She hesitantly steps inside and looks around as if she hasn’t been here before. I close the door and stare at the lock a moment too long before turning it.
“Mason, I’m sorry,” Jules’ voice calls to me as I turn around to face her. I clench my jaw, watching her swallow and then bite down on her bottom lip. She’s worried and apologetic, but I don’t give a fuck about the past. I never did. I care about what she wants now.
“Why are you here, Jules?” I ask her in a rough voice. It’s deeper than I intended, but it’s all I can manage.
“I just heard about what happened,” she says uneasily. She tucks her hair behind her ear and waits for my response, but I don’t give her one. I’m not interested in talking about anything but us. I don’t want to taint her with the bullshit. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for hurting you,” she says in a tight voice full of agony.
“Is that all?” I ask her, taking a step forward and closing the space between us. My heart thumps chaotically in my chest.
She twists her fingers around one another. “I also,” she starts and then swallows. “I was wondering if you still… if you were interested…”
“In what?” I ask her, fucking hoping she says exactly what I want to hear. Make this easy for me Jules, and I’ll make everything right. I promise you sweetheart, I’ll make it up to you.
“If you’d like to maybe go out again? If that’s what we were doing?” I stare at her a moment, thinking it’s just too good to be true. She came back to me. There’s a saying about that, but it’s not meant for real life. It’s not meant for men like me.
“If you still want me,” Jules adds, the raw vulnerability so thick in her voice.
“I never stopped wanting you,” I tell her and gently push her jacket off her shoulders. If she thinks I don’t want her, she’ll know better soon enough.
“Mason,” she gasps as I lean down and kiss her neck. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe it’s just that my body knows hers. But I’m not waiting for apologies or excuses or explanations.
I need to feel her.
“Mason, stop.” She pushes her hands against my chest, shrugging her jacket back on as I take a step back. “I need you to know that I’m worried we’re going too fast. I’m worried that this isn’t going to last.”
I take in a deep breath and stare down at my sweetheart. “I told you, Jules. If you’re with me, then you’re with me, and that’s all there is to it.” I take her hand in mine and kiss one knuckle, then another.
“Mason,” she whimpers as if I’ve broken her heart. She has no idea. I turn her hand over and kiss her pulse, my heart beating faster.
“No more of this running from me bullshit, Jules.” I stare deep into her eyes, my heart beating loud and fast and erratically. “Are you with me?” I ask her, feeling more vulnerable than I ever have in my entire life. I whisper, “Are you mine?”
“I don’t know that my heart is mine to give, Mason. It’s broken, and I don’t know if it will heal the right way.” Jules sniffles and looks ashamed, but she has no idea how much I understand. I truly do.
Grief is a journey, and she doesn't have to do it all alone.
I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her into me. “You don’t have to be perfect, Jules, to be perfect for me.” I kiss her hair and hope that she can understand.
I tell her, “I want you how you are today, and tomorrow I’ll want you how you are then.”
Jules buries her head into my chest and murmurs, “Why are you so perfect, Mason? How do you know just the right words to say?” Her voice is soft and relaxed as she molds her body to mine, and that’s when I know I’ve won her.
“I’m not perfect, Jules.” My heart aches in my chest, knowing just how imperfect I am. And how imperfect I am for her. We aren’t meant to fit together, but I’ll force the pieces to connect and pretend it’s meant to be.
For her. Because I owe her that much.
Chapter 31
Julia
I asked you to leave.
I need to be alone.
But you stayed in my head.
My heart and my home.
I asked you to leave me,
But you won’t go away.
When I go to find you tomorrow,
I only hope that you’ll stay.
Mason’s bedroom is so much darker than mine, full of deep greys and dark wood-tones. His curtains are thick velvet and shut tight. I can see him though, all of him. His muscles ripple over me in the faint light. It makes Mason seem so much more dominating, which is criminal.
He already owns me, consumes me with his presence. But right now, in this very moment as he towers over me, skimming his fingers over my sensitized skin, I’m weaker for him than I’ve ever been in my entire life.
“Mason,” I murmur his name as he lays me down on his bed. I turn my head to the side and arch my back as he leaves open-mouthed kisses down my neck. We’re both naked, but it’s more than that. So much more. We’ve been here before, but this is different. We’re bared to each other unlike we’ve ever been.
“If we do this, can you promise me one thing?” My heart is pounding in my chest because I feel like this is the end. It’s putting so much to rest and moving on toward the unknown. I’m terrified that I’ll go into freefall and he’ll let me shatter when he’s done with me.
“What?” he whispers between kisses.
“Please don’t hurt me,” I beg him. “I’ll give you every bit of me, I promise.” I can barely breathe. “But promise me if you want me to go, you’ll let me down easy and as soon as you know.” He braces his forearms on either side of my head and looks down at me with an intense look in his grey eyes that pierces my lungs, stopping me from breathing.
“You need to stop this.” His voice is hard, but it always is. “Do you understand?”
My heart stutters and lets me speak as I struggle to nod my head. “Yes.” And I really do. I want this to stop and for us to begin.
