Wild Wastes Omnibus

by Randi Darren

  “Dragons? Actual Dragons?” Vince asked, unable to wrap his head around that statement.

  “We fought them off with minimal casualties two days ago. The ballistas and mage towers.

  “Meliae thought they would come back. Sent Ris to find you. I found you.”

  Vince smiled down at the Fairy.

  “That you did. I’m going to hand you over to the Duchess of the Snow Elves to care for you, and then I’m going to head back to Yosemite immediately, alright?”

  Ris nodded a bit, then closed its eyes and curled up into a fetal position.

  Moving over to Madeline, Vince carefully deposited the slumbering Fairy in the duchess’ cupped hands.

  “I will care for the Fairy with the utmost attention,” Madeline said heavily. “I had no idea even the Fairies had chosen Yosemite.”

  Vince shrugged at that, then looked to Gerard.

  “The field is yours, Duke. I leave it to you,” Vince said.

  Gerard gave him an ancient smile and nodded his head a fraction.

  “I believe with my peers, we can hold this field easily,” said the Necromancer.

  Vince looked to Berten and nodded his head. “Duke.”

  “Brother,” said the Orc, grinning at him. “Tell mom I said hi, and I’ll be by soon enough.”

  Unable to help himself, Vince grinned back. “I will.”

  Moving over to Ramona, he reached down to her belt buckle and started working at the fastenings that made up her flight harness.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, her hands raised to keep them out of the way.

  “You’re going to fly me. Mouth and Caroline are riding the Gryphon with Leila,” Vince explained, tugging on a strap of her harness.

  “I don’t understand. I could just as easily fly Leila and Caroline,” Ramona said. Her hands moved to him and began to unhook his own harness from his armor.

  “If the Dragons are there, I need to be able to have them retreat while we engage,” Vince said under his breath.

  Ramona froze, then nodded her head once. Her eyes were clear and determined.

  Taking on a Dragon in the sky didn’t seem like a bright idea, but the other choice was to ground himself and hope the Dragon didn’t try strafing him.

  Vince would rather take his chances strapped in with Ramona.

  “I understand,” she said, her mouth a thin line.

  Sighing mentally, Vince wondered if he’d ever finish resolving a problem.

  He could solve anything he took on. The problem was there was only one of him.

  And a whole lot of problems.

  ***

  “What exactly did you have in mind if the Dragons attack us?” Ramona shouted.

  “No idea. Probably try to fly in close enough that I can take a swing at their wings. Think you can manage that?” Vince asked.

  “Possibly. But I think that’d just put us in range for it to fight back. Are you that determined to fight it in the air?”

  “Not particularly. I just can’t imagine a situation where we make it across the plains surrounding Yosemite without being spotted by a Dragon on foot, or in the air.

  “The air seems the best option because there’s more room to move in. And we can run distraction so the others can get into Yosemite safely.”

  “Vince, I don’t disagree with your logic, but this seems rather more like a suicide mission than anything.”

  “Not wrong there. Maybe we’ll get lucky and the Dragons will just let us pass?

  “Our choices are limited.”

  “If they see us, they’ll attack,” Ramona said, her voice quite clear and firm on that point.

  The Gryphon with Mouth, Leila, and Caroline on it was keeping much lower to the ground. Trying to remain unseen.

  “Meliae wouldn’t have asked for me to come if she didn’t think I was needed.

  “There’s no way she isn’t aware of the risk of me coming here,” Vince said.

  “No, she would never endanger you unless she needed to. She would sooner kill herself,” Ramona agreed. “But three Dragons is… that’s a lot of Dragons.

  “There’s more than enough Dragons to cause serious problems for the entirety of the world, but they’re a fractured race. They fight amongst themselves as often as outside.

  “For three to be here means they pulled a large amount of security out of their southern lands.”

  “Not including the two Leila killed,” Vince said.

  “Yes… not including those two. They really did send a large amount of their military might to achieve their goals here.

  “Last I heard, they hadn’t finished subjugating the south. This’ll set them back a long while. Dragons aren’t prolific breeders.”

