A Christmas Kiss

by Anna Samuels

  ‘Thanks Laurie…that means a lot.’

  ‘No problem,’ she murmured, reminding me of Alex. ‘So aside from Alex, how is everything at the beach? The gallery looks amazing by the way!’

  ‘Thanks,’ I smiled. ‘It’s early days to tell, but so far everything has been great! I’m selling well on a daily basis so I couldn’t want for more!’

  ‘Oh that’s great! I knew you’d make a success of it! Just imagine, you could be up in London, still teaching and being hassled by that awful head! How things have changed! And in such a quick space of time.’

  ‘Yeah…that’s it exactly. Sometimes that can cause you to feel unsettled too, can’t it?’ I murmured.

  ‘Oh absolutely! Change, even good change is unsettling a lot of the time. Just embrace it as this is going to be the making of you. I just know it.’

  ‘You do?’

  ‘Yes, I do.’

  ‘I wish I could be so sure,’ I moaned.

  ‘This phase with Alex will pass. You’ll soon be back to your cheerful self.’

  ‘I guess,’ I murmured.

  ‘You will,’ she assured me. ‘Now, how about I get us something to eat? Chocolate perhaps? That always makes me feel better when I’m feeling blue!’

  ‘Sure,’ I agreed. ‘Thanks, Laurie.’

  ‘What are sisters for?’ she smiled.

  After I left Laurie’s house, I found that I did feel a little better. It had been good to talk everything through with her, even if it didn’t resolve anything. I went home and to bed, and tried not to think of Alex.

  The first week of being open at the beach went interminably slowly. I enjoyed my new role in the gallery and loved painting and making art in my spare time but I felt lonely. Lonely for Alex.

  I saw her often, but she was always just passing by or steadily ignoring my presence. It was what I had asked for but I found the reality harder to deal with than I had expected. I missed having her pop in to say hello. I missed chatting to her about something and nothing. I had been enjoying having a friend and I felt the loss like a knife in my gut.

  The days passed slowly and the gallery did well. I had customers visiting daily and I was selling well with between £300 and £500 being my daily, average takings. It was way more than I would have ever earnt teaching so I was very pleased. I told myself to focus on my art to distract myself from Alex and so I spent hours at my easel, creating scenes of the sea and sand, of the cliffs and of sunsets and of sparkling, shimmering shells. I sat on the beach with my canvas and would paint till it grew too dark and cold to see, then I’d retire to the gallery to sit and paint some more.

  In the two weeks we didn’t speak, I created more art that I ever had done before in the same time period. The results were very good and I was able to replace all the pictures I had sold. The gallery once again looked well stocked. I was miserable though and in a moment of weakness, I approached Alex.

  I had been watching from the window as she made her way over to the shop, completely ignoring the gallery on the way over. I waited for her to come out again in the hope of intercepting her.

  When I saw her approaching, I stepped out of the shop.

  ‘Alex?’

  She looked at me coldly. ‘I thought we weren’t speaking…’

  I didn’t know what to say to that. ‘I, uh…how are you?’ I asked.

  ‘Fine. Yourself?’

  ‘Fine,’ I murmured awkwardly. This wasn’t going well and I was regretting speaking to her at all.

  ‘I’m not trying to be rude, but why are you talking to me all of a sudden?’ she asked frowning, her hands on her hips.

  ‘I, uh…I don’t know…I well…I missed having a friend, I guess.’

  ‘Yeah, but I’m a dangerous friend to have,’ she said, bitterly throwing my words back in my face.

  ‘I was upset that day,’ I told her. ‘There’s no reason why we can’t be friends,’ I reasoned.

  ‘Yes there is,’ she replied stonily.

  ‘Why?’ I asked.

  ‘Because I don’t want to be friends, Ally. I want so much more than that and you know it. How can I be friends with you after kissing you like that? Forget it! It’s easier when I don’t even see you,’ she said bluntly and walked away.