“Don’t hide from me, Jules. Don’t run from me,” Mason tells me with an authority that can’t be denied.
I nod my head in complete agreement. I’m tired of running and denying myself what I really want. “No more secrets,” I whisper into the hot air between us.
Mason pulls away, looking at me as if he’s going to tell me something, taking me in and making the silence and tension grow, but no words come. Instead he crashes his lips against mine and pushes his body against me, forcing me to spread my legs for him.
And I do, I let him have all of me.
His fingers trail along my pussy as my core heats. He doesn’t stop nipping and kissing over my heated body, his hands roaming freely, taking in every inch of me. I’m helpless beneath him. Falling deeper and deeper into the darkness, and loving how overwhelming it all is.
He groans in the crook of my neck, a sexy deep sound that makes my body arch toward him as if drawn even closer to him by an undeniable pull. Our skin brushes against one another as he pushes himself inside of me.
My mouth opens and I stare up at him, his grey eyes holding my gaze as he enters me, slowly stretching me and not stopping until he’s fully seated inside of me.
My heart beats faster, my body is numb and on edge, waiting for him to move and take me how he wants me. Rough, raw, and making me his.
His fingers dig into my hips, pinning me down as he pulls out of me slightly and then slams back in, forcing a whimper from me. My body bucks instinctively, but I never break eye contact. I can’t. He holds me captive beneath his gaze.
He does it over and over again until I’m so wet and hot for him that he slips easily in and out, each time forcefully smacking against my clit.
My body writhes and begs me to move away; it’s too much, too intense. But that’s just how Mason is. I knew it when I met him, and I want him still. More than that, I need him. I need this.
He groans low in his throat as he speeds up his relentless thrusts, resting his forehead against mine and kissing me mercilessly. Ou
r lips barely touch, but they do, over and over again, meeting in a slow kiss with our hearts racing.
He steals the breath from my lungs. His hot body makes mine burn with desire. I cling to him, wrapping my legs around him and digging my nails into his shoulder.
He pushes me higher and higher.
The pleasure comes in small waves, dim at first but growing increasingly stronger. They threaten to overwhelm me as my fingers and toes tingle. The crash will shatter me, I know it. I don’t beg him to stop. I don’t try to pull away. I want it, I crave it, and I’m desperate for him to ruin me.
“Mason!” I cry out as the wave consumes me, pulling me under in an intense orgasm that paralyzes my body. It’s Mason’s cue to devour me, and he does, fucking me with no regard for the state I’m in. He’s chasing his own release, pounding into me recklessly and extending my pleasure that much longer.
I scream out as he whispers, “Mine,” in the crook of my neck again and again. His voice gets louder as he fucks me harder and harder. My lips won’t close and I can’t do a damn thing but take everything he’s giving me. And I do. His large body is suffocating me in the most delicious way.
It’s only when he stills deep inside of me as I pant under him, desperately trying to breathe, that I’m able to moan out my pleasure. His thick cock pulses, and the wetness between my thighs leaks between us.
He doesn’t stop holding me.
He doesn’t stop kissing me.
And I almost don’t tell him. I almost hide from him, but I promised him I wouldn’t.
“I love you,” I whisper and give that piece of me to him, too. He doesn’t say it back, but I know he heard it.
He kisses me without mercy, soothing my pain and taking everything I have.
Chapter 32
Mason
I know what I want.
I know what it will take.
I’ll push the limits till they break.
You can’t deny it.
You can’t pretend.
You were meant for me, until the end.
How long is long enough? I keep thinking it over and over again. As if I’m not a fucked up fraud for asking Jules to marry me.
It’s been two weeks of us falling perfectly into place. She’s still waiting for the other foot to drop. For this fantasy we’re living to crumble into pieces. I won’t let it though. I’ll give her everything she wants and that includes a ring, a sense of security that will seal us together and truly put our past behind us.
My eyes focus on the deep red petals scattered on every surface. I want her, and I don’t give a fuck about anything else anymore.
The only thing I give a damn about is making Jules mine in every way.
I don’t want her to tell me no. I can’t stand the thought of her turning me down or worse, if somehow just asking her to be my wife could push her away. It’s happened before, and I’m terrified to send her running again.
It doesn’t matter how fast she is though, how quickly she’ll turn me down and try to hide. I’ll find her, I’ll catch her and I’ll wait for her. Always.
I close the small, black velvet box, making the vision of the four-carat, cushion-cut diamond vanish and shove it into my pocket. Letting a heavy breath leave me, I turn and look at the living room. It’s fucking obvious. So damn obvious that I’m going to propose.
The second she walks in here and sees the crystal vases of deep red roses on every surface, she’s going to know what’s going on.
I can see her now, standing in the doorway, gripping onto the frame while her doe eyes go wide and she breathes in the floral scent. The lights are low and the tea lights are scattered around the room.
I’m not a romantic man by nature, but for her and for this... Hopefully for the start of our lives together, I can do romance. All for her. I’ll pretend to be someone else until both of us believe it.
