking up and closing everything down…it takes a while.’
‘Oh right,’ I murmured.
‘You’re home?’ she asked in a questioning voice.
I nodded, meeting her eyes. ‘Yeah…just for the night…’
She nodded, regarding me closely with those intelligent eyes, ‘Bad day?’
I shrugged, ‘It’s all pr
etty bad to be honest…’
She watched me and I looked away as she seemed to be scrutinising me a little. ‘I could tell you it doesn’t matter, Ally…I could tell you to suck it up, that you only have a matter of weeks left up there teaching…I could tell you to think of your art gallery and how it will be once you start working here…but I won’t. I won’t because you don’t need to hear those things. I can see your struggle etched into the lines of your face. The strain is clear. I can tell you I’m here for support if you need to talk…or need anything for that matter. You don’t have to be alone through this.’
I looked down at my hands, feeling emotion bubble inside. I wanted her support, I wanted nothing more than her to hold me close and tell me it was all going to be okay. I knew with every new glance at her that I was falling for her hard; which was why I avoided her eyes when I spoke.
‘Thanks, Alex…it’s kind of you.’
‘I mean it though…you can lean on me if you need to.’
I nodded, knowing she meant it metaphorically.
‘So, do you want to talk about it?’ she asked.
I shook my head, looking up at her, ‘actually I don’t…I really don’t. I just want an evening where I forget about it all for a bit.’
She smiled, ‘What will you do?’
‘I’ll go back home, order a massive pizza, watch a nice film and drink some wine. That should set me up for the rest of the week.’
‘It sounds perfect,’ she smiled.
A thought occurred to me and before I could stop myself, I found myself inviting her to mine. ‘Would you, uh, like to join me?’ I asked.
‘Don’t you want to be alone? Have some peace?’ she frowned.
I looked out to the sea for a moment. Then I looked back to her. ‘Actually no. I’ve spent each night alone in that quiet hotel…it’s good to talk to someone.’
‘Then I’d love to!’ she smiled.
‘Don’t feel obliged to,’ I told her. ‘No pressure.’
‘I said yes because I’d like to, silly! Now come on, I’m getting cold!’
I smiled as we clambered off the sea wall and headed down the beach path to the car park. I was home, I was with Alex and I had at least four hours of me time to enjoy.
