Ghosting (PAVAD: FBI Romantic Suspense Book 10)

by Brookes, Calle J.

  He waited until she wasn’t busy helping her stepmother, and grabbed her hand. “Come on. Dan! Kelly and I are going for a walk! We’ll be back shortly.”

  Josh didn’t give anyone a chance to join them. “Come on. Get moving.”

  “This is technically kidnapping, isn’t it?”

  “Hardly. We need to talk.”

  She immediately pulled away, her typical suspicious expression on her face. Kelly, nothing if not predictable. “What about?”

  “About the end of the world, ok?”

  “Don’t be a smart-ass, Josh. It’s not attractive.”

  “So something about me is attractive?” He held her hand, mostly to keep her from bolting.

  “You do have a pretty face. The body isn’t half bad. If I was into long, tall men. Which I am not.”

  “Unh-huh. Yes, you are. Unless you’re into short, wide men?” What was she into? Had she even dated a man since she’d moved to St. Louis? He didn’t think she had.

  Why did that idea please him?

  He held her cast-free hand and pulled her behind him up the steep hiking trail that ran behind their campsite. She kept up with him easily, her legs almost as long as his. If he was a long tall man, she was a long tall woman. Beautiful, too. The sun made her hair glow, and the purple highlights she was so fond of didn’t matter in the least. They just made her all the more striking. “Why purple? I’ve never asked you why the purple.”

  “When I was sixteen, my mother hated my hair, and she cut it off. It was only about an inch long when she was done, and she wouldn’t let me have it professionally trimmed up. It was hideous. Purple Kool-Aid was my answer to that. I put zebra stripes all over my head. And started dressing in all black. I think it was both our attempts at control. And I’ve just kept it. I like it, and it’s what I am used to seeing. Why? Do you not like the purple?”

  “Purple or not, you have to know you’re beautiful either way.” He meant it. But with one look at her, he knew she didn’t believe it. Was that what her mother’s motive had been? He’d seen the woman before, a few years ago when Kelly had first been shot. She’d been around for a day or two after Kelly had been hurt. But it hadn’t been out of a concern for her eldest daughter. She’d wanted the younger one back in her control. After it had been made clear that that wasn’t going to happen because the teen was back with the custodial parent, Kelly’s mother had stomped away.

  Without a care for the daughter with a bullet hole in her body. She hadn’t returned when Kelly had been burned in the lab explosion. The woman flat out didn’t give a damn about her daughter.

  Josh’s mother had loved him with everything she’d had. She’d died of cancer during what should have been his third year of college. He’d taken that year off to help care for her during her last days. Josh would never regret doing that, being there for her when she needed him most. The love had been mutual, and he’d been blessed with the mother he’d had. He’d never known his father; he’d been two when his dad was killed in a training accident while serving in the navy. His mother hadn’t spoken of his father often, but when she had it was with great love.

  He’d seen that same love between several of his friends in recent years. Kelly’s father and the woman who had been Kelly’s supervisor, best friend, and roommate for one…

  “Your mom may never have said it, but you are a beautiful woman. Just like your sisters. The three of you and the baby, are stunning. We mere mortal men don’t stand a chance.”

  “You’re hilarious.”

  “I know. It’s one of my charms.” He stopped hiking. And looked at her. Truly looked at her. Before he realized he was doing it, he pushed the purple and red hair off of her cheek and ran his fingers down her flawless skin. So pretty, so physically perfect. And she didn’t see it.

  But it wasn’t just how beautiful she was that made her so special, so unique. It was how she was. How she’d looked holding her little brother, how she’d do anything for one of her younger siblings. Or one of her friends.

  She’d been there for him when he’d needed her after the Tyler case a week ago. He’d not forgotten that.

