I think I love you. That’s what I should send him. Scare him away for good.
I delete the text as Kat messages me back. She’s usually hard on me, furious if I’m not on time with a deadline. But all she’s written is that it’s okay and to take care of myself.
“Take care of myself,” I whisper beneath my breath and pick the glass of wine back up. I don’t know how.
I wish Mason was here, but that’s just an easy out.
This is supposed to hurt. It’s supposed to be hard.
But God do I want to crawl back to him and beg for forgiveness. Beg him to take away the pain again. It’s selfish and I won’t do that to him, but I want to.
Chapter 28
Mason
It never ends. It won’t go away.
One mistake from months past, will destroy all of today.
“I just got an email,” I hear Liam’s voice as the door opens. His light grey suit is sharp and crisp, but he himself looks like shit. His ruffled, dirty blond hair is a mess on top of his head, and the dark circles under his eyes prove he hasn’t gotten much sleep.
“About what?” I ask him and then rest my elbows on the desk, steepling my fingers and waiting to hear it. I know what the email is. My father’s pulled the funds.
We’re fucked. And I don’t have a way out of this.
“What the fuck happened, Mason?” Liam asks.
I swallow hard, hating that I owe this man anything, but I do. At least an explanation, but what can I tell him? My heart clenches and I look down at my desk as I pick at my hands where a small cut mars my knuckles. I can’t turn my father in. I don’t have any evidence, but more than that, I can’t bring myself to do it to my own father.
I clear my throat and lean forward to face Liam.
“We have to back down or find new investors.”
“Back down?” He looks at me as though I’m the insane one here, and maybe I am. “We can’t fucking back down. We’ve sunk millions into this!” I can practically see his heart racing out of his chest.
“I’m sorry, but-”
“What the fuck happened?!” he screams, throwing the papers on the desk behind him. My blood heats as I stare up at Liam.
“Sit down,” I tell him. I’ll take a lot of shit and I’ll own up to failing him, but I’m not going to be talked to like that. He looks at me for a long moment and then he places both of his hands flat on the desk and leans over, getting closer to my face but still a foot away. Regardless, it’s too fucking close.
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do, Thatcher,” he says, low in his throat. “This is going to ruin me. Ruin us,” he hisses.
“We’ll recover. It’s just on hold.” My voice doesn't reflect any of the confidence in my words. But I’ll do whatever I have to in order to make this work. I have no intention of going anywhere. If I have to start from the bottom again, so be it.
“You need to get over whatever it is you have between you and your father.” He nods his head, his eyes wide and bloodshot. “Whatever the fuck it is, just let it go.”
He stares at me long and hard. He's waiting for me to comply, but it’s not going to happen. I may not turn my father in, but I’m through with him for good. And I’m sure as fuck not going to take his money.
“I have a few meetings tomorrow with Marcus Jennings and Austin Hook.” I sit back in my seat, daring him to come any closer. His body tenses as he turns his head in disbelief, still leaning over my desk.
He shakes his head, still bewildered. “How the fuck could you do this to me?” he barely gets out. He pushes off the desk, shaking his head and walking a few feet away before looking back at me.
I can see each emotion as they flow through him and finally, he settles on anger. “Is it because of Anderson?” he asks me, and my heart stops in my chest.
I stand up straight out of instinct. Out of the need to figure out how much he knows.
“What the fuck does he have to do with this?” I ask him, my muscles coiled and ready for a fight. What does he know?
He flinches and says, “He?” He tilts his head, and it’s then that I realize he was talking about Jules, using her married name. My heart sinks lower and a cold sweat breaks out over my body. Fuck!
“I’m talking about the bitch you’ve been fucking.” My body turns to stone, stuck in place by an anger I can’t control. Everything turns to red as he keeps going, oblivious to my reaction. “Everything’s changed since she’s come around.”
I crack my neck to the side, deciding to ignore it. To give him one chance. That’s all he’ll get. “It has nothing to do with her.”
“Oh yeah, she didn’t convince you to make amends with your father? Or fuck him over or fuck me over?” With each question, his voice gets louder and louder.
“She doesn’t know shit about my father, and she has no place here or in any of this.”
He smiles at me, a cocky pissed-off grin. “Really gets you worked up, doesn’t it?” He rounds the desk as he talks. “Is it because she dumped your ass on Madison Avenue?” he asks with a laugh and closes the space between us. I already know it’s going to end badly; I’m just waiting for the right moment to strike at this point. “What’d you do that had her running out of that car, Mason? You fuck her over, too? Just like you fucked-”
I can’t stop what’s started. He shouldn’t have brought up Jules. He shouldn’t have done it. I can’t control myself when it comes to her.
My fist comes out of nowhere, hitting him square on the nose and sending him flying backward. Twice in one week I’ve hit a man. And for the second time, I don’t give a shit.
My knuckle flares where the cut is and my shoulder screams with pain from the impact. Adrenaline is making my heart beat faster and faster. I
take two steps forward with my hands up ready to beat the piss out of him, ready for the fight he obviously wants, but he’s limp on the floor, blood leaking from his nose and dripping.