  Off to the side, there was a trumpeting below. It was a sound Vince had never heard before.

  “Ah… one saw us…” Ramona said. “They’ll come for me, rather than the Gryphon. Dragonnewts and Dragons… don’t get along well.

  “Not unless we’re related.”

  Vince sighed and started to reach for his saber.

  He’d only really get one shot at this.

  “Remember me if I don’t come back. Please do so fondly,” Ramona said.

  Looking up, he saw Ramona looking down at him. Smiling.

  Then they dove down toward the earth and she pulled the emergency release rod. Sending Vince tumbling as Ramona pulled up and banked away from him.

  The emergency release rod landed in front of him, sticking into the ground.

  Looking toward the sky, he saw only one Dragon and Ramona. They were flying around each other in a strange spiral, going ever higher with each second.

  “Vince!” Red shouted at him. “What are you doing? Where is Ram—”

  Glancing at Red, he saw she was looking up to the same spot he’d been.

  Ramona and the Dragon were now spiraling back down, flailing viciously at one another.

  “Bringer. We must go. Red wants to go now. Ramona is doing this for you,” Red said, shoving his shoulder.

  Vince nodded a bit, then got up to his feet. Setting off at a sprint, he kept looking back at Ramona in the air.

  They were much lower now, so he could actually see what they were doing.

  Ramona was dodging both tail and talons, her punches and kicks landing on whatever got close enough to her.

  But without solid ground, the weight of her blows was not as strong as it could be.

  That’s why she said fifty-fifty on taking out a Dragon in its natural form.

  Then Ramona got a solid boot in the Dragon’s eye.

  Only to have the Dragon’s maw snap shut on her leg.

  Vince could hear her shriek in pain. She got in close and drove her arm into its eye.

  Letting go of the Dragonnewt, the Dragon flinched away from Ramona.

  Batting her wings furiously, Ramona took off racing to the west. The two other Dragons had taken to the sky now but hadn’t given chase, each one situated on the other side of the city from Vince and the others.

  Rapidly, Ramona and the Dragon became specks in the distance, then nothing.

  Vince watched as long as he could, but even he had a limit to his vision.

  By the time he’d reached the gates of Yosemite, he couldn’t even remember where the dot she’d been had vanished from the sky.

  “In, Vince, in,” Red said, shoving at him again. “Red demands you get inside.”

  Stumbling through the gate, and more than a bit lost at what had just happened, Vince looked down at his hand.

  He’d wondered why it felt so heavy.

  Apparently, he’d picked up the emergency release rod when he’d gotten up.

  “Sweetling?” asked Meliae, coming up close to him. “What just happened?”

  “Ramona led the Dragon off that would have attacked me. She was wounded,” Vince said, letting his hand drop back to his side and looking to the Dryad. “I have no idea if she’s still alive.”

  “I’ll send out Fairi
es,” Meliae said. “The Dragons ignore them, and they can scout for her. If they can find her, they will.”

  “Ok. Now… what did you need me here for? I’m not exactly equipped to fight Dragons,” Vince said.

  “No one else here is either, though. You’re the strongest warrior we have. I was hoping you could goad them into a test of might? Or at least one of them. If we could even kill one, the other two would be that much harder-pressed to pen us in,” Meliae said. She sounded lost, searching for answers herself.

  Vince shook his head slowly.

  It wasn’t as if he disagreed with her—just that it was such a flimsy thing.

  Then again, their options were rather limited. No one else could come to assist Yosemite that wasn’t already engaged elsewhere.

  “The pride of a Dragon is certainly a known thing. Let’s hope they’re prideful enough to accept. Otherwise… I’m not sure what I can do here.”

  Meliae looked down at the ground, clearly distraught. He imagined she was putting the guilt of Ramona’s unknown condition on herself.

  “Did you meet Caroline?” Vince asked.

  “Yes. She’s pregnant. Mouth and the others did well. I think she’ll fit in alright… but she has some hard edges I’ll need to break off,” Meliae said, her hands locked in one another.

