Letting Go

by Morningstar Ashley

“Mostly good? That’s great, Ben. At least that’s better than all bad. And, Kinsley, I will try my best to not act like my usual self tonight. I want to keep on Ben’s good side, particularly since he tells me how special you have become to him.”

  Alex could see the pink creeping up on Ben’s cheeks from his comment all the while he was glaring at him. Ben could glare all he wanted, Alex was going to have fun torturing him for making him go out in public when he knew very well that Alex did not people. “And on that note, I should also inform you, Ben, that there’s a little girl that’s still mad at you for not inviting her.”

  “I know, I just thought this first time should be without her. No reason to set both Davidsons on Kinsley her first time. I will make it up to Evie next time I see her.”

  “You see that you do since I don’t want to get the brunt of her attitude for something you did, and also, she seems a little down lately with the upcoming…” he glanced at Kinsley and back to Ben, “date next month which has me concerned. She could be on a downward swing, so I want to be careful with her.”

  “I understand, Alex. I’m sure she’ll be fine, she’s a strong one, but I’ll stop by early next week to say sorry, okay?”

  Alex knew that Ben didn’t understand what he did for Evie, mainly because no one knew her as well as he did. Also, since Ben started dating Kinsley and work had picked up, he hadn’t been by as often. But Alex wouldn’t push him, it wasn’t the time or place for it. So, putting his best face forward, he set in to behave and try his best not to freak out over the dinner.

  Finally, the end of his shitty day arrived. It hadn’t come soon enough. Who knew a Thursday would be the day that made him question his sanity? Usually, that was saved for Monday or four o’clock on a Friday when the world was conspiring against him.

  Deciding to go out and treat himself to a nice dinner was maybe not the smartest or healthiest plan Kelley had come up with. It would cause him to have to run even longer the next day than he typically did. Not just to relieve some of the extra stress he was under at work but also the food he was going to be eating.

  And really, he could just go for the run and skip all the belly expanding delicious food, but relaxing was the main goal. Relaxing and not thinking about work. Just enjoying life was Kelley’s ultimate goal.

  Waving to some stragglers still left in the office, he made his way to the elevator taking it to the parking garage level. Kelley drove his truck—his prized possession—a 1968 Chevy C 15, to work on occasion. He was glad it was one of those days because he needed the ride with the smooth rumble of the motor, to help calm his frayed nerves. Getting in was always like settling into his favorite comfy chair at home. The smell of the leather seats, the look of the lights on the dash as he turned the key to start the engine, the quiet of the cab when he was finally alone, blocked off from the world and all the people tugging at him.

  Walking across the garage in the dark to his reserved parking space, he started to feel kind of giddy with anticipation of the ride to come. Short it might be but he would make the best of it. As he reached the truck, like he did every time he saw it, he admired the view. The glossy burnt orange color shined in the sun during the day and the headlights would bounce off the body at night.

  He loved taking joy rides around the city. Sometimes taking it out of town on a really stressful day when he needed the freedom of the drive and the solitude to think and let go of the world as he passed it by. It felt like every time he passed a street, a traffic light, or a tree a piece of the day to day crap that had attached to him would just fall off, flying out the window.

  Before getting too far down the road, he used his Bluetooth to see if any of his friends wanted to join him, but each one of them said no. They were all busy on such short notice, which didn’t surprise Kelley. They each had their own lives to live after work.

  Well, except Peter. Peter was all work, all the time. No matter how many times they, David and River and himself, had tried to drag him away from his job, it never worked for long. They eventually had given up on trying to change their friend and they were just happy if Peter was able to join them for what they termed their bi-weekly intervention. The goal being to get him not to work for at least an hour on the occasions he’d actually show up.

  They’d all met at different points in their lives. Kelley and David worked at the same marketing firm, David a senior member of Kelley’s department. River, Peter, and Kelley met in college. River and Kelley were both health nuts, as David had once coined them. They’d met in track and bonded over organic food. They’d been going strong since then.

  Peter. Now that was a fun story. Looking back, knowing who Peter had become as an adult, Kelley himself would’ve been hard pressed to think they were the same guy.

  Peter was a butterfly, never settling on one person for long. He had never seen Peter do more than flirt, but with all the attention he got, Kelley was sure more went on behind closed doors. Peter had been much more interested in partying and freedom than he was commitment and stability. Kelley always felt that there was more to that than just wanting freedom like Peter claimed.

  They’d become fast friends in that time and Kelley wanted him to meet his best friends. Kelley introduced River and Peter to David a couple of months after they’d started to work together at the firm.

  After a couple of weeks of meet ups, David was part of the group and eventually, they all formed an unbreakable bond. They shared everything about each other’s lives, teased and joked, laughed and harassed. But most of all they shared each loss, heartbreak, or happy moment together, always.

  Arriving at Silent Vine, he brought the truck to the front where they had a valet to park instead of trying to find a spot himself. After handing his keys to the guy and receiving his ticket in return he made his way to the front door. After a few short minutes, he was standing in front of the hostess giving his name for a table.

  “Sir, we’re really filled up tonight. The wait for a table is about forty-five minutes. But we do have a bar for you to sit at if you’d like.”

