Pride and Porters

by Charlotte Greene

  Lottie was waiting when she got to the bank. It was decidedly cold out, and her breath was steaming in the air. She was huddled into her long, down jacket, wrapped up with a scarf and hat. Erin hadn’t even noticed the cold until now, but seeing Lottie suddenly brought her attention to the fact that she’d come here without her coat.

  Erin stood astride her bike for a moment and then leaped off, running over to Lottie and pulling her into a tight hug. “I’ve been such an asshole, Lottie. I’m so sorry.”

  Lottie hugged her just as hard and then drew away. Erin could see tears in her eyes.

  “Yes, you have, and I forgive you. I’m sorry I haven’t tried to talk to you all this time. I was too angry.”

  “And you have every right to be. Let me make this deposit really quick, and we can talk about it more.”

  The process was actually quite fast. It took only one transaction to deposit all of the checks, and only a few to get all of the cash deposited. She used the ATM to transfer the money to her payroll account, dismayed to see that not all of the money was immediately available. This had been her fear from the beginning of this saga. The only thing she could hope for now was that, regardless of whether some of the money needed to be cleared, the paychecks would be issued tonight anyway. She didn’t have any other options at this point, so she just had to hope this would do.

  Lottie had stood nearby, quietly waiting, and when Erin finished, she explained what had happened with the money.

  Lottie shrugged. “You’re likely to run into some kind of problem, which might mean a bunch of fees, but I think the paychecks should be issued, or at least most of them—whatever the cash covers, anyway. The rest should be cleared up in a few days.”

  Erin sighed. “I’ll be lucky if anyone is still working for us by the time Jen gets back. I’m a fucking idiot, Lottie. In more ways than one.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  The cold finally started getting to her, and Erin shivered, hard. Lottie grinned and came close enough to rub her arms with her hands.

  “Where’s your coat, you weirdo? You should get out of this cold.”

  “I need to get to the brewery. We have some bottling and other things to do tonight.”

  “You could use a good night’s sleep.”

  “I could, but I won’t get it tonight. It’s almost Christmas, so at least we might have a couple of days off soon.” Erin paused, and an overwhelming sense of sorrow and regret swept through her. Lottie had been her friend for almost three decades, and Erin had basically turned her back on her without explanation. She opened her mouth to say something to this effect, but Lottie held up a hand to stop her.

  “Let’s talk tomorrow, okay, Erin? I’m too cold and tired to have a real conversation right now. Let’s meet at the coffee shop for lunch. Noon okay?”

  Erin agreed and gave her another hug before they parted. It was cold enough that by the time she got back to the brewery, her tears had frozen to her face.

  * * *

  The other brewers had made good progress so that when Erin showed up, it took only another three hours to finish. By the time everyone left, little snowflakes were flying through the air. It was so cold that they were melting and freezing on the ground, making the sidewalks and streets slick with ice, so Erin was forced to walk her bike all the way home. She slept hard and deep for seven hours—the longest she’d slept since Jen left—and then went into work. Her staff, including the other brewer there, insisted that she leave for the day at noon, so when she went to meet Lottie, she had the whole afternoon off. Lottie had taken the rest of the day for shopping, so they decided to spend it together by driving down to Boulder.

  Boulder, a beautiful little city in the foothills of the Rockies, is about forty-five minutes from Loveland and about the same from Denver, barring traffic. Colorado State in Fort Collins, where Erin had attended, and the University of Colorado at Boulder are rivals, and this rivalry had stretched from sports into a kind of competitive attitude between the two cities for some time. Erin had always considered Boulderites snobbish and clannish, in part because the City of Boulder was so wealthy, unlike the more middle- and working-class Fort Collins. It didn’t help that a lot of trust-fund students were in Boulder, many of whom dressed like they were either homeless or going skiing year-round. Nevertheless, no one could deny that Boulder was beautiful, and now that she’d been out of college for over ten years, the snobbish chip on her shoulder had lessened, and she’d more or less allowed herself to accept that Boulder had its cute parts, too.