  I didn’t even consider following her. It wouldn’t have been a good idea. Instead I retreated to my gallery, wishing I had said nothing at all. I should have let things lie; but instead I had bulldozed in with my usual flair and made things even worse. I sank down onto my chair and stared into space thinking, for a very long time.

  The days passed very slowly, even though I kept myself busy with the gallery, decorating the house and seeing Laurie. I accomplished a lot in the time Alex and I were parted but the days were long and I felt lonely.

  In the week before Christmas, I found myself watching out for Alex at the café. Every glimpse of her was tantalising and I found myself almost yearning for contact with her. Everyone was happy and festive and although I felt Christmas coming with excitement, I still felt as if something was missing. That something was most certainly Alex.

  Everything changed in an instant two days before Christmas, when I saw Alex hurrying from her car towards the back of the building. Something in the way she was carrying herself had me out of the front door and out into the cold to seek her out.

  ‘Alex!’ I called.

  She glanced up, saw me and kept going, pulling her coat closer around her face. My curiosity was piqued even more.

  ‘Alex!’ I called, catching up with her.

  ‘Leave me alone!’ she said turning around to yell at me.

  I saw immediately that something was wrong. It was written all over her face. Not only had she been crying but she looked tired and worn and as if she hadn’t slept in days. ‘Alex, just stop. Stop…whatever it is, you can talk to me!’ I told her calmly.

  ‘What, because we’re such great friends these days?’ she muttered, looking down.

  I saw that the fight was leaving her so I persisted, ‘Come on…it’s warm in the gallery.’ I took a chance and reached for her arm, gently leading her towards my shop. She surprised me by not resisting in the slightest and we walked over to the gallery and went inside.

  I shut the door and turned the sign to closed, knowing instinctively that whatever was going on with Alex needed my undivided attention.

  I turned to see that she had slumped herself into my chair behind the desk. Her face told of utter exhaustion.

  ‘Alex…what on earth has happened?’ I asked, feeling concerned. Whatever it was, it was more than the situation between us. I had never seen her look anywhere near as bad as she did in that moment.

  Alex put her head in her hands and I heard a strange noise coming from somewhere deep inside. Realising she was crying, I immediately went to her and knelt in front of her. I put my hands to her shoulders and leaned in to comfort her. She cried quietly, her body shaking and trembling. I held her for a long time, wondering what had happened. I patiently waited for her to tell me.

  When she had cried it out, she lifted her head and I passed her a tissue to wipe her wet eyes.

  ‘Alex,’ I murmured, ‘please tell me what’s wrong!’

  ‘It’s over,’ she replied brokenly.

  ‘What’s over?’

  ‘Jenny…it’s over…all over,’ she told me sadly.

  Chapter 23

  A friend for all seasons

  ‘You finished with Jenny?’ I asked, sitting back on my heels in shock.

  She shook her head, ‘No…other way around,’ she told me.

  I frowned at her. ‘Jenny finished things with you?’ I questioned, feeling stunned.

  ‘Yeah…she’s got someone else,’ Alex told me bitterly, staring out the window blindly. ‘Someone she’s been seeing behind my back for six years.’

  ‘Six years!’ I exclaimed.

  ‘Six years…I absolutely, cannot believe it for one minute. After everything! After all I put in to try and make a troubl
ed relationship work and she’s been doing this the whole time. I just…I can’t deal with it,’ she said, and broke into tears once again.

  ‘Oh Alex,’ I said, lifting my hands to cradle her head and draw her against me. ‘It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.’

  I held her for a long while as she cried and then she sat back looking even more tired and exhausted.

  ‘You look knackered,’ I told her.

  ‘I am…I have nowhere to go though!’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘The house is hers in effect…she doesn’t want me there and wants her cheating girlfriend there instead. I can’t go back…I’m not going back.’

  ‘No…’ I said, thinking fast. ‘No, of course not. Do you uh, well, you’re welcome to come back to mine tonight? I could look after you if you’ll let me be your friend again.’

  ‘I thought we couldn’t be friends,’ she said tiredly.

  ‘When something like this happens, you realise nothing else matters. Come on, let’s get you back to mine.’