  “Oh, well I guess that would be fine then.” He was slightly disappointed but he could work with it.

  “Excellent. We have two bars one that sits in the center of the main floor and one outside on the patio. Which would you prefer, sir?”

  “The one outside would be preferable, thank you.” The hostess had someone else walk him to the bar outside. The patio was gorgeous with white twinkling lights hung up on the veranda above, trees planted in big wooden planters placed all around, and the best feature Kelley thought was the fire glass that was lit up in the wooden fire pits.

  Before the young lady walked away he asked her, “Excuse me, can you put me on a list for a table out here for one if it comes up?”

  “Absolutely, sir. I will let the hostess know.”

  “Thank you.”

  Kelley settled into a seat facing one of those fire pits watching the flames dance on the rocks. The bartender handed him his menu and after a few minutes of searching he placed his appetizer and drink order, deciding to wait to order food once he was seated at a table.

  He liked it out there. Even though the tables were all filled up it was still very quiet with muted conversation and soft music playing on low in the background.

  His phone started to vibrate in his pocket just as he got lost in thought. Looking at it, he saw it was Peter calling him. “And to what do I owe this honor?”

  “Asshole. I was calling back to say that I could actually join you for dinner in about an hour or so but now I think I’ll just stay here and work.”

  “Oh, Peter, don’t be such a cry baby. You know I love you. Come join me. I only ordered appetizers since I’m waiting for a table. I can wait to order my food if you’re coming to join me.”

  “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want you sitting there waiting for me without eating.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m sitting at the bar right now, but I have my name on the list for a table on th
e patio. Maybe by then, I’ll actually have a table.”

  “Okay. Then I’ll be there in an hour maybe an hour and a half but no more than that.”

  With that, Peter hung up and Kelley sat wondering about the weird turn of events. Peter never came without being dragged out. Hmm, this should make for an interesting night.

  His appetizer arrived and he enjoyed every fattening bite. The run he’d have the next day would be brutal but the delicious meal was well worth it. By the time he finished his second drink he was finally feeling completely relaxed and the stress of his day was long gone.

  About thirty minutes before Peter was supposed to arrive the hostess came over and told him his table was ready. Once he was seated at the table he ordered another drink for himself and informed the waitress that he was expecting a guest to join him for dinner.

  Kelley decided it was best to use the bathroom than wait until Peter was there. On his way back through the busy restaurant, Kelley glanced over to the other bar that was nestled in the center of all the tables and saw someone he recognized.

  He remembered the gold-flecked brown of his eyes. He remembered the shape of his mouth when he smiled. He remembered the cadence of his voice. He remembered the sound of his laugh. He remembered how his eyes shined and sparkled when he was happy.

  He didn’t think he was likely to ever forget.

  Alex Davidson.

  Four years earlier, Kelley knew him as a motivated, hardworking, and in-demand graphic designer at the firm, Vivid, Kelley still worked for. His smile and shining eyes had become fewer and fewer each week Kelley had seen him. Until one day Alex was no longer smiling, laughing, or even trying to pretend he was happy. He just looked lost, like he had been holding on by a string.

  Alex had been an intern, and eventually, started working at the same graphic design department as Kelley. It took two years of working hard and great accomplishments before the change had started happening to him. And Kelley knew what started the change because as the chief marketing officer he was made aware of important issues about the designers his marketing team worked closely with. But what he didn’t know was why Alex, who had been the rising star at Vivid, had left so suddenly.

  Kelley didn’t blame him for the change because who could? He’d tragically lost his mother and almost lost his baby sister in a drunk driving accident that seemed to have shaken him to his core. But leaving the firm permanently hadn’t seemed like something that someone in Alex’s position would do, especially since he had stayed on for nearly a year after the accident.

  And day by day Kelley had to sit by and watch the stress of work, and he was sure, the stress of home, take each smile, each laugh, and each celebration of success, and reduce them to next to nothing. Kelley knew he’d paid closer attention than most did because Alex had been so full of heart and life it was inspiring to watch.

  And Kelley had watched, every day until the day Alex was no longer there.

  Alex was only about two or three inches shorter than Kelley with honey colored skin and gorgeous dark brown hair, that at one time had been cut in a short buzz cut, but now was a bit longer on top.

  Kelley had always wondered if it would be soft to the touch. He’d admired Alex’s slim but muscular swimmer’s build. Kelley had dreamt about getting his hands and tongue on him someday. He’d seen him clean shaven and man he was gorgeous then, but there was something about the scruff on him now that just made him so sexy.

  I wonder if he’d even remember me.

  Of course, Alex probably wouldn’t. He was young and gorgeous and probably forgot about him years ago. Kelley could dream, though. They still exchanged emails when Kelley sent clients his way, so he knew Alex had his sister to take care of plus his work that kept him busy…or so he’d said.

  Kelley had seen him here and there around the city on occasion over the past three years. Mostly the coffee shop, Roasters Room, since it was the same one that Kelley often went to when he needed coffee during his lunch break or a treat after a long day.