  Their first stop in town was a brewery. Erin had heard that Avery Brewery had done a series of sour beers over the summer, and while they were out of season now, she was interested to see if they had any bottles she could try. One of the brewers ended up joining them, and before they knew it, they’d been there more than an hour tasting and joking around. After he excused himself, Erin saw Lottie was watching her, grinning.

  “What?” Erin asked.

  Lottie shook her head. “It’s just funny. You get your first day off in God knows how long, and you basically end up talking about work.”

  Erin grinned. “I guess I love my job.”

  They were quiet for a while, finishing their tasters. Avery had several sours and a gose, and while they were all in bottles, Erin had been able to try them. She glanced over at Lottie to share her pleasure and felt her stomach drop a little with sorrow and something like dread. She’d missed Lottie a lot. Lottie had been perfectly pleasant to her all afternoon and on the drive down here, but a thick tension simmered between them. They’d avoided the conversation they needed to have, but if they didn’t have it soon, things might be ruined between them forever. While she’d kept her distance these last few weeks, Erin couldn’t picture her life without her friend long-term. She’d never forgive herself if she didn’t try. They spoke at the same time.

  “Listen, Lottie—”

  “Erin—”

  They both stopped and laughed. Lottie motioned with her hand to start first, and Erin swallowed. “Lottie, I’m so sorry. I really am. I shouldn’t have turned my back on you. You’re not Will and he’s not you. I’ve been an asshole.”

  Lottie’s face crumpled for a moment, and then she nodded, quickly, as if to dismiss her emotion.

  “You have every right to be pissed at me, Lottie. I should have reached out to you to explain. I’m sorry.”

  Lottie took a deep breath, and then met Erin’s eyes. “I told you I forgive you, and I do. But thank you for saying it again. I’ve needed to hear it. I’ve never been so…disappointed in someone, Erin. I mean, I guess you must have your reasons, but whatever happened between you and Will when you were kids—”

  Erin’s face twisted, and she suddenly found herself on the verge of crying. She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before looking at Lottie again.

  Her eyebrows were knit, and her face had bleached of color. “Wait a minute,” she said. “Did he do something to you? When you were younger?”

  Erin couldn’t help the tears that started leaking out of her eyes, and she nodded, quickly, once, and closed her eyes again. It had been one thing telling Darcy, but she had never told anyone close to her. For the most part, she’d suppressed the terror and disgust she’d felt that summer. She might have actually forgotten it altogether had she never seen him again. Erin made herself breathe in and out of her nose a couple of times and opened her eyes again to meet Lottie’s. Lottie seemed scared now as well as horrified. Her lips were trembling, and she was gripping her glass of beer hard enough to make her hands shake. Erin put her hands over Lottie’s on the glass.

  “I’m going to tell you now. I’ve only ever told one other person…” She pictured the scene with Darcy at the festival. Darcy’s eyes had been full of concern, and her hands had been warm and soothing on Erin’s. She shook her head to dismiss the memory and met Lottie’s eyes again. She had to swallow a few times first, but she finally managed to choke out her story.

&
nbsp; Lottie’s face was blank when she finished. Erin was so nervous to see her reaction, she shook all over now, but Lottie had gone completely still. Erin motioned to the floor staff and ordered them both a full glass of the seasonal ale, and Lottie remained quiet until it was delivered. The tap room was packed with shoppers between trips, but they had a little corner of the counter to themselves. Erin sipped at her beer nervously, but Lottie continued to stare, seemingly at nothing. Finally, too shaken to let the silence go on any longer, Erin touched Lottie’s shoulder, and she jumped, startled back into reality. Lottie’s eyes were swimming, and the two of them reached for each other without another word, hugging fiercely. When they pulled away, their eyes were shining, and they both turned their attention to their beers to avoid breaking down altogether.

  “Jesus, Erin,” Lottie finally said. She took a little napkin from a pile behind the bar and blew her nose. Her eyes and nose were bright red from crying. “I’m so sorry. When you told me that he was a pest to you when you were kids, I just thought he was bratty or snobby or something. I never thought…Jesus. He was a monster. No wonder you reacted the way you did.” She shook her head. “I just wish you’d told me sooner.”