  She hid how special she was with her all black clothing, her funky hair, and her don’t-touch-me attitude. But inside, where it counted, he knew the truth. He wrapped his hands around her waist and backed her up until she was trapped against a tree. She let him. There were no freckles, which surprised him. Her skin was extremely pale, but there wasn’t a single freckle. Why did that suddenly intrigue him so much?

  Why did it make him wonder if she had freckles anywhere else? Maybe beneath the purple and black kitten t-shirt she wore?

  “Josh? Are you ok?”

  “Why have you been hiding from me for the past week?”

  Chapter 19

  His fingers were just as warm as the sun against her cheek. Kelly didn’t know why, but where he touched her, her skin tingled and burned. This was Josh. He’d touched her before. Why did this moment seem so different? She shifted.

  He followed. Josh used his bigger body to keep her right there in front of him. She definitely wasn’t sure if she liked that.

  She could feel the hard muscles of his chest pressing into hers. Why did her breasts suddenly tingle? She wasn’t a virgin; she’d had a few lovers in the years since she’d been sixteen. She knew what sexual awareness was.

  “You’ve been avoiding me.”

  But this was Josh. The closest guy friend she’d ever had. Sexual feelings would just ruin what they already had, wouldn’t it? She had to stop even thinking this way. “I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve covered a few of the third shift guys when they’ve been out on leave. It had nothing to do with you.”

  “Sure it didn’t. I know you were angry with me over Becca’s case.”

  She hadn’t been angry with him over his friend’s murder. She’d been worried. Everyone in the Bureau knew of agents who’d burned out, either because of the intense workload or because one or two cases drove them to the point of obsession. It could happen in any layer of the agency, from forensics to investigating agents. She’d seen it happen to friends on two separate occasions in Indianapolis. And she herself had been the target of a former colleague who’d held a grudge against her entire team.

  She and Ally, and several other people in their department could have been killed when that colleague had bombed the forensic wing.

  A file clerk had died. And he’d left behind a small child. Kelly would always feel guilty for that.

  Obsession was never healthy. And she didn’t want to lose Josh to it. Not Josh. It would hurt her far too much to lose him. And they hadn’t been back from Tennessee two days before he was rushing off to another crime scene they thought was the Ghost’s. Why wouldn’t she worry?

  “It sure seems like it. I’ve sent several emails, texts. Called a few times. You never returned them. What’s going on? I come into the lab; you walk away almost immediately.” He had a hand around her throat, and she wondered if he could feel the way her pulse increased.

  He smelled good, he felt good. And she had nowhere to go to escape him. And since Tennessee she’d had a hard time thinking of anything other than Josh. And that had scared her; maybe she had avoided him? “Stop it, Josh. I haven’t been running away from you. That’s ridiculous.”

  “Now, see, I think you have.” He leaned closer until his forehead rested against hers. “Talk to me, Kel.”

  “I understood, and I was worried. Please let me go, Josh. This tree isn’t exactly comfortable.” She had to get herself some space. Having him there wasn’t exactly helping her think clearly.

  “Not until I get some answers. You’re a runner, Kelly. Whenever faced with confrontation you scurry away. I’ve seen more of your backside this past week than I ever have before. Not that it’s a bad backside, far from it, but…I prefer the frontal view.”

  She didn’t want to think about all of the connotations of his words. He couldn’t possibly mean what she thought he did. She shi
fted her hands but had no real place to put them. It was either on his waist or against the muscled chest right there in front of her.

  However, she touched him, she’d be in trouble, wouldn’t she? She settled on both; her left hand—cast and all—went to his waist, and her right against his heart. She could feel the steady beat beneath her palm. “Josh…”

  “You say that a lot. Is it because you can’t think of anything else? Because you know I’m right?”

  “Do you always have to be right? That’s super annoying, did you know that?”

  He smiled. “I do my best. So do you forgive me?”

  “Of course I do.” Why would he think that? “I’m not stupid.”

  He couldn’t really believe any differently, could he? She twisted her hand in the cotton that covered his heart. “You don’t think I’m that much of a bitch, do you?”