  He never got up the guts to approach him. In most aspects of Kelley’s life, he would never have thought twice about it. With Alex things were different. Never quite sure what the difference was, he decided keeping his distance was probably best. Until now. Kelley hated not doing things due to fear of the outcome. And maybe that was what he was supposed to do. Sort of like fate throwing opportunity at him over and over just for him to chicken out.

  Before he lost his nerve, he walked towards Alex to speak to him face to face. Hoping he wouldn’t embarrass himself.

  Tucking his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out to touch him like he really wanted to, he gazed at the beautiful man before him and asked, “Hi, Alex, how are you?”

  Alex needed to get back to the table with Ben and Kinsley instead of sitting there at the noisy bar crammed with people, knowing if he didn’t Ben would soon be coming to look for him. Most likely upset that he had abandoned them.

  But he really was done with the meet-my-best-friend date. Kinsley was nice and seemed completely perfect for his best friend, but with each minute that passed his anxiety would ratchet up with having to be “on”. Draining a little more from him with each smile he plastered on his face each time the wait staff stopped at the table, each shrill laugh from a nearby table. Alex was losing it. He hated the weakness, the exhaustion just doing normal social things.

  And on the top of it Alex couldn’t stop being worried about Evie. Because, as much as Evie had wanted to go to her friend’s house once she’d found out what they were doing she hadn’t understood why she couldn’t come with them.

  She was just so used to being such a big part of their lives that she was not happy about not being included in that important evening.

  Alex sighed because Ben never fully understood that he was completely content with the way his life was. He loved being with her and if she was being particularly difficult that day he could always retreat to his room and work. It still surprised him after all those years that Ben couldn’t see that Evie wasn’t a burden to him. She was his little sister and she’d become his life.

  “…are you?” A soft, smooth deep voice startled Alex out of his thoughts.

  Alex had to look up, way up, to look into the eyes of the man that had just spoken to him. He was completely startled by how gorgeous they were. The brightest, most beautiful emerald green shined down on him and he almost forgot to speak. Gesturing to the seat next to him, Alex said, “Uh…I’m not using the seat so go ahead.”

  Yup, definitely time to go. Between green eyes and the crowd, he knew he was near overload.

  “I take it that means you don’t remember me, Alex?”

  Alex turned back to face the man just as he sat down on the empty bar stool. The guy had angular cheekbones and a few days growth on his oval shaped face. Alex couldn’t quite place where he knew the sexy man from. He wasn’t a client because the man was way too attractive and there was no way he would’ve forgotten someone he regularly worked with that looked like that with those mesmerizing eyes and calm honeyed voice.

  Alex realized while he was ogling him, his eyes held a look of familiarity.

  “I’m guessing from the look on your face you don’t. Does the name Vivid strike some memory?”

  And just like that Alex suddenly remembered why the man looked familiar. He was Mr. Matthews. The Mr. Matthews he worked with at the graphic design firm he interned with right out of college and worked at right up until when he quit after Ryan had left him and Evie needed him.

  The Mr. Matthews he thought of as absolutely gorgeous. Shit!

  Thankfully the man couldn’t read minds or he would know why Alex’s cheeks were now flaming hot.

  “Mr. Matthews? Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a complete dick… I mean jerk. I was just lost in my own world and you surprised me. Umm, how are you?” Alex didn’t remember the man being that good looking.

  He was staring at Alex with those intense, bright g
reen eyes that seemed to be both searching and amused. His dirty blonde hair was longer on top and short on the sides but styled back away from his face. I wonder how rumpled he looks first thing in the morning. Yeah, not going there.

  Seriously those damn eyes though. And of course, adding to the whole delicious package was the sexy smile on his full lips. Alex really needed to stop gawking at him.

  Mr. Matthews didn’t look that much taller than him but he seemed to put out a larger than life vibe even while sitting there calm and smiling.

  “Alex, please call me Kelley. You don’t work with me anymore so I think it’s acceptable now. How have you been since we last communicated about the account for…I believe it was Brownstone Glass?”

  And holy shit that voice. It was sexy as hell. It was one of those voices that if Alex had his head lying on the guys chest it would vibrate right through him.

  Shaking those thoughts loose he replied, “I’ve been doing well. Keeping busy and working hard, so thank you for giving my name out to some of the companies that you have, Mr. Matthews. It’s helped a lot.”

  Alex did not want to be sitting there talking to that man no matter how beautiful he was. If he wanted to, he would’ve agreed to meet up with him the numerous times that he asked over the years. Plus, Alex didn’t like how being near the man seemed to affect him. It made him really uncomfortable. And he didn’t want to find out how far that effect went.

  Damnit. He needed to find a way to get away.

  “Alex, it’s Kelley, not Mr. Matthews and I’m glad it’s helped. I’m sure you were able to help the companies that we were not. How is your little sister?”

  “Sorry, habit. But…Kelley it is. She’s doing very well. I don’t mean to cut you short but I do really need to get back to my table, my friends are probably going to be looking for me soon.”

  Alex was about to rise and take his drink, and his shitty, exhausted, and now confused mood back to the table when Mr. Matthews—Kelley—reached out and touched his arm softly. Alex looked down at his arm, shocked by the sudden tingle of warmth emanating from that masculine hand.