  “I didn’t want to. I was too embarrassed. Even now, more than twenty years later, I’m embarrassed. Disgusted, even. It’s not as bad as it was then, but definitely not great now, either.”

  Lottie put her hand on hers and squeezed it once. “Now I know why you’ve been acting that way to him, though, Erin. Thank you for telling me. He and I are going to have to have a long talk about it tonight, and if I don’t get a good explanation, I guess…” She shook her head. “I don’t want to think about that right now. Can we change the subject?”

  “Yes. Please. Otherwise I’m going to be sobbing into this glass all afternoon.”

  “Tell me about Jen, then. How is she doing? Have you heard from her? How is her trip going?”

  The thought warmed Erin, and she smiled with genuine happiness. “I think it’s going great. I’ve talked to her and Aunt Eddie almost every day since they left. They’ve been skiing, snowmobiling, snowshoeing, and all other things snow-related. They’ve eaten mountains of lobster and clam chowder, and they’ve seen lots of cute little New England towns and villages. I’ve already had to wade through a thousand pictures online. Jen also sent me this postcard of downtown Portland, in Maine, and it was absolutely adorable. Looks a little like Fort Collins or Boulder, actually.”

  “When do they get back?”

  “Christmas Eve or the day before, if all goes well. Aunt Eddie plans to stay with us for the holiday instead of here in Boulder. Usually she just comes up for the day, but I guess she wants to be near Jen a little longer. I’ve talked to Eddie a couple of times, just the two of us, and she’s still pretty worried about her. I guess Jen’s come out of her shell some and started behaving more normally, but she sometimes hears Jen crying at night.”

  Lottie set her glass down and wiped the foam off her lips. “Goddamn Charlie. That asshole. I can’t believe he did that to her.”

  “Right? He seemed like such a nice person. I was halfway convinced he would ask her to marry him. I mean, I know it would have been premature and all that, but still. They really seemed attached.”

  “Do you think Darcy orchestrated everything?”

  Erin hadn’t had the opportunity to tell Lottie about what had happened between her and Darcy. That had all occurred after they’d stopped talking. For a moment, she was tempted to share the story, but she decided to let it go. Nothing had really happened, after all, and her first impression had apparently been the right one. Darcy was, after all, a bitch.

  “It looked like it was Darcy’s fault when they were leaving, but I don’t know for sure.” Erin took a long pull on her beer and then shrugged. “Hell, maybe it was for the best. If they’d stayed longer, it would have been even harder on Jen.”

  The same could be said about Darcy and Erin, but Erin didn’t add that point. She still didn’t want to talk about what had and hadn’t happened and wasn’t sure she ever would. Maybe if no one knew about their brief affair, Darcy’s name would never come up again.

  After she and Lottie finished their beers, they decided against driving for the time being and took the bus downtown to give themselves a chance to sober up. There were several mountaineering shops there, and Lottie needed to stop in just about every one for a different gift for family members. She was the only person in her immediate family who wasn’t married and the only one of her parents’ daughters without kids, which meant she had multiple couples and children to buy for. By the time they finished, both of them were carrying several large paper bags stuffed with presents.

  They’d gone into the last store for the day on Pearl Street Mall, an outdoor pedestrian walkway with shops and restaurants. The day was bright and sunny, the snow from last night long gone. It was warmer than Erin had expected, and little rivulets of sweat were running down her back under her heavy down coat. She was shifting some of the heavier bags around to redistribute the weight from one arm to another when she heard Lottie gasp next to her. She glanced at her and then followed Lottie’s gaze.

  Darcy was walking directly toward them down Pearl Street Mall.

  Chapter Eleven

  It took Erin a long time to realize that what she was seeing was actually real. She would never have expected to see Darcy here. It took her even longer to realize that Darcy wasn’t alone. She was with three people: an older woman in elegant clothing and two younger ones around their own age, one of whom slightly resembled Darcy.