  I pulled her to her feet and after locking up, we headed for my car. I drove us back to my home and let us in. The house was cold and dark so I immediately turned on the heating and the lights.

  One glance at Alex told me that she was in a bad way. She looked just about ready to drop and as if her emotions were in tatters. It didn’t surprise me at all considering the length of her relationship with Jenny and how upset she must be to find out she was being betrayed for such a long time.

  ‘Come on,’ I said, holding out my hand for her to take.

  ‘Where?’ she asked tiredly, frowning slightly at me.

  ‘I’m going to get you warmed up and to bed. You’re going to let me take care of you for a bit.’

  ‘I am tired,’ she admitted.

  ‘I know you are…come on.’

  I took Alex by the hand and led her up the stairs. When we had reached the bedroom, I asked her to wait for a minute and quickly went to the bathroom and ran her a warm bath. I collected towels and fresh pyjamas from the closet and then headed back to her.

  ‘Here…take a bath and warm up. These are my pyjamas but they’re slightly big so they might just fit your taller frame.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘I’ll be waiting for you here,’ I promised.

  ‘Okay,’ she murmured and quietly headed out to the bathroom.

  While Alex was in the bathroom, I quickly changed into jogging bottoms, a t-shirt and jumper and hurried downstairs to find some food. I piled drinks, cheese and crackers and mince pies onto a tray and carried it back up the stairs. As I was setting it down on the bed, Alex appeared looking clean and fresh.

  ‘Better?’ I asked.

  ‘A bit,’ she murmured.

  ‘Okay…come and sit down. I want you to eat something before you sleep.’

  ‘This is a bit of a role reversal,’ she commented.

  ‘Yeah well…we help each other when needed, right?’

  She nodded and sat down on the bed wearily. I handed her a cracker and she ate it slowly. We sat in silence, consuming the food at a steady pace. After a while, it was me who spoke.

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I asked quietly.

  ‘No,’ she said.

  ‘Okay…’

  ‘I mean not tonight…I appreciate the offer…but maybe when I’ve had some time to…’

  ‘Think things through?’ I asked.

  She nodded.

  ‘It’s okay, Alex. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to talk.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she replied and set the rest of the cracker she was eating aside. ‘I’m not really hungry…sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be sorry! At least you managed to eat something!’

  ‘Yeah…’

  ‘Shall we get you in bed? You look just about ready to drop.’

  ‘I’m so tired,’ she said rubbing her face.

  ‘Here, you sleep in my bed…I’ll leave you to it,’ I told her kindly.

  ‘Ally?’ she said, stopping me as I went to leave.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘There is something you could do for me,’ she told me.

  ‘Anything,’ I agreed.

  ‘Stay with me…stay with me while I sleep? I don’t want to be alone,’ she said quietly. Her eyes pleading.

  I could tell she needed someone to be with her but I felt like I shouldn’t in many ways; not after everything that had passed between us. ‘I, uh…’

  ‘I’m not coming on to you Ally or anything like that…I could just do with…not being alone,’ she managed.

  ‘Of course,’ I said then, realising that it had been hard for her to ask me. ‘Of course I’ll stay.’

  I turned on the small nightlight and turned the main light off. I then went to the other side of the bed, being careful to stay out of contact with Alex, and leant back against the wall.

  ‘Do you think you can sleep now?’ I asked.

  ‘Yeah, I do. You don’t mind staying?’

  ‘Not at all. I can always sleep early.’

  ‘Thanks Ally.’

  ‘My pleasure.’

  We fell quiet and I watched her subtly as she gave in to her exhaustion and her eyes flickered closed. The lines of worry and fatigue that had been etched into her face slowly gave way to a peaceful, rested expression. I lay next to her watching her for some time, simply loving looking at her beautiful face.

  I sketched her in my mind, my fingers itching to draw the angles of her face. She was a truly, captivating woman and I still found her absolutely gorgeous.

  As I lay there I grew tired, so I shuffled down in the bed a little further and closed my eyes. Finding myself drifting languidly, I gave into tiredness and fell asleep myself.