  “No. But I thought I’d done something to drive you away. I don’t want to lose you, Kelly. You’re one of the closest friends I have. I’d like to keep you in my collection.” He grinned again. “Maybe put you in a display box and sit you on the shelf, like J.T. does his He-Man dolls.”

  “Action figures. And he finally gave in when Emma asked him to move them into the den instead of their bedroom.” The mention of her sister’s husband reminded her again. Josh was an important part of her world, wasn’t he?

  If she wanted to, she could slip her arms around his waist, and he’d hold her. For probably as long as she wanted. Why did she keep reminding herself of that?

  “He’d do anything for her.” He used only a single finger to lift her chin so she could look directly at him. It was different, being so close to a man who was at least six inches taller than her. It made her feel so small and vulnerable. “I would for you too.”

  She definitely didn’t like that. “Josh?” This time her words were only a whisper. She almost doubted he’d be able to hear it over the sound of the leaves rustling and the birds and bugs chirping.

  Oh dear God. Did he realize what that sounded like? Her fingers tightened on his shirt, and she didn’t know if she was trying to pull him closer or was just holding on as tightly as she could. He leaned down again.

  His lips brushed hers.

  Once, then again. She couldn’t pull away. The tree behind her prevented it. But she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

  Oh, dear God, what was she doing?

  Chapter 20

  He pulled away.

  Josh didn’t know what bug was up his ass making him corner her this way, but now that he’d started, he knew it was something he had to finish. He needed the answers to the questions that had plagued him for the last week.

  He didn’t know why it had mattered so much that she was avoiding him. Why did she mean so much to him that it would bother him to know she was running from him? Was it because of her connection to Dan’s family? Or was it something else?

  Something he hadn’t yet let himself think about?

  He’d figure out why it mattered so much to him later. But right now… “You’ve been avoiding me. You can’t deny it.”

  “I’m not avoiding you, Josh.” She looked at him, and he knew she was lying just like that. He’d always know Kelly, wouldn’t he? He lifted a hand and tangled it in the strawberry and purple curls that hung loose. Her hair had gotten significantly longer since they’d met. Before it had just been above her shoulders. Now there was enough for a man’s fingers to tangle in.

  He did just that before the reality of that stray thought sank in. He had no business tangling his fingers anywhere on Kelly. In Kelly…Whoa.

  He had no business kissing her the way he just had or thinking what he just had…

  It would shift everything that would ever be between them. That mattered. And was something he would definitely consider.

  Still, it was damned hard to move his fingers away. But he managed. Mostly; his hand slipped up to her shoulder, and he brushed his thumb over the small hollow of her collarbone, just wanting to touch her for a moment. She had some seriously soft skin, didn’t she? “Kel, did I do something that made you uncomfortable up in Tennessee that night?”

  ***

  How could she tell him that something had changed between them, and it made her uncomfortable? What if it was just her? What if… “No. Look, I’ll be honest, Josh.”

  “I’d appreciate it.” His hand was warm where it rested against her shoulder. Somehow, when she wasn’t paying attention, his other one had made its way around her waist. He was almost holding her, and instead of feeling trapped between the tree and the man, she felt…safe. Excited—but safe. Because he’d never hurt her, and she knew it.

  “I…wasn’t sure what to say. And after they found Lynn Walker’s body, and you were so upset…I was worried.” She’d always had a tough time lying to Josh—mostly because he’d always teased that he could read her mind, anyway.

  “And you decided to leave me alone in my own juices. Hey, I get it. I have no business telling you what to do.”

  She was having a difficult time focusing on his words. His fingers were still twisting in her hair, reminding her that Josh had kissed her. And not in that platonic best buds kind of way. What was he thinking? What did it mean exactly? It wasn’t like she could just step away from him—the tree behind her sort of prevented that, didn’t it?