  “If anyone can bring her around, it’s you. I can’t imagine Yaris being as tolerable as she is if not for your intervention.”

  “Thanks… Eva is here, by the way. You should see her. It’s been a bit.”

  Reaching out with his free hand, he tapped Meliae’s chin upward.

  “Cheer up. We can’t blame ourselves for the actions of our enemies. You did what you felt was best for Yosemite, as I expect of you.”

  Meliae nodded a bit, her eyes looking a touch watery.

  Such a soft-hearted thing.

  “Come, my eternally pregnant grove-mistress. Tell me about our current children, since you seem to enjoy being so… full,” Vince said, tapping her swollen belly.

  “How else are we supposed to create Dryad leaders for the other cities? I must do it myself. It’s why I always have twins or triplets,” Meliae said, glowering at him. “It’s not as if I truly do enjoy being eternally pregnant.”

  “Uh huh. And it doesn’t have to do anything with the fact that you like looking like that? Possessed, used, seeded?” Vince asked. He wasn’t in the mood for jokes. Or levity. But Meliae needed a change in subject as much as he did.

  “Maybe a little,” she admitted, her cheeks turning red. “Maybe a lot. I wonder what I’d look like with sextuplets.”

  ***

  Vince stood outside of Yosemite with Leila, Caroline, and Red.

  The challenge had been issued on a magically enhanced shout.

  Two of the Dragons ignored the call to battle completely. The third had come closer to the city and then gone still in the fields to the south of Yosemite.

  Which meant that whatever Dragon had chased Ramona had come back.

  Vince watched the Dragon.

  The Dragon watched Vince.

  “Red does not like this. It stinks of deceit.”

  “It d-does,” Leila said, sitting on the grass.

  Vince shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not like we have a better idea. Other than… launch me at whatever Dragon comes close enough, Leila.”

  “That’s just stupid. I might as well launch you out of a catapult for all the good it’ll do.”

  “That… does sound rather stupid,” Vince admitted. “But I don’t exactly have any other ideas.”

  Leila sighed audibly, then stood up and patted him on the hip.

  “If you die before you can even turn me into a widow, I will have one of the Necromancers resurrect you so I can pull your soul out and put it into a toilet.”

  “You can do that?”

  “Yes. Yes I can. Are you serious though? Shooting you at the Dragon?”

  “Yeah… but that means my Snow Elf wife over there needs to play catcher and make sure I don’t hit the ground,” Vince said, indicating Caroline with a nod of his head.

  “I can do that,” she said in response. “It’ll not be a problem.”

  “I guess… I launch you like a rotten watermelon at the Dragon… and you… what… hit it with your sword?” Leila asked.

  “That’s the gist of it. Preferably clip one of those wings off. Ramona wasn’t exactly flightworthy with even a moderate injury to her wings.”

  “Red sees another Dragon coming. It’s going to strafe us,” Red said loudly.

  Everyone looked to the west. The Dragon that had been out that way was indeed rapidly approaching their location.

  “No time like the present, Leila. You get me within a foot of that Dragon and I’ll make sure you’re made a wife the first chance I get and that Meliae, Mouth, Daphne, Karya, Blue, or Green is your personal Dryad tender,” Vince said, pulling his saber out of its sheath.

  “Hmph. Who says I need one?” Leila made a looping gesture with one hand, singing a quiet song under her breath.

  “You ready, Caroline?”

  “As much as I can be… This is… a very idiotic plan. An idiot’s plan.”

  “Yeah… it is,” Vince said with a nod.

  The Dragon was getting closer and closer now. It’d be passing over them in the next ten seconds. Probably trying to bathe them in fire.

  “Soon as I’m back to the ground, everyone make for the gates. Red, get Leila.”

  “Red understands.”

  Vince waited, holding tightly to his saber.

  Then Leila slapped him on the ass. “Off you go!”

  Quite literally, Vince suddenly shot off like a rocket.