  When I woke, it was still dark. Despite the chill in the air, I felt warm…deliciously warm. I realised with a start that I was entangled in Alex’s arms. As I opened my eyes, I saw that she was still asleep. She looked peaceful and rested, her breathing slow and steady.

  I found my heartbeat accelerating as I realised how close we had become in the night. Her arm draped over my waist and held me against her while our legs were tangled intimately. I slowly but careful eased myself away, bit by bit, not wishing for her to wake while we were in this awkward position. I didn’t want to stir up emotions between us when they were so fresh and so raw.

  I managed to move to the other side of the bed and finally drew a sigh of relief. Just I was about to get up, Alex woke.

  ‘Ally?’

  ‘I’m here, Alex…still here.’

  ‘Are we at your house?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes…remember you were tired last night and I said we’d come here?’ I questioned.

  ‘Oh yeah…sorry to intrude on you,’ she said, sitting up slowly.

  ‘It wasn’t a problem at all…I was glad to help,’ I told her. I watched her for a moment. She looked slightly better than the day before but not by much. ‘How are you feeling this morning?’

  ‘I, uh…I feel drained…absolutely drained.’

  ‘I can imagine,’ I said, sympathising.

  ‘I don’t understand it, Ally,’ she said, leaning back against the wall. ‘How did I never know? Six years is a long time!’

  ‘It sure is…she must have been lying to you pretty much constantly.’

  ‘She was! That’s what makes it so devastating!’

  ‘Did she tell you why?’

  ‘Only so much as to say that she wasn’t happy with me…but then why didn’t she finish everything?’ Alex asked aloud. ‘Looking back, I would have been happier if she had!’

  ‘Would you?’

  ‘Yes! I wasn’t happy but I felt somewhat…obligated to her perhaps?’

  ‘How difficult…I can’t imagine how sad you must be feeling,’ I said, sympathising.

  ‘I’m not sad, Ally!’ she exclaimed.

  I frowned, ‘You’re not?’

  ‘No!’ she said venomously. ‘Annoyed, yes. Angry, yes. Hurt, yes…bu
t sad? No…she’s better off out of my life, the cheating cow!’

  I frowned a little, trying to take it all in. ‘So you’re not sad that a relationship that lasted more than a decade is over?’

  She shook her head. ‘No! I had fallen out of love with her years ago, we had no physical relationship and all she caused me was pain and anguish…plus she was rude which upset me when it upset my friends…and you the other week.’

  ‘Oh…well, maybe its best that it has happened…’

  ‘Yeah…to hell with her,’ she said bitterly.

  ‘You’ll be just fine in time,’ I told her.

  ‘I guess so,’ she murmured, looking up at me.

  ‘It might be a positive turning point in your life; like it was in mine.’

  She nodded. ‘Yeah…I just can’t get over the lies…the cheating.’

  I nodded slowly, completely agreeing with her. ‘It’ll take time, I’m sure. These things are never easy to get over.’

  ‘All those work business trips…they weren’t work at all,’ she said, clearly thinking.

  ‘Probably not…I didn’t think it was weird when you said that she used to go away so much for work…’

  ‘I suppose I didn’t question it because I was quite content with her going away! I had gotten to the point where I didn’t actually enjoy her company and being home with her was more annoying than enjoyable!’

  ‘A clear sign things weren’t right,’ I commented.

  ‘Yeah…but why didn’t she just end things when she met the other woman? Why cheat behind my back?’

  I shrugged. ‘I don’t understand it either.’

  ‘To think we were feeling so guilty over a kiss! She had been sleeping with another woman for six long years!’ she exclaimed.

  ‘It defies logic, sure…’

  Alex leant her head back against the wall. She then glanced over at me and met my eyes. ‘I’m sorry about all of that, Ally…I truly am.’

  I shook my head, glancing down, and ‘its fine now, Alex. Over.’

  ‘No but you were right…I shouldn’t have kissed you, not when I was with someone else, no matter how bad things were. I’m sorry. Will you accept my apology?’