At the sound of the doorknob turning, my heart skips in my chest, hammering harder than I anticipated. I take a step back, pulling the box from my pocket and preparing myself to get down on my knee. My blood heats, and anxiety suddenly washes through me. It’s really happening. I’m really going to ask her to marry me. The thought itself calms me.
Of course I am, I love her.
I run my hand through my hair and shift on my knee as she steps forward enough to come through the doors. I thought she’d be astonished by the sight of the room. I imagined her taking it all in, but she’s only looking at me.
“Julianna Lynn Summers, I would be honored-” I start, and already I’ve fucked up. I had this damn thing rehearsed. I thought I had this shit memorized, but having to look up at her and not knowing what she’s going to say fucked me up.
Jules covers her mouth with a gasp, letting the front door close shut slowly behind her. Her shoulders hunch forward some as her purse falls to the ground. I knew she’d be emotional; I just wish the shock would wane so I could see which side of her was winning out. The side that loves me and wants to live in the moment, or the side stuck in the past and afraid to move on.
Jules takes a few steps forward when I don’t continue, her thin heels clicking on the polished wood floors as she places her hands on my shoulders and starts to lower herself to the ground, but that’s not how I want her. I wrap an arm around her long legs and look up at her, still holding the ring out although she’s staring into my eyes.
“Jules, I love you and I want to spend every day of my life with you.” I hesitate to say the words, but I have to, even if she says she can’t. “I want you as my wife,” I say and watch her facial expression crumple with a hint of pain reflecting in her eyes as I say the words.
“I love you too, Mason,” she barely gets the words out as she covers her face with both of her hands and then wipes under her eyes. Her eyes are glassy with tears and her voice choked as she says it again. “I love you, and I didn’t know if I could …” Hearing her start her confession breaks my heart, and I get up off of my knee to hold her. She wraps her arms around me, squeezing me as though she needs me to stand. And in so many ways she does. She needs someone there, and I’ll always be that person for her.
So long as she’ll let me.
She pulls away slightly, trying to pull herself together as she brushes her hair out of her face and looks away, taking a calming breath, but that’s not the version of her I want.
“I want all of you Jules,” I tell her as I cup her chin in my hand and force her to look at me. “When you’re upset, I want to know so I can make you smile. When you’re angry, just tell me, and I’ll let you take it out on me however you need, then make you cum so hard you forget you ever felt anything other than bliss. I want the real you. Always. I never want you to hide from me.”
Those lush lips part and a soft breath escapes her as she stares into my eyes. She’s searching for something. She better not fucking wonder if everything I’ve just said is true or not.
“I want the same from you, Mason.” I’m surprised at her response. I stay still on the ground, wondering how she could think for a second I wouldn’t share all of me with her. Not my past. She doesn’t know shit about that, and she never will. None of it. I’m going to fix it all and keep it hidden in the shadows and buried deep where it all belongs.
She kneels on the floor in front of me and takes my jaw in both of her hands, planting a soft sweet kiss on my lips. Her touch calms all my worries. It rids the demons threatening to surface. She does this to me. She makes me a better person, and I desperately want to be that man for her.
She speaks with her eyes closed, her lips close to mine and her hot breath filling the air between us. Her long, thick lashes are damp with her tears as she tells me, “I love you for you. The good and the bad. And I do want to be with you, Mason.” Her voice is pained and I can’t help but reach up and hold her, pulling her closer to me. “I need you,” she whispers.
I kiss the crook of her neck. “All I need is your love.”
“You have it Mason, you have that and me and m
y life…”
She still has yet to answer; I need to hear her tell me yes. I want to be good enough to be her husband and if I’m not today, then tomorrow I’ll be better. I’m determined, and she needs to know that. I put my hands on her shoulders, brushing the fine lace of her blouse so I can look at her when I ask.
“I love you, Jules. Will you marry me?” I ask her, looking deep into her eyes.
She gives me a sweet smile, almost a shy one as she sniffles and finally gives me everything I need. “I love you, too. Yes.” Her words come out as if it’s obvious. As if it’s only natural.
I finally breathe a deep sigh of relief, heaving in the air and holding her close to me. I stand up, still carrying her and swing her in my arms as I rise.
I kiss up her neck and every inch of her exposed skin, making her let out a small, feminine laugh and push away from me slightly. This is the only kind of pushing I ever want her to do again. From this day forward, she’s mine.
I only set her down so I can pick up the ring from the box. I watch as Jules’ eyes widen once again. “Oh my gosh,” she says softly, eyeing the ring as though it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.
“Do you like it?” I ask her as I slip the box into my pocket and hold the ring out for her.
She bites her bottom lip as she nods vigorously and says, “Mason, it’s beautiful.” Finally, she looks up at me as I slip my ring onto her finger. “I love it,” she whispers.
A small breath leaves her as she rubs her fingers over my five o’clock shadow and gently kisses me. I’ve never felt anything like what I feel for her. Seeing my ring on her finger makes it seem as though it’s all going to be alright.
As if the past will stay buried where it belongs.
Chapter 33
Julia
Lies lies go away,
Imperfect (Sins and Secrets Series of Duets Book 1) Page 16