Fuck! I crouch down, my knee on the cold floor and grip the lapels of his jacket. He’s heavy and unmoving. I fist his jacket in my hands, shaking him. “Liam!” Panic courses through me. I smack him hard across the face, leaving a red mark and sending a small splatter of blood flying, but he doesn’t respond. “Fuck!” I drop him, and his head falls hard onto the floor.
I hold a hand over his nose just to make sure he’s breathing. And he is, thank fuck. I stand up, running my hands through my hair and then down my face as I pace the floor.
Fuck! I look up at the clock and I only have five, maybe ten minutes before everyone gets here. I lean my forearm against the wall of windows, feeling defeated and like a fucking idiot. I lean all of my weight into it, my hot breath leaving fog on the cold window as the adrenaline wanes and the realization that I just knocked Liam out weighing down on me.
I stare at my own reflection as I realize how badly I’ve screwed things up.
I look back over at him, knowing I need to call an ambulance and that they’ll call the police. I clench my jaw and swallow my pride. It’ll be a fucking spectacle.
He shouldn’t have talked about Jules though.
He had to know this was going to happen.
Chapter 29
Julia
Why do you haunt me so?
You take control of my thoughts,
You consume my sleep.
How do you wound me still?
You need to leave me alone,
I’m not yours to keep.
“It can’t be true,” I say without thinking. Sitting around the same small table in the coffee shop feels surreal as I read the article.
“You broke him,” Maddie jokes to try and lighten the mood.
His company, his friendships, his father. I know the tabloids make shit up, but the mugshot is something that can’t be denied. What the fuck happened?
“The charges have all been dropped and he’ll be fine.” Sue waves her hand in the air, blowing it off.
The newspaper falls to the table and the
faint sound of the paper crinkling is all I can hear.
“I don’t understand what happened.” I think out loud. “He never said anything to me about his father or anything with the business.”
Sue shrugs. “Sometimes people don’t talk about that stuff. He’ll be fine.” She’s good at shaking things off, but I can’t. I don’t know what happened, and I shared so much of myself with Mason. I was raw and open and gave him every bit of me. Obviously there’s something he was holding back. And that’s an excuse for you to run back to him, that snide bitch in the back of my head says, but her voice is different this time. She's coaxing me. I can practically feel a sharp elbow nudging me to go see him.
“Coffee?” Kat asks as she sits down and places a hot ceramic mug in front of me. It’s the color of my cream accent pillows at home, very light from the almost offensive amount of creamer… just the way I like it.
I pick up the coffee and blow over the top, inhaling the smell and trying to feel normal. Kat’s busy reading over the manuscript on her smartphone, but I don’t even care.
She murmurs the lines as she opens up the book.
Sweet lies you told me, beautiful forever.
A dream or a terror, I craved it, whichever.
A taste so sweet, too much to say no,
I couldn’t resist, and you couldn’t let go.
Your healing touch, and comforting kiss.
But I never thought it would end like this.
Kat tilts her head, her lips stopping mid-poem and she gives me a questioning look. “Is this one about Jace?”
The book was supposed to be about mourning and loss. And it is, but it’s a deceptive cocktail of the two men. I loved and lost both of them.
I shrug my shoulders and take a sip of coffee. “I don’t remember,” I lie.
“So have you heard from him?” Maddie asks me, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I shake my head no. He got the message after I refused his calls repeatedly. I don’t think he’ll ever reach out to me again.
“Have you called him?” Maddie persists.
“Not yet,” I tell her, not realizing the intention of my words. “Or, no. No I haven’t.”
Her voice is hopeful as she scoots forward, the sound of the stool scratching against the floor making an annoying screech. “You should,” she tells me.
“I don’t know. I want to.” I trail my fingers up and down the cup and stare at a lone muffin in front of me. I haven’t eaten since I heard about Mason this morning.
“I think you should,” Maddie says softly.
“I think you should shut your mouth,” Sue bites out and Maddie merely gives her a look of defiance.
“She breaks up with him and he falls apart-” Maddie goes off, but she doesn’t get much out. What she does makes me feel like shit though.
“Stop it,” Sue snaps. “That’s not her fault.” Sue points at the paper for emphasis as she says, “This has nothing to do with her.”
“You don’t know that.” Maddie’s response is soft as she looks down to her own blueberry muffin and picks at the top of it. “Everyone’s saying he’s heartbroken.”
“Jesus, Maddie!” Sue scoffs.
“It’s not like I was trying to hurt him,” I tell her, my throat feeling tight. “I didn’t think he’d care that much…” I don’t know if that’s true. I wasn’t thinking of him when I ended it. I was only thinking of me. Of my anger. I take in a breath. “It just happened so fast, and it was too much.”
“There’s nothing wrong with fast,” Kat offers. “Dave and I got engaged in three months.”
It was a whirlwind romance, as they say in the novels. Picturesque in a lot of ways. But I had that, too. And it’s over.
My heart begs me to stop, but I have to ask. It’s fucking killing me. “Isn’t it wrong? To fall for someone else so quick? After Jace?”