  Impressively, Leila had somehow set some type of course correction for him, and he sped unerringly for the target.

  Except the Dragon tried to move, putting itself straight in Vince’s path.

  Instead of passing over it or to the side, Vince crashed into it. His head bounced off its shoulder as he spun over the top of it.

  His saber had thankfully found a place to call home in its shoulder and was now wedged firmly into the Dragon’s back.

  Hanging on for dear life and stuck in the spikes that lined its spine, Vince wasn’t going anywhere.

  The Dragon roared and spun lazily to one side to send Vince flying off.

  He held tight in place, though. Well and truly stuck on its back.

  Vince watched as the ground passed by above—or below—his head.

  Shit.

  Flapping and shrieking angrily, the Dragon headed off to the south. Spinning and jerking from side to side, trying to shake Vince off.

  I wonder what it’d be like to have a Dragon as a mount. I don’t think Heint would ever let me put a saddle on him, though.

  One of Vince’s eyes was suddenly bathed in bright red.

  Blinking a few times, he managed to clear his view only to have it lost again.

  His head suddenly hurt. A lot.

  Oh. I think… I think I banged my head on the dragon. Didn’t I?

  Trying to lift his hand and check his head.

  It didn’t want to move.

  Vince ended up looking at his hand in confusion.

  And remembered all over again that he was currently stuck to the back of a Dragon he’d just skewered.

  Ok, yeah. Hit my head. Things are… not good. And that clicking noise just won’t stop.

  Wait… what’s clicking?

  Looking around, Vince saw nothing that could make that noise. Only to remember, yet again, he was stuck to the back of a Dragon.

  Except the Dragon was rapidly tumbling out of the sky now. Its wings beat every now and then, but not with any of the power they’d had previously.

  “This is going to hurt, isn’t it?” Vince said to no one as the ground kept getting closer and closer.

  Then the Dragon hit the turf. Grass and dirt exploded in every direction with the impact.

  Vince was knocked free of the Drago
n, his shoulder making a deep popping noise as he was launched into the air.

  Tumbling and rolling along the ground similar to the Dragon, Vince bounced along.

  Coming to a sudden stop, mostly because of the tree he’d hit, Vince groaned and flopped to one side.

  His whole body hurt, he was pretty sure he had a fairly severe concussion, and he had no idea where he was.

  His view had devolved into a mass of red and black shifting shadows and hazy images during the flight.

  Even now, it hadn’t gone away.

  Getting to his feet, he only felt anger. Anger and rage.

  Fueled by a desire to kill and eat the Dragon outright for what the Tri-lliance had done.

  To pop open its damn chest and—

  Getting to his feet with a growl, Vince found the Dragon not far from himself. It was sprawled out in the dirt, breathing heavily.

  Its scales suddenly vanished, the Dragon shrinking down into a human shape.

  At the same time, the sword that had been buried in the beast popped free and fell to the ground.

  Staring at the naked and bleeding man on the ground, Vince looked around.

  Finding a good-sized stone, Vince picked it up and walked over to the Dragon.

  “Gonna kill you. Kill you and eat you,” Vince said, standing above the Dragon.

  “You shouldn’t…” Vince said, getting down on his knees next to the Dragon.

  “Have fucked…” Lifting the stone up, he brought it down hard on the back of the Dragon’s head. There was a wet pop, and the Dragon jolted from head to toe.

  “With my…” Pulling the stone up above his head again, he slammed it down into the skull of the fallen Dragon. A crackling sound was audible as the stone disappeared partway into the head.

  “Gods-damned city!” Vince cried, smashing the stone down into the Dragon’s head a third time.

  Losing his grip on the rock since it had pretty much disappeared into the shattered head of the Dragon, Vince took a breath and shouted unintelligibly.

  Then he fumbled around for his sword. Getting a hold of it, he was in for a rude surprise when the dead Dragon Man reverted back into a dead Dragon.

  Vince was suddenly atop its scaled back.

  Not hesitating, Vince took his saber in a double-hand grip and ran it home in between two rows of scales.