  “What are you doing?” She didn’t want to look up at him, but she did. Heat flooded her when she saw the way he was looking at her.

  She wasn’t stupid, and she wasn’t a virgin. There was something there, and it was growing between them. Dear God.

  But Kelly knew one thing for certain. She’d need some time to think before she ever made a decision about any of it.

  “I think it would be obvious. I’ve wondered ever since Tennessee what would be there between us if we lowered the barriers. I don’t know what changed a week ago, but something did. And don’t we owe it to ourselves to see what those changes are?”

  “And what if we do something completely stupid and destroy what we already have? Which like it or not, is the way things go for me. I can’t exactly forget that.” And the one thing she would not want to do was lose him. If she allowed something serious to happen between them and it collapsed, she’d be out the one guy she’d always been able to count on.

  She wasn’t sure she was ready to even think about that, let alone make it a reality.

  “I guess we’d just have to make sure that didn’t happen.” He stepped away from her. Kelly almost grabbed him and brought him back, close to her again. “We’d better get back before your dad sends out a rescue party. Something I definitely don’t want to repeat.”

  “Yeah. You’re right on that.”

  ***

  She avoided him as much as humanly possible until it was time to go to bed. That’s when she remembered one important detail of this little trip.

  An RV only had so many sleeping spots—and that meant she had the fold-down dinette. And less than two feet away, was the only spot available for a six-and-a-half foot tall man.

  Her dad and Ally were experts at getting the kids ready and into bed, and even though they were not at home that night wasn’t any different.

  Kelly had nothing to occupy herself with except spreading the sheets over her own little nook, and trying to pretend she wasn’t strangely nervous.

  And it didn’t help any that instead of putting his head on the opposite end from her, he arranged himself to where his head was within easy sight line of her. Every time she turned she was aware of him lying there in the darkness, breathing. Listening.

  The jerk. Why had he come tonight?

  Had he been planning on doing this to her? To screwing with her head until the only thing she could think about was him? If he had planned it, she hoped he realized that he’d succeeded.

  Finally, after what had to be an hour of tossing and turning—and trying not to make any noise that would wake the five sleeping kids and Ally and her father—Kelly had just about gi
ven up even trying to sleep.

  “You know, I’m not going to suddenly turn into a perv and hop into your bed, not with your entire family surrounding us.”

  He was laughing at her wasn’t he? She wasn’t going to rise to the bait. She wasn’t. “Ha ha. Never thought you were. But I’m trying to sleep on a plywood table over here. Not the best bed I’ve ever been in.”

  “I’ve been in a few strange ones.” He laughed softly; the easy Josh laugh that she’d always loved hearing. “Let me rephrase that, unless you start to think I’m a real dog. I’ve slept in some seriously uncomfortable places on this job. There was this old barn once, with my entire team. It was just after Georgia joined us. It was cold, wet, and rainy. Absolutely horrible. Georgia was already sneezing, and there was a nasty cold going around the field office. Carrie was burning up with fever, and we all knew it. Hell was worried. We were all worried. Then Zeke got it. All the while we’re driving around in the middle of Colorado, trying to find shelter since we’d given up on finding the hotel hours earlier. Finally, we found this old barn. Your dad was the only one of us who was the least bit calm. Hell was practically carrying Carrie, and I was helping Georgia—who is extremely stubborn when ill, by the way. But we found this barn—your dad did, anyway. We made it through the night, but I think within two days, half the rest of us were sick. Thankfully the case was one of those that fizzled out while we were there. A wasted trip, completely.”

  “You enjoy it, don’t you?”

  He was silent for a while, and she wondered if he was going to answer. “I don’t know. I used to enjoy knowing I was making a difference. But now I’m not so sure that I do.”

  She heard the pain in his words, and before she realized she was doing it, she shifted onto her stomach and closer to the dinette’s edge. Closer to him. If she wanted to, she could reach out and touch him. But she didn’t. “Don’t say that. I know you do.”