“No,” Kat says and shakes her head. “It’s wrong to turn something away because you’re afraid of it though.” Her voice is full of regret, but it didn’t stop her from telling me exactly what she thinks.
“You guys are giving me whiplash.” I groan and push the hair out of my face, resting my elbows on the table and burying my face in my hands. “I shouldn’t be with him; I should be with him. I don’t fucking know what to think!” I finally snap.
“What do you want, Jules?” Sue asks me. “Love isn’t about thinking, it’s only about what you feel.” Of all the women in this group, I’m not sure I should take her advice on love, but she says it with such conviction and I believe it. And I trust her.
“I feel like I’ve been sad for too long.” I tell her. “I feel like I deserve to be punished for moving on. I feel like I miss Mason. Like I hurt him,” I brush my fingers under my eyes and suck in a breath to keep myself from falling to pieces. “And I’m a bitch for that. I feel like my life was spinning out of control and he was the one thing that was keeping me steady and I was taking advantage of that.” I run my hands down my face and stare at the coffee in front of me, finally finishing my thoughts. “I don’t know if I’m running away from all this shit or running to him.” I swallow and whisper, “Maybe some of both?”
It’s too much to take in and process, but I need all this mayhem to just stop.
“And you don’t have to know. You don’t have to do anything,” Kat says. Her phone’s turned upside down on the table and as soon as I notice that, I also notice all three woman staring at me with sympathy. Waiting for me. I don’t deserve this. I don’t know how I ended up so close with these women, but without them, I’d be so lost.
“You can take as much time as you need.” Maddie says with a small nod.
That’s the problem though. I wanted things to be slow, but he was a force I couldn’t control. My body bowed down to his, and I would have been swallowed whole if I gave any more of myself to him.
It doesn’t stop me from wanting him and the way I feel when I’m with him. He was right that first night, that he’d make me forget everything but his name and what he’d done to me.
“Are you sure it’s not wrong? Because it feels like the worst kind of wrong.” I look up at each of the girls, feeling like whatever they tell me will propel me in the direction I need to go.
“It’s scary,” Maddie says, shifting in her seat and breaking eye contact.
“Love is terrifying,” Kat adds.
“It’s not wrong. You haven’t done anything wrong, and you should do what you want to do. Even if that’s breaking every bachelor’s heart in New York City.” A soft, playful smile greets me as I look up at her. She nudges me and reaches for the paper. “This wasn’t your fault though, but I can’t say I’m not curious about the gossip.”
My heart clenches in my chest. He never said anything about his father, or his partner. I bite the inside of my cheek, realizing maybe he was running from something, too. Maybe he wasn’t running toward me at all. I just want to know the truth.
Chapter 30
Mason
Hurt and pain, they’re for the weak.
Pathetic emotions, they never run deep.
Control and power are all they seek.
To numb you, to break you.
And leave you to reap.
Anger management. I crumple the paper in my hand.
No charges were pressed against me, but I’m sure Liam’s getting a kick out of the anger management classes the judge recommended. Fucking prick. I know the asshole would have pressed the issue further if it wasn’t for the company. He wants to save face and hold this over me so I can do his bidding.
That’s not going to fucking happen. I’ll take on all the debt if I have to. The project is canceled, so I’m taking the hit and dissolving the company. I drop the empty bottle of whiskey in the trashcan. The glass clinks against the metal frame of the photograph. I stare down into the bin, the shattered glass marring the photo of the picture-perfect family. It’s destroyed… but really it had always been like that.
I’m tired and angr
y, and tired of being angry, too. I just want happiness. For me, that means Jules. I shake my head and lean back against the kitchen wall.
Call it what you want. Out of everything in life, she’s the only thing I know I truly want. That has to mean something.
I start to make my way upstairs, walking slowly and dreading a night alone in this empty house. It never bothered me much before, but I can’t fucking stand the silence now.
I stop midstep. Knock, knock, knock. Three times at the front door. I go still with my hand on the banister.
I wait a moment, wondering who the fuck would be here this late at night. I prepare for the worst, thinking it’s my father. I can’t face him right now. Not after what he’s done and what I said. I open the door with a swift pull, prepared to turn him away, but my voice is caught in my throat as I look down at Jules.
Her baby blue eyes look at me with a mix of emotions. Fear, sorrow… hope. The chill of the wind spreads goosebumps along her arms and blows her long, blonde hair off her shoulders. She looks to her left and then right, pulling her leather jacket tighter around her and taking a small step toward me.
“Mason,” she says and licks her lush lips. She's wearing that same color I’ve grown to expect from her. “I-” she clears her throat and looks away as I stand numb in the doorway.
Fate’s delivered her to me. I can’t let her go this time. I won’t.
“I was hoping we could talk?” she asks me. Her heels click on the cement porch as she shifts with nervousness. Her tight blue jeans hug her curves, although the loose cream blouse beneath her jacket leaves much to the imagination. I know what’s under there though.
I don’t say a word, too afraid of scaring her off. Instead I take a step to the side and open the door wider, waiting for her to walk in.
Her cheeks and the tip of her nose are a beautiful rosy red from the bite of the night air.
Imperfect (Sins and Secrets Series of Duets Book 1) Page 15