  She had spotted them before they’d seen her, and she was walking toward them, a determined grimace plastered on her face. Erin had just enough time to throw Lottie a panicked glance before Darcy was suddenly there, holding out her hand.

  “Erin,” she said. Her voice, like her expression, was cold and dour, and Erin wondered for a moment why she’d even come over.

  “Darcy,” Erin said, shaking her hand briefly. “You remember my friend Lottie?”

  Darcy smiled at her, and then everyone stood there in awkward silence. Erin was unable to think of a single thing to say.

  Finally, one of the younger women next to Darcy laughed out loud. “Christ, Darcy, aren’t you going to introduce us?”

  “Yes,” the older woman said, staring at Darcy strangely. “Please. Introduce us, dear.”

  Darcy seemed to snap out of it, and her cheeks flushed slightly.

  “Forgive me. This is Erin Bennet and her friend Lottie…” Darcy looked to Lottie.

  “Lucas,” Lottie said, grinning. She seemed to enjoy Darcy’s clear embarrassment.

  “And how do you know each other?” the older woman asked.

  “We met at Erin’s brewery. Up in Loveland.”

  “Oh, did you now?” the woman said, eyeing Erin. “You’re a brewer? That’s very interesting. I don’t know that I’ve met any women brewers.”

  Erin gave her a strained smile. “We’re a rare breed, it’s true.”

  The woman smiled weakly, clearly just as unimpressed by this meeting as she was. Again, the group slipped into an awkward silence, and Erin found herself staring into Darcy’s eyes. The expression there had turned from icy coldness to something like anger, but that wasn’t quite it either. She seemed pained, almost hurt.

  Suddenly, the younger woman who had spoken earlier stepped forward. “Since Darcy is clearly the worst person in the world to do this, I’ll introduce the rest of us, Erin. My name is Wilhelmina, or Willie. I’m Darcy’s cousin. This is my mother, Darcy’s aunt Catherine,” she indicated the older woman, “and this is our friend Anne.” She indicated the other younger woman.

  Erin and Lottie shook their hands and greeted them, Lottie much more warmly than Erin was currently capable of. She was still too surprised to do much more than stand there stupidly.

  “We were just heading to dinner at the Oak,” Willie said. “Care to join us?”

  Erin almost shouted her
refusal. “Oh, we really have to be—”

  “We’d love to,” Lottie said, grinning at her. “I’m starving.”

  “Great!” Willie said. “I was afraid it would be another dinner talking about politics or climate change or something else dire and awful. With you two along, maybe we can talk about something fun for once. I, for one, would love to hear more about your brewery, Erin.”

  “Wilhelmina, I’m certain that Erin was just about to decline,” Catherine said. “Don’t be rude. They seem to have things to do.”

  Willie stared at Erin, a clear hint of panic in her eyes, and Erin laughed out loud at the expression. While the resemblance between her and her cousin Darcy was slight, it was still there, and something about this woman’s open friendliness coupled with a version of Darcy’s cool beauty was disarming. It made Erin want to do whatever she wanted.

  “Of course we’ll come, if it’s not too much of an imposition,” Erin said.

  “Great!” Willie said. She turned to Lottie. “So, Lottie, tell me all about yourself. We can let Darcy and Erin get caught up. Can I take some of those bags for you?”

  As with the Brewing Festival last month, Erin and Darcy were left side by side, Catherine and Anne just in front of them. Erin knew that Lottie was only going along with this because she’d seen how embarrassed the whole situation made Darcy, so she was going to have to make the best of it. Darcy had silently taken some of the bags Erin was carrying so that both of them were only slightly encumbered, and Erin’s shoulders felt much better for it. She turned to thank Darcy, only to find her staring at her, that same strange, pained expression in her eyes. She looked away quickly and scrambled for something to say.

  “We’re here for Christmas,” Darcy suddenly said.

  Erin turned, raising her eyebrows, and Darcy flushed a little. “I mean, we’re in Colorado for Christmas. We’re heading to Aspen tomorrow. My aunt has a